The last picture with James' face on it came off of my wall at last. I had to spend two torturous hours finding all the ones around my apartment and carefully placing them in a stack. There'd be a time to face this in the future, but until then, all I could do was hide. As I shoved them in a drawer in my bedroom, there was a crack from another room. Someone had apparated into my apartment.
Wand out, I carefully tread across the floor, careful not to let a single creak from the floorboards escape. With each step, my heart beat quickened, and my throat constricted. There came a noise from outside my bedroom, and my heart felt like it had frozen still for a moment. This couldn't be happening.
A messy head of jet black hair peaked in from behind the doorframe. At that point, a Death Eater would have been preferable. I didn't need to hear about how terrible I was. My jaw clenched, and I tried to keep any tears from flowing.
"Merlin's Beard, you look like you've seen the Dark Mark, Sirius." His tone was casual and light as if nothing had ever happened. I met his eyes in confusion as I tried to make sense out of the whole situation.
"What do you want, Prongs?" Although I aimed for a cold, indifferent voice, what came out was a soft, pleading whisper drawn out in pain.
"I came to apologize." His hazel eyes wandered around the room, unable to meet mine, and a hand shakily ran through his hair. As his best mate, I'd come to known he did this when he was truly nervous and afraid.
"Right, and barging into my house's a great way to show it." I should have accepted it, but I couldn't find myself doing that after spending agonizing hours grieving where he merely shoved it in my face. Now that he was ready I was supposed to agree?
"I – I didn't think you'd mind. I guess I just wasn't thinking." Looking up at him, I couldn't help but feel a need to comfort him. James was rarely helpless, and being caught in a moment where he fidgeted nervously was a rarity I didn't want to be familiar with.
"James, you fucking prat." I approached him, and he finally met my eyes, a tentative smile on his face. My words held nothing but adoration other than perhaps a slight irritation. "I can't believe you did that to me! Remus thought I was going to die."
"Well, Remus thought you'd contracted some deadly disease." Unlike a week before, now it was his voice that shook and mine that was steady.
"I guess the lying in my bed staring helplessly at my ceiling might have given him that impression." A humorless laugh escaped my lips.
"You were right." His voice was small and ashamed, as if almost wished no one would hear. "Someone needed to say it." Had I not known any self-control, I probably would have stared in shock, jaw hanging on the floor. The one thing James Potter never did was apologize. Instead, I blinked several times and opened and closed my mouth like a drowning fish. In seeing the effect it had on me, James seemed to pull himself together and laughed.
"Bloody hell, seeing your reaction was worth everything."
"Did you just apologize?"
"I'd rather you didn't tell anyone." He winked and ruffled his own hair out of instinct. I could feel my face blush. "All we need is some git like Snivellus knocking at our door."
My own hand reached to run through my hair and suddenly, I felt awkward, my eyes looking elsewhere. James wouldn't take the silence though.
"What happened to the picture of us? I could swear there was one outside your room." I flicked my wand and the drawer flew open, the pictures visible. Giving James a sheepish grin of innocence, I set them flying across and out of the room with another wave.
"That should put them back into their original places."
"Why did you take them down in the first place – Peter's drooling all over me a bit too much for you to handle?" Catching a zooming picture, he let off a lazy smile. "Yeah, Wormtail might as well be bloody worshipping me." I grinned at several obvious memories.
"Some things never change." A tanned hand slid through his messy hair, only further giving it a windswept look. I found it undeniably attractive and gave him a goofy grin.
"What's so funny?" he asked with an amused chuckle.
"Nothing. I'm just wondering why I didn't notice how sexy your hair looks when you do that."
"Do what? This?" His hand reached out once more and ran through his locks tauntingly slowly, a mischievous grin on his face. I found myself goggling at him, my mouth slightly parted as I looked into those eyes hidden beneath the long lashes. "For Merlin's sake – you're turning into a fangirl, Padfoot."
"For Merlin's sake," I muttered, copying his exact tone of voice, "you've only just realized this?" Getting up from my spot on the bed, I approached him, leaning my body against his before possessively sliding my hands down to his waist and gripping his arse.
"Erm, I guess so." His voice quivered, distracted as my breath intoxicated him. "Padfoot, you're awfully close andI'mafraidImightkissyou." I doubted I had ever seen James as scarlet as he was now.
"And that'd be a bad thing?" As I stroked his face gently, a growling chuckle rising from the back of my throat, I was surprised at how the roles had reversed from last time. I planned to keep it that way - that was until his tongue darted between my lips and he began to ferociously devour mine. He backed me up until I was pressed against the back of my armchair, James straddling me.
He pulled back, leaving me breathless. With a head tilt and a look of mock contemplation, Prongs replied, "I guess not." Then, he left me sitting like an idiot, eyes glued to him. "Anyone ever tell you how easy you are to fool?"
"Oh, shut up."
"What a comeback!" With that same lovely grin on his face, he approached me again, hips swaying underneath his robes. "Like what you're looking at?"
"Course I do." A slight heat crept into my face. In response, his grin melted to a smirk. I couldn't help but smirk back.
"What are you smirking at?" I shrugged and managed to shift my weight to my trembling legs as I got up.
"Only that you're here and kissing me." I stumbled as if drunken by his presence, and he caught me lightly with those experienced Catcher hands.
"And keeping you from breaking your nose." Still, he slowly and passionately pressed his lips against mine, pulling me into a gentle kiss. I was almost surprised at the lack of lust and his careful touch.
"James?" He pulled back and as his brow furrowed, a concentrated scowl taking control of his features. There was no response other than perhaps a slight gaping of his mouth as he tried to say something. I repeated his name softly, and pushed a loose strand of hair behind his ear.
"Shuddup, Padfoot, I'm trying to tell you something."
"Well, you're not doing a good job at it," I replied gently with a soft smile.
"Clearly." He rolled his eyes and huffed out a deep breath.
"In fact, I'd –"
"Sirius Black, I do in fact love you, and yes I am a fucking prat for not wanting to admit it, but it isn't easy when you have a wife and a kid coming, too." He paused. "For gods' sakes, wipe that ridiculous expression off of your face." I couldn't hide my dazed grin, and sloppily planted a kiss on his lips.
"That's for not telling me sooner." He smiled into my lips before reaching for my hand and intertwining our fingers. Upon pulling back, I nuzzled my head against his neck, breathing in breaths of only James.
"Tell me why we weren't doing this earlier?" His tone was slurred, and I could tell he was beginning to drift on into his own world. Yet his words seemed to bring some small sort of sense to me as well as a sudden grip of reality. This was never going to work.
"James," I breathed, already regretting what I had to say, "we can't do this." I began to pull away, but he caught my chin in the cup of his hand and turned me to face him.
"And why would that be?" His eyes held a hardened glare not accepting any challenges.
"You know perfectly well why." He had even explained why moments ago. As much as I wanted to do this, as much as every ounce of my body ached for him, for his touch and affection, I couldn't let myself.
"Lily doesn't need to know," he pleaded with me.
"You're going to have a child, Prongs." I refused to meet his gaze, and lowered my eyes instead to my carpet.
"It doesn't matter. I don't love her." It bit into me, but I managed to keep strong.
"Dammit, don't do this to me!" Wasn't I pleading him to do the same thing not but a week ago? With a shove, I sent him backwards, toppling over my table, and landing groaning on his back. For a moment, he merely lay there, staring up at me in shock as a bit of blood trickled down from his forehead. "You're hurt!" With a crack, he disapparated.
A/N: Well, this chapter actually was the most fun to write. :3 Indeed, I tried to expand my simple dialogue and capture the essence of the characters. Perhaps I failed and perhaps I didn't. Only you can tell me that (HINT, HINT).
Well, I can't say that I've successfully ended a chapter without drama, but it only leaves you wanting more, right? So, in that case, it can't be a terrible thing. At least this chapter wasn't entirely plastered with the Drama Queen of the Year award. Rate and review, people. I appreciate all the reviews I've gotten so far, by the way! You are too nice.
You know, this was originally going to be a oneshot. XD Random little tidbit for you... (And I'm sorry if my over-excessive use of smileys distracts you/bothers you/makes you want to kill me. Please don't kill me.)