CHAPTER 4

Bella's POV

I blushed furiously while Jake was glaring at the paper as if he wanted to rip it apart. I quickly put it back inside my bag and took a deep breath.

"He is just a friend. He just jokes around like that. Trust me; he doesn't like me or anything."

"Really? Cause it looks like he is flirting with you." I've never seen him so pissed off before. Oh God if this was flirting for him, I don't want to imagine his face if he saw Edward and I teasing each other with dirty comments. "And what does he mean he was serious about the shortcut?"

"Oh that." I stammered and hoped I didn't blush. "We're gonna have to do this project soon, and I complained that the work is too hard and he said he would find a way to cheat, which was the shortcut of getting an A." Yeah it kind of made sense. And I wasn't lying. We do have a project to start next week. Edward is my partner. Isn't that marvelous? I bet Jake would love to hear that. I continued on before he could become suspicious about my shortcut explanation.

"He knows you're my boyfriend. He wouldn't flirt. It's just his personality." He's open minded, unlike you.

"Do you seriously expect me to think that this is normal? Do I look that stupid to you?"

"Jake you don't understand, you know what. I'm tired, I'm going home. I don't want to talk about this." He doesn't know Edward, there was no way Edward could be seriously flirting with me. It was all just a joke. He knew I was taken; he wouldn't try to break us up. I opened the door to get out of the car but Jake grabbed my wrist to stop me.

"Is it because of him?" His voice was low, like he was trying hard not to yell at me. "Is he the reason why you've been acting like this lately?"

"No Jake it's not! I told you so many times, you never seem to listen. I'm tired of my life! I'm tired of everything! Maybe you're used to this but I can't take it anymore!"

"Bella what are you talking about? Tired of what? Are you tired of me? Is that what you're trying to say?" He looked so hurt, and I felt like someone punched me in the gut. I never wanted to cause him pain. What was I doing. None of this was his fault. Why was I blaming him for being himself?

"No Jake, please. Don't say that. I never said I'm tired of you."

"You don't have to say it. You're clearly showing it." He let go of my wrist but he grabbed my hand and held it tightly. "Bella, you know I lo-" He stopped himself. "I have strong feelings for you; and I am willing to do my best to make this relationship work. I don't know what I'll do if I lose you. You're supposed to do it too. You have to fight for us. You either have feelings for me or you don't, and I know that you do. We've been together for nine months, you can't fake nine months like that. "

Oh Jake I think I've been faking it my whole life. I feel like I've never been myself.

I tried to stop the tears but they were already running down my cheeks. It was so hard, the pressure was killing me. The pressure of not wanting to hurt him, the pressure of guilt, what was I doing?

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I just need some time to think. I have to go." I pulled my hand back and quickly got out of the car, feeling like the worst person in the world for doing this to him. He didn't deserve it. He's never done anything to hurt me.

As soon I got into my room the tears started flowing faster and I couldn't stop my sobs. I'm such a fucking coward. I' m a horrible person. I don't know what I want and I'm hurting the one person that would do anything for me.

That night I turned off my phone and cried myself to sleep.

…..

I told Alice and Rosalie about everything that happened yesterday. Everything about Edward, his drawing, Jake's reaction, and my feelings.

"Bella I honestly think Edward is having a bad influence on you." Alice's statement shocked me. She was on Jake's side? "I mean, it's not like you're gonna break up with Jake and then start dating Edward right? Isn't he a drug addict? He looks….dangerous" She added.

"Alice you don't know him and no he's not a drug addict. Don't judge him he didn't do anything wrong. I never said I'm gonna date him. Edward has nothing to do with how I feel about Jake."

"I think Bella should dump Jake's ass. She's clearly not happy." Alice and I turned to Rosalie as she continued on. "What? I've never liked Jake and you know it, he's not the guy for you. I'm not saying Edward is, but Jake has changed you."

"Jake will hate me forever if I dump him." I said. "What if I regret it?"

"Bella!" Rosalie grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me. "Wake the fuck up honey! Jake is not the last guy in the world, you're only seventeen years old and this was your first longest relationship stop being a drama queen. You're not happy, the relationship didn't work out, it's normal. That's how life is supposed to be."

"You're right. I just need a way to end it. I don't want to hurt him too much."

"Bella are you sure about this?" Alice asked, the worry clear on her face.

"I think so. When I think of Jake…I want to run away. I don't wanna see him, I don't wanna kiss him. I've never even told him I love him. Nothing is how it should be. I'm just being a coward by continuing this. I'm tired of myself." The tears were about to come again, but I stopped myself. Be strong.

"It's not gonna be easy. He's gonna try to win you back." Rosalie stated. "You have to make it clear that you're certain about your decision alright?" She put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "I'm here for you ok? You know I can be a bitch to guys if I want to, so if you need help with that let me know."

"Thanks Rose." I smiled a little. "But I want to handle this on my own. I have to."

"That's my girl." Rosalie smiled. "Hey, there's a party this weekend at some night club. I heard this really awesome DJ is gonna be there. We should totally go. It'll cheer you up."

"Rose, Jasper said they ask for an ID there." Alice said in disapproval. "You guys are both eighteen."

"So?" Rosalie scoffed. "It's not that hard to find two girls that kind of looks like us. We'll have extra make-up on and we'll look like we're 21 or older." She winked at me. "If you don't come, I'll come over to your house and drag you there, understood?"

Fake ID? Night Club?

You know what?

Why the fuck not.

"I'm in." I smiled at Rose.

If I wanted to change my life then I had to start it now. I need some excitement. I need to feel the adrenaline rushing threw my veins. I need to do some crazy shit to feel alive again. I want to go dance and forget everything. Nothing mattered. No one mattered.

The lunch break ended and soon I was headed towards my art class. Today we were outside of the classroom, drawing whatever we could find that was a part of nature. I settled on drawing a tree that was behind one of the buildings. Leah was few feet away from me drawing a piece of rock that was almost shaped like a penis. I was pretty sure it was the reason what she was drawing it. Ben just drew a square, claiming it was a paper, and paper came from trees, so it was a part of nature.

I was sitting on a small bench in front of the green tree, the breeze was playing with my hair and it felt so soothing. The sun was pleasantly warming my skin. I found myself slightly smiling to myself; it was so calm here alone.

"Well you must be thinking about my naked body if you're smiling like that, aren't you?"

I screamed and probably jumped up five feet high in the air when I heard Edward right behind me. The idiot almost fell on the ground laughing his ass off while I was trying to calm down my heart rate. I stepped close and started punching his arm and shoulder with my small fists.

"You" Punch "Fucking" Punch "Idiot" Punch "You scared me to death!"

He just kept on laughing, completely unharmed, even though I used my whole strength. His arms felt so tight, like he was working out every day. He wrapped his fingers around my small wrists to stop my useless fighting. "Bella, Bella." Damn his sexy smile. "If you wanted to touch me that badly, you could've just said it."

"Yeah right." I scoffed, trying to free my hands but he was too strong. "You're not that impressive, Cullen."

"Really?" He grinned. "Maybe you haven't checked the right places yet." He pressed my hands on his chest and moved it down to his stomach. His black V-neck t-shirt was quite tight on him and I could feel his abs through the thin material. Ok he obviously he had a six pack, maybe an eight pack. I wouldn't mind counting them but his hands were moving lower and lower and this time I tried my hardest to pull my hands away until he just laughed and let them free. I smacked his chest, it was useless though.

"Why are you such an asshole?" I said as I sat back down on the bench and tried to concentrate on my drawing.

"Someone's grumpy." He sat down next to me. "Is it the time of the month? Mother nature giving you a visit? Shark week? P.M.S?"

I looked at him like he was crazy. "No you retard." I didn't want to mention that because of him Jake and I had an argument yesterday. For some reason it felt like it wasn't his fault. Edward's drawing was just a reason for me to let out whatever I've been holding in this whole time. To be honest I was thankful for it.

"Just typical boyfriend problems." I mumbled, looking down at my horrible drawing. It looked like a stick with curly fries on top.

"Weed can help." He smiled. This boy was always happy.

"Edward." I gave him an annoyed look.

"Alright, maybe some other day." He teased. "What happened? Is he pressuring you to have sex? Blow job? Cause you know it's totally normal for a guy to want that. It actually makes sense cause you-

"I want to break up."

I don't know why I said it but I did, and it shut him up, which was good. He just looked at me, I guess something in my eyes made him serious and I don't know what was it in his expression that made me let everything out.

"And don't tell me what's right or what's wrong, because I'm so fucking sick of people telling me what I should or shouldn't do. I'm so confused. I feel so…pressured…like there's this thousand pound pressure sitting on my shoulders not letting me stand up for what I want. I don't want to be scared anymore. I'm tired of being worried about other people's feelings. What about my feelings? I feel like an ass for doing this to him but I can't control myself. I just can't do this anymore." I felt my eyes get watery but I took a deep breath so I wouldn't cry. I was done crying for myself. No more of that.

"Hey hey. Look at me." He murmured soothingly as he touched my chin with his fingers and made me face him. I looked up into his eyes, all the traces of joking and playing gone. He looked serious; his expression was soft, kind of concerned but firm. "No one can tell you what to do. Everything is in your hands. Nothing matters." His hand stayed on my face, caressing my cheek. "It'll be alright, trust me. This might be extremely cliché and cheesy, but do whatever your heart tells you. Don't listen to anyone."

"It is cliché and cheesy." I smiled, which made him chuckle. I couldn't get over how perfect his smile was. He let go of my face and run his hand through his hair.

"I'm not good with this stuff."

"You are good, actually." He was the first person to tell me that I should just trust myself, and not look at what anyone does or says. Wasn't that the only right way?

"I'm good at other stuff too." His eyes twinkled.

"So much for having a normal conversation with you." I shook my head.

"Excuse me, I meant drawing. It's all in your little dirty mind of yours."

"Yeah for sure." I laughed. "Thanks Edward." I said genuinely as I looked into his eyes.

"For being so incredibly handsome and charming?"

"For the advice. I needed that." I smiled.

…

See, she's getting there :) Are you guys excited about the party? ;) Bella is gonna go crazyyyy!