Unca Jeem's Adventures in BabySitting Class
Chapter Four - Germs
On the Enterprise
28 May 2270
Jim yelled at the computer when it told him it was time to get up. He sat on the edge of the bed, head in hands. What on earth had possessed him last night? And what the hell was that that Scotty had given him to drink? Damn, his head hurt. He staggered up and into the shower, turning the water on hot and hard.
Feeling marginally more human when he waved the water off, he toweled off and brushed his hair and teeth. Ah, mouth felt much better now! Jeans, tee-shirt, vee-neck sweater. Damn, didn't he have any clean shorts? Definitely time to do laundry.
Off down the corridor to the mess hall. Where was Bones when a man needed a good hang-over remedy? His poor head was still throbbing. Nothing on the food service line looked at all appealing. Maybe he would just have toast. Wait, didn't he remember Bones saying something about fruit juice for a hangover? He grabbed a large glass of orange juice, too. He had just finished his toast and juice when he realized that he had once again forgotten the PADD. Back to his quarters, much to quickly for his head to be comfortable with, grab the PADD, off to class.
The giggling girls were a true torment this morning. Why couldn't they just shut up? He squinted his eyes and tried to focus. What was the instructor talking about now? Germs? Gah!
Who the heck knew germs could be transmitted so many different ways? And those slides of what the effect could be? He was definitely going to hurl if she kept showing those. He winced as another slide of advanced diaper rash was shown. That just didn't look at all comfortable. That little guy had sore skin in places he didn't even like to think about. Oh, no, he couldn't believe the next one. Infected circumcision? He was definitely going to hurl. He clutched his stomach in desperation. The instructor advanced on him, grabbed the back of his head, and forced it down between his knees. What the hell? Wait, he was breathing better. He gasped a few times and felt his breathing slowing down. The instructor from hell let go of his head and backed up a bit. He slowly straightened up, feeling ridiculous. But those slides! How was a guy supposed to react?
Okay, now she was on to hand washing. Whew! Scrubbing under fingernails, how much soap to use, how long to rub up the lather, how to rinse. Damn, who knew hand washing was that complicated. And now she was on about when to wash your hands. Whoops, before and after changing a diaper? Every time? Before feeding the child? Take notes, damn it.
Disposable gloves? She's kidding right? Apparently not. Well, if I had to handle something like what's in that slide, I'd want gloves, too. Gross! Okay, detailed instructions on how to properly put the danged things on, and then how to take them off without contaminating anything, including yourself. And what do you do with the damn things after they're off? Oh. Okay.
And on to all the many and varied ways that germs can be transmitted among children. Kids put what in their mouths? You've got to be kidding! That is just too gross for words! They eat what? No way! No kid would be that stupid. Eeuu! Take those slides away. Gah! My eyes will never be the same.
He staggered out of the classroom, totally grossed out, with his head still splitting. Time to head to sick bay for some help. When he saw Spock and Grayson coming down the corridor, he stopped dead. "Little guy, if you ever, ever do any of the stuff I saw this morning, I am so telling your parents!"