Chapter 4 - The Aftermath

A/N... Well I know I have been quite a bitch and haven't written anything.. I don't even know if you actually liked what I wrote but here is yet another chapter...

Hawke was taking a hot bath... thinking about what happened. She has completely recovered… yet she feels those holes inside her chest… always present there and bugging her. "Maker… what am I supposed to believe now?" She got herself under the water in the hope that the lack of oxygen will bring some kind of peace… Surrounded by her own black hair waving around she stayed there staring at the beautiful dance unraveling in front of her eyes. She opened her mouth to let out several bubbles of air in the scene. With a small push she was out of the water. She was still out of breath and her mouth was not empty… Fenris took the place of the water. Their lips got together… her hair sticking on his face as they moved.

"Fenris?"

The elf was undressing to come next to her in the tub. "I thought you wouldn't mind the company."

"Maybe you thought wrong."

"Did I?"

"In one of this days I am sure you will." She pressed her body on his, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Yet that day is not upon us."

Fenris pressed his nose on to hers and wrapped his own arms around her waist. "I am glad." Hawke left her head down to look at his bruise still visible on his abdomen… but the elf pushed her chin up. "I don't believe it will go away… but I don't want you to blame yourself."

"Fenris…" She released his neck sliding her arms on his scar. "I turned into an abomination and almost killed everyone… "

"To save me… I could never ask for anything more." His lips on her forehead were so soft and warm… they had the power to calm the girl down every single time… "Let's talk about something better… Something more positive... I am sick of all of this... how was talking with Carver yesterday?"

"My brother being kidnapped by a group of mages I saved is not really a happy topic… but it was nice to see Carver again… even if he was still the same little brother that thinks he's in my shadow… On the way back he told me about the Wardens… that he's happy he can do something more… It was good…" A smile of contempt curled on the girl's face.

"I am happy then… What do we have planned for today?" Fenris grabbed the soap and started washing Aisa's hair. Softly caressing her scalp.

" I got a letter from Orsino… we have to go and meet him at the Gallows."

"I don't know why you still press to help the mages…"

"Fenris… I am a mage I can't simply betray my kind…"

"They are not your kind Hawke… You are a woman that saved many lives not seeking anything in return… loved by many and respected by even more… you are the Champion of Kirkwall… and you are…" Fenris trailed off not wanting to continue his sentence… As much as she wanted to know she didn't press him.

"Maybe you are right… but still… I continue to stay neutral… not helping any of the sides… that is what I believe is best at the moment."

"There will be a day when you'll have to take a side… "

"I know… and I am afraid that day is coming soon."

"Talking about mages… have you heard anything about the abomination? "

"No… he stays as far as he can from me…and pleeeease stop calling him an abomination..." Hawke poked with two raised fingers Fenris's nose making him scowl a bit at her." He saw something he didn't quite enjoy in my mind I guess… you both did if I am not wrong..."

"I enjoyed some parts…"
"Pervert." Fenris laughed at her statement. Hawke hearing him started giggling herself.

"I saw Carver's jig."

"Maker! Is that what were you trying to do the yesterday?"

"No… not really… Toby left a surprise at the entrance… fine…it kind of turned into that…" Fenris was interrupted several times by Hawke which started laughing out loud… "Hawke… I wasn't… could… you let me talk… HAWKE! Fine… I will give you something to laugh about." And Fenris started tickling her. In their movement half of the tub water splashed on the floor.

"No Fenris… stop it… you are killing me!"

"Not yet... Not yet…" When the elf finally stopped Hawke was still laughing a bit, trying to erase the tears that formed on her eyelashes…

"You bad little elf."

"It is your fault that you let me find your weak spots… "

"My fault!" Hawke almost sounded outraged. "It is your damned fault and your talented fingers… bad fingers!"

"My talented fingers huh?"

"No Fenris… NOT AGAIN!"

After like half an hour Fenris had a pair of trousers on and was trying to dry a talking Hawke.

"Because of you now we are getting late… I hope you are happy… no more breakfast for Fenris you hear me… you bad boy!"

"Are you trying to train me with the methods you use on Toby… because I am not letting you slap me… in special the place you always slap the mabari."

"No…" Hawke tried to tiptoe out of the room… only to be grabbed by Fenris and thrown on his shoulder… "Let me go! What if Bodahn is on the hall… or Sandal… or even ORANA!"

Hawke was right, they passed Orana which was already pretty used to seeing the couple in their most awkward moments… yet she never saw an almost naked Fenris rushing for the bedroom with a yelling and naked Hawke kicking him stranded on his shoulder. She just shrugged, red to the tips of her ears and went back to her job.

After she crashed on the bed, Aisa quickly wrapped herself in the bed sheets. "I hope you enjoyed the view at least because I am not glad that more and more people can describe the scar on… my butt."

"I meant to ask… how did you get it... and yes I actually enjoyed the view…" Fenris grabbed a towel and started drying his hair. Hawke traced every drop sliding on his chest quite patiently until they reached his pants… which were a bigger size… so she was glad to see more than she should.

"Carver 's idea to make me walk faster… "

"He pocked you with a sword?"

"It was more of a slash… see this scar on the back… the sword went like this and creased my buttocks as well."

Fenris made a face of pity and then walked over and kissed down the scar. Hawke almost paralyzed… there are months since Fenris moved over but she still gets a bit shy around him. He feels like some totally other person since Danarius died… so much personal and free of constriction... like the man was still clinging his damned chains to her elf when he was alive, now that he's dead those chains burned down… Hawke doesn't really know if she loves this Fenris or despises his guts… She will go with love… in specially in the days Orana makes chocolate pudding… Maker if chocolate ever tasted better.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Chocolate…"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow it is. Now let's prepare and leave… we have to go at the Hanged Man to meet up with Varric and Sebastian…"

"Why is Sebastian at the tavern…?"

"Varric told me he'll be there… more I don't know."

"The Grand Cleric cannot help you."

"Anders… "

"Explain yourself mage."

"I will not stand by and watch you treat all mages like criminals." Hawke can smell something bad… She finally sees Anders after so much time and it is all in this situation.. the way he keeps hitting the ground with his staff tells her something bad is going to happen… Maker… " While those who lead us bow to their templar jailers."

"How dare you?" Another thumb from Anders staff… that small action showed to Hawke so much… what was he planning? If he is ruining Chocolate night she's going to be mad!

"The circle has failed us Orsino… Even you should be able to see that… the time has come to act… there could be no half measures. "The blue glow in Anders skin only showed Hawke she's right… she is going to miss her favorite night.

"Anders… what have you done?"

"There could be no turning back." As the words left the mage's lips a red light pierced the Chantry… which fell in pieces everywhere creating somehow of a fire storm through Kirkwall… Hawke wasn't even listening to Meredith which was blabbering something, she could only think off the deaths happening right in this moment because she was to coward to choose a side. The only thing bringing her back to reality was Orsino begging her to help the mages… this is it… she has to choose a side… Poor Sebastian praying for the deaths was breaking her heart.

"MAKER… All this time you had been planning this monstrosity Anders? I was worried for you… Worried that you hated me… only…"

"If you knew what I was doing you would have felt honor bound to stop me… I couldn't take that chance. The circle is an injustice in many places beyond Kirkwall… the world needs to see"

"Elthina is not the circle… she is a good woman and you MURDERED HER."Yelled Sebastian filled with despair and grief. If stares could kill, Hawke was sure that Anders in this second would had burst into flames… but there was no pity for the mage in her heart there was only rage and disappointment.

"So you acted while I was weak."

"Yes. "

"Let's just turn a blind eye to this fact… what about all those deaths… their blood is on your hands… and mine… because of you."

"No Hawke… you are innocent… "

Meredith once again talked… but in the end Hawke chose to help the mages… even if the chances are small… they are the one in danger… if Aisa can still save someone she will do it. After a short battle with the templars there Orsino asked her to meet at the Gallows… on the way she should decide Anders fate.

"There is nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself… I took a spirit in to my soul… which slowly turned in to a demon because of me… I changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the freedom all mages have awaited."

"Don't give me the same story you give to the others Anders." Hawke looked back at Fenris… the elf could almost read her thoughts in that simple stare… and he was there for her in the aftermath.

Aisa walked in front of the mage now sitting on a box… looking at the stone road tainted with the destruction and blood produced by himself. She brought a hand to his cheek to raise his gaze to hers.

"All this time I was worried… and I missed you Anders."

"Aisa… there was never something between us… nothing to make me include you in my plans. "

"Anders listen to yourself."She brought her other hand and cupped his jaw. "I loved you Anders… how empty this words sound to you I really did… If Justice wasn't in you we might have had a future together… "

"Aisa… you don't mean it.. I see how you look at… I was in your mind... I know what you feel."

"What did you saw in my mind? Fenris? My family? All the people that I love… including you." The last word was barely a whisper... Aisa was begging Anders to understand through that three lettered word.

Anders's eyes widen at the realization. "I… I couldn't…"

"I am sorry Anders… truly I am. I hope you can forgive me."

His eyes were looking almost anywhere but at her. "I hope you'll forgive my blindness. I am ready to die… for what I believe."

Hawke looked at him for a while… just staring at those grieving brown eyes. With shaking fingers she removed one strand of blond hair.
"Get up." Her eyes shone because of the tears threatening to fall. Anders listened to her. "I can't… let you live Anders you understand."

"I do."

"As much as it pains me to kill a comrade… I have to do it." She grabbed her knife in a tight grip testing its weight… trying to get some courage. "Maker… this night was suppose to be a fun one." Yet she couldn't do it... she simply couldn't. The blade simply started shaking in her fingers as her tears started rolling down her cheek. "Get up you stupid buffoon!"

"What?"

"You can't let him live!" Sebastian came up outraged all over his face.

"Yes I can and I will. DON'T INTERFERE!" For a second Sebastian thought he saw Aisa's eyes get a dark shade as she turned to face him. "Please... don't make a big fuss about this... I will... we all will judge Anders fairly after all this mess... if the Maker wants him death he'll die trying to repent... trying to do things right..."

"He killed dozens of people... do you truly believe he wants to repent?"

"I know he does..." Through this whole discussion Anders stayed silently.. like he wasn't even there. " We talked some time ago... If I'd only listen to my instincts back then..."

"You knew about this all along?"

"No... I knew Anders was planning... something... not Anders... Justice... He was planning something I managed to get it out of Anders but the spirit... stopped me. Don't you see Sebastian... how is it? A murder committed under duress is a sin on the one who ordered it, not the one whose hands carried out the deed." The chantry boy recognized his own words. He tried to answer but was interrupted by Hawke. "Or...From everything there is always a greater purpose? We are not here to make our justice... don't give in to your anger Sebastian... DON'T BE FOOLISH! I am mad too at Anders... I missed my chocolate pudding day." Hawke was sobbing at this point but her hand was comforting Sebastian slowly gripping his shoulder. Hearing the end of her discussion Varric started laughing... somehow he knew about her special day. "So... now that you listened to me... will you still seek revenge? "

"We'll see." Even if there was bitter in his voice he grabbed Hawke's shoulder and nodded at her. With a smile Hawke hugged him... " Good boy. I would have hated myself to see any of you leave me... "

"How invigorating." Isabella added lazily getting off a wooden gated.

"Let's go Anders." The blond man got on his feet as well.

"Let's get to the Gallows, and quick. It's going to be quite a show..."

"You're right Varric."

Slowly they made their way to the boats in the docks. Hawke saw her statue in flames and almost broken in bits... with that sight she knew that that is what it is going to get from the Champion... "Damn you Anders."

The man sighed when he heard her but continued on. He was beaten down by everyone right now... all of them shooting him, killing him mentally... and what hurt most is the way Fenris holds Aisa... so protective... so careful. In the boat one of the worse parts... The way Aida snuggled in his arms, whispering to him... it hurt the most of all.

"Hawke?"

"Yes... what is it?" After the battle the group left to their home... or what was left of them to get some personal things and then meet again in the docks... where Isabella would be waiting for them. Aisa was searching for Bodahn, Sandal and Oranna but Fenris was staring down in a corner with a blank expression on his face. "What is it Fenris?" The shock that crept up the girl's spine was indescribable. Oranna was dead in a puddle of blood, crushed by a huge part of the estate. "Oh... no." Fenris pressed his fingers on the elf's eyes closing them.

"I found this letter next to her." Hawke reached with trembling fingers and took the little piece of paper. After reading the lines there a small smile on Hawke's face formed.

"He left before this nightmare started... Oranna was supposed to give this to us... Thank the Maker he is alright. Bodahn you lucky little dwarf." Fenris nodded grabbing the small bag they packed. "Let's go."

While down the destroyed roads Fenris asked something Hawke didn't ask herself. "Where to now?"

"I don't know... How does Ferelden sound like?"

"Ferelden?"

"Remember King Alistair... he said I could return back anytime... His lover once was a mage from the circle... or that is what the rumors say... I believe he is a decent man... "

"King Alistair? And then what?"

"Lothering was once my home... why can't it be again?"

"I guess you're right." Aisa could feel Fenris getting lost... trailing off.

"What about you?"

"Me? I don't know... "

"I thought you couldn't bear to live without me Fenris... " A smug smile curled on Hawke's lips which made even Fenris crack a small hmm.

"If you want me I will stay by your side Hawke."

"And what If I don't want you? What would you do if I choose Anders over you and live with him till the end of my days with a hundred of apostate children." Fenris started laughing even if the image horrified him. With his free hand he grabbed Aisa by her waist and pulled her close.

"Not even you can achieve this fantasy Hawke... and if it is somebody's children they are going to be mine."

"Did I just get some kind of declaration from you Fenris... I didn't hear it quite well."

"Today you don't hear anything do you?" Fenris laid a small peck on her lips and let her go. They were getting closer to the docks. Holding their hands they smiled, telling the other one that if there is a future for them... they are going to take it full on... together.

"Ok the happy couple came aboard! Let's get on..." Yelled Isabella at her crew members while walking towards Hawke. "Where to girl?"

"Where do the rest want to go?"

"Merrill heard of a dalish group somewhere in Ferelden in the Brecilian Forest... Sebastian already said his goodbyes..."

"He's leaving for Starkhaven isn't he?"

"Yes. And I forgot something... Zevran is coming with us... as is that sexy piece of a Warden Nathaniel... and your brother... They said they would like to be left in Highever or better Amaranthine... but it is our choice..."

"What about Varric?

"He said he'll stick with you. Did you see lady man hands?"

"Aveline remained with Donnic to clean after us... "

"So... where to Hawke?"

"Amaranthine... afterwards we'll take the long way to Lothering leaving everyone where they want."

"Ok... down that way you'll find several sleeping quarters... you two can have only one..." With a wicked smile she winked towards Fenris which ears turned red at the thought. "CORSE SET TO AMARANTHINE PEOPLE... DOUBLE TIME!" And so Isabella was off.

"Where can I find Nathaniel Isabella?"

"SOMEHWRE ON THE BOAT!"

"Thank you... "

"Always."

Fenris turned towards Aisa as they walked towards their quarter. "Why do you need to speak with the Warden?"

"On the way I would like to meet with the Warden Commander..."

"The hero of Ferelden?"
"Yes... I met her in Ostagar... she was just becoming a warden back then... I helped her get some darkspawn blood... She knows the King... maybe she'll be able to help me and... "

"And..."

"And... she knew Anders... maybe she has some idea what to do with him."

By now they were in their room. A small place with a cramped wooden bed and a desk in the corner. Fenris threw the bag on the desk and sat on the edge of the bed. Hawke started to unstrapp her armor. When she was in a white tunic and a pair of black trousers she sat next to Fenris... Hiding her face in her palms as she dug her chin in her chest. Fenris felt her unusual cheery demeanor and long since realized she was at a breaking point. His hand slipped around her shoulders as he pushed her chin up. Her black hair hiding her tears.

"Hawke?... Aisa... look at me."

"I almost killed Anders... and Orana is still death on the floor... in my home... the home where my mother lived and died... the home my brother sacrificed himself for... the home I worked my ass for years... all for what... FOR NOTHING!" The elf didn't really knew what to say... he just tighten his hold on her... stirring her to lay on his chest. And so did Hawke, she sobbed in his shoulder and he let her as much as she needed slowly rocking both of them.

Their silent moment was soon interrupted by a knock at the door. Hawke left one more sob before straightening and brushing the tears with her sleeve.

"Come in."

Through the door came in Nathaniel to the couple's surprise. His Warden armor sticking out in the dull room.

"Good evening Champion."

"Drop the title... call me Hawke like everyone else."

He smiled and nodded at her. "The captain... told me you are looking for me."

Aisa's sigh echoed as she showed the man the chair at the desk. He grabbed it, turning it around he sat down, his elbows resting on his legs. "From what I can remember you knew Anders before we met."

"A long time ago... it's true."

"Good. I want you to take him back..."

"Bring Anders back to the Wardens? Hawke... you didn't quite understand the wardens did you? We do not accept everyone... and Anders pretty much lost his chance... if he gets back in the Vigil's Keep he might get executed."

"I thought you were 'brothers and sisters'."

"Champ... Hawke... Anders left the Grey Warden.. and not really on good terms. Also he destroyed a Chantry and everyone in it... also making quite a future ruckus in the circles... We don't want that on out head Hawke... and you know it."

"Fine... I will talk with Anders... If anything.. you'll take him to execution. How do those terms sound."

"Hawke are you sure?" Fenris never heard the girl to speak of someone's life in that way... not even their enemies life... not even Danariu's life.

"I already said that his life is in the Maker's hands Fenris... I don't have a choice in here... if he is destined to die who am I to stop that?"

"It would be a good idea for Anders to be killed by the Wardens... clean the organization name... we have a deal Hawke."

"Good.I firstly want to talk with The Warden Commander and then turn Anders in. Ok?

"Fine with me." And so both of them got up and shook their hands. With that Nathaniel said his goodbyes and left. Hawke remained right where she was... not even flinching. Fenris laid his hand on her shoulder, lightly squeezing it.

"How did we get here Fenris... what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing Hawke... it was out of your hands."

"I am so tired and fed up with this all. I finally thought everything was about to turn for the best... and look at this all... all went to hell and beyond..."

"Let's rest Hawke."

"No! I have to talk with Anders... "

Fenris walked in front of her and grabbed her hands. "It is not the time to do that Hawke... let's just rest for a bit and then..."

"And then what? No... I want to end this now!" And so she pushed the elf and walked out. She rushed for the deck to look for Isabella yet there was Anders staring at the ocean from the railway. His hair, now out from the usual ponytail he has, waving around directed by the calm winds of the ocean. His eyes looking beyond the view in front of him. Hawke walked slowly... mesmerized by how old the man suddenly looked.

"Anders?" His eyes opened, slowly...revealing a haunted look on his face. He turned his head so he wouldn't look at the girl.

"Yes?" His voice was barely a whisper... so low and filled with guilt... he looked tortured. Hawke, if she ever had any idea, didn't knew what to say. Anders sighed." I know... I fucked up everything Hawke... and I don't know if I actually meant to do it or not..." Anders back was crooked over the railway like he had to hold all the world on his shoulders... his elbows were on the rough wood and one of his hands scratching the back of his neck as he tried to find his words. " I don't know if all of this was Justice's idea or if it was mine... before... before connecting with the spirit I didn't care one bit from the mage's plight... yet now I almost sacrificed my life for it. I am afraid Hawke... for what is to come because of me." His hand traveled from the red locks of hair to his face, practically hiding his eyes from the shame...".. I want to die... to end this entire ordeal and free Justice from me... I don't want to see what I will become if I keep on living with this spirit inside of me..." He finally looked at her, just a short glimpse... but Hawke could see the shine in his moist dark eyes... she could see all the guilt and insecurity in them. She couldn't forgive the person that did that... but what if Anders is innocent? " Hawke... say something... so I know I haven't talked to myself... "

"What should I say Anders?" The mage was taken aback by the anger in her voice... and the look on her face... all blank and empty.

"Maker... " He hid once again behind his hair, staring the endless blue.

"Maker."

"It is no time to joke Hawke..."

"Anders... I don't know what to do to you... I said I will leave you to your fate... but it looks like... every road leads to your dead."

"I already know it is either dead or nothing... I... I am losing my mind... my persona... I am rearranged by Justice." He threw his head up and looked at the sky above, his eyes a map for Hawke to decipher. "I am losing my mind... slowly... agonizingly slow. I have been changing since we first met." He turned around and moved his hand to her arm, slowly squeezing. " I would have been long since lost if I wouldn't have met you HAWKE... I know it is no time for love declarations... I don't even deserve to say I ever knew you... I am a piece of trash."

"Anders as I said before... I, too, saw you in the same way you see me now... but you rejected me... and then I rejected you... Maybe if thing would have been different..."

"Maybe this shit wouldn't had happened?"

"And we would have been happy now... I wouldn't be looking for a way to get rid of you... Orana and other dozens of people would be alive... none of us would look for a new place to live."

"... and I wouldn't be forced to look at your red blood shot eyes and tainted cheeks by tears provoked by me."

"Yes...I want to know one thing." Anders hand traveled down her elbow slowly caressing her forearm and slipping right through her fingers. "Did you do it... or Justice did it."

"I already told you... I don't know."

"Who Anders? Who is the murderer... the criminal... who is the demon that did this?" Anders was taken aback by her outburst slowly taking step by step away from the girl as she walked towards him. Her aura grew with power as she called upon the elements of the nature... fire erupted around her, waves started hitting the boat, the wind starting blowing through the sails much more wildly, rain started pouring around them and lightings split the skies. "Who should I kill Anders? Who is the damned demon that did all of this that transformed you in to an abomination?" And so Anders broke finally, the blue so familiar cracks appeared on his skin as Justice made his presence known.

"Anders is no Abomination! I am no demon... back off... leave him alone!"

Finally everything came back to normal as Hawke sucked back in all of her power. " Can't you see you are a plague Justice? Look how much good you've done! None! I am not leaving... I am not making the same mistake!" Hawke's eyes got darker becoming the same eyes she once had when Makhai had her in his claws... her pupil dark as the void itself, the iris a dark shiny gray shade, the sclera (the white part of the eye) getting a pitch black tone.

"It looks like the demon that held me once was right... you are one of them... can't you see what you became Justice... YOU LEAVE ANDERS ALONE!"

"Back off abomination!"

"You turned him in to a pitiful human being hated by everyone and wanted death by everyone... you are eating him inside out, sucking his own self... taking his life away! You have the exactly same purpose as a demon... craving someone's else's life..."

"I won't!"

"Then answer me this... did you do it?"

"Making the first step for the mages freedom... yes. Anders was blind before we merged... I had to mix my mind with his to open his eyes."

"You are a demon... Anders is innocent..."Aisa whispered as her eyes gained the normal shades it usually had. She raised her hand and with a little wind based spell she pushed the man in one of the ship's poles.

"Leave Anders now!"

Justice simple pushed himself off like it was nothing.

"You really believe you can defeat me?" And so the spirit made its way towards Hawke... she didn't flinch... but her eyes got dark once again and spikes started growing on her skin.

"I already did." Her voice once again contorted in to the demon's one. "You already lost Justice."

" MaKhai? "

"There was no human abomination saved from his mistakes... why would this woman be an exception?"

Justice left Anders in that moment and before the man could regain his conscious Hawke was free as well.

"Aisa what happened?" The girl hugged him as hard as she could.

"Nothing serious." She snuggled her nose in the crook of his neck thanking the Maker that he was innocent.

"HAWKE! You scratched the middle mast of the ship... what is your excuse."

When the girl turned around towards the pirate woman she saw the worry in her eyes. "I have no excuse Captain! "

"I thought so. You are grounded to stay in your quarters with that sexy elf's of yours."

"Don't do that to me Captain... alone with him... I can't bear." Isabella was pointing towards the stairs leading down to Hawker's room.

"Now."

Hawke faked a desperate yelling towards Anders as she made her way back. Fenris was staying right in the stairs.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes... why are you asking."

"Your clothes are torn." And so they were... here and there huge holes in the thin fabric of her tunic.

"How did this happen?" She shrugged believing they were from the her little outburst when she succeeded in calling Justice out.

"Did the abomination hurt you?"

"No! He... he didn't..." She walked passed him to their room.

Isabella stared at Anders panic all over her face. "What the hell happen?!"

Back in her room Hawke took a change of clothes and started dressing, of course Fenris continued with his stubbornness but when he realized Aisa wasn't listening he rolled his eyes and went to bed. Shortly she was in bed as well, wrapped in Fenris's warm hands... feeling the faint pulls of the lyrium on his skin.

"Good night Hawke." His lips brushed her brow as his hands moved some of her wayward strands of hair. His kisses moved down her nose and her mouth. With their lips still touching he whispered. "Nice dreams."

She couldn't say 'you too' because she already knew he had nightmares... rarely having a full night sleep. Hawke would often wake up because of his screams... He would jump from the bed full of sweat and shaking... Fenris would be in shock for a bit but she always was there for him... at first... when he moved with her he wouldn't sleep... simply stay awake the whole night. But after like a week she found up, firstly he felt embarrass and wanted to leave again, but Hawke managed to convince him that all is alright... since then she got used with his panic attacks...

Hawke kissed him back and he knew by the way she tighten the grip on his waist that she still felt afraid he would leave. Yes... his memories still come and go... he can remember vividly seeing something but never really having the full picture. He starts caressing her back as she slowly drifted to sleep. She looked so haunted sometimes... like she was fighting in her mind.. in her dreams... Dreams. Since that fateful day when he almost died... when Hawke almost died... he had started to have this awful nightmares... where she would be forced to crush her heart... where Aisa would be dying in his own hands by his own hands... he would need to be reminded that all is fine. Fenris was almost afraid to sleep today. Aisa almost got torn to pieces by Orsino, almost slashed by those statues Meredith invoked and... worst of them all he saw her cry... shedding sore tears that broke his heart to pieces. He snuggled closer to her at the thought, bathing in her sent until her rhythmic heart beat and peaceful breathing lulled him to sweet oblivion.

A/N Well I want to apologize for any mistakes... I am not the best at English :D