'Neechan
Chapter Four: Itokochan and 'Neechan
by the Rurouni Idoru
Rurouni's Note: Kireihana meets Kurama's cousin. Sparks fly. And glasses. Itoko, incidentally means "cousin." I looked it up.
Disclaimer: I dun own nothin'. 'Cept Kireihana. And Michiru. And stuff.
Kireihana never got along well with my cousins. They were my only family she ever met, and she saw Michiru the most often. Her very nature clashed with Michiru's. Kireihana (for the most part) was kind, moral, and oddly astute. She was so kindhearted that she would talk us out of any corner, even knowing that was I was doing went against everything she stood for. She wasn't about to let her see her pupil get hunted down before his lessons were done. But Michiru, she could care less. A few years after Kireihana, I partnered up with her. She was radically different from Kireihana. She was spoiled, arrogant, corrupt, and about as blinded by men as I was by women. That may well be hereditary, actually. While Kireihana could keep her head in stressful situations (whether it was helping me escape the police or dealing with drunken men hitting on her), Michiru was fairly frantic, and lost all ability to compute reality when problems arose. Of course, being the ignorant Youko that I was, I didn't notice how fundamentally different they were until it was too late.
They first met in a bar. Kireihana and I were there because the bars had cheaper food than the restaraunts, and cheaper was better as long as Kireihana was footing the bill, which she was at that time. It just so happened that Michiru was there, and juggling three different men who were unaware of it. As she sat giggling in one poor youkai's lap, I spotted her. I called to her while Kireihana ordered our dinner.
"Michiru-chan! Who would have thought I'd see you here?" She turned her head to look at me, confused, and it dawned on her.
"Kurama! What're you doing here?" She hopped out of her current interest's lap and right up to me.
"Eating!" Michiru giggled, and Kireihana turned from the bar and raised an eyebrow.
"I mean what brings you to this neck of the woods, itokochan?" She only called me that when she hadn't seen me for a while, and thus had forgotten anything I had done to make her angry, or when she wanted something out of me. I had been gone from the den for several years by this point, so I figured it was the former. Kireihana stepped quietly up to me, peering at me annoyedly.
"Oh no, don't introduce me or nothin'. I'm only your partner, who's buying you dinner and teaching you how to not suck..." I rolled my eyes at Kireihana's sarcastic comment.
"Kireihana, this is my cousin, Michiru. Michiru, this is my partner and good friend Kireihana." The two shook hands. Kireihana smiled good-naturedly, while Michiru seemed to not care at all about my partner and good friend. That changed. Boy, did that change. Michiru walked up to the man whose lap she had been in, and whispered something in his ear. Then, she bounced her way to another part of the bar, where she began flirting with another man. Kireihana raised an eyebrow.
"Is your cousin actually?"
"Oh yeah, she's worse than me. When I'm trying to charm multiple girls at once they're either not in the same room or fighting over me." I nodded as I spoke. Kireihana paused a moment, dumbfounded. She held up an index finger for a moment, put it back down, and finally found her words.
"So you have scruples and she doesn't." Again, I nodded.
"When it comes to dating, yes." Kireihana then did something very unwise. She approached Michiru in "seeking mate mode." For a moment, I was afraid she would tweak Michiru's ears like she did to interrupt me when I was flirting. That would be a bad idea, because Michiru didn't know her like I did, and did not realize the kind of control she could have by dangling shiny expensive gifts over her head. I think that might be why she let me get away with all the hitting on women that I did: I wouldn't give her birthday presents if she was a hateful wench. Her fingers hovered over Michiru's ears for a moment, enhancing my fear, but as it turns out, she was doing the "unsure gestures" she tended to do when she couldn't think of what to say. She put her hands down and began to speak, bumbling along the words as she went.
"Er, Michiru-san..." Her eyes rapidly moved around. "Uh, I don't mean to pry, but..." Michiru wouldn't let her finish the poorly-thought out protest.
"Oh! Right. Tatsumi, this is my cousin's friend, Kirihama." Kireihana narrowed her eyes, unamused at the lack of care Michiru had about her name.
"Kireihana."
"Whatever." Kiriehana's frown deepened. Tatsumi said hello to her, and she narrowly glared at me. She stalked over to me, and quietly, fiercely told me one thing.
"I don't like your cousin."
"That's not my fault, stop looking at me like that!"
"Make her stop being like you only worse."
"That's like telling me to stop being Kurama."
"So stop being Kurama and make your cousin stop being a horrible horrible woman."
"No can do."
"Yes can do!" She pounded her fists into my chest. "At least tell her my name again, she'll listen to you!"
"I don't meddle in the affairs of women who are angry and violent."
"You suck so much, Kurama!" It was then we noticed Michiru slink off to speak to her third suitor. "Three now?"
"In the same room? She's daring tonight. Two is risky, but three...OOF!" Kireihana kicked me hard in the shin.
"Do something about that hussy cousin of yours!"
"I told you, if there are angry women involved, I'm staying away." She glared at me and tightened her mouth.
"I want to hurt you so badly right now." she said through clenched teeth. She then seized a lock of my hair and pulled hard, fufilling the wish she had just told me. I shouted in pain, and prepared to berate her. Of course, I couldn't do that, because she had left to go try to destroy Michiru again.
"Michiru-san, you haven't introduced me to...Tatsumi, did you say his name was?" Michiru seemed stunned, and quickly thought of an excuse. Of course, her excuse would have been much more beleiveable if she were Kireihana. Kireihana could charm her way out of anything with her half-baked excuses and cool head.
"No, no, Kirihana, Tatsumi was my friend from my childhood. Itokosan can tell you all about him. This is Mamoru."
"It's still Kireihana, Michiru-san. Not Kirihana, not Kirihama, not anything else. Kireihana is my name." Mamoru blinked in confusion as the two ladies talked. The bartender asked Michiru if she was done with her near-empty glass of whatever she was having. She shook her head and looked at Kireihana.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. It was an accident. Your name is a little confusing, after all." Kireihana forced a sweet smile that one could see right through because it looked like it hurt her.
"Okay, I understand." She turned and began walking away from Michiru and Mamoru. She muttered a certain expletive that began with a B. Apparently, she said it louder than she realized. Michiru furrowed her brow and seized her glass from the bar. She jumped off Mamoru's lap and reared her arm back. She then hurled her glass at Kireihana and shouted another certain expletive that began with a W. Kireihana narrowly dodged the glass and it shattered against the wall.
"I think you're a little confused on that matter, honey." Kireihana whipped around, her long hair twirling gracefully with her. By now, everyone in the bar was staring. "I'm not the floozy who's trying to get lucky with three men at the same bar!" The three men she was trying to ensnare began to protest this, asking who the other men were. Needless to say, they quickly found their answers and sat back down, humiliated. Michiru gasped in shock.
"I...how dare...wh-..." She turned her head to face me. "Itokochan!" This time, she wanted something. And I was not giving in.
"Leave me out of this!" I threw up my hands, claiming neutrality. "I'm not choosing sides, the other one of you'll kill me!"
"Y'hear that, ya dumb floozy? It's just you against you cousin's trainer. I think you're gonna wanna run away." Michiru took a step toward Kireihana.
"I'm not running from you, harpy. Youko Michiru doesn't run from shrews like you." Kireihana crossed her arms confidently.
"Maybe that's because you don't know how to. All you seem to be able to do with your legs is spread them. Which may explain the overpowering stench in here." Michiru slapped her for this remark. Suddenly channeling my brother, I muttered what he would say whenever Michiru acted up at home.
"Oh my Inari." Kireihana would not take a slap in the face lightly, and served Michiru an uppercut to the jaw.
"Harlot!" She felt Michiru's right hook once the word left her mouth.
"Hag!" Kireihana kicked her in the stomach.
"Tart!" Michiru got up and backhanded Kireihana, knocking her to the ground.
"Last resort!" Kireihana, never to be defeated by a mere backhand and insult to her appearance, sweep-kicked Michiru, bringing her down as well. To punctuate the blow, she shouted something else at Michiru.
"Streetwalker!" Apparently, being called a flat-out prostitute was it for Michiru, and she pounced on Kireihana. Thus, it became an all-out, hair-pulling, face-scratching, high-screaming catfight. Many of the men at the bar began placing bets. Most just enjoyed it for what it was. I, however, sat at an empty table, eating my chicken dinner in shame.
For the rest of their lives, Michiru and Kireihana called each other by those certain W and B expletives respectively. If I couldn't keep them apart, they usually ended up at least having a verbal war. I tried to never let Kireihana and Michiru come into contact. I often told Kireihana that I wanted her to get along with my family. She usually replied that she wouldn't be friends with a jezebel like my cousin. Or some variation on the word jezebel. I suppose, though, that if Kireihana had grown up with us in the den, that she would fit right in, dysfunctional as the rest. Maybe she and Michiru would have milder arguments instead of total brawls. One thing is for sure, though: There would have been far too much estrogen and adrenaline floating around that den for me.