Olivia:

During the weeks after my encounter with the blue eyed stranger at the bar, I tried everything that I could to forget about him. It hurt more than finding out my boyfriend whom I thought was the love of my life shattered my illusion. After about a month, I'd been working hard and dating harder, I was able to push the memory further and further to the back of my mind and I started to move on. I started dating a guy Alex introduced me to named Brian Laterner, and he was actually a pretty good catch. Of course considering what happened during my last relationship, I did a full background check and he seemed to check out. Not married, no kids or criminal record. Not even a parking ticket. Yeah, things were looking up for me until that fateful day.

I was at the precinct watching the clock and trying to stop bouncing in my chair. It was Friday afternoon, and Brian had invited my earlier in the week to spend the weekend at his parent's house in the Hamptons. I had spent most of the day, staring off into space and dreaming of the romantic weekend I knew he'd planned. Then the call came in. At an apartment building in the Village a neighbor said she heard screaming coming from the apartment next door to her, and my partner and I were sent to investigate. I didn't make it to the Hamptons that weekend.

"Police! Open up!" Olivia and her partner were standing in front of apartment 3b, but there no one came to the door nor was there any sound coming from the apartment. Olivia's partner gave her a look, and she nodded her agreement for him to kick the door in. After three hard kicks, the door finally gave, splintering from it's hinges and landing with a loud thud on the carpeted floor.

"NYPD!" she shouted. The apartment was in disarray, and there were obvious signs of a struggle but the living room was empty. Guns drawn they began to sweep the apartment, Olivia heading toward the kitchen, her partner in the direction of the bedrooms. There was a swinging door blocking the kitchen and the living and she toed it open cautiously before entering. Gun pointed before her, she turned to the left and saw nothing before she heard a small whimper coming from behind. She swung around and suddenly someone barreled into her and she felt a searing pain in her abdomen as the gun fell from her grasp. Stumbling from the force of the blow, she tripped banging her head on the edge of the countertop before everything went black.

I woke up in the hospital some hours later to some serious pain. My partner came into the kitchen shortly after I hit my head and shot the guy who attacked me. Turns out he'd stabbed me when he charged me. He nicked my small bowel, but the doctors fixed me up, and decided to monitor me because of my concussion and my other concussion.

"Ah, look who's awake. How do you feel Ms. Benson?" Olivia gave the doctor an annoyed look. She hated hospitals and perky doctors.

"Like running a marathon." replied in a voice that said 'How in the hell do you think I feel?' but Dr. Happy just chucked.

"You've got a pretty nasty bump on your head from hitting the counter, and we'd like to keep you overnight just to monitor you because I've got a bit of a concussion." This is where her protest began. There was no way in hell she was staying in the hospital, and after ten minutes of trying to convince her otherwise, the doctor agreed to discharge her as long as there was someone she could stay with during the night. Olivia agreed knowing full well she wasn't going to burden someone to take care of her. The doctor continued.

"The knife didn't cause too much damage. Nicked your small bowel, but we fixed you right up, and stitched up your wound. Lucky for you though, the baby was completely unharmed, but your abdomen will be quite painful for a while, so you should just take is easy for the next few days." Olivia was just nodding, half listening before she realized just what the doctor said.

"Wait, what?! Baby?! What baby?!"

So that's how I found out that I was in that 3% bracket of people whom the Trojan Man couldn't save, and I was about 8 weeks along in my unplanned pregnancy. To say I was shocked is a hell of an understatement. I called Brian, but I didn't tell him that I'd been injured. I knew he'd insist on caring for me over the weekend, so I just told him I had to cancel because we'd just gotten an important lead on a huge case we were working on. He was disappointed, but he told me he understood and we'd just have to plan another weekend getaway. Of course I was thinking 'Yeah, right.' Once he found out I was pregnant by some guy whose name I didn't even know.

I ended up at Alex's after she showed up at the hospital and demanded that I come home with her for the weekend. I knew there was no point in arguing with the best ADA the city had ever known, so I gave in albeit reluctantly. That night I broke down and told my friend everything. About my ex whom I didn't know was married, about my one night stand that I did know was married, about being pregnant. She was sympathetic and let me know that whatever I decided to do, she'd stand by me. I love that woman, and I couldn't have a better best friend. We laid in bed, watching movies and eating Ben and Jerry's all night that night, even though most of the time my mind was elsewhere. What was I going to do? Would I keep my baby? And if I did, should I attempt (no matter how fruitless I knew it was) to find the father? Could I actually have an abortion? Should I give it up for adoption? Tell Brian? I know Alex was dying to ask me all these questions out loud, but she didn't push. She always knows I'll tell her things when I'm ready.

I didn't sleep much that night, all of these questions plaguing my mind, but by morning I'd answered at least one of them.

I'd spent hours thinking of my mother and how I'd been conceived. Although she hadn't come close to winning any mother of the year awards, I couldn't help but he grateful that she actually decided to keep me. When I was a teenager, I felt the complete opposite wondering why, if she hated me so much, she'd decided to keep me. There were so many times when she'd scream at me that she hated seeing my face because all she could see was the man who violated her, and I used to wish that God would turn back time, and let her abort me. But when I became a cop, my views changed. I like to think in my profession, I help a lot of people. People like my mother, and if I hadn't been born there would be one less compassionate person in the world trying to make it a better place. I couldn't see myself getting rid of the person who may come up with the cure for cancer, or bring about world peace. Yeah, it's kind of cheesy and farfetched but, cut me a break. Pregnancy hormones are a bitch.

I told Alex my decision, but it was a week later that I came to another decision. I was going to give my baby up for adoption. I just thought that I wasn't capable of taking car of a child on my own. With my career, and the fact that I'd be a single mother, it just seemed like a better idea to give my baby to a family that I know would be able to take care of her emotionally, and financially. My baby deserved a mommy and a daddy, and I thought I wouldn't be able to give him or her that. And there was the fact that the father was a married man and couldn't bear the thought of answering that question one day. 'Mommy, where's my Daddy?'

So I signed up at an agency and when I was six months along I found what I thought was the perfect family for my baby. A little girl. They were perfect. They lived upstate, and couldn't have any children of their own though not from lack of trying. I knew they'd love her as if she were their own, and I knew I'd made the right decision, at first. Until the day my little one was born.

She was two weeks early, and the family I'd chosen had gone out of the country for one last business trip before the arrival of their new daughter. I had Alex call them and let them know what was happening and they booked the first flight they could out of London's Heathrow Airport, but due to weather their flight was delayed, then cancelled until the next day. I'm pretty sure, no I'm positive that if they'd been there at the hospital while I was in labor, things would have gone quite differently.

"Alright Olivia, one more big push!" the doctor encouraged her, but she was getting so tired, and was in so much pain. She wasn't able to have an epidural because she'd gone into labor so quickly.

"I can't! I can't push anymore!" she cried, squeezing the life out of Alex's hand who was in the delivery room with her. The poor woman had spent hours wondering if she'd need a cast after it was all over.

"Come on honey, we can see the head! Just one more push." Olivia let out a strangled scream, and pushed as hard as she could one last time.

"Alright! Here she is! A beautiful little baby girl!" Olivia fell back on her pillow, exhausted when she heard the most beautiful sound. Her little girls first cry. Alex leaned down and kissed her forehead after the doctors allowed her to cut the cord.

"Oh Liv! She's so beautiful!" The doctors laid the little one on Olivia's chest, and she fell in love. She touched her little head, tears streaming down her face as she took in the miracle she'd just brought into the world.

"Hi angel." She was reluctant to let her go, even for the nurses to clean her up, but they assured the new Mom they'd bring her back as soon as they were done. Then it hit her. In two days the couple she'd chosen to be her daughters family would be back in New York in two days to take their little girl home. Alex caught the look on Olivia's face before sitting next to her on the bed just moments before her friend began to sob.

"Oh God Alex, how am I supposed to let her go?" The blonde sat with her friend, rubbing her back in circles and tried to soothe her.

"Shh, it'll be alright Liv. Everything's going to be alright."

When the nurse brought my baby back into the room an hour later, I sat cradling her to my chest, crying the whole time. I was trying to prepare myself to let her go, and damn it was so hard. But when she opened her eyes, I made a decision. They were the same shade of ocean blue of the beautiful strangers with little tiny flecks of brown. I fell apart right then, and knew I couldn't. There was no way I could let her go. I called the agency that very moment and told the worker who'd been handling the adoption that I wouldn't be signing the final form. I couldn't. I asked her to tell the family, because I knew there would be no way I could face them, and see the disappointment and devastation on their faces. And though I regret hurting them so much, I do not regret my decision. Little Isobel Elia Benson is the best thing that ever happened to, only second to my chance encounter with the blue eyed stranger in a pub.