Shirley rationalized she earned a Mulligan from God.
Maybe her Mulligan was the Big Cheddar years, but not making anyone else pee for 20 years wiped that clean. Good behavior for the next 40 years should cancel out letting Jeff and Annie have pre-marital sex on Thanksgiving.
Once Shirley made herself okay with it, the next step was getting Jeff to host Thanksgiving dinner. So she came over on Saturday, endured Jeff's complaints about being up at 1 p.m., and laid out that he should host the group's Thanksgiving this year. The official reason was that this was their last year at Greendale, and this Thanksgiving should be hosted by the man who led them this far together. It was why they would all sleep over together on Thanksgiving night as well.
The unofficial reason was Jeff and Annie had to sleep in the same bed, before Pierce and Britta made them get naked in sinful public places. But Jeff didn't have to know that. The official reason wasn't convincing him, however.
So Shirley used a different tactic; namely, combining her motherly guilt with her detailed memories of Jeff's trip to Tinkle Town. Memories she could let slip to the group during Thanksgiving dinner – yet it'd be harder to do that if she wasn't at home. With that, Jeff immediately wanted to make it harder.
Annie had her means of using guilt and hardball on Jeff, and Shirley had hers. But they both did it for Jeff's own good, even if his own good here was a gray area. Yet Shirley's way of getting them together was the only one that gave their souls a fighting chance. So she told herself.
If she didn't get them to start their relationship with romantic bed sex, the others would make them doom their souls with office sex, or sick study room sex. For that, she could endure them having sex while she slept in Jeff's living room on Thanksgiving night. She'd either be asleep or listening to hymns on her headphones anyway, so that worked out too.
With all that sacrifice, this had to work! If it didn't, maybe God needed the Mulligan! But there was no need to use her blasphemy Mulligans yet.
Instead, she spent the next week doing her usual Thanksgiving preparations at home, before she would move everything to Jeff's apartment Thanksgiving morning. Once she got set up, the group, Andre and the kids would come over and stay out of Shirley's way. Jeff's barely adequate kitchen was enough to deal with, all things considered.
But somehow, she used the tools she had to set up a great dinner – and Jeff's rants about his apartment getting messed up weren't too loud. Annie helped keep the kids from touching too much or getting in Jeff's closet, so that had to help the cause. Yet the toast was bound to help a lot more.
Since Jeff didn't have 10 people over for dinner too often, the group helped Shirley bring her dinner table to his apartment last night. As ugly as that got – and as much as Troy, Abed and Britta talked about table monsters for some reason – everyone was now sitting around the table as if nothing had happened. Once everyone was settled and the food was done, Shirley rose up for her big speech.
"I'd like to thank you all for coming, and to thank Jeff for hosting this unique Thanksgiving dinner," Shirley began. "I know Jeff didn't want us to be here at first. But no matter how much we messed up his apartment, or how much we put his suits in danger, I know he's glad we're here now. Just like the rest of us." Jeff kept a blank face, yet Shirley knew it was the fakest blank face he had – and Annie didn't look fooled either.
So Shirley continued with, "But that's the whole point isn't it? For three years we've done things that looked wrong and uncomfortable to us, and they usually paid off in the end. With that kind of track record, it's a wonder we don't do more stuff that looks wrong and scary. That stuff might look wrong and scary for a reason, but it can turn out special if we try. Like this dinner, and lots of other things, I'm sure."
Shirley tried not to glance too much at Jeff and Annie as she spoke. Yet she glared as much as she could without giving herself away. "Maybe we've…..evolved enough that we're ready to try that stuff more. It's not like we have a lot of time left! By this time next year, who knows where we'll all be eating turkey! I say we use the time we have, do what we finally want to do, and not care one bit about the consequences! For this lifetime anyway."
Shaking off those implications one more time, Shirley finished with, "But until then, let's do what we really want to do in our hearts, because I think we've earned it by now. And it's not worth putting off for one more night." Figuring that was more than enough, Shirley declared, "All right, we've put off eating this dead bird long enough! Let's do it!"
Shirley made sure to eat the big pieces, since she earned it by cooking them, being Jeff and Annie's pimp, and saying "evolved" no matter how much it made Jesus cry. But the food and her friends and family got her through it eventually, and so did the games and typical study group madness that followed. At the least, it made Andre less reluctant to take the kids and go home afterwards.
But soon after they left, the moment of truth was at hand.
Through some thorough analysis, Shirley figured out the best places for Troy, Abed, Britta, Pierce and herself to sleep in Jeff's living room – while leaving no room for Annie. Troy and Abed got a big enough spot in the corner for their games, while Britta could sleep between them and the TV. This would leave her close to Troy, but Shirley could only deal with one pre-marital couple tonight.
Pierce got the recliner, while Shirley took the couch – the last comfy place for Annie to sleep. As such, Jeff had no choice but to let Annie sleep in his room now. He offered to sleep on the floor next to Troy, Abed and Britta, yet took it back after two seconds on his back.
Once he had no choice but to go in the bedroom with Annie, Shirley used her God telepathy for a few quick Hallelujahs, then laid on the couch to go to sleep. She got her headphones on to tune out the others and their protests; and to drown out Jeff and Annie's sex noises later as well. The recorded hymns she listened to drowned out everything as she went into a peaceful, victorious sleep, in spite of Jeff's lumpy couch.
It was around 6:30 a.m. when Shirley woke the next morning. She didn't need to check her watch, since years of mommying and school trained her to wake at 6:30 every day. She turned off her hymns and opened her eyes slowly, then closed them again when she saw Annie tiptoeing around in the kitchen.
Shirley kept her eyes closed as Annie walked around, then quietly closed the bedroom door. Once the coast was clear, Shirley let herself smile, happy that she got Jeff and Annie together in the right way. Sort of.
But if they were more….intelligently designed now, they would be ready to do things 100% right from now on. Between Shirley's speech and their sexy times in bed, what else could they do?
She opened her eyes fully, looking at her sleeping friends who would wake up to defeat soon. But Abed was already up and heading towards her, so maybe Shirley could warm up on him.
"They didn't have sex," Abed whispered before Shirley could start.
"Don't be silly, Abed. Save the sore losing for them," Shirley brushed off.
"You wouldn't let me be in the bet, so I have no reason to lie," Abed pointed out. "And from what I could tell, Annie looked happy and well rested, but not sexually satisfied. And her smile wasn't big enough to suggest Jeff told her he loved her."
Shirley let this bad news wash over her as Abed kept rubbing it in. "I'm sorry, Shirley. It was the best plan in this entire bet, but it wasn't enough. They didn't have sex, and they're not a couple either."
"SERIOUSLY?!" Shirley growled before she knew it. "I gave up my moral high ground for THIS?! Uh uh, I ain't sticking around for that!"
In a flash, Shirley got up, put her headphones in her purse and stormed to the front door, ignoring all those she woke up. She then pointed to the closed bedroom door and declared, "I wash my hands of you! Not even God can smack some sense into you now! And He's got better things to do now anyway, like listen to me beg for forgiveness! If I find a church that isn't packed with Thanksgiving sinners….oh Lord, I gotta go!" she realized as she ran out.
Troy and Britta were groggy and confused after Shirley's rant woke them, while Pierce was nowhere near awake. Jeff and Annie then came out and looked surprised – although they were both relieved that this could distract them.
After Jeff and Annie changed into their pajamas – away from each other – Jeff reluctantly climbed into the left side of the bed. Annie slowly got into the right side, getting under the covers and making sure she wasn't touching Jeff anywhere. They stayed in that silence for several minutes, but they were nowhere near sleepy.
"Am I allowed to say goodnight?" Jeff started out.
"You would know what to say in bed better than me," Annie let out before her nerves could settle down.
"Not like this," Jeff admitted, leaving him cornered and unable to avoid saying the next part. "I've never just slept with a woman before. And by just slept, I mean-"
"I got it, Jeff. I know more about this stuff now, you know. Even though I've never….done it either," Annie confessed.
"Wait, so Britta and Shirley were lying about the gay boyfriend story?" Jeff wondered.
"No! They shouldn't have told you, but no!" Annie squeaked a bit, then steeled herself to confess the next part. "I've never slept with a man in bed in my life, Jeff. This is my first time – doing that, I mean!"
"Hold on, seriously?" Jeff checked. "Huh. I guess you and Vaughn weren't as close as you looked," he said with barely contained relief.
"Jeff, we slept together," Annie corrected. "Just not in a bed."
"How could you not…" Jeff started, then paused and then tried not to laugh. "You really did sleep in a tent on the grass like hippies, didn't you? I joked to myself that you did that, but….you really did that?"
"Well, not in my old neighborhood, we didn't," Annie meekly admitted. "It was romantic at the time! And the grass wasn't that dirty when it wasn't raining!"
"God, he was that much of a hippie stereotype?" Jeff exclaimed. "Even Abed couldn't make this up!"
"I get it, Jeff, okay?" Annie made him stop. "And yes, I do think 'Wow, I can't believe I dated that guy' sometimes, all right? I've never slept in a bed with a man, but you've never slept with a woman like this either! So we're kind of in the same boat here, but I'm not joking about you!"
Once she calmed down, Annie predictably regretted snapping at Jeff – to that extent, at least. She turned on her side to see him and apologize, yet he already looked apologetic. "You're right, you're not. Sorry," Jeff conceded. "You know me, though. Better to joke than to dwell on being…." he stopped right there.
"Being what? Nervous?" Annie guessed right off the bat.
When Jeff didn't respond, she continued, "Then I guess one of us has to be the brave one. So don't worry about me, Jeff, I'll be fine. I haven't been in bed with a guy before, but I'm getting better at trying new things. And you can do different things like just sleeping with a woman too." She tentatively placed her hand near his arm and finished, "At least I'm trying this new thing with someone I trust."
"You trust me?" Jeff seemed to be surprised at.
When Annie confirmed it by nodding, Jeff just put his arm out for Annie. Once she took it and smiled, Jeff returned it as well, making them relax for the next several minutes. She snuggled into the covers and was amazed at their softness, which made Jeff brag about them for a while and relax them further.
Once they were at ease and settled into pleasant conversation, Annie mentioned, "You know, I am actually an expert at talking in bed. At least more than you are."
"How does that work if you never had a man in bed? Who did you talk with, your stuffed animals?" Jeff quipped – yet one look at Annie showed that he hit a nerve. "Crap, I got that right?"
"It's not like I did it in high school," Annie explained. "Just when I was a pre-teen. By then, my parents stopped being quiet when they fought after bedtime. So to drown them out, I took my stuffed animals under the covers, and I made up imaginary adventures with them before I went to sleep. Plus with my studying schedule, it was the only time I could be playful and creative all day."
Annie paused and more sadly concluded, "When that didn't work, I stopped being playful for about the next seven years. But I CAN talk up a storm in bed! I'm just rusty, that's all. At least with things that can't talk back. They can listen, though! At least someone did back then."
To her relief, Annie only came close to watering up. Yet Jeff still looked a little down as he said, "I did wonder why you loved stuffed animals so much. Or how you got better at playing with Troy and Abed than I expected. Now I have a few new clues."
Annie was content to let it go before it got too depressing. But Jeff continued with, "Plus it explains how you're more well adjusted than me. I never did playful stuff in bed to get through my rough nights. Well, not that kind of playful, anyway. I was proud of that for 20 years or so. But I guess the me who talks to women in bed and writes in journals is another matter."
"Writes in journals?" is what Annie took from that. "You actually did that? After the war?" This both changed the depressing subject and made Annie very intrigued.
But before she could get up, Jeff stated, "Nope, I already moved it before you people got here. It's somewhere you'll never find it."
"A refrigerator drawer filled with fatty food?" Annie guessed.
"No, that was the third place you would have looked," Jeff responded.
"Damn, I guess that rules out the first and second then," Annie pretended to sulk. "Oh well, I've got time. This isn't my last visit to this apartment."
"No, it isn't," Jeff let slip out, halting the banter in its tracks.
Yet after the latest awkwardness settled down, Annie responded with, "Jeff, I'm not really going to look for your journal. You're finally doing stuff to get through your past, and get to who you really want to be. I would never do anything to meddle in that."
"Well, I'd have never done any of that without your earlier meddling. How's that for irony?"Jeff tried to laugh off.
"I kind of like it," Annie settled on saying. Jeff's smile indicated he liked it too, so Annie let it drop right there.
For several more minutes, they settled into the kind of comfortable silence that was all too rare in their lives – both when they were alone and with other people. After a while, Annie slowly reached her finger out to touch Jeff's hand, and Jeff wound up gently grasping it.
Once the rest of their hands touched, Annie found herself getting more comfortable. With that in mind, she wanted to say one more thing before she finally went to sleep.
"Thank you for having us over today, Jeff. It was the best Thanksgiving the group's ever had. Probably the best I've ever had too," Annie noted. "I don't know how Shirley got you to do this or why, but I'm glad she did."
"Well, at least one of us likes how she did it," Jeff commented.
"I don't know how she did it. I'm just saying I'm glad it ended up like this," Annie corrected.
"Yeah, that makes it all better for that one of us," Jeff gruffly repeated.
"Come on, what did she do that was so bad? Did she threaten to sermon you, make you baby sit, call your mom, what?" Annie playfully asked.
"She brought up something I really don't want to talk about. Let's just leave it at that," Jeff stated, yet quickly saw Annie wouldn't let it go that easy. So he beat her to the punch and continued, "Annie, you usually get me to say and do lots of things I don't want to. I'd rather let this be an exception at the moment. Can we leave it there?"
Annie thought for a few moments, then sighed and said, "You're right, you're right, I'm sorry. I mean, I just said a few minutes ago that I don't want to meddle. I should be more consistent."
She did look okay with that, yet it still bothered Jeff a bit. So for one of those inexplicable Annie reasons, he kept revealing stuff in spite of getting an out from her.
"That doesn't mean I wouldn't tell you if I could," he started explaining. "A lot of the time when stuff happens to me, good or bad….you're usually the first person I want to talk about it with. Sometimes you're the only person I want to talk about it with. Even with stuff I don't want to talk about, I wind up hoping I can tell you when I'm ready. Of course, I know I don't usually do it. I'm just saying I want to most of the time."
"Why with me?" Annie asked when she was composed enough to say something.
"I guess that's one of those things I can't talk about yet. And wish that I could," Jeff hoped he saved at the end. To make sure, he added, "But I'm trying. I wouldn't be doing…..a lot of things if I wasn't."
Things like sleep with her like he never did with anyone else. That's what Annie tried not to believe Jeff was saying. But Jeff's smile, words, and his hand lightly grazing hers was making it difficult. The old Annie might have tried to make a move after that – when not hyperventilating over where she was. But present day Annie was comforted enough from Jeff already, and from just being here with him after so many setbacks.
So Annie just used her typical private smile with Jeff to show him it was okay. She then took his hand and laid on her back, content to play with his fingers as the bed felt softer.
"This really is comfy…." Annie muttered as she smiled with her eyes closed, in a likely exaggerated fashion. But she let the covers, the mattress and the company lull her into sleep at last, while trying to pretend she didn't feel Jeff watching her.
When she awoke at 6:30 a.m. like usual, Annie didn't find herself cuddled by a sleeping Jeff. Yet she did find Jeff's head lying on her shoulder, snoring and almost drooling a little. It was actually really cute and made her laugh quietly – yet just loud enough to wake him up.
"Good morning, Jeff," Annie said gently to set him at ease, just in case.
Although he still looked tired, Jeff muttered, "Morning, Annie." The domestic sound of it nearly made Annie's heart flip.
"Well, we did it," Annie powered through. "We both really slept with another person for the first time. This is an historic occasion."
"Isn't it too early for big words?" Jeff got out slowly.
"All right, I don't need words," Annie decided. "I'm taking a picture to capture the moment. After I go get my cell phone outside."
Jeff just nodded, although he was more focused on putting his head on a pillow. While he was busy, Annie got out of bed and tip toed towards the door, then opened it extra carefully. She made sure everyone was sleeping – and made a note to mention Troy, Britta and Abed's sleeping positions when she got home – then carefully looked for her cell phone.
When she found it, she quietly went back to the bedroom, closed the door, then turned and saw Jeff falling asleep again. Nevertheless, Annie sat on the bed, set her phone on picture mode and snapped a picture of her and Jeff together – albeit with her smiling and him sound asleep. But the flash awoke Jeff and made him rub his eyes as Annie saw the picture come out perfectly – and adorably – on her phone.
"There we go. Partial proof that we spent the night together, like a regular couple," Annie declared, then wished she hadn't.
Of all the things she could have said to break their bubble – which was admittedly already fragile – that was among the top. Or at least it looked that way at this early hour.
"That's it, isn't it? We can't pretend all this means nothing anymore, can we? At least I can't," Annie realized. "Now we have to talk about things, you'll go back to not talking, and we'll be in that old awkward stage again. The one where we get too weird to even be friends."
She sighed and conceded, "Well, we avoided that longer than usual this time. That's got to count for something. But I could be reading too much into it."
Annie didn't want to attack Jeff and his patterns like that, and she sounded more resigned than upset. But after years of getting somewhere with him and then hitting a wall, she knew the drill by now and wanted to be prepared this time. Then maybe they could get past the awkwardness and denial – on both sides – in time to take one last shot before graduation.
But Jeff's face didn't turn indifferent like usual this time. It was probably because it was too early, though. In that case, she couldn't push him into any talks while he wasn't at full strength. If she even wanted to.
Yet his face still looked as open and vulnerable as it did last night. It was just the morning, though – that had to be it. It had to be.
"SERIOUSLY?!" Annie and Jeff suddenly heard Shirley yell – a handy distraction if there ever was one. Neither of them knew why she yelled that, but they decided it'd be best to find out.
Everything else could wait. It had the practice by now, anyway.