Chapter 4: The Weight of Water

A/N: Yes, Toby's Estate is a real coffee shop in Brooklyn. Also, this chapter was heavily inspired by the song "Iodine & Iron" by The Veils. There are two versions out there, an album version and an acoustic version, and they are both spectacular.

Everything had been going according to plan for the next few weeks. Sarah avoided the area where Apothecary King was and even found a new coffee shop to frequent. Jack was working more hours than usual, but Sarah brushed it aside. Her work kept her busy, and that was what she needed for the time being. It was easy not to focus on how much time she wasn't spending with Jack considering that she searched for anything to keep her mind from thinking about him.

It wasn't only Jareth King that clouded her thoughts, but it was also the stranger she met on the subway. She filed away the name Sarah Williams and Haverstraw for a rainy day, but she was to busy to really devote any time to satiate her curiosity. At least, at first she was.

Her curiosity always got the better of her, and one day while waiting for Jack to come home from work she decided to see what information the internet could provide. Searching for "Sarah Williams" and "Haverstraw" she hit the enter button and didn't expect much given she died 30 years earlier.

Instead, she found an old news article entitled "Local Girl's Death Still a Mystery" that was archived online. Clicking on it, the first thing she noticed was a photo of who she assumed was Sarah Williams' parents. They looked distraught, but that was expected given the situation.

The article focused on the "mysterious" autopsy report that determined Sarah's death to be natural causes. Her family didn't buy the findings and were frustrated by police officials brushing aside their grief and worries that foul play may have been involved. There were no signs of assault. No signs of any sort of accident. Her body was found next to the pond in a local park.

After a toxicology report was done, the coroner, Julius Rikards, settled for a natural causes and mentioned that grief makes people capable of thinking the worst possible things. Sure, Rikards felt sympathy towards the Williams family, but he was quoted as saying that he "had to go where the science took him."

Sarah looked at the photo of the location where her body was found and couldn't take her eyes away from the lone swan in the water. The photo was old and grainy, but it felt so familiar to her. Had she been there before? No, she grew up in Albany. Haverstraw was an unfamiliar town to her before the woman on the subway even mentioned it. Farther in the background she could have swore she saw an owl, but squinted her eyes shut and attributed it to an overactive imagination.

"A picture. I need to see a picture." Sarah said to herself.

After a few more minutes of searching, she found the original obituary for Sarah Williams. Sarah's eyes welled up when she saw the photo. It appeared to be from a yearbook, but Sarah understood why the woman on the subway thought they were one in the same. This could have been her. It almost felt like it was her.

Sarah didn't realize that she was crying until she felt a few tears hit her hand. There was a heaviness pressing in on her chest, and she could hear every single beat of her heart. Slamming the laptop closed, Sarah wanted to get out of the apartment, but she knew exactly where she would go and that would do her no good. He would think she was crazy. Wait. Why was she concerned about what he would think?

Staring at the fridge, Sarah was determined to find any sort of way to erase what she just saw out of her mind. Deciding she would prepare a meal for both her and Jack, Sarah walked towards the fridge, determined to direct her attention towards something culinary even though she wasn't hungry at all. The thought of food made her sick.

After baking a chicken and giving the fridge a thorough cleaning, Sarah sat in the living room. No lights were on. She had a song on repeat blaring out in the Bose speakers she invested in some time ago. Sarah didn't even know who sang the song, but when she first heard it at the Starbucks she used to frequent, she asked for the song title and downloaded it that day.

She didn't know why she welcomed the darkness. It seemed that everywhere she looked, she saw Sarah Williams. She only read the obituary once, but somehow she managed to memorize it.

Sarah Williams loved reading. Sarah Williams had an overactive imagination. Sarah Williams didn't have a lot of friends. Sarah Williams had a little brother. Sarah wasn't the popular girl in school, but she wasn't a total outcast either. She just blended in with the crowd.

What books did Sarah Williams like? What kind of music made her happy? Did she get along with her family? Was she an honors student? There were so many questions that she would never truly know the answer to, but she somehow felt a connection. Sarah Williams could have been her in another life, but wasn't her life indeed another one?

Looking out the window, she didn't feel an ounce of guilt at wondering what Jareth King was doing. Was he with Penelope? No. More than likely she was working with Jack.

Maybe she was lonely? Yes, that had to be it. All of this Jack-possibly-becoming-partner business was screwing with her. Still, he hadn't even been offered the position. What if he was offered it? A part of Sarah didn't even care anymore and that was so unlike her.

But something was changing. She could feel it as she walked towards their bedroom. The song was starting again, and she didn't care if it had been on repeat for the last hour or so.

The song would sing her to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she could see herself dancing with Jareth King.

Ain't it useless to fight

Or to pretend

That it'll all come out right in the end

So you wait for me

I who've only time

Yeah, you wait for me

Care to ease my mind

Iodine and iron?

Sarah smiled as she imagined them moving together in a steady unison.

And I'm thinking of you

When times are hard

I feel as mad as the moon

And twice as scarred

Still you wait for me

And you fill my heart

Yeah, you wait for me

And you light the dark

Iodine and iron

In her dream, he gently guided her head to his shoulder, gently tightening his grip on her form. She hated dancing, but this was different. This was magic. There were other forms dancing, but the two paid no mind to all that was happening around them. Yes, this was magic.

So don't plead to me now

To be only mine

Love, you're stripping me down

Like turpentine

Still you wait for me

Then you leave no trace

Yeah, you wait for me

Soon I'll be erased

With iodine and iron

Iodine and iron

Iodine and iron

"Jar…" Sarah mumbled as she felt an arm wrap around her torso.

"Shhh. I didn't mean to wake you." Jack drowsily whispered, snuggling into her.

Sarah briefly looked at her alarm clock before mumbling.

"It's past midnight."

"I know. Penelope was still at the office when I left. Did you know that song was on repeat? It was on when I walked in."

Choosing to ignore his question, Sarah mumbled into her pillow, "Please tell me you're going to go in late."

She only heard a fatigued grunt, but she knew that he would be up at his usual time in a matter of hours.

Sarah wished to be more understanding, but doubt was starting to creep in. If Jack made partner, would this be a regular thing? She was accepting of such a thing if it happened once in a while, and she felt bad for not supporting him in such task. He was a hard worker and deserved to be recognized for his achievements, but there was always a cost. Why did there always have to be a cost?

The following Sunday, Sarah was getting in some required reading at Toby's Estate in Brooklyn. She needed to get out of the apartment for the sake of her own sanity. Sarah insisted that Jack have a guy's day with some of his buds. Sarah wanted to spend the time with him, but she felt a bit guilty for being selfish. Jack hadn't seen his friends in weeks, and if shooting some hoops would help relieve some of the stress from his job, then who was she to deny him that?

Sarah had already read through four of the seven chapters of a new manuscript that was placed in her box Friday afternoon. Marking a few notes on the side, she didn't notice the customers that flowed in and out of the shop. Then, as if a voice whispered it to her in her mind, she looked up and saw Jareth King walk into the shop.

Quickly looking down at her work, she whispered to herself, "Don't see me. Don't see me. Don't see me."

"Sarah."

She would know that voice anywhere. Looking up, she saw him and swore that she had never seen such a beautiful man before in her life. Sure, Jack was handsome in that typical, conventional way. But Jareth's unusualness made him stand out. What others would label as strange, she thought stunning.

"Hello." She said, realizing that she only wanted him to share in her company.

"May I join you after I place my order?"

Sarah knew she should tell him that she was busy, but every instinct in her body spoke otherwise.

"Sure." Sarah said, smiling at him.

Minutes later Jareth sat across from Sarah and she put away her pen.

"Blue ink." Jareth said.

"Well, aquamarine if we're going to get technical." Sarah responded, feeling like a teenager all over again.

"Is that manuscript any good?"

"It's different, but it's not really my job to ultimately determine if it's good. I just have to make sure the writer doesn't mix up the colons and semicolons."

"I think that would get boring after a while." Jareth said before sipping his espresso.

"It's tedious when you don't enjoy the writing." Sarah said.

"I take it Jack is busy at work."

"Well, I'm spending more time with fictional characters than I am my boyfriend. It's not an ideal situation, but needs must. Today, however, hopefully he's releasing the stress on a basketball court."

"You live with him, right?" Jareth asked.

"Yes. We're going on about 14 months of cohabitation."

"Are you happier living with him?"

Sarah wasn't too comfortable with the question, but she knew she couldn't lie.

"Well, I suppose our relationship hasn't really changed since we started living together. There was always this flow to it. It never required much thinking and that's one of the things I love about him. We don't have everything in common, but I think I'd get bored quickly if that was the case. What about Penelope? Are you happy living with her?"

"Oh, I don't live with her."

"I'm sorry. I just assumed."

"No. We're both too independent for our own good sometimes. It's a quality I always love in women, but the downfall is also in that sense of detachment. I knew when I first met Penelope that her career came first, and I admire that about her. I never wanted to settle down with someone who was so quick to give up her life and passions to play house with a man."

"Wow, you must have been burned pretty bad in the past." Sarah said.

"I wouldn't say burned. I've always found it easy to detach myself. Penelope is my third serious relationship, but…" Jareth paused, not knowing how to say what he obviously wanted to say.

"But what?" Sarah asked, feeling as if she was about to learn some deep dark secret of his.

"I know she's not the one - just as I have for all the others."

"So you're just biding your time? Wow, you really are detached."

"Maybe I am." Jareth solemnly replied.

"Do you love her?" Sarah asked, not questioning her own manners.

It took Jareth a few seconds to formulate an answer.

"I do, but if she had to sacrifice me for her career, then I can't say I'd be torn up about it."

Sarah turned her head in disbelief.

"That's really sad."

"Yeah, well, I know that we're not going to settle down with one another. I do love her, but it's strange. It doesn't feel the way we're taught love is supposed to feel. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are still some gaps.I don't think I'm meant to walk through this world with her."

"Have you told her this?" Sarah sadly asked.

"I think she knows even if she can't acknowledge it herself. Her career is the love of her life. At least right now it is, and I'm not cruel enough to ask her to give that up."

"If you know that she's not the one, then why stay in the relationship?"

"I think it's a matter of now understanding that something was missing."

Sarah eyed the coffee cup in front of her, wondering what exactly he meant by those words.

"You don't think Jack would throw aside your relationship for a chance to climb the corporate ladder?"

"No. No, I don't." Sarah said confidently.

"Well then I wish nothing but amazing things for you two." Jareth said earnestly.

Sarah never questioned her relationship with Jack. It was a sturdy force in her life, but a slight sense of panic seeped its way into her heart at the thought of what Jareth proposed.

"So, I've never seen you here and this is one of my favorite coffee shops. Since when has it become yours?" Jareth asked.

"I just discovered it."

"While trying to avoid me?" Jareth asked jokingly even though Sarah knew he was being serious.

Sarah didn't respond, but anyone around her could tell that she was trying to think of some sort of response. He had been nothing but honest with her, but Sarah felt like she couldn't be so straightforward about her own feelings. There was so much at stake, and while she understood Jareth's detachment, Sarah refused to become so jaded. She was happy with Jack Hughes.

"I wasn't trying to avoid you."

"Oh, you're fibbing. Jack doesn't seem like the insecure type who wants his woman to only have one male friend in her life — him."

"Is that what we are? Friends?"

"I'd very much like to be your friend, but it's a two way street. We can't truly be friends if you're going out of your way to avoid me."

"I'm not going out of my way." Sarah said, looking anywhere but at the man sitting across from her.

"There you go fibbing again! It's fine if you don't want to tell me. It only adds to the overall mystery. So here is what I'm proposing, Sarah. I'm going to get up and go about my day which will include a trip to my favorite book shop, BookCourt, followed by a lovely brunch at Cheryl's Global Soul because the french toast over there is worth all of the exercise one may have to do to work it off. If you just so happen to be in the area for one or both of those potential adventures, I'd appreciate your company. If not, I bid you a good day."

And with that, Jareth got up grabbed his coffee.

"I'll see you around Sarah." Jareth said before exiting the business.

Sarah had to applaud the audacity of Jareth King. Watching him exit, cool and confident, without a hint of arrogance, she shook her head. Going back to her manuscript, Sarah tried to get back on track with her work.

Thirty minutes of reading, but she couldn't remember a word she read.

Sighing in frustration, Sarah gently slammed her pen down on the table. In her head she kept telling herself that she wasn't going to hail a cab to BookCourt, but as she packed up her bag, she knew exactly where her feet were going to direct her.

Twenty-three minutes later Sarah walked into BookCourt. She had been there before a few times, but not often enough. Scanning the store, she looked for Jareth King, but didn't see him anywhere. She scolded herself for her predictability, but she knew that there was a chance he moved on to his brunch. Feeling a bit like an idiot for being so impulsive, Sarah decided to walk around the store.

She didn't know how she ended up in the spirituality section, nor did she realize she was reaching for a particular book: The Return: Examining Reincarnation. Reading the back of the book, Sarah wasn't normally drawn to this particular section of any bookstore.

Sarah must have been engrossed because she slightly jumped when she heard, "Who do you think you were in a past life?" whispered in her left ear.

"Oh, I don't believe in this stuff."

"Then why are you so intrigued with that book?"

"I don't know. I just picked it up on a whim."

Sarah noticed his smile and immediately knew that it was one of pure joy knowing that she would do exactly what he thought she would.

"So, it's obvious you believe in this reincarnation mumbo jumbo." Sarah said, placing the book back where she found it.

The two walked around the store, not focusing on any section in particular.

"I wouldn't say I believe in it 100%, but who doesn't love the idea of coming back. A soul, not completing its journey, gets a chance to try and fix things in another life. It's beautiful if you think about it." Jareth said.

"Well, who do you think you were in a past life?" Sarah asked, in a not so serious manner.

"Obviously I was a king given my last name." Jareth responded, trying not to walk too close to Sarah.

"It's that simple!" Sarah responded, trying not to think of Sarah Williams.

"Not really. There's more to it than that."

"Well explain it to me. I'm not educated on this topic like you appear to be."

"A lot of people think that it involves only past lovers, but it could also be friendships. I don't really know much to be honest, but sometimes I wonder."

"What? You think you've lived a past life?" Sarah jokingly asked.

"I don't know. I sometimes have these dreams where I rule a kingdom, but it's strange, because not everyone is human if that makes sense. If it was a one time dream, then I wouldn't put much stock into it, but have you ever dreamed the same dream multiple times?"

Sarah didn't know how to respond to his question.

"It's stupid, I know. I also dream of dancing. There's this huge ballroom, and I'm dancing with someone. Strangely, I can't really make out her face, but I somehow know that she's the person I'm meant to be with. There's a comfort there that I never notice or feel in other dreams, but it strangely feels like she's…"

"Home." Sarah softly said, not realizing that she stopped walking.

"Yeah, something like that." Jareth said, staring at Sarah.

The intensity of the situation was almost too much, and Sarah was so thankful when she saw a book currently on a best sellers list.

"See that book?" Sarah asked, pointing to a plain cover.

"Yes." Jareth said, focusing his vision on the book.

"I edited that book. Want to know a secret?" Sarah asked, smiling at Jareth.

"Sure." Jareth responded, his face brightening up.

"The author always got the three versions of 'there' mixed up. Plus, he loves writing in second person as if that will make him some kind of literary revolutionary." Sarah said, thankful for the change of subject in their conversation.

"What's so bad about second person?"

"It's typically frowned upon in writing. I've read wonderful examples of it in the past, but this particular author needs to just avoid it."

"And learn the difference between 'there,' 'their,' and 'they're'."

The two shared a laugh before moving on. Sarah ended up purchasing the book on reincarnation. She told herself it was purely for curiosity, but both she and Jareth King knew better.

Later as she dug into the French toast that Jareth King recommended, Sarah listened to Jareth talk about the detailed process that went into making custom perfume oils. It wasn't as simple as throwing together a bunch of ingredients. Sarah learned that there was a mathematical formula for creating such things, even the color of the bottle was important in order to preserve the quality of the ingredients.

"Have you created a formula for anyone in particular?" Sarah asked.

"Of course. The Park Avenue women like knowing that something is uniquely theirs. I tried to create an oil for Penelope. Well, I did, but she had some sort of allergic reaction to it. There was a hideous rash. She had to were turtlenecks for a few days, in mid-July I might add! I just decided to leave well enough alone. I have been rather inspired lately though."

"Really?" Sarah asked.

"I'm trying to pin you down, scent wise."

Sarah was surprised, but she didn't say anything.

"Please don't tell me it involves sandalwood and musk." Sarah said, unintentionally rolling her eyes.

"No, not at all!" Jareth said laughing. His face soon took on a serious look. "Whenever I first met you, I immediately thought of green grass and fresh water."

Sarah dropped her fork. She was thankful she didn't have food in her mouth because she was sure that she would have choked on it. Looking up at him, he wasn't even looking at her. There was that daze again, as if he was in another world.

"The sky was gloomy, but… that's how I would describe you. I also think of peaches, but that could be because I love that fruit."

She suddenly lost her appetite. Looking down at her plate, Sarah didn't realize she was zoned out until she felt a hand on top of hers. Looking at Jareth's hand on top of hers, she could tell that he was asking her if she was fine, but she couldn't answer him.

"I'm… I'm fine." Sarah said, knowing Jareth didn't believe her.

That evening Sarah was preparing a stir fry when she heard the door to the apartment open.

"How was it?" Sarah asked, seeing Jack walk into the kitchen.

"It was so needed! I didn't realize how much I needed a day to just hang out with the guys until it actually happened." Jack said before picking a carrot out of the wok. "Thanks again for insisting that I go." Jack said before kissing Sarah.

"It should be ready in about five minutes. Want to prepare a salad?"

"Sure." Jack said as he grabbed the ingredients out of the fridge.

As Jack pulled apart the lettuce, he asked, "So, what did you do today?"

"I grabbed a coffee and did some reading of that new manuscript." Sarah didn't feel the need to cover up that she spent most of her day with Jareth King, but she didn't know how to approach the topic.

"I ended up running into Jareth King today. We grabbed brunch."

"Oh really?" Jack asked, not a hint of annoyance in his voice. "He must be a bit frustrated with Penelope's work load."

"Strangely enough, he wasn't. I sensed there was a bit of tension between the two of them, but it's really none of my business." Sarah said.

"Yeah, well, I don't think they're going to be together much longer." Jack said, now focusing the knife on a few tomatoes.

"What makes you say that?" Sarah asked.

"Well, you go into Penelope's office, and there are no pictures of them. She doesn't really talk about him in the office, but she's big on keeping her personal and professional life separate. It wouldn't surprise me if hey break up after the yearly social."

"Oh gosh, the firm is doing that again?" Sarah asked, annoyance in her voice.

"Oh come on, who doesn't love dressing up and networking with a bunch of lawyers?" Jack jokingly asked, bumping his hip into Sarah's.

"Yeah, there's nothing I love more than schmoozing with drunk lawyers and their wives who are wearing jewelry that costs more than our rent. Not to mention, one can practically smell the Botox."

The two served themselves before sitting at the dinner table. Jack brushed aside Sarah's manuscript and was a bit interested in the reincarnation book.

"Really? Reincarnation?" Jack asked.

"Oh, that's just an impulse purchase. It's for research really." Technically, she wasn't lying to him.

"What are you researching?"

Sarah knew it would be foolish to tell him about Sarah Williams, so she brushed it towards the manuscript involving a reincarnation plot line. It was a little lie, sure, but she knew he wouldn't be interested in reading it.

"Am I really going to have to go to that social?"

"If I must suffer, then so shall you!" Jack joking said before popping a carrot in his mouth.

"Then I'll make sure to get the flu that week." Sarah said before sticking her tongue out towards Jack.

That night as the two lay in bed, Sarah began reading the book she purchased earlier that day. Jack had drifted off to sleep earlier, but her mind raced as if she drank three cups of coffee before heading to bed.

The first few chapters were boring, but the testimonials were what truly caught her interest.

Jackson was a twelve year old boy from New Orleans who believed himself to be the reincarnation of a pilot who died on the shores of Normandy during World War II.

Sophie was a forty-five year old from Montana who claimed to have been married to a high ranking general during the Civil War. She claimed to have never visited the home she swore she knew like the back of her hand. When the author took her to the location where she claimed she once lived, Sophie described exactly how the house looked in 1864. Sarah brushed it off to a woman doing her homework, but there were small details that only certain descendants of the general's family knew that Sophie hit head on.

Sarah expected that the book would make her realize how foolish the whole idea of it was, but now every time she looked in the mirror, she saw the face of Sarah Williams. Rather than feel relieved, she felt like something was happening. Should she pursue it? No, but Sarah Davies was too curious for her own good.