l I don't own Castle, and like the rest of us, I wish I did. :)

Chapter 4

"So how are you feeling?" my arms still intertwined with hers "… If it's too much we can go back." I really hope she doesn't want to go back it's so nice out.

"I'm fine Rick, I can't go back inside, when it's so beautiful out today" Smiling as she looked up at the blue sky, not a cloud in sight.

"Tell me if you start to get chest pain, we can at least sit down" I was trying to keep my tone reassuring, I just wanted to be there for her, she can't get better on her own, and I knew Josh wasn't going to stick by.

"It's okay Rick, really my chest feels fine" Squeezing my arm to try and get my attention. "… But I could really do with a coffee and a chance to sit down" Staring into my eyes. All she had to do was ask.

Smiling back down to her, placing her on the park bench. "I'll be right back"

Walking to the coffee stand, I couldn't help but think about Kate. I need to talk about what happened to her, but I honestly don't know how to breach the topic, I don't want to lose her over a misunderstanding. I need to tell her soon, before I miss my chance again…

Walking back to Kate I notice the position of her hands across her chest. Kate!

"Kate, are you okay, what's happening!" Panic instantly visible across my face.

"I don't know, I was thinking about the day I got shot, trying to remember stuff, and I just got a tightening in my chest" Her voice fragile. She needs to stop thinking about it, it's only going to make her worse.

"Kate…" Instantly sitting down and grabbing her hand "… You need to relax about it, when you are ready to remember it will all come back, just please try to forget about it… for me." My voice cracking, it was hard to see Kate so vulnerable.

Kate Looked up to me, I felt my whole soul was being bared to her. I didn't want to bare it to her just yet… not when she didn't remember.

"Help me then. Every time I see your face, I see you holding me, tears in your eyes. I can't put you through that again" She wasn't even looking at me as she said this; it broke my heart that she didn't have that trust anymore.

"Kate, every time I look at you, or hold you I feel you slipping away, this is as hard for you as it is for me, hell maybe even harder. I promised you always and for that moment you were fading away, it felt as if I broke that promise, I am reminded of that broken promise every time I look at you" I was slowly getting her to turn around her eyes glistening from the freshly drawn tears that sat and the edge of her eye lids. I don't want to make her cry.

"Kate, we can talk about all this once you have gotten the A-Okay from the surgeons and physios, right now I don't want you to worry about how I am feeling or how I'm coping with what happened, just get better, that's all I care about."

Tears building up into my eyes, I don't want to cry, I need to prove to her that I can handle this, I don't want her to feel like my pain is due to her. I can't let her feel that, it's just going to make what we have that much harder to act on.

She didn't even respond to what I said she just grabbed my hand, stood up and started walking. I didn't question her I just graciously started to walk beside her, never letting go of her hand. She needs to feel safe, to feel loved, and to know that not every single person is gunning for her. I know that what we have is unconventional, but if it works for her, it's going to have to work for me… for the mean time I try and help her with the demons.

"Kate, are you okay? I'm sorry if what I said is too much, but you need to know this doesn't affect our relationship, I won't leave you… always remember?" trying to show her a smile, to lighten up the mood.

"I just… I don't know any more Castle, this is all so conflicting, I know you care, I know you won't leave, I know your hurting, even though you are trying so hard to hid it, I know you promised me always, I did too, Just with everything that has happened, Montgomery's death, the dirty bomb, the freezer, it's just so… overwhelming." Her voice soft, this was something that was hard for her to talk about.

"I'm sorry Kate. Look lets finish our coffee and get you back up to your room, you look so tired, this has been too much for you… we can finish this conversation once you feel up for it, I'm not going to force it."

"Thank you Rick."

Smiling at her while we walked slowly up to her room. I knew this was going to be hard to talk about, I don't know if this could bring us together or tear us apart, but I know if I don't talk to her about it she could be putting her life on the line once again, and I might not be there to try and save her.

"Always"

Authors note:

So chapter 4 up. Sorry this is a small one, it's 10:30pm and I have to be up at 5:30am for an early maths class, I know it's crazy, don't worry though. I'll try to make the next one a long one for ya

anyway... reviews are always welcome :)

XX - Quel