[a/n: Well, I kinda sort lied (hope you'll forgive me, heh) about when the M-ish stuff would start, partly because I rewote one scene. No sex scene per se, though. Those with peanut allergies may wish to take their meds before reading this chapter. :) ]
Kate didn't dare leave the office after that kiss. She'd go looking for Ben, and spend the night with him with some amazing sex she'd probably regret in the morning.
She'd instead called about some piece of equipment she'd been having trouble with and been putting off calling about, and the phone was answered by Joe in India. He sounded so nice - and supportive.
"Joe. . . . Did you ever do anything stupid?"
"Umm, sorry?"
"Like. . . your life is just about to make . . . a little bit of sense, and then something so. . . something so weird happens. You just kinda wonder if it ever even happened at all."
"Umm, sorry for your troubles, Beth."
"Well, I'm not Beth. You're not Joe. We're probably never gonna meet, so . . .." She squinted. "I kissed somebody I work with." Kate opened her eyes and leaned back. "And he is an idiot. But not like the stupid kind, just like . . . . Oh, I don't know. He's just like the idiot kind. Joe, he's a mystery. He's India to me."
"India is a good country."
She chuckled. "I'm sure it is."
She described Ben's kiss to Joe as "decent," but that was anything but the truth. The kiss was deeply indecent in the best of ways: its eroticism promised hot nights, clothes off, pent-up feelings explored.
"Is it really so terrible being alone?" She asked Joe.
"Are you serious?" Joe sounded like he had an unrequited crush on a coworker. Then again, Kate realized, so did she.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay."
When she finally did go home, Joe's advice and Ben's kiss swirled together in her mind, wondering how long Ben had really been alone. To her question about whether it was so terrible to be alone, he was the one saying, "Are you serious?"
The last few years, she'd had Justin, and the weird thing was, she felt less alone now that she was actually alone than much of the time she'd spent with Justin.
Those few seconds, her lips pressed together with Ben's, she didn't feel alone at all. The feeling was so alien, she really didn't know how to cope with it, especially after her mother's death, Justin filing for divorce, her father's death, and the cool, uneasy relationship she and Lauren had. Then Ben just steps into her space the way she stepped into others' spaces, and she'd never had anyone do that before.
She hugged her pillow all night long, her lips still tingling.
#
The next morning, Kate was late to Judge Nicastro's courtroom, and she was seriously stressed about it because he'd once had her handcuffed to a bench. She stepped out of the elevator and heard a familiar voice talking.
Ben.
Without thinking, she stepped back into the elevator. She couldn't deal with Ben right now.
Crap.
She faked talking on the phone to someone, and left the elevator, passing casually by Ben. Naturally, she'd forgotten to turn her ringer off, so someone called just then, and Ben called her on it.
"Maybe you should answer that," he said, followed by, "Do you want to have dinner tonight?"
"Dinner," she said heavily.
"Yeah." He raised his eyebrows.
She stammered excuses.
"Call me. Or, you know, pretend to call me, and let me know what you said."
Kate backed out of the encounter, now even later for Nicastro.
After a shouting match with the parties in Nicastro's mediation, Kate dropped by her office.
#
Kate and Leo stood in Leo's office talking about his new bike when Kate saw Ben and retreated to her office suddenly. Ben walked to his office.
Kate confided in Leo. "And . . . I . . . kissed somebody."
Leo said, "Okay. I'm not your girlfriend."
"Mm-hmm."
"All I ask is, you know, some kinda boundary between this and a . . . slumber party. Who was it?"
"Oh, you don't know him." After Leo started smiling, Kate added, "Don't! Don't you say anything!" She slapped his stomach.
"What . . ."
"Nothing!" She started walking out of her office.
"Oh, okay, I see. So I'm more like your relationship with your pillow. You can just drool on me, throw me on the floor."
Kate walked quickly by Ben's office only to run into Ben coming around the corner.
"Hi," he said.
"Hey." She felt awkward.
"Think about dinner?"
"Dinner." She'd hardly been thinking of anything but. Her stomach was so tied up in knots, she doubted she could eat anything.
"Yeah, food, accompanied by discussion. Exempli gratia: Lauren filled me in on your union mediation. We could talk about that."
"Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? It's just been a crazy day."
"Oh, crazy days. Okay, it's just dinner."
Lauren interrupted, and Kate used the opportunity to weasel out of talking to Ben.
#
Later, after Nicastro was arrested for hitting someone, Kate was waiting by the elevator and Ben walked up.
He asked, "So . . . did Castro really deck some guy on the picket line?" Kate turned to look at him, so obviously relieved to see him, it almost made him ache.
"This is your field, right?"
"Yeah. Every time a judge pops the top off someone, I'm your guy." She held his wrists with her hands, as she often did when she wanted something.
"Okay, so what happens next?" Kate backed off a bit so they were back to normal conversational distance.
Ben thought for a moment. "Well, you were there. You think he felt a legitimate physical threat to himself or to you . . . self-defense?"
"The guy was threatening, but he wasn't . . . really a threat."
"Castro willing to lie?"
"Not him."
"Well, judges tend to go hard on other judges. So if he's found guilty, he'll probably lose his seat on the bench. Go to prison. Minimum security. Two years tops."
"Oh!"
"Want some company?" Ben asked hopefully.
"Oh, no, no. No, no."
She rushed through the next sentence in what was obviously a moment of bravery. "Tonight, 7:00 P.M. Pick a place!"
As the elevator was closing, he said, "It's a date!" then realized his error.
"It's not a date," he added hastily as the elevator closed.
He could tell he scared her.
#
Kate made it to Nicastro's hearing in time to keep him from pleading guilty. She talked him into accepting her as his attorney then urged him to plead no contest, which he did. Then she talked to him about issuing an order designed to help stop the pending transit strike in her mediation he'd assigned her.
She gave Nicastro a pep talk about what she needed from him that was as much of a pep talk about what courage she needed as anything else. "Now, sir, I have go this date toni . . . no, a dinner. A date . . . a dinner. Well, it's a . . . I don't know what it is, but I'm not trying to compare my love life to a transit strike, but . . . all I'm saying is that moving either one of these things forward means doing something that is completely terrifying. So just issue the order. And, yes, you would be doing exactly what he wants. But . . . sometimes . . . our instincts need to be ignored. Issue the order."
Nicastro did, bolstering Kate's spirits about her own new life adventures.
#
After getting the order from Nicastro, Kate called Leo. "Okay, so I'm on my way to see Hayward and serve the order, and then I have to buy a new dress. I have a seven p.m. business dinner."
Leo said, doubtfully, "Why wouldn't you wear your business clothes to a business dinner?"
"Uh, because it's a none-of-your-business . . . dinner."
Leo suggested, "You want me to push it back a half hour? Give you some wiggle room? His contact number is . . . ."
"Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. I'm gonna text him myself."
Kate hung up with Leo.
Moments later, Ben and Lauren conversed in Leo's office.
"Ben. Great. There you are. Can you take a look at this certificate of authenticity that came with the painting?"
Ben responded, "As much as the implied contractual warranties of modern art electrify me, I have a seven o'clock dinner." An incoming text message alert sounded. "Oh. Dinner just got pushed back half an hour. Have your way with me."
Lauren said, "Great."
Realizing who Kate was having dinner with, and who she probably kissed, Leo said the only word that could possibly come to mind. "Zoinks."
#
Kate hadn't had to buy a dress for a specific occasion in so long, she was kind of at a loss as to what to buy or where she should go. Kate went to her favorite place to window shop. Their style was more progressive than what Justin liked, even though Kate adored the freshness.
It was really the first time she'd felt freer because she wasn't with Justin. She could buy whatever she wanted and not having him nag her about her choices. Lauren didn't have to put up with this dress, and God knows Ben would like almost anything with taste.
She walked around, picking out four dresses including one that was way too body conscious for a first date where one wasn't out clubbing looking for a one-night stand.
After she'd spent 15 minutes looking, the clerk finally said, "Need some help deciding?"
"Yeah. Recently divorced, going on a first date post-divorce tonight."
"You go, girl!" the clerk said. "You've come to the right place. Where are you going?"
"Someplace exceedingly nice and expensive. His choice."
"Oh, my. Man's got taste?" Kate nodded. "This one," she pointed to the body conscious yellow dress, "is not that kind of dress, though I bet you'd look stunning in it. Let's see them all on."
She tried them on, and the white one fit her better of the three "first date" dresses.
"Let's see the other," the clerk said.
"Oh, it's not a dress for tonight."
"You're clinging on to it for dear life. Least you could do is try it on."
"Fine. But I want an honest answer about how I look in it."
She went into the dressing room, slid into the hot yellow dress, and tried to imagine Ben's reaction. It'd probably be something like when she was teasing him senseless, only this time, she'd intend a payoff.
"Well here goes nothing," she said, looking at the dress on her lean form while her thoughts turned to far more adult scenarios. She opened the dressing room door.
"So?" Kate asked.
"Hot," the clerk said. "Bangin' hot."
A female customer chimed in, "Hell, I'd do you, and I'm straight."
"It seems a lot of money for something that's going to wind up on the bedroom floor pretty quickly," Kate said.
"If you make all the way to the bedroom, I'll give you ten percent off your next purchase," the clerk said with a smirk.
"I don't know. . . ." Kate said, trying to think of reasons not to buy it and failing.
"Oh, honey, you're recently divorced. You need a 'fuck me hard' dress."
Another clerk laughed and said, "Don't we all?"
Kate left the store with two dresses, wearing the new white one, then called Ben.
Kate asked, "So, where'd you pick?"
"Stratton's."
"Stratton's? Uhh, okay. That's nice."
"I like nice things," he purred into the phone.
"I know. I _know_ you do." She smiled, thinking of her secret weapon: the yellow dress.
"Oh, man, could I use a drink." Too much yelling in the mediation case had given her a headache.
"Well, that could be arranged. Seven thirty, don't be late."
"Okay, all right, I've just got one more stop, it should only take a few minutes."
When she hung up, her stomach was tied up in knots from fear.
#
Justin opened the door to his apartment.
Kate said, "Hi" and barged in.
Justin asked, "What's the occasion? Hey, how's Nicastro?"
"A mess."
"Look, I need to do an end run around the BCM director and get to his books."
"No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I just ordered food. Opened a bottle of wine. I have a stack of briefs I have to get through. I can't."
"Justin, please. Please. Just look at this court order for me, please. It'll only take a second." She brought his wine and food to the table, then started to unbutton her coat.
Justin looked up at her and noticed her dress. "What, are you going on a date?"
"Nope. I just, um, have this business dinner-meeting thing." She smiled off into the distance. That was stupid, letting Justin see her new dress.
A few minutes later, Kate opened one of Justin's fortune cookies. "Fear is your greatest enemy."
Kate told Justin what she needs from him: support to get the order executed before federal court opens, so she'll have the documents in hand for Nicastro's mediation before it can be stopped, and she and Justin argue about it.
#
Kate's phone rings, and Leo, working late, answers. "Kate's desk!"
Ben, from Stratton's says, "Leonardo, you got Kate for me?"
"She's not at her desk. Can I do something for you?"
"Just . . . just tell her to give me a call."
Leo says, "Will do."
His look turns solemn. Kate had better not be blowing this up. Reed and Reed needed Ben to stay afloat. Things were starting to get scary before he came on board.
#
Meanwhile, Kate and Justin are still arguing over Kate's idea when Leo calls her.
"Ah. What?" She answers.
"Hey! How's your business dinner-date?"
"Um . . . It's fine."
"Are you on it?"
Justin interrupts. "Is that Leo? What's up, Leo?"
Kate said, "Yeah."
"Is that Justin? He's not your date."
She asked, "How would you know?"
"I don't."
"Hey, remember your boat?"
"Leonardo."
"You know how you have a tendency to blow things up you really shouldn't?"
"Okay, did you call for a reason, girlfriend?"
"Okay, buh-bye."
"I am an employee. Going to leave my place of employment, and I'm going to go home to my life, because this is my job, not my life."
Leo was really, really pissed off at Kate.
#
Justin finally gives into Kate's pleas. "Okay, I'll do it. First thing tomorrow morning."
"Oh, you promise?"
"I promise."
"Oh, thank you, thank you!"
"Now, you gotta go."
"Mm-hmm, okay."
"You gotta get out of here. I got things to do."
"Okay, okay." A text message came in on Kate's phone, stopping her cold. It's eight-fifty, and she's an hour and twenty minutes late for Stratton's. Ben's text says, simply, "It's just dinner, Katie."
Justin grabs her coat but she keeps her back turned to him. "Here." She's being evasive as she's sending a text message. "You okay?"
The text Ben reads says, "Sorry...I'm not going to make it."
Kate throws her shoes and phone down and turns to kiss Justin.
#
Ben's heart dropped when he saw her response saying she couldn't make it. He ordered dinner finally, but he couldn't enjoy it. The headwaiter, seeing his fallen face, sent a drink over on the house; Ben had spent enough here over the years to earn that small privilege.
By the time he finished, he had grown concerned. Was she really mad at him? It seemed better not to let things wait until morning. Always settle them that day if possible, that way everyone can get a good night's sleep and start the day fresh.
Ben found himself back in front of the office, parked his car, and headed on up. No Kate, not even curled up on the couch in his office. Damn. He checked every floor, every office of the building, including the roof.
He drove to Lauren's, swallowed his pride, and knocked on the glass door.
Lauren answered, hair down, looking elegant even in workout clothes. "Ben."
Best to be direct. "Is Kate here?"
Lauren tilted her head. "I haven't seen her since she left the office mid-afternoon."
"Thank you. I, uh, had some thoughts about the case she was working on."
"Let me check."
Embarrassed, he said, "It can wait until morning."
Lauren shook her head. "It's okay. She needs to work with you."
Two minutes later, Lauren came back with the news. "Sorry."
Ben walked back to his car. Secretly, he'd hoped she was at home working on a case and had just chickened out, because some of the other options were far worse. Unfortunately, that now grew much likelier. Why couldn't he have left it alone?
Kate wouldn't confide in Lauren, at least not based on what Ben had seen of the two of their interactions. No, so far as Ben knew, Kate only had one confidant: Leo. With even more dread than going to Lauren's, Ben drove to Leo's place. By that time, it was after eleven, but he couldn't immediately bring himself to drop in on Leo. Instead, he walked by, saw the light was on, then walked down the street further to the nearest bar. He'd had two drinks earlier, then dinner, and that had been a couple of hours ago. Ben needed to steel himself up for an answer he might not want to hear, so he entered the bar, had a second Plymouth & tonic, then wandered around for almost an hour before going to Leo's again.
He knocked on Leo's door.
"Where is she?"
"Hello?"
Ben knew Leo was deflecting when he said she was at BCM.
"She has a lousy sense of time - and so do you."
"She's not at work, she's not sleeping at Lauren's-"
"You went to Lauren's?" Leo straightened up a bit with respect.
Yes, he'd outed himself to Leo, and that was probably a mistake, but Ben had to know she was okay. "You can cover for her all night, but you know me well enough by now." He paused. "Man to man - the truth."
Leo walked away, then turned away, then the word Ben didn't want to hear came out: Justin. Suddenly, the flip comment he'd made in the bar that first night didn't seem so clever. Let's hope Justin didn't change his mind for good.
Ben got in his car, put on Joan Jett's "I hate myself for loving you" at full volume and drove home.
#
The next day, Kate had lunch with Nicastro after she'd gotten the strike called off and had gotten the truth for all parties.
Judge Nicastro said, "You're very good at what you do, Ms. Reed. But . . . you've never been about the words."
"Well, then what am I about?"
"You're here at the very moment that I did not want to be alone."
"Oh . . . you're not going to jail."
"That's nice." The judge smiled.
#
The following day, Ben made himself scarce, though he casually strolled by Kate's office as he was leaving.
She ran after him. Excellent.
"I haven't really seen you around much today," she said.
He complimented her on her work to reinforce his admiration of her, knowing how much it was her calling. She tried to apologize, but he knew she wasn't being honest, so he waited for an awkward moment, then turned away.
She pursued him again, urging him to wait several times. He paused, then turned toward her again. "I still want to reschedule," she said, then clarified, "our dinner."
Ben played it casual, "Oh yeah. Cool. Whenever. G'night."
He walked into the elevator, waited for the door to shut, then let out his breath. That was the hardest thing he'd done in weeks, pretending not to care. Still, it had worked. She had come to him twice. Let's just hope it was enough to make up for the gaffe of seeming over-enthusiastic.
#
After Ben left, Leo said, "Boom!" as Kate threw up her hands.
"Kate," Leo said. "I don't ask much of you, but please go fix this so I don't have to see it again tomorrow."
"Fine," she said, "though I have no idea where he's going."
"He's going to a bar, Kate. He's going to get drunk. Probably like he did last night."
"He told you that?"
"He didn't have to. Call him, find him, at least try to fix things."
She put on her jacket and ran down the stairs. Ben sat in his Aston Martin staring out the front window before starting the car. She tapped on the passenger side glass. He looked at her, then got out of the car and let her in, sitting back down before either of them spoke.
She said, "You look like you could use a drink more than I could yesterday."
"Yeah."
"I'll buy," she suggested, feeling guilty for abandoning him.
"I'm not in the mood for Stratton's tonight. Another time. Got a different suggestion?"
"How about a nice dark dive bar, then? One that's not too loud."
"Works for me. I'll buy, Katie. Thanks for the offer."
He started the car, and, a few minutes later, they were in a part of the Sunset district she didn't know. He found a place to park. As they started walking, he offered the crook of his arm, which she took.
They found a small L-shaped booth with graffiti-carved wooden tables in the darkest corner of the place, and Ben ordered one of the microbrews they had on tap.
Kate ordered a beer and a burger, and was worried when Ben didn't order any food, so she ordered peanuts for the two of them. Local bar custom said to throw the shells on the floor.
He accepted peanuts only when she offered them, but refused to take a bite of her burger. About the tenth peanut, he got playful and leaned his head back and opened his mouth for her to put the peanut in. After she did, he smiled at her for the first time all day. She laughed, and put a peanut between her lips, then offered it to him. He leaned in and carefully plucked it out of her lips with his own, brushing her lips for the briefest of moments.
The next peanut she again offered with her fingers. Ben looked disappointed, but ate it anyway. Every third or fourth she'd offer with her lips, and each time the contact got slightly longer.
Then, for the first time, he picked up a peanut and put it in his lips. She swung her knees over his thighs, getting into a more comfortable position, then leaned in slowly to fetch the peanut. She fumbled the catch and the peanut escaped into the deep vee of her low-cut gold blouse. She stared down into her cleavage, and so did he.
He looked at her, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow in challenge. She fetched the peanut before Ben could. He plucked it from her fingers and placed it in the pocket with his pocket square. She reached for his pocket, but he said, sternly, "Mine," and cracked another peanut shell, placed a peanut between his lips, and let her try again. She teased his lips with hers, then successfully extracted the peanut.
When she picked up the next peanut, Ben dropped his hand to stroke her calf, then realized what he'd done, removed his hand, and apologized.
"Put your hand back," she said. He did so, more tentatively this time, then looked at her, eyes smouldering. She caressed his cheek with her fingers, and traced his lips with her index finger alone.
She sipped her beer before continuing with the peanut torment and Clandestine Feeding of Ben, then cracked open a few more peanuts, tossing the shells to the ground.
They continued playing peanut games, but Ben stole the last peanut.
"Hey!" she said.
He placed it on his tongue and winked at her, holding his tongue slightly out to taunt her. She opened her mouth to him, stealing back the peanut with a flick of her tongue. He chuckled at her victorious look.
No longer distracted by food, she realized how awkward they must look, two well-dressed lawyers in expensive clothes literally curled up in a corner of a dive bar. She began to feel self-conscious, especially with Ben's hand slowly stroking her calf.
"Are you ready?" he asked after paying the tab.
"Sure," she said, sad that this time was ending. She pulled her legs down from his thighs, then shook them out a bit to revive the circulation in her lower legs.
"I'll take you home, then."
They walked down the street arm-in-arm, then he drove her to Lauren's and walked her to the door.
"Thank you for indulging my bad mood tonight." he said.
He slipped his arms inside her coat, wrapped them around her, and leaned in to hug her. Kate turned her head upwards for a kiss that didn't come.
Instead, Ben pulled his right hand back and traced her lips with one finger and grinned. Taunting her, he asked, "Oh, Katie, haven't you been kissed enough for one night?"
She froze, unable to say anything or do anything while his fingers continued to trace her lips.
"Sweet dreams, peanut," he said, then turned and walked to his car.
She stood there, lips on fire, watching him, wanting to run after him.
He paused before opening his door, and her feet finally decided to work. She ran to him, pinned him against his car door, ran her fingers through his hair, and pulled him into a kiss. Hands roamed, lips roamed, and he picked her up and pressed her agaisnt the car. A few minutes later, they broke for air, his hair in all directions, her blouse halfway undone by his kisses in her cleavage, his tie loosened and askew, his shirt unbuttoned except for two hastily-missed buttons in the middle, her skirt hiked up to her hips so she could wrap her legs around him, his left hand on her bare bottom holding her up against the car, his right stroking the inside of her thigh at her panty line, and her hand on his fly where she'd just been about to unzip him.
They stood there, momentum broken, aware of how close they'd come to having sex in Lauren's driveway. After an awkward pause, she said, "Oh, Benny, haven't you been kissed enough for one night?"
He smirked. "Not even close. It's still dark out."
"Would you like to come in?"
"Yes, I would - in oh so many ways - but tonight's not the right night." He gently let her down and pulled her skirt back into place for her. She started to button his shirt but he said, "No, leave it. It'll remind me of you on my way home." He leaned in for a short kiss. "G'night tiger."
#
Lauren heard a car pull into the driveway, but then didn't hear the house's front door open, so she eventually looked through the bedroom window's sheers to see if it was Kate. She saw Kate push Ben up against the car, drew in her breath hoping Kate han't hurt Ben, then chuckled softly as Kate closed in for the kiss.
She watched the two of them, most of their activities hidden by their long coats, right up until the part where Ben lifted Kate's skirt, pulled her legs around him, then pinned her to the car.
Did they or didn't they? Lauren didn't know for sure, nor did she particularly care so long as it didn't affect their work. Suddenly, Ben's visit the night before made sense, though Lauren wondered where Kate had been. Their passion sure reminded her how long it had been since Teddy died.
#
Ben slid carefully into his car.
Ben didn't understand what had just happened. Kate had clearly been with Justin the night before for reasons he didn't know and she obviously didn't want him to, then she wanted to have dinner with him again and had talked him into it despite his desire to be alone. She'd been very flirty, and he'd enjoyed himself, the dozen or so small kisses taking their toll on his bad mood.
Then there was that final - well, kiss was too mild a word given the mutual-almost-jumping-. Damn. She was leaving him with massive amounts of frustration, but he didn't want to jump her until she'd at least be honest what was going on with Justin.
When he got home, he took off his coat, then went into the bathroom to take a pic of his dissheveled self as Kate had left him. He snapped several iPhone pics, picked the one with the goofiest smile, the best lipstick smears all over his face, neck, collar, and upper chest, plus the disheveled shirt and tie. He emailed the photo to Kate with the subject: "What You Do To Me."
Ben then opened his dresser drawer, pulled out his cherry wood box for sentimental things, and put the peanut inside. The last thing he'd put in there was his engagement ring; the first, his grandfather's wedding ring.
He undressed and got into bed, muttering happily, "Oh, Katie." He hoped to hell she never, ever kissed Justin like that.