Conversations

Chapter 4

By ZionAngel

… …

It is well after midnight when he finally finishes, and Belle gets up from the couch to make yet another pot of tea. After a rather awkward (for him, at the very least) breakfast with her father, they all agreed (though Maurice did so reluctantly) that the safest place for Belle was at Gold's house. There was sure to be hell to pay when Regina discovered her little bargaining chip had escaped, and it would be easiest for him to create wards and protection spells around his own home.

They settled on the couch almost immediately after walking through the door, and he told her everything. He told her about Baelfire, the ogres, Zoso, every last atrocity and sin he had committed in the path to creating the curse, and why he did it all. He held nothing back, uttered not a single lie or half-truth. He owed her that, at the very least. He knew she may well hate him for it, but better to get everything out on the table now, he figured, than to keep secrets only to have her find out later on and never forgive him. Belle was quiet for the most part, asking questions and offering condolences as he told her his story. They threw a few things together for dinner, drank pot after pot of tea. Through it all, Belle never grew angry, never looked upon him with revulsion or disdain or hatred. In the end, she only pressed close against him, squeezed his hand, kissed him on the cheek, and told him again that she loved and forgave him.

Belle comes back with their teacups, handing him his and setting her own on the coffee table. She stretches and walks around the room for a few minutes, looking at his trinkets and antiques and baubles. His eyes never leave her as he drinks.

He adores her, and he'll protect her at any costs, and never turn her away again. He'll do whatever it takes to be sure of that. Even so, try as he might, he can't picture his future with her in it. He imagines is plans, all the possible scenarios, and how things might play out when it is all over, but he simply can't work out how she fits into any of it.

After a little while, Belle yawns and returns to the couch, curling up with her tea. "What are you thinking?"

He smiles. They knew each other for only a few brief months, so very long ago, and today has been nothing short of chaos. Yet she can still tell that something is off with just a glance at him. "Just… wondering how things will go from here."

She tucks her legs beneath her and faces him, tilting her head with a bemused smile. "I would have thought you had all of this planned out five steps ahead, with contingencies for everything." She says the words without judgment or bitterness. Even now that she knows everything, she offers him nothing but a smile. He truly doesn't deserve her.

"I do, it's just…"

"What?" Her voice is soft and slow, and she lets him answer in his own time. He struggles to put his thoughts into precise words.

"There's no contingency for you," he offers. He turns to her, remembering so many years of loneliness and pain and sorrow without her, every day full of regret. It's stunning to think that just twenty-four hours ago he still mourned her death. She watches him, bidding him to elaborate. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "You're the only thing I never planned for. You're the one person I was sure would never be a factor in any of it."

"In your plan or in your life?"

He laughs bitterly. It's a rather pointless question. For centuries they were one and the same, his end goal of finding Baelfire consuming him entirely. Finding his son was his only reason to keep living, no matter whether he was forgiven or shunned. Until today, that seemed like a perfectly reasonable way to live.

He sighs, and presses his hands against his teacup for warmth. "I don't know how to function with you in my life now. I don't know how you… fit. I want to find a way to make you fit," he assures her hastily. "I want to make a place for you, truly I do, but… I just don't quite know how."

Belle sips at her tea, staring into the cup for a few minutes. "You said that before me, and since, Bae was the only thing that kept you going. That without him you basically had nothing else to live for?"

He nods.

"Me being here just means… you have another person to live for. It means that instead of living only for some vague, far-off hope of someday finding your son, and always focusing on that far away goal… you have me with you right here and now. It means you can be happy now, with me. It means you have someone to help you and keep you company and support you while you look for him. And for whatever comes after." She smiles. "It means you have someone that you have to answer to if you do something stupid. Someone to help keep you from doing bad things, and make sure you pay the price if you do."

He laughs quietly. That will probably prove to be a very good thing. There would be no use in any of it if he becomes too power-hungry and screws everything up. He has never liked the idea of being under someone else's thumb, but if it must be done, he can think of no one better suited to keeping his heart and conscience centered than Belle.

As though she can hear his thoughts – there's magic in the world again, perhaps she can – she sets her cup down on the coffee table, and takes his cup away as well. She scoots closer to him until she is pressed right up against his side, her legs draped over his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him, her touch soft and sweet, kind and supportive all at once. For a moment, he has no idea how he managed to survive entire lifetimes without holding her in his arms. When she ends the kiss, she rests her head on his shoulder.

"You are allowed to be happy, you know. You don't have to punish yourself forever for the things you've done. There's only so much punishment to be had before it just becomes pointless." She yawns as her fingertips trace patterns over his chest. "I mean… you wouldn't make someone keep paying you if their debt is long since settled, would you? You can't change what's in the past. All you can do is just… learn from it, and let it be, and try to grow from it. So we'll move on, we'll find Bae, and we'll go from there."

"But go where?" he asks, still lost and confused. She grins and closes her eyes, snuggling closer.

"You don't have to plan out every little detail of this ahead of time, you know. Some things in life are better as an adventure."

He supposes if anyone would know about such a thing, it would be her. "You're falling asleep," he whispers, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She nods and yawns again. "Been a long day."

"I, uh… I only have the one bed." He could conjure another, he supposes, craft one from the magic in the air or perhaps just transport one from Granny's inn. Decades without magic have left him a bit rusty, though, and with his powers not yet at their peak, he's as likely to summon the plumbing of the inn's bathrooms as a bed.

Belle just shakes her head. "That's all right. I'm comfortable sharing." She looks up at him sheepishly. "If you are, I mean."

He nods. He knows nothing will happen between them tonight – they are both far too exhausted, emotionally and physically, for that. But the thought of sleeping beside his Belle, to have her safe and warm and real in his arms, where he can protect her, is so wonderful it nearly breaks his heart.

Together they stand, leaving the teacups to wait until morning, and he leads her towards the stairs. On the second floor, he remembers something and stops suddenly in front of his office. "I have something to give you, Belle," he says, offering a genuine smile as he tugs her along into his office. The room is filled with boxes and drawers and shelves, all overstuffed and piled high, like his shop and every other room in the house. Without hesitation, he goes to a tiny antique jewelry box, tucked away safely in a desk drawer. Belle eyes it curiously.

"Your father sold me quite a few trinkets over the years, when he couldn't quite make his rent at the end of the month." He opens the box, and pulls out the single item inside, and Belle gasps. "He was rather reluctant to part with this one, and I must admit I wasn't especially kind when I accepted it. But at least now I can return it to its rightful owner."

He holds the golden chain out to her, the pearl dangling at the bottom, but Belle is trembling, her eyes welling up with tears, and she doesn't take it from him. He sets the box down and moves behind her. With gentle hands, he unclasps her mother's necklace, brushes her hair aside, and secures it around her neck, right where it always rested for every moment that he knew her.

She turns and hugs him tight, burying her face in his neck. "I love you."

He knows that whatever they face from here on in won't be easy. But he has his Belle, alive and real in his arms, mad enough to stand by him in spite of everything. He may be a coward and a fool, but by some miracle she was brought back to him, and he'll be damned if he lets her slip through his fingers again. "I love you too."

He leads her to his room, and she crawls into bed beside him, and she falls asleep using his chest as a pillow.