"Her future has changed, Briarleap." My voice is calm; I don't want to alert the clan who are doubtless gathered outside, listening, to my fear.

"For the better?" There is still hope in her voice. I wish I didn't have to be the one to crush it.

"I don't know if she will come," comes my confession.

I knew she would react badly. And I'm not wrong.

"No! No!" Her wails echo through the camp and I wince, giving up on all ideas of silence. "She has to come! Our survival depends on it!"

"I know, Briarleap." I sigh, despair creeping into my own voice. "I know. We can only wait and have faith."

"I'm not a miracle, Doefall. You know what I've been through."

"I know. But as long as there is hope, you need to be with us."

Just because our ancestors have abandoned us doesn't mean we can't hope. The clan have something to hold onto in this darkness, and we will not let our only chance slip away.

We may be lost forever. But it would happen anyway. My desicion has been made. And I choose her.

There is no going back.

Waiting is agony. I don't understand how cats can survive. How can I possibly sit around while watching our deputy's strength slowly wither away?

Froststar isn't getting any sleep these days, but Brackencloud won't let her see Lightningfoot anywhere near as much as she wants to. He doesn't want greencough spreading around the camp - we have no catmint, so I understand that completely - and he's even banned Poppypaw, his apprentice, from the den.

Shadewhisper is standing it fine, it seems. He has no worries, no doubts. He knows that he will be chosen next, and he is happy to wait.

I can't cope. I can't cope anymore.

I slip away into the forest, knowing that no one will notice until the evening patrol returns.

Leaf-bare is approaching fast - I can feel the chill in the air. Frost is beginning to form on the crunchy leaves beneath my paws and the evergreen foliage that, for some strange reason, never dies. It's going to be a hard season this year, but we'll make it through. We always have.

I sigh, and my breath comes out in a spiralling cloud of mist in front of me. The sun is already beginning to set, but I don't look up as its colours flood the sky. It makes me wonder if Fallenbreeze is out there too; afraid to look at the beauty of the sunset because it might be taken away.

What else are we supposed to believe? Are we meant to pretend that everything is fine in a world where I envy the birds for their wings - for their freedom?

I'm lost. There's nowhere left to go. Nothing left to do. I'm lost in a cloud of my own sorrow and despair, and I've fought it for so long that I've forgotten the way out.

But I won't let it swallow me. Not while my sister is still alive and out there somewhere.

I pad further into the forest, wondering if this is the same path that Fallenbreeze ran when she was lost, and hopeless, swallowed by the despair that fights for me now. At least then we had each other. At least then we weren't alone.

I'm not alone now, but I still feel like it. I still feel that the rest of the world - Froststar, Lightningfoot, Brightpaw, although my apprentice seems closer to me than anyone else will ever get - are separate from me. There is a wall between us, and its roots have grown so strong that it will never be knocked down.

Only what to them is a wall, to me is a cage, a prison that I cannot escape. The forest seems real to me, in its sights and scents and sounds, but I don't know if I'm here, truly here, or whether I was gone long ago.

What is here? What does it mean? Is it a word with a meaning, or purely an imaginary boundary? Is it one of those words like home, like sister, that never make sense until they're gone forever?

I can scent the patrol coming back, so I slip in before them. Nobody notices my absence, was always. When my sister left, Shadewhisper and I were the only cats the clan ever noticed. A moon later, they began to respect me and leave me to grieve on my own.

Brightpaw is the only cat I ever speak to, really. But I can live with that.

As I settle into my nest beside Tigerfall, a dark tabby warrior who moved into Fallenbreeze's old spot when he became a warrior, I wonder where my sister is at this moment. Is she sleeping? Hunting? Moving further and further away from all she's ever known?

Even after all these moons, it still hurts to think about her. I think it always will.

My dreams are worse than usual; although nightmares of Shadewhisper's cruel green eyes used to haunt me every night, they disappeared after a few moons. I toss and turn throughout the night, and eventually I give up, unwilling to have another dream where the darkness suffocates me in its cloud of despair and I know I'll never see the sun again...

But I'm not the only cat out in the night. Froststar is standing in the clearing with Brackencloud beside her. They whisper in low murmurs before the brown tabby tom looks up and spots me, confusion flickering across his light, green eyes.

"Rowanlily?" he asks, his voice full of concern. Froststar looks up and I hesitate for a moment, unsure what to say.

"I can't sleep," I meow honestly. "I didn't realise you were here."

The leader nods, closing her eyes for a few seconds before she looks at me. "Lightningfoot is worse," she meows, and the grief in her voice echoes the barely masked despair in her blue orbs. "He won't make it through the night."

The words register and the shock hits me like a front paw blow. I knew it was going to happen - we all did - but did it have to be so soon? "That's... That's terrible, Froststar." I don't know what to say.

Terrible. Not just because Lightningfoot will never see the sun again, but because ThunderClan will need a new deputy. And even if he has to kill to get that rank, I know who it will be.

Froststar sighs, and I see the old cat again. The leader I respected and loved - only now, her mask is gone. This is why I would never accept leadership. I hate it - I hate the way that if you make the wrong decisions everyone blames you, but when you do it right someone else gets the credit. I hate the responsibility, and I know I would fail. The moment there was a decision to be made that was even slightly serious, I would collapse - not from the difficulty, but solely because I can't cope with the pressure. Leadership was never meant for me.

Froststar has coped through all that. She made one wrong choice with Fallenbreeze, but who am I, a cat who shies away from leadership because she's afraid to do exactly that, to complain?

"I'll call the meeting at sunhigh," she meows, her voice distant. "I need some time to think. And I have to speak to Lightningfoot, even if I don't go near."

Brackencloud gives an exasperated sigh, and I jump. I'd almost forgotten he was there. "Two minutes, Froststar," he meows softly. "Then you need to catch up on your sleep."

She nods, and then turns to me. "Try and get some sleep now, Rowanlily. I'll tell the warriors not to wake you. You look exhausted, and I know you haven't had much sleep recently."

Brackencloud snorts, muttering something under his breath.

I dip my head in respect for her, and, for the first time in moons, I mean it. "Thank you."

This time, sleep comes easily. I drift into the darkness unaware, and for one night, I have no worries or cares. I just dream peacefully - calm and alone.

Bright sunlight wakes me, and I look around, disorientated. Clambering slowly to my paws, I wonder why the nests beside me are all empty. Needles of light stab at my eyes as I squint into the sky. Is it sunhigh already? I frown, confused.

"Come on, Rowanlily!" It's Brightpaw - it seems it wasn't the sun that woke me, after all. Memories of the previous night come flooding back, and I shake myself awake. "Froststar's called a meeting. She told me to wake you up."

"Thanks, Brightpaw," I pad towards the gathered clan, a few of which give me funny looks. Brightpaw shrugs at me, but I can tell she is curious. I'll tell you later, I mouth, and she nods, getting the message.

"As you all know, Lightningfoot passed away last night." Murmurs of sadness ripple through the cloud, and Froststar waits for them to die away before speaking again. "Lightningfoot will be sorely missed, and I wish he could have lived longer. But it was his time to go, and I one day I will join him in StarClan."

"I need a deputy that is strong, and will lead us through the hard leaf-bare that is coming. A deputy who doesn't seek power, but is a true leader. A deputy that isn't afraid to make their thoughts known and isn't afraid to challenge our ways. A deputy that knows what is wrong, and what is right. A deputy that will lead my clan after me - a deputy I can trust to look after ThunderClan. There will never be a cat to replace Lightningfoot, but moonhigh isn't far away. And I have made my choice."

Shadewhisper is almost smirking now. I want to leap at him, claw that smile off his filthy face, the liar, the traitor, the would-be-murderer that tried to kill my sister.

Then Froststar calls the name of the next deputy.

It is not Shadewhisper, and for that I am grateful. But I am utterly shocked - and suddenly afraid - of her decision.

"Thank you, Froststar. It would be an honour." Everything seems like a dream. The warrior chosen bows her head in respect, gazing in sorrow at the dead body of the deputy, and, starting with Brightpaw, her name is cheered by the gathered crowd.

Rowanlily.

Me.

Shadewhisper is staring. His emerald eyes bore into my head from behind, and I turn to face him.

He looks murderous - like he's ready to kill. I wonder who's next on his list. I am deputy now. If I want to stop him, I probably can.

Then horror flashes through my yellow eyes.

I am deputy now.

His next target is me.

"I'm not afraid, Flame," I meow, sighing softly. "I'm a warrior. This is what I was born to do."

"You haven't fought a battle in twelve months." I make a mental note: Months are moons? Well, I think that's right, anyway. "Your shoulder is still not fully healed-" She sighs. Caring for one cat for twelve moo- months is probably getting quite frustrating. "-and I've never been taught to fight."

"I doubt he has, either." I point out.

"He has." I don't press it. The utter helplessness and despair in her voice is enough confirmation for me.

I hate myself for this, for making her relive her memories every second of the day. But how else will I be able to make her safe?

I don't understand how she coped. How she lived through the pain and the torture every time. How she never even mentioned it to me. How she kept a secret that must have been killing her inside just to let me heal.

"Whereabouts in twolegplace does he live?" I ask softly.

Flame waits a moment before she makes her hesitant reply. "Not far in - on the same side as us. You have to cross about two small thunderpaths to get there."

All the times she could have been killed and I'd never know. I would just sit there forever, my shoulder throbbing, my heart aching, waiting for her to come back home.

Silence. Time passes. I'm not sure how much.

And then Flame suddenly jolts fully awake. I can see the terror that blazes in her amber eyes and the dread in her fearful yowl as she leaps to her paws.

"It was meant to be today," she breathes, despair threatening to swallow her in a tidal wave of panic. "It was meant to be today."

I know what that means before she says it. I'm on my paws, scanning the land around us with a feral snarl.

"He's coming."

My first sight of the monster is a tense minute later - pools of blazing yellow light gaze at us from the darkness of the trees. I can just make out a dark and white pelt when he steps boldly into view. He is smiling, and not for a good reason.

His body is scarred, his ears are shreds and clumps of fur have been torn from his black and white pelt. His yellow eyes - or more accurately, eye, for there is only a bloody mess where one had once been - blaze with a fire that nothing can quench. This is no kittypet - this is a monster. Everything about him screams danger, and yet I cannot run.

Flame is here beside me, and she is the one he wants.

The tom laughs, and my fur fluffs up with fear. He can see that I'm already in a defensive position - as if he's already attacked me and he has the advantage. I force myself to straighten up, to make my fur lie flat on my back.

And then he launches himself at me.

I was actually quite good at battle - not meaning to boast or anything. I used to be pretty amazing when fighting an opponent. But Flame is right. I haven't done anything like this for so long that I can't fight. I don't know how, or even what, to do.

That was a stupid move - I let my guard down just because he laughed at me?

There is no time to think as I'm knocked backwards and the air is pushed from my lungs. I swipe at his paw feebly, missing his paw but deflecting part of his next blow. Beads of blood begin to form where his claws raked my skin, and I kick out with my back legs, hoping to strike my target.

He's too quick, and I'm too tired. Flame can do nothing as I roll and scramble to my paws, facing him with a weak snarl. The rogue - I refuse to think of him as a kittypet - slashes my exposed belly, and I scream in agony. He just smirks, and, with a last blow to the head, turns to face my friend.

I roll over, my face on the ground. Slowly, I stagger to my paws. My injuries aren't that bad - in fact, the adrenaline pumping through my veins is doing the opposite of his murderous intent. He didn't even swipe my shoulder. But then I see Flame.

It is me, in this moment, who is pinned down beneath those claws. I am my sister, looking at them in horror. And it is Shadewhisper, not the rouge, who is about to kill the cat below him.

But unlike before, Rowanlily - I - cannot get there in time to stop him.

Chapter 3 is here! So, how do you like the cliffhanger? Am I pacing this story a bit too fast? Does it seem just a bit too weird that Rowanlily is deputy? It's gone over a little in the next chapter. Will Flame die? Do you want Flame to die? Please don't say yes. I like Flame.

Thanks for reading,

~ Fire & Bright ~