Disclaimer: I do not own the following, only pull on their strings and make them dance
A/N: So I'm not in hospital anymore, got pumped full of meds and let out :) Also, just as a note (obviously), Lord Voldemort is mentioned – in this story, he was defeated years ago and the hype and fear has long since died down enough to allow for witches and wizards to live their lives without constantly glancing over their shoulders and watching who they're talking to. But anyway, this story isn't about that – the mention of the war just helps explain a little more of why Remus has had to deal with the Unforgivables before and knows so much about them. And yes – believe it or not – 'friendlily' is a word. I know, right? I didn't believe it either…
Dedication: For .171 (thank you for the cupcake, it was thoroughly enjoyed), who made me feel heaps better about writing this story and everyone else who has supported it. Thanks for the brownies, hato-ryou-chan :D I ate them before the nurses found them ^-^
Chapter Four
"Go ahead." Remus smiled evenly. Flint raised his wand.
"Cruicio!"
Nothing.
Remus smiled kindly as the other students tittered nervously. Flint scowled at the sight of his professor still standing on his two feet, perfectly unhurt. That'll teach you to talk yourself up, Remus thought mockingly, his benevolent smile still in place as he waited for the class to stop laughing.
"I think I know where you're going wrong, Mr Flint," he said in a gentle, teacher-like manner, "You didn't quite want to hurt me enough. You need to want it, to have no inhibitions, when casting the cruciatus. Also, believe you had the wand movement wrong. You flicked it a little too much, when it should have been short and cutting, like—"
Flint baulked as Remus waved his wand to demonstrate. Sirius laughed loudly. "Like he'd attack a student, you idiot." He snorted. Flint made a sort of mad growling, choking sound and lifted his wand at Remus, but he had already been watching the boy, waiting for that anger, that hatred in his eyes that would show him that he was ready. Remus lifted his wand again, which stopped the boy dead in his tracks.
"What you're feeling now, Mr Flint, is the hatred needed to perform the cruciatus curse," Remus explained, still in his teacher voice, "It is the opposite of the patronus charm, which requires happy thoughts. Now, Mr Flint, since you attempted to perform an Unforgivable on a teacher, I believe a punishment is in order. Don't worry, I will take into account my provocations. See me at the end of the class."
The room was silent for a moment, the Slytherins all glaring at him and the Gryffindors staring at him like he was a god. Nice one, Lupin, make a whole house full of enemies on your first day. Oh, whatever, the git had had it coming.
Meanwhile, Sirius had stepped up, in that horrendously sexy pirate jacket of his, and spread his hands with a mirthful grin, "And that, kids, is lesson one. Don't piss off the professor who's used to dealing with cranky vampires."
The rest of the morning passed relatively uneventfully, apart from when a second year who had looked ahead in the textbook decided he was better than everyone else and had ended up accidentally casting a strong tickling charm on one of his classmates. Sirius had rolled about howling with laughter as Remus had had to half drag the victim from the classroom and to the hospital wing, occasionally getting beaten by one of the desperately flailing limbs.
Remus was stacking the pile of tests they had just gotten back from their third years on last year's topics, when Sirius sat on the desk in front of him. Remus was proud to say he didn't flinch at all. He did stare, though, before clearing his throat awkwardly and casting his eyes down at the tests. Sirius didn't seem to notice. Of course not. He doesn't know you can be partial to men. Why would a straight man assume another apparently straight man is checking him out?
As usual, his conscience proved to be more intelligent than he.
"I love how you teach a class," Sirius was saying, grinning down at him, "The kids love you, too."
Remus snorted and Sirius rolled his eyes, "Well, okay, it's safe to say our sixth year Slytherins hate you, but the rest seemed impressed. It helps that you were never sorted, I guess. Makes you neutral."
"I suppose so." Remus shrugged.
"How did you know he wouldn't be able to cast the cruciatus?" Sirius asked, suddenly serious (don't even think about thinking about thinking it). Remus looked up again, having almost forgotten the dramatic start to their day. He shrugged carelessly.
"When I was working during the war, there were many Dark Creatures involved with Voldemort." He answered easily, "I worked with aurors in those times, for protection. I had to be trained in some of the stuff aurors are, to be able to deal with the nasty ones and the Death Eaters they hung around with. Trust me, I've seen enough curses cast to see when someone isn't quite up to it."
"But then the second time he was going to – he was really going to do it."
"Perhaps." Remus answered simply, "I would have handled it. I had to show him what it really took to be able to cast the curse. Now he knows. Lesson learnt. I highly doubt he'll ever use it, though."
Sirius stared down at Remus, making him shift uncomfortably in the penetrating attention fixed on him. "There's got to be another reason Dumbledore hired you. Why else would he want someone like you?"
"Oh, gee, thanks." Remus said sarcastically, pushing his ever-falling-down sleeves up again and standing to head out and down to lunch. Sirius followed in a flash of red and black.
"I didn't mean that and you know it," the other man pouted, catching up and walking alongside Remus, "I meant, he wouldn't have hired someone with your specific credentials without a reason. Everything that mad man does has a reason."
"Well he hasn't told me anything." Remus shrugged, "Staff room's down here, right?"
Sirius nodded as they wove their way through the masses of students down the staircase and along the corridor to the staffroom. Inside was filled with teachers either conversing animatedly, or staring into space, looking to be in shock from their first day back. Sirius immediately sought out James, who was over by the food, so Remus took a seat near one of the open windows where Lily was leaning against the wall.
"Hey," she smiled warmly, causing Remus to feel a rush of affection for the caring woman as he leant against the wall beside her, "How's your first morning been? Any disasters?"
"Not really," Remus shrugged, "the stuff I'd expect, but nothing bad."
"Lucky." Lily laughed, "I got an exploding cauldron this morning. One of my third years caused half the class's faces to disappear. Honestly, I've never seen such a thing before – I've half a mind to ask him how he did it, but the sight of kids with no faces has kind of put me off."
Remus laughed heartily and shook his head, "That's why I'm glad I'm no good at potions. In Defence, if something goes wrong I just have to perform the counter jinx. Well, there can be some lasting effects, but Madam Pomfrey seems to deal well with that."
"So she does," Lily smiled, "How was teaching with Sirius? I've only ever seen him teach flying and refereeing and he's never exactly one hundred percent serious when he's doing that."
"He was good," Remus remarked, looking over to where Sirius and James were animatedly discussing something that was obviously hilarious, "Obviously knows his stuff. And the kids love him, too."
"Yeah, it helps when the teacher doesn't care about rules when it comes to students liking him." Lily sighed. Remus looked across at her curiously.
"Err, I don't mean to pry, but…" he asked slowly. Lily looked at him questioningly, "Does he always dress like that?"
Lily laughed again, looking over at Sirius with amusement, "Oh, that. Yeah, he does – at the school, anyway. He looks mostly normal when he's at home, or goes out somewhere. Says he feels like he can experiment here without being stared at. Surprisingly, he's right. No one blinks an eye."
"Kind of suits him." Remus mused, watching as Sirius laughed at something James said. And what a laugh it is, he thought wistfully. Wait, wistfully? Wistfully? Why the hell was he wistful? Gods, this was getting out of hand. Right, Lupin. This calls for drastic measures. Time to pull out old plan: seduction. Yeah, that was all there was to it. He was going to have to bed the man to get him out of his system – he couldn't spend every day feeling all uncomfortable and bloody hard in class. He wasn't particularly worried about it being awkward after they'd shagged; Remus was known for his amiable break ups.
"He's obsessed with eccentric muggle clothes." Lily was saying, completely unaware off the conclusion Remus had come to, to seduce her friend. "Started when we were in school, ever since he started to go against his family."
Remus, finally tearing his gaze away from Sirius, looked at her. He was about to ask about Sirius' relationship with his family as – like Remus himself – he obviously wasn't the typical stuck up pureblood, but missed his chance when Lily waved at more teachers arriving in the staff room. Minerva McGonagall had entered with two younger members of staff Remus hadn't formally met yet. They made their way over.
"Hello, Remus," Minerva greeted him with a weary smile, "How has your morning gone?"
"Well, thank you." Remus replied politely.
"You have the fifth year Gryffindors and Slytherins next?" she asked. Remus nodded.
"Keep a close eye on them," she advised him, "I've just had to split up a fight in the corridor."
Lily sighed heavily beside him and wiped a hand across his face, "Not Harry?"
Minerva nodded, "Weasley and Malfoy were involved, too."
"I'll leave their punishment to you." Lily said, rolling her eyes. Minerva nodded wearily and went off towards the food table. The two younger teachers stayed, offering their hands to Remus, who shook them both with a friendly smile.
"Alice Poynter, Astrology." The woman introduced herself with a friendly smile. She was a short, petite woman with spiky black hair and bright eyes. Remus decided instantly that he liked her. He looked towards the man, who gave him an easy smile in return.
"Frank Longbottom, Herbology." He said with a nod. Remus smiled recognising the name as one of the more liberal pureblood families – before properly taking him in. Damn, he thought, this place is filled to the brim with hot guys. And man, I love a guy who's good with his hands…herbologist…mmm. Hogwarts was going to make him swing for the other side completely, at this rate. Frank Longbottom was tall, about Remus' height, and slim, but wiry. He had a handsome face and a relaxed, charming smile that went well with a head of fashionably mussed, dark hair. Remus glanced over his shoulder at another man in question – he was no Sirius, but his seduction skills definitely needed practice.
"Nice to meet you both." Remus smiled, already formulating a loose plan. At that moment, Sirius and James came over, the former of whom slung his arm friendlily over Frank's shoulder. Remus could practically feel himself drooling: gods, they look gorgeous together…if only I could have them both…
How many times, Lupin? Stop fawning! You have a plan, now follow it through. Fawning won't get you anything…although you may as well enjoy the view…
"Remus, I brought you some food, since it didn't look like these guys were about to let you go," Sirius said, handing Remus a cheese sandwich, "Eat up, old boy, we've got fifth year next and then we're free for the rest of the day."
"Cheers." Remus smiled, accepting the sandwich and taking a large bite.
"You do?" James exclaimed, coming to stand beside Lily and winding an arm around her waist, "Aw man, I've already had a free morning. Got a full afternoon next."
"Sucks to be you," Alice chuckled, before turning to inform Remus, "Having afternoons off is always better."
"Mmphgr." Remus tried to say around his mouthful of food. The others laughed as McGonagall announced that they all needed to get back to work. The staffroom emptied, Sirius ushering Remus up the stairs to their classroom, occasionally snagging some of the students they were set to teach, grabbing their robes and pulling them along behind. By the time they reached the classroom, Remus was being followed by most of the class organised as some kind of student train.
It was his third class of the day concerning both Gryffindors and Slytherins and he wondered who was thick enough to keep pushing the two enemy houses together, if whoever it was thought that they'd be forced into being friendly, then they were sorely wrong, and – frankly – an idiot. Nothing too bad happened, as it had with his first class, but Harry and his friends had ended up in a standoff with the Malfoy boy and his two thug cronies.
"Boys, boys," Sirius was trying to say amiably, as Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle all lifted their wands, causing Harry, Ron and Hermione to draw theirs. Remus sat back on the desk and folded his arm as he watched with a small frown. "Come on, wands down, or you'll all be helping the cleaning staff tonight. Without magic."
"But, sir—" Harry said furiously, but Sirius interrupted.
"Do you want me to tell your mother you've been duelling?" he threatened, making the rest of the class snicker. Harry gave his teacher a dark glare as Ron and Hermione tried and failed to suppress smiles.
"Don't know what you two are smirking at," Sirius went on, "You're prefects. I expect better."
Hermione instantly sobered up, but didn't lower her wand. Ron only shrugged, returning his attention to the Slytherin boys. Remus decided to speak up and lifted a hand a little, attracting their attention. Sirius saw and came back to sit next to him, gesturing to go ahead as long as it didn't result in spells being cast.
"Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle." Remus called. Malfoy look over at him with a sneer. "I'd put your wands down. I know each of your fathers quiet well and I'm sure they'd trust me if I told them how difficult you're making your new teacher's life."
The boys hesitated, but Malfoy obviously knew the Lupin name and took Remus' word for it – thank Merlin, or it wouldn't have turned out to well – and assumed that he was still on good terms with his father. Little did the boy know, he hadn't spoken two words to their parents since years before the war had begun, but Remus wasn't going to be the one to point it out. Reluctantly, the three Slytherins lowered their wands, closely followed by Harry and his friends. They all sat back down, still watching each other suspiciously.
"We'll see all six of your after class." Sirius told them with a heavy sigh, "Right, back to conflict avoidance. You six listen closely now…"
"So what was all that about?" Sirius asked sternly, standing behind Remus' chair. The six offending students shrugged mutely. "I'll repeat my question one more time. What was that about?"
"Malfoy was threatening us, professor." Hermione answered dutifully. Sirius raised a brow at them all, silently telling her to expand, "He said that there's an invigilator from the Ministry snooping around and spying on the teachers."
"Said he'd get his parents fired." Ron added. Sirius looked to Malfoy, who shrugged, and sighed.
"Just go, you lot. I don't want any more fighting, got that?"
They all muttered 'yeah, fine' under their breath, but Harry hung back when the Slytherins and his friends left. Sirius waited expectantly and Harry took a bracing breath.
"Hermione was telling the truth," he said quickly, "There is an invigilator here trying to get enough evidence to get teachers sacked—"
"And who is this suspicious person?" Sirius asked with a barely held back sigh.
"Dolores Umbridge."
"Okay, Harry, you can go now." Sirius said, his smile amused. When Harry was gone, he turned to Remus and rolled his eyes, "That kid has an overactive imagination."
"Why don't you believe him?" Remus asked with a small frown. Sirius shrugged.
"He's said things like this before. I think it's trust issues. Anyway! We're off for the day, now. I think Frank's off for a couple of periods, too. We should make the most of having no homework to mark and go down to lake."
"While the good weather's still around?"
"Exactly."
"Alright. Hold on, just let me put my case away." Remus said, holding up a finger and backing into their office and then through into the adjoining quarters. He dropped his briefcase onto his bed and turned to dig to the bottom of his trunk, still waiting to be unpacked and checked that Sirius hadn't followed him in before dragging out an old, battered notebook. Flicking to the back, a nostalgic smile quirked up the corners of his mouth. It was his old list of tips on how to seduce a man. It had been written years ago, when he and one of his childhood friends had admitted to one another that they thought they might like men. It was just a joke, mostly, but it was almost like a talisman in situations like this.
Of course, he was breaking the rules, seeing as he was going to test himself on a straight man to then see if he would be successful with another straight man. 'Course, the possibility of showing Sirius what he was missing by messing around with woman – and maybe making him jealous – was too good to pass up.