Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
"You boys better behave; I mean it, no alcohol and no sex!" Ma says, watching them with those dark eyes that can see everything. "I´ll be damned if I come home and find some poor little girl passed out naked on the couch!"
He rolls his eyes, bored with the lecture that he knows by heart. Ma grabs his chin, forces him to listen to the rest of her little speech and warnings.
"And so help me God, Connor, if I come home and find out that you two little brats have eaten all the chocolate pudding!"
Ma is deadly serious like she always is when it comes to pudding. Ma´s face is so serious, both he and Murphy starts sniggers which makes ma unable to keep a straight face. She smiles at her boys, her heart filled with pride and love, knowing she at least made two good things in her life. She made two beautiful boys who may not have much, but they did have love. The only thing she can afford to give them.
"And anything you break will be coming out of your allowance!" She threatens and gives them a dark glare.
"You don´t give us any allowance." He sneers, arms crossed over his chest.
"Gee, wonder why?" Ma smiles', leaning forward and gives him a kiss on the forehead. "Be good, Connor, don´t burn the house down."
"Please woman, you know I´m not able to make such promises." He jokes and grins wickedly with a twinkle in his eyes.
"That is my boy!"
When she leans over to kiss Murphy he notices how his little brother flinches. Like ma burned him or something. Ma notices it too.
"Are we getting too big to be kissed by mommy now are we, Murphy?" She says with a smile and ruffles his dark hair. "Be good and do not forget to lock the damn door!"
Murphy stands still, looking terrified, like he just realized something bad, something very bad… Finally it is only him and Murphy, all alone, for the whole weekend. No parents telling them what to do, or more precisely; what not to do. And instead of ma´s cold meatloaf for dinner they can have candy or pizza. The thought of not having to eat ma´s meatloaf or overcooked spaghetti brings a smile to his face.
"Let's have some pudding, brother." He says and disappears to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabs the big bowl of pudding. He returns to the living room with two spoons and throws himself on the couch, turning the TV on. "What is the matter with you?"
The familiar feeling of worry returns when he notices that his little brother has not moved an inch. Murphy just stands there, lost in thoughts.
"Murph!" He screams, waking his little brother with a jolt.
Confusion and shame is written on his twin´s face and the big brother in him wants to grab Murphy by the shoulders and demand him to explain what's wrong. So he can help him. But he knows his little brother, Murphy´s not ready to talk yet, he´s way to angry. Murph is still upset for the pocket thing, and even though he still finds it hilarious he´s dying to find out what his brother is hiding.
"What is the matter with you?" He asks again, seeing his brother's permanent scowl return. "Just tell me what´s wrong."
"Nothing!" Murphy mumbles darkly. "I'm going to take a shower."
"Again?" He asks and raises an eyebrow. "It´s like the third time today, Murphy, it must be that age."
"What?" His little brother sneers, clearly feeling uncomfortable.
"It must be a really special girl." He taunts and winks at Murphy who turns red from embarrassment, causing him to laugh out loud.
"Screw you, Connor." Murphy snaps, failing to hide the smile on his lips when he storms out of the room.
"Have fun!" He screams after him and chuckles. "They grow up so fast."
He turns his attention to the soap opera, wishing that they had cable. Well, at least he has pudding. Actually he is not surprised that Murphy´s always showering nowadays, his little brother attracts dirt like a magnet. But he still has this weird feeling in his gut that he can´t seem to shake. Over the television set there is this big family portrait, and even though he hates to admit it, Murphy looks like the outsider instead of Colin. His little brother is so pale, he almost looks ill; the dark hair is standing in every direction, hiding his ice blue eyes and the scrawny body looks even thinner next to him. It is hard to believe that they are twins if you just look at them, he is aware of this. His own hair is light brown, almost blonde, and he is suntanned from being outside every day. Murphy is always outside but for some reason he stays sickly pale, to his little brother´s great frustration. But if you really look there is no doubt in anyone's mind that they are in fact twins. They have the same piercing blue eyes that will take your breath away. Ma looks so happy in the photo and he wonders if she ever looked so joyful when she was married to their da. Sometimes he wonders if their da was a good man, who just made a mistake. He knows ma wants Colin to be their da now but the average looking man will never be a father to him, Colin will always only be a decent man who takes care of ma. With black circles under his eyes Murphy walks in, looking more dead than alive and collapses on the couch. The dark hair is wet, the chest bare and the sweatpants his twin is wearing is way too big.
"You are getting skinny, brother." He comments without taking his eyes of the TV.
Murph´s slightly awkward body is worryingly thin, the ribs are sticking out and he can actually see how empty the stomach really is.
"You are getting fat." Retorts Murphy angrily.
"I´m not getting fat, I´m just big boned and a little fluffy!" He says pretending to be hurt and defensive. He wipes away a nonexistent tear and smiles. "When are you going to tell me what's in your pocket?"
Murphy doesn´t answer just looks at him with a dark, cold expression and sneers.
"Come on, don´t be like that Murphy. Don´t be such a baby!" He says knowing exactly how to push his twin´s buttons. "Don´t be a fucking coward! Tell me!"
"I am not a fucking coward!" Murphy roars looking utterly pissed off.
"So, you are just a baby than?" He says mockingly as he prepares for the first punch.
Murphy jumps off the couch, drags him down to the floor and starts swinging. His brother´s fist connects with his jaw and in the corner of his eye he can see Murphy´s face twisted in anger and something he can´t read. Sadness? He lets Murphy hit him one last time before he decides he has had enough. When Murphy is about to strike him again, he grabs his brother´s wrist and pulls him to the side, making Murphy lose his balance. He takes advantage of this and climbs on top a struggling Murphy who is not ready to give up yet. Their fights always ends in the same way; him on top of a fighting Murphy, claiming victory. This fight is not any different. He fights with his head meanwhile Murphy fights with his heart. He sits on top of his younger brother holding his wrists against the floor to make sure Murph´s not trying to sucker punch him, which has happened before on many different occasions. The anger in Murphy´s eyes is gone and it´s now replaced with a boyish and innocent smile. Sometimes he wonders if his brother is aware of his own smile and it´s power, the smile always mange to get him all warm inside. They both start laughing and for the first time in many days it feels like he got his baby brother back.
"You are a dick." Murphy grins, still trying to get up.
"That is not a very nice thing to say to your brother." He says warningly and raises an eyebrow. "I think I need to teach you some manners, Murph."
"Oh no, Connor!"
With a devils grin on his lips he stars tickling his defenseless little brother who starts giggling and laughing like a little kid. Murphy twists and turns, trying to get away from his torture but it´s no use.
"Please, Con! Please!" Murphy begs as he laughs heartily with tears rolling down his red cheeks. "Connor, please!"
"Say it!" He laughs and continue to tickle Murphy who can´t stop giggling. "You have to say it!"
"Never!" Murphy laughs and shakes his head like a maniac.
"Tell me what´s in your pocket!"
Murphy shakes his head again, trying to keep a straight face but he only manage to do so for a second before he bursts out laughing.
"Okay! I give up!" Murphy shouts, not able to take it any longer. "I´ll tell you, for fuck sakes, Connor!"
"Well?!" He says triumphantly and stops the torture.
"A condom..." Murphy says flickering with his eyes. "Happy?"
"Who are you shagging?" He asks surprised, thinking he would have notice Murphy not being by his side like he always is, well, almost always.
"No one." Murphy answers quickly.
"Then why do you have a condom in your pocket? You do know what a condom is, right?"
"Of course I know!"
"It is not a balloon."
"Very funny, Con." Murphy snorts and rolls his eyes. "I found it on the street so I picked it up to see what it was and, I don´t know, I put it in my pocket."
"You picked up a condom from the street?" He jokes in disgust. "Could you be anymore white trash?"
"It´s not used or anything, fuckface, it´s still unopened."
"If ma would´ve found the condom in your pocket…" He says, almost not daring to think of ma´s reaction.
"I would be dead right now! Dead… Rotten and forgotten." Murphy finishes and shrugs. "So thank you for almost getting me caught!"
"How would I have known you were a little pervert sneaking around with condoms in your pants and stuff?!" He says grinningly and starts tickle his younger brother again.
Murphy's laugh fills the whole house, making the darkness and the shadows disappear. For the moment…
X
For once his younger brother sleeps without tossing and turning every other second, and the only sound that's escaping Murphy´s mouth is a soft snoring. Murphy almost looks peaceful. It had been a fun night; between the wrestling matches they watched a movie that was so bad it became good. They stuffed their faces with candy, pudding and chips, a decision they regretted at once when the feeling of nausea came. He closes his eyes and smiles, tonight had been a great night. Suddenly Murphy lets out tortured scream, a scream filled with horror and agony that causes his heart to break, turning his blood to ice. He jumps out of bed and runs to his little brother who is screaming and trembling. It almost looks like Murphy is fighting someone, and losing. He looks at his baby brother and for the first time, he is truly afraid.
"Murphy wake up, baby brother, it´s me." He says, pretending that he´s calm and strong, for Murphy´s sake. "It´s only a dream, only a dream, it can´t hurt you. I am here, sweet Murph, you don´t have to be afraid. I wouldn´t let anything harm you."
He puts his hand on Murphy´s bare chest and his little brother throws himself back against the wall, fully awake. The blue eyes are filled with tears and fear.
"Don´t be afraid, Murph, it´s only me, Connor." He says, struggling to stay calm. "It was only a dream, it can´t harm you. You´re here with me Murphy, I´ll protect you, from everything. I promise."
"C-c-connor." Murphy stutters and casts himself in his brother's open arms, crying.
"I´m here baby brother, I´m here."
"H-help m-m-me…p-please."