Disclaimer: "The Host" and all characters belong to Stephenie Meyers. My own OCs belong to me.

Chapter Four

I Learn by Going Where I Have to Go

"No, I say no," Jared said firmly, "Absolutely not. She's already shown she's a risk to the community and I don't want to risk the lives of our people so she can go home for a visit."

"I agree," Magnolia agreed. She was a steely woman with iron gray hair, "We had to shoot her to keep her from running out into the open desert and I don't want to think about the problems she would cause in the city."

"But she's desperate," Wanda said, "For her baby."

"My point exactly," Jared said his tone soften imperceptibly as he turned to Wanderer. I shifted in my seat as I noticed this. It had become swiftly clear that everyone favored and protected Wanderer; she was physically one of the frailest humans I had ever seen and her gentle nature only added to that frailty.

"If Ruby is desperate, that will make her sloppy even if she has no intention of giving the rest of us away. I'm sorry, but we don't know her well enough to be able to believe she has our interests at heart. There is nothing about her behavior past or present that can give us any confidence."

"Besides, her face has probably been up all over the TV and internet," Magnolia said crisply, "If we took her anywhere it would be like flashing a big red flag. We'd be captured or dead before we even got to her home."

I wanted to say something but Wanderer put her hand on my knee and shook her head ever so slightly. I bit my lip and was silent; Ian and Wanderer were my only hope for getting back to my family and I wanted to give them the best chance of success.

"Think about it this way," one of the men, I hadn't heard his name, "If we do find them and bring them back and do the extraction—what if it doesn't take like with this woman? What if this parasite kills the host before we can remove it? Then the risk would have been for nothing and we would have been responsible for the death of a human being."

"And how can we afford to feed another family?" a voice piped up in the back.

"What if we lead the Seekers here?"

The tone of the discussion was rapidly spiraling out of control. I felt fear bubble up in my chest but again someone spoke before I could. Ian surged to his feet and held his arms out to quiet the crowd, his hard, clear eyes demanding attention before he spoke.

"Look everyone. I know we're afraid and I know we need to be careful. But we need to consider a few things. We are human beings, we're not Souls. We are not in the business of changing people's lives without consulting them. We've rescued people before who we knew could recover their pervious lives but this isn't the case with Ruby. Aaron," his eyes landed on my brother who stared hard at the tile floor, "Didn't consult anyone before he brought Ruby back and if he had we wouldn't have let him because of her age at insertion. But she was brought here and we took the Soul out."

"We know this, O'Shea," Jared said harshly, "It doesn't change things."

"I think it does," Ian countered, "We've never had a case where the impression of a Soul lingered on in a human host—at least, not to this extreme—but now that we are confronted with one we can't just ignore it. We're the cause of it and it's our responsibility to solve the problem."

"But your solution is too risky," Melanie spoke up for the first time. Her eyes slid to me and I flinched expecting to see hatred. Instead, I saw pity mingled with awareness. She at least knew what it was to host the consciousness of a Soul, "We can't risk everyone in group for the sake of one baby who is being cared for and isn't the victim of insertion. We have a hard enough time dealing with day to day life here to gamble for one person."

"Then let's take a vote," Magnolia said rising. Ian sat down beside Wanderer and she squeezed his hand.

"You tried," she whispered. Ian's eyes landed on me and I looked away as tears flooded them.

"I'm sorry," he told me. I nodded and wiped the drops away with my free hand.

The vote was heavily against me and as Ian carried me out of the meeting room I felt as if I left behind every hope for ever seeing my family again. Aaron stopped us in the hall, his face was tortured with grief and his breath was ragged.

"Ruby," he forced the name passed his lips, "Ruby, I'm so sorry. I didn't know—I didn't expect--."

"I think Ruby's too tired to talk much right now," Ian said, "Now is not the time to cleanse your soul, Aaron."

A vein popped in Aaron's neck at this insult. Tension was rife through his body and I suddenly remembered an image of a younger version of Aaron with haystack yellow hair and a pimply face frustrated and annoyed, his fists balled at his sides. That Aaron would have lashed out, but this Aaron swallowed and relaxed his stance by sheer will. He looked at me again.

"Get some rest, I'll come by later and see you," he locked eyes with Ian briefly and walked away down the hall. Wanderer released a breath she had been holding and Ian's shoulders relaxed. He smiled and settled me in his arms again.

"Come on, let's get you back to your room."

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"You have such lovely hair," Lily told me. We were sitting on my bed several mornings after the meeting and Lily was helping me.

My leg and shoulder wounds made personal hygiene difficult on my own. It was humiliating to me to have another grown woman help me bathe and dress but I had no choice. Lily was very professional about her work and never went out of her way to make me feel awkward yet the feeling lingered. Now she was brushing my long hair out and trying to keep the tangles from becoming too troublesome.

"It's so thick and pretty," Lily went on, "I always wanted red hair."

"It's very hot here," I answered dully, "I don't like the feeling of it down my back."

"I know it would be nice to have air conditioning here but we can't get the electricity for it," she nodded, "I'll put it up in a bun, shall I?"

"If you want," I answered, "I don't care."

Lily sighed in annoyance behind me but I pretended not to notice. I was being childish and selfish, I knew that, but I had little reason to be obliging. A deep depression had fallen on me and I could not seem to shake out of it. I wasn't sure I wanted to. Suddenly air hit my neck and I realized that I had not heard the brush of the comb but the cool slicing sound of a pair of scissors.

"What did you just do?" I felt the back of my neck frantically. My fingers met only short, uneven ends, the cut strands swung around my cheeks and I gasped.

"What have you done?" I turned on her. She was taken aback by my anger but a triumphant gleam was in her dark eyes.

"I decided that a nice short cut would make more sense for you. Since you didn't care what happened to it," she held up the long lengths of my hair in her hand, a pain of silver scissors in the other, "Now you can comb it yourself and I don't have to put up with your whining anymore."

My eyes went from her face to my hair and back again. My new short hair tickled the back of my neck and suddenly I was laughing. Giggles erupted from my throat of their own accord as I was struck by the hilarity of the event. Lily smiled and then joined me in laughing. Her laugh was deep and throaty and infectious. Tears of laughter poured down my cheeks and we collapsed together, leaning on each other for support.

"What is goin' on in here?" Russell stuck his head around the door. His jaw dropped at the sight of my hair and Lily and I laughing our heads off. His face spilt into a huge grin and soon his big, bellowing laugh joined ours.

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"I'm going to Burn's camp," Aaron told me, "Not for long, just for a while."

I nodded and shoveled a mouthful of peas into my mouth. Jared, Kyle and Wanderer had just come back from a raid and there was a lot of fresh produce at every meal.

"I hope you have a safe journey," I told him surprised that I truly meant it. I didn't ask where the other camp was because any such request would immediately be seen as an attempt to find an escape route, "Take enough water with you."

"I will," he looked at me for a long moment and I stopped eating.

"What?"

"You look—good. You seem better," was all he said.

"Thanks."

We fell into silence once more as we ate. Aaron had come to see me every day after the failed meeting and we ate nearly every meal together. He gave up trying to make me remember things I was clearly never going to recall. He did not press me about my life as a Soul and he refrained from making any comments about our parents. We were finally finding some common ground and I was no longer afraid of him. Our relationship was not what it could have been but the ever present thought of my family was too deep a wound to be overcome so quickly.

"What will you do while you're there?" I asked.

Aaron speared a green bean with his fork, "I work on mechanics for everyone in turn. A few of them have cars and some even have electricity and washers and dryers and stuff. When something breaks down, they call me and I go out and fix it."

"I didn't know you knew anything about electronics," I sipped my water and pushed my hair behind my ears.

"I didn't either," he answered with a grim smile, "But necessity is the mother of invention."

"Didn't Dad work on cars?" I asked.

Aaron's face paled under his tan but he kept his control, "Yeah, but he was more into sports models."

"Sports cars are superfluous," I said, 'They use too many resources and present too many dangers to the human race in general. They were all converted into more environmentally friendly vehicles several years ago."

Aaron's eyes sparkled, "That might be, but a few of them didn't."

"What?"

"Do you remember—never mind. Are you finished? I have something to show you."

"Um, sure," I pushed my plate away.

Aaron scooped me up and we headed for the stairs. No one bothered us as we headed to the ground level of the building. It was common knowledge that the few vehicles the camp used were kept in an underground garage. I had never had a reason to go down there before and certain people would have stopped me if they saw me so I didn't. Afterward my injuries kept me cornered.

"Hey Aaron!" a few of the guys called out as we went downstairs.

"Who are they?" I asked.

"They're the work crews," Aaron said, "When something rough and dirty needs to be done, they are the guys that do it."

"Don't they have names?" I asked amused, "do they just come in a bunch?"

"Dave, Phil and Brian," Aaron recited, "And sometimes one of the gals helps out."

"Everyone just helps out for nothing? You sound more and more like Souls every day."

"Not hardly," he sobered slightly, "Or I wouldn't have kept these."

He nudged a metal door open with his foot and we stepped into the cold, dark interior of the garage. I was placed on a cold leather and metal chair and the next moment a light flooded the parking garage. I gasped. The sleek and curvy figures of the sports car filled my immediate vision.

"Oh! What are they?" I asked.

Aaron did not try to hide the pride in his voice as he listed them off, "That yellow one is a Corvette, the blue one is a Charger and the green one near the back is an Austin Healy."

"What about the black one?"

"That's a Cutlass," Aaron explained, "I love it, but my favorite is the Jaguar. I helped dad with that one the summer before—you know before."

"I see. Can you take me for a closer look?"

He gave me a long searching look, "You're not going to scratch them up or anything?"

"No, of course not!" I itched to be closer, "Dad owned all these?" I breathed running my hands over the smooth curves of the cars.

The metal was cool and reassuring under my fingers and the bright colors of the paint was a delight to my eyes. There was color everywhere in the prison, but most of it was in the worn and muted clothing of the people. There was very little bright or bold color of any kind which made these startling blues and brilliant reds a treat.

"He owned some of them; the Austin Healy and the Cutlass belong to some guy at the other camp. We keep them here because it's safer and because we can reach a drivable road easier here." Aaron said pushing my chair carefully passed the vehicles as he named each one.

"They're beautiful," I traced my finger along one insignia, "No wonder you wanted to keep them."

"Even if they are a waste and a danger?" he grinned questioning down at me. I struggled for an answer and then said.

"Well, we keep species alive that are harmful for the same reasons so I think there might be room for these too."

Aaron threw back his head and laughed, "I knew I could convert you. No one could look at the craftsmanship of these cars and wonder where or not to preserve them. You used to help Dad on them too."

"Did I?" my hand paused on the handle of a door and I looked up at him, "What was he like?"

"Dad? You mean, what did he look like?"

"I suppose, what was he likes in personality?"

Aaron squatted down beside me, his face concentrated on the past, "He was—a quiet guy, you know. He didn't talk a lot and that might be why he liked fixing up cars, not much talking involved in that. Mom did most of the talking and he listened. Not that he didn't have opinions, he did, but he was real silent about it. I remember he usually kept himself to himself unless he really wanted to have something done. And when he said something Mom listened. I guess she realized that if he let her have her way the majority of the time that when he spoke it wasn't for nothing."

I took a breath, "Were they in love?"

Aaron's eyes snapped to my face and away as if the thought of our parents being love was embarrassing, "I don't know—I guess they were. All I know if that we were happy."

"I'm glad," I said my voice suddenly husky. I cleared my throat, "I'm sorry that you had to be alone for so long, Aaron. I'm sorry that I was so unkind to you."

He shifted awkwardly and shrugged, "I didn't expect it to go easy, you know."

"But you didn't expect it to be this hard either." He said nothing but I saw the truth of my statement in his expression, "I'm tired now, can you take me back upstairs? I'd like to lie down."

"Sure thing." He scooted my chair back to its place by the door and picked me up.

He just held me for a minute and I stared frankly back at him. All the mental pictures I could retrieve from my memory of Aaron were of his younger, gangly self. Now he was a grown old and his face was marked with hard living. But there was something reassuring about the lines around his soft blue eyes and his mouth; he reminded me of someone, probably my father, and I realized that I did care for this man. He was my brother.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder.

He sighed one hitching breath and said gruffly, "I missed you too kid."

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"Now if you need anything, you just send a message on to me, okay?" Aaron said.

He was dressed in rough kakis with a worn backpack over one shoulder. He was uncertain as I was about him leaving. As often as the others were against me, as much as I knew the others distrusted me, as long as I was locked up in the prison, I always knew that Aaron was on my side. He had learned to trust me as I had him and now he was leaving.

"What do I do when you're gone?" I asked.

Aaron shrugged, "Try and get along with folks. They're good people, Ruby; they really are--if you only give them a chance. I know they aren't Souls and Souls are what you're used to, but now that you're straight up human, you need to trust your kind."

"I know," I forced a smile to my lips, "Can I visit the cars while you're gone?"

"I'll speak to the guys about before I leave. Maggie might object if she thought you were going to steal one but I'll lock up the keys." The twinkle in his eyes assured me he was joking.

"Take care of yourself, Aaron."

He nodded, "I will." He stepped forward a bit and hesitated before giving me a gentle hug with one arm, "Heal up and don't go trying to run away again."

"Since Magnolia told me the next shot would be the fatal one, I don't think I'll be taking that chance anytime soon."

He smiled faintly. Russell arrived a moment later and grinned broadly. He was wearing the dirtiest cowboy hat I had ever seen crammed firmly on his head. A green checked shirt was accented by glaring red suspenders and worn work jeans; combat boats were laced up to his knees.

"Well, I'm ready to get goin'" he announced, "Said ya goodbyes?"

"Yeah," Aaron answered hefting his pack strap over his shoulder again, "Look, Ruby might want to send notes back and forth while I'm gone. If you could just bring them to me, I'd appreciate it."

"No problem," Russell beamed pleased that we were getting along, "I'll ask afore I go each time. And don't worry Aaron; I'll keep an eye peeled for her."

Aaron uncertain how to react to this offer finally nodded and with a last look left. Russell tipped his hat to me and clunked out of the room. I would have enjoyed being alone but a few minutes later Wanderer tapped on the half open door.

"Is it okay if I come in?" she asked softly.

"Sure."

She came in and eased on the bed beside mine. Her big, doe eyes were considering me with gentle speculation and her tiny hands gripped the metal bed frame lightly. She was such a lovely girl; her golden hair was French braided away from her face and somewhere she had found a place blue shirt the exact color of her eyes.

"I was talking to Ian earlier."

I waited.

"We were discussing your family and what we should do about it."

"I thought that idea was out voted?" I remaindered her.

"The idea of you going back to them was, yes," she nodded, "But not the idea of bringing them both here. There is a lot of risk involved in that."

"I understand you can't risk your people for my family." I felt the familiar sinking feeling in my chest.

She shook her head, "No, no you don't understand. I didn't mean the risk to our people; I meant the risk to your partner."

"To Patrick?"

"Ruby, you are no longer a Soul, but think back to your first reaction to waking up here. What did you try to do?"

My mind flew back, "I tried to kill myself."

"Jamie told me what happened. I understand; when I came looking for Jamie and Jared with Melanie, I almost did the same thing. Melanie's uncle protected us enough till they were able to trust me and vice versa."

I nodded; Aaron had told me the story already.

"But," her voice grew softer, "Patrick doesn't have that advantage. Right now, all he knows is based off the worst of humanity. In all likelihood he believes you are dead."

She stopped as if waiting for me to tear up but I have considered the possibilities too often to be shocked by it. She went on.

"If we went after Patrick, even if we met no resistance or hindrance for ourselves, there would still be the risk that Patrick would kill himself before we could explain. He may not even still live at your old home. So you, see the difficulty?"

"Yes. But Wanderer isn't there some way that I could go to him—that I could speak to him. At least let him know I'm alive? Maybe I could help him understand and he would come to us on his own?"

Wanderer held my gaze, "Ruby would you have done that?"

My shoulders fell, "No. No, I wouldn't."

Silence fell between us. Wanderer swung her legs back and forth and then said, "I'm not trying to make you feel badly about the subject. But after all that's happened I think it's important for us to think about the effect that extraction causes. We never considered a case like yours because we thought it was impossible. We have yet to explain your eyes even. Ian thinks that we need to think through extractions a great deal more than we have been."

"Knock, knock," Jamie stood at the door, "Can I interrupt you ladies for a moment?"

"Come in."

Jamie ambled into the room, his hands in his scrubs pockets, "I just came by to see how our patient is progressing."

"Slowly," I told him.

"How's the pain?"

"Not too bad. Not bad enough for No Pain," I hastened to say, "I would love to be able to get around on my own though."

"Well, we might be able to manage that soon," he said checking my dressings and making a few notes on the clipboard on my bed, "We'll see if there is any way to get a pair of crutches. Not that you can get around that great on stairs with crutches. Knowing Maggie though she might not think that's such a bad idea."

"I heard she had all the doors fitted for locks after I tried to leave," I added ruefully, "I also heard how unhappy everyone was with that choice too."

"Yeah, well, these things happen," he shrugged, "At least, they do here. There you go."

I looked down at my leg and saw that the wound was almost completely healed. Jamie was just dusting a light powder over my skin when I noticed.

"You—you used Heal on me," I squeaked. He grinned at Wanderer and she smiled back.

"Does Magnolia know what you've been doing?" I whispered.

"No, she does not," Wanderer told me, "And she won't know what we are going to do next until it's too late to stop us."

"What do you mean?" I asked hope flowering.

"She means," Jamie said his eyes sparkling with mirth, "We're going to go get your family."

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