Disclaimer: I do not own Darkwing Duck™ or any character, location or event associated with that said show.
"Clearly you're still criminally insane. How did you get out of jail?"
"Watch it girly."
"Or you'll…? What? Honk here could operate your ray. You need us."
Honker was less confident on the point. "Um – maybe. If damaged, finding replacement parts could be…."
"See! Now spill."
He clamped his teeth together, locking his jaw. He could retort but the girl may be correct. Or believe she was correct to which the consequences would be the same. Yet Lilliput reasoned he had no objection to answering the question, only the disrespect with which it had been asked. So he unclenched and sweetly sung his reply, "Quackwerks."
The obvious answer. It always came back to Quackwerks.
"They're emptying the prisons and employing the cons. Work 2 Reform scheme the public relations office calls it. Guaranty of a liveable wage, a nine to five job and an opportunity to mend ways. Compliance enforced by their army of security drones, of course," Lilliput assured them. He continued, "Quackwerks does not look kindly on abuses of their generosity. Under the contract they have with the city Quackwerks practically runs the justice system in the St Canard. Once you're in their clutches they own you. Mind. Body – Soul. Practically a villain working on every street corner now. Office, transport, travel, entertainment, public institutions like your hospitals and your schools…."
"I knew it!" Gosalyn declared her triumph to the world. Lilliput used his wing feathers to protect his ears drums from the little girl's outburst. Conspiracy theories involving super villains were her favourite talking point. So rapt she had been with the doings of Quackwerks she had edging closer and closer to Lilliput, unbeknowst to him, as he talked. Close enough to cause hearing damage.
"Are you done?" their villain compatriot sneered.
It was Honker who asked the obvious next question. "If you were paroled and given a job by Quackwerks, why come after Mr Mallard?"
"Spend my days in an office cubicle? Waste my genius intellect paper filing, subjected to a retelling of every short joke, lisp joke, red haired joke from high school – you know what I'm talking about!"
Gosalyn had to give him that.
"No, thank you. Give me the clean air, open space and untamed wilderness of the mini golf course. And with every other villain in town kowtowing to the company I could run the city underworld. Way underworld. With my shrink ray technology I would operate so far under the crimebot's scanners they'd think I was a golfer! So I returned to my park to begin my criminal empire, I did. Starting with my epic victory over the terror of the night!"
"How did you find us?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" he menacingly teased. "Okay. You signed the register at miniature golf. Launchpad McQuack, 537 Avian Way."
He revealed his source in matter of fact manner. No hesitation. It was of no consequence to him.
"Launchpad," Gos sighed.
It was an innocent act. There had been no mission at the time. Simply a family outing as Father and Daughter Mallard; enjoying normal, everyday Mallard family events such foiling a bank robbery plot, befriending germs and playing mini-golf. Yet Drake was sure to counter there could be no innocent slip for the sidekick of a hero and use this lapse of judgement as further justification of why Launchpad could no longer be a part of this family. Further justification of why life as a masked crusader was, "too dangerous," for a father.
There could be no more 'incidents'. Not after Negaduck began to unravel the mystery behind the shadowy disguise.
"That's right kiddo. So don't even think about a double-triple-quadruple cross if you want what you know that I know that you don't want known that I know to be known!"
After being chased from the ice cream mountain the group avoided spilled sweets and their competing claimants. Thereby the remainder of their trek was uneventful. The dirt and dust mites, fluff and dead feather bits did inspire within Gosalyn new appreciation toward the humble vacuum cleaner. She resolved never to eat a dropped French-fry or candy piece again. And to rethink her policy on the cleaning of her room. No hurdle prevented them from reaching the weapon.
The argument over who should be enlarged first resurfaced. Gosalyn was adamant either Honker or herself would go first to in turn use the ray on the others. However the paranoid little girl was still mindful of the issue, "How do I know you won't sabotage us?"
Honker volunteered under the reasoning Lilliput would be reluctant to attempt a double cross, even a double-triple-quadruple cross, with the "spirited" one watching him. So after worked together to twist the dial to big, Honker stood in line of fire with Lilliput and Gosalyn pushed and heaving and grunting trying to depress the trigger.
"No, no, no! Push with legs! Your legs!"
"What if you stand on my shoulders?"
"I know. What if we construct a pulley system out of string?"
"Lilliput? Shut up," Gosalyn demanded. She squat on the ground and took a breather from the task. The trigger proving difficult to budge and it didn't help she had to stand on her toes and reach over her head to touch it. Lilliput was having the same issue.
"Hey! I the pulley system was a good idea!"
Catching the general tone of their conversation, Honker called over, "Why don't you go in to the wiring of the gun and hot-wire it?"
"Because I don't want to damage it! Or be electro-coo-ted!"
Their debate over the next step could have gone on like this for several more acts were it not for the introduction of a new character, stage left.
A key was inserted in the front door and the doorknob turned. Into this Shrink-O-Ray mess stepped papa Mallard.
"Gosalyn," came his weary call. "Gosalyn, I'm - YAH!"
And quite a mess it was. He almost stepped in it.
During the struggle for the Shrink-O-Ray the dining room table had been knocked causing a plate of Ice Cream and snack food to be cast around the room. A mug of hot chocolate had been allowed to soak into the carpet for near an hour now. Some plates had split. Various pieces of furniture were missing entirely.
"GOSALYN!"
But Gosalyn did not appear to explain or defend the state of his living room. Or the state of his kitchen now he saw it. The contents of the fridge and cupboards strewn about. Down in the carpet she was glad to have an excuse not to front up the way Drake was growling from the back of his throat like a rapid dog. His yell, one she was very acquitted with, sounded deep and as strong as a sonic boom when her size.
"Look at this mess!"
Drake slammed the front door and entered the kitchen, stepping over spilt liquids and slapping a small handful of work folders down on the breakfast table.
"Gosalyn!" he called again. No response. "That tiny terror turned this place into an upturned garbage turf! After all I put up with all day I have to come home and – hey! What happened to the computer?" He realised his old clunker of a machine used for typing memos in the corner was missing. Along with the entire desk.
"My speakers! My lamp! My bookcase!"
The room was indeed bare.
"My statue!" Referring to his gold plated statue of Darkwing Duck. Custom made. Among his most treasured and pampered items, he shinned it and guarded it as jealously as real gold. His ego driving him to display it for all guests to witness. The likeness of Darkwing Duck next to the look-a-like of Darkwing. Under the same roof as known associates of Darkwing.
"Gosalyn must have pawned half my living room!"
He gaze locked on to the Antenna Helmet Shrink-O-Ray.
...
"Yell! Yell to him!"
"Dad! Dad, we're down here."
"Wave."
Gosalyn Waved. Gosalyn jumped up and down like a crazy person.
"He's coming this way."
Honker already knew. His vision may have been impaired yet he could not have mistaken the massive figure of Mr Mallard. He could not have ignored the vibration of the floorboards under the carpet. His could not forget the chance of being stepped on.
"Guys...?"
"She even left her toys out. Huh, probably playing space invaders."
Lilliput yelled a warning. "He's going to take the ray!" His reacted to his revelation by lifting himself up onto the trigger and wrapping his legs around.
"What are you doing?"
"We need the ray!"
He was right. Drake reached down to pick up the Antenna helmet first.
"Honk! Grab on!"
"To what?" and he began to feel around for the ray tip somewhere in the vicinity in front of him. Gosalyn ran along the barrel of the weapon to reach him. Drake examined the strange Martian helmet, trying to place it. Drake Mallard proudly proclaimed he had never forgot a thing in his life no matter how obscure the detail, no matter how trivial the trivia, no matter how vague the reference. However, on occasion, he could use a hint. His recall abilities were not necessarily instant.
He had seen this helmet before, perhaps a year ago. He had not been the one to buy it for Gosalyn. Nor had he ever seen her wear it. So... perhaps it belonged to Honker and Gosalyn was the Martian hunter. He couldn't imagine Honker chasing Gosalyn down with a toy ray gun but he could certainly envision the opposite.
Satisfied with his deduction Drake picked up the Shrink-O-Ray by the butt. Gosalyn slid the last few centimetres of the barrel as it became vertical, gripped firmly the tip of the ray and scooped up Honk by the hand as he continued to feel his way forward, arms stretched out in front of him.
Drake held the helmet under his left arm and the butt of the Shrink-O-Ray in the right, each heavier than anticipated. He wanted a better, more centred grip on ray but did not want to juggle the helmet or put it down so instead he improved his grip by losing it completely. He heaved the ray and let go, allowing it to rise vertically and caught it again by the midsection.
Honk screamed as he was suddenly airborne. A firm grip on his hand the only safety net preventing a fatal drop. Gosalyn kept a firm grip on both him and the ray tip as they were lifted. Her strength was not enough. She lost her grip on the ray before she would ever lose her grip on her friend.
Lost to open space. Not to gravity. Not yet. Had Honker not been scared guano-less he might have explained how in physics an object does not suddenly lose velocity simply by disconnecting from the cause of acceleration. Like an unfortunate driver who does not wear their seat belt in a crash. The sudden stop of the vehicle does not mean whatever is not strapped down loses its velocity. And neither did the kids.
They continued to rise parallel to the ray and Gosalyn reached for it again. This time, because Drake had caught the ray and it had been stopped, she managed to grasp a point higher up the nozzle than previous. She wrapped legs around it and below her Honker instinctively did the same the moment he connected with a solid object. He did not stop screaming though. Not as Drake waved the ray to and fro in time to his natural walking rhythm. Right arm swinging to and fro in time with his opposite leg.
Drake supposed he should investigate the upstairs area for more evidence of Hurricane Gosalyn damage. There was always the chance she was home in her room having not heard his angry demands for her being plugged in to those music player thingy-ma-jigs. Her MP3 player. He hoped this was the case. He would get to yell at her while his rage still burned brightly, before he had a chance to cool down.
For Gosalyn, Honker and Lilliput this was the worst part of the ride. Hanging on while Drake bounded up the stairs. Not gently. It took everything they had to hold on. Arms and legs locked around the nozzle and trigger. A loss of grip now could be disastrous. There would be no lucky opportunity to regain hold.
At least the bedrooms remained in order, Drake noted. Or, in the case of Gosalyn's room, how she left it this morning. Honestly, downstairs was an improvement. He did not want to stray too far into the room so he set the ray and helmet down near the door and returned down stairs. Drake bitterly mumbled working at a desk with Elmo Sputterspark and having to play house maid at home.