Chapter 4: I don't love onii-chan!

Lesson was soon over and we headed to our usual spot on our bench that was shaded by the large tree. Liza and Gilbert were doing their usual arguing and joking around, making everyone laugh. Kiku watched quietly, speaking every now and then while Arthur read his book and made conversation with Zoe...

Wait, what? Why did that make me feel so...angry? Why did I feel the urge to pull her away and tell her not to talk to him? That was wrong to want. I wanted to control her and push Arthur away. What was wrong with me?

I looked away, hiding my face in my grey scarfe that was wrapped around my neck.

"You've been rather quiet, Ivan." Liza said, getting my attention. "You ok?"

"Da" I smiled at her, trying to reassure her that nothing was wrong.

"He's always this quiet." Gilbert chuckled. "Why so caring all of a sudden? Does someone have a crush on a certain silver haired Russian?" Gilbert bounced his eyebrows suggestively.

"IDIOT!" Liza shouted, punching Gilbert in the face. "I don't have a crush on him!" She crossed her arms with an irritated look. "It's just he looked a little distant, is all."

Didn't I always look distant? That's what Arthur had said. I gazed over to see Zoe laugh at something Arthur had said, him smiling at her with a look of...admiration? Did he feel the same way towards her? Only I can looked at her like that. I felt my fist tighten into balls, but managed to snap out of it when I realized what I was getting so angry over.

"Ivan-san, are you ok?" Kiku looked at me with concern.

"D-da, I'm fine." I nodded, tugging my scarf a little. Kiku stared at me for a few moments before nodding and turning his attention back to Liza and Gil.

"You know, I think it's about time you learnt how to communicate with me without hitting me." Gil complained, rubbing his cheek.

(Natalya's P.O.V)

I sat at my desk, quietly thinking to myself as break went on. I had just moved her only a day ago, and I wasn't very good at making friends. I was alone and to be honest, I didn't mind it. I prefered being left alone.

"Hey, Natalya." A sweet voice called. I looked up to see a pair of green orbs looking at me curiously. It was Lily, the girl in my class. She was really quiet. Even when she did speak, her voice was really small and fragile. She had short, blonde hair and if I remember correctly, she had an older brother in my brother's class. A little sister just like me, huh? But I bet even she wouldn't understand it.

I stared at her with cold eyes, waiting for her to continue. She looked a little shy, like she was hesitating to speak.

"Would you like to sit with me at lunch today?" She finally asked. I thought about it, and I wanted to say yes, but...I was never good with people and usually acted coldly to them or upset them. I was the girl that had very few-next to no- friends in my other school. Why would it change here?

"No thanks." I looked away, already regretting it. It looked like it took a lot for her to ask me that, but I just couldn't. I just reacted.

"O-oh...okay then." She smiled, trying to hide the dissapointment. "Well, the offer is still open if you change your mind." I didn't respond and continued to look away. It seems she got the message and quickly left, leaving me to my lonely thoughts once again.

I let out a large sigh before standing up, walking out of the class with my hands behind my back. I may as well walk around a bit and get more familiar with everything.

I came across many strange looking people playing and chatting. There was one in particular pair that caught my eye: two boys that looked exactly the same, except they both had a unique curl in their hair. The cuter, more innocent one had one sticking out near his ear on the left. The more aggressive, meaner one had his on the right and higher up. Their group of friends looked rather off too. A tall, well built blonde with shocking blue eyes. He kept telling the cuter one off, but in a caring manner. Then there was a boy with messy brown hair and green eyes that kept joking around with the other boy, but getting his or yelled at.

I carried on down the hall until I came to the door that led outside. The sun shon bright, the head quickly effecting my body. I walked across the grass and to a small wall that was covered in a nice shade. Another sigh passed my lips, but as I looked up, the site I saw made my chest tighte.

"Ivan.." I breathed, seeing him sat at a bench with his group of friends under a tree. He was laughing and smiling and looked like her was enjoying himself, but there was a hidden pain behind it. I only knew this because I've lived with him all my life, I know what something's bothering him. Of course, Katyusha knew it better, but...

Wait, that girl. She was the one from yesturday. The one Ivan stuck up for in the hallway. She was also the girl on the phone last night, wasn't she? She was smiling and laughing too. I could see my brother taking glances at her and a strange looked fell in his face when he did. It was a looked I'd never seen before, the type in movies. Like he adored her and wanted to hold her.

Again, my chest tightened at the thought. Was my big brother...did he love her? I felt my eyes water in anger. Why her? He only just met her! What did she have that I didn't? What made her so special to big brother?

I felt the tears fall, and I felt stupid for letting them. I know that what I'm feeling is wrong, I know, but...he's my big brother and I can't let anyone take him away from me. I wanted him to look at me like that, to love me and not her!

"Natalya?" My eyes snapped open as the voice called my name. Looking up, I saw Lily looking at me with concern. "Are you ok?" She sat beside me, patting my back.

Great, this was just what I needed. She caught me crying and I couldn't even make up an excuse for it. But for some reason, I felt calm when she sat there beside me. She didn't say anything, just comforted me.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." She smiled. "I guess being the new girl can be quite scary." I looked up at her slowly.

"Lily..." She looked at me knowingly.

"It's ok."

I composed myself and rubbed the tears from my eyes and managed to calm down.

"Thank you, Lily." I muttered.

"It's alright." Her smile was bright enough to match the sun. I was almost taken back by it. I glanced over at Ivan and his friends again to see them still doing the same thing: enjoying themselves and having fun. Something I wouldn't know much about. Tch, look at how pathetic I am, really.

"Lets get back to class and out of this sun." Lily stood up, holding my hands and making me stand too. She smiled and we both headed back together. It was strange...did I have a friend now?

"Do you know him?" I looked over at her in shock by her question. She smiled and nodded towards my brother and his group of friends. "I noticed you glancing over a few times. And I know the feeling responsible for that face all too well."

I wasn't sure how to respond at first, but soon managed to muster up the courage to speak to her.

"He's my big brother."

"Ah, I see." Lily nodded. "A forbidden love? Yes, I know exactly that feeling."

"You do?" I asked. She nodded at me, smiling a little as she did so. We finally got back to the classroom and sat at our desks and she told me more about her side of the pain.

"My big brother, Vash." She smiled. "He's always been my idol, but about two years ago, those feelings of admiration grew to something so much more." Her sweet smile faded, being replaced by a smile filled with pain. "He's joining the army in four months, so I won't get to see him for a long time."

"Have you told him?" I asked curiously.

"No. And I don't need to." She smiled. "Because he's my brother. I do love him in a way I shouldn't, but that doesn't mean I should pursue it. I want him to be happy, and I've fully excepted the truth now. I won't be bitter or pained anymore."

"But...how?" Lily laughed a little, finding my curious questions cute.

"Natalya, it's hard, but with closure, you'll manage." And with that, the bell rang signalling the end of break.

I didn't really get what she meant, and personally, I didn't really need to. I will just deal with this however I need to, in my own way.

(Ivan's P.O.V and a time leap to after school)

I waiting with my friends by the door, getting ready to start our journey home together. The hot sun wasn't as harsh, and there was a lovely, cool breeze in the air.

"Alright, lets go." Liza smiled and we all headed out.

There was the same usual chit chat between us all about the festival and our plans, not to mention our vacation to the beach a week after. I was excited, that's for sure. The festival was this next weekened and we had a lot to look forward to this summer. But I was more excited because there was someone new to share these experiences with...and not just anyone: the girl I had a crush on.

But there was also someone else who could easily snatch away this dream from me, and that was Arthur. I looked over to see him involved in the conversation Liza was having about the festival.

"What about you, Ivan?" I was snapped out of my thoughts to a staring Liza. "Are you going to make a wish on the fireworks this year?"

"Da" I smiled. It was an old tail that if you wished on the fireworks, your wish would come true. As silly as it may sound, my friends and I always made wishes. We sat in our special place and made our wish when the show started. It was magical, and I knew exactly what I was going to wish for this year.

"Have anything in mind?" Gilbert nudged me. "I know what I'm wishing for already."

"And what's that? A new face?" Arthur chuckled.

"Haha, very funny." Gil stared bluntly at Arthur.

"What about you, Zoe-san?" Kiku asked her, getting my attention. All our eyes were on her.

"Sure." She smiled. "Though I'm not really sure what to wish for."

"Anything you want! There is no limit!" Gilbert yelled, throwing his arms in the air.

"Alright, alright. Calm down." Arthur sighed. "The festival isn't for another week yet, so you have plenty of time to think of something." He smiled at her, which made that same feeling shoot through me.

"Looks like this is my stop" Gilbert smirked. "See ya later, losers!" He called as he ran off waving. We all waved him off before continuing our route home. I knew what was coming though. Zoe and I were the last to get home, and we were alone for a while. I had to muster up the courage to talk to her this time.

Before long it was just Arthur, Zoe and I walking. It was silent for a moment before Arthur spoke up.

"So, where exactly do you live, Zoe?" He asked. Zoe thought for a moment before responding.

"Not far from the bus station. Just up an ally filled with cherry blossoms, you know that road, right?" She smiled.

"Ah, not far from Ivan then." My heart jumped.

"Really?"

"Hm, he lives just up the road from you actually. Don't you, Ivan?" Arthur looked at me.

"Da" I simply nodded.

"Then I know who to go to first if I have any problems" She giggled. It was clear she was half joking, but I still felt my cheeks heat up. Yes, I wanted her to come to me when she had a problem. I wanted to protect her and help her more than the others.

After a couple more minutes, Arthur had to part ways with us.

"I'll see you both tomorrow. Goodbye." He waved and headed off. Both Zoe and I watched him leave before continuing ourselves.

It was silent again for several minutes. As I thought frantically for something to say, Zoe had beaten me to it.

"Thanks again for letting me borrow your books, Ivan." She smiled at me. She smiled...at me...it was such a pleasent feeling.

"Da, anytime." I smiled back. It was silent again for a moment.

"I'll be finished with them by tomorrow, so you can have them back then."

"Maybe you can drop them off at my place." I suggested, feeling my own cheeks heat up at what I said.

"Hm? Yeah, I suppose I could." She giggled.

"Da, you can come over right after school if you'd like. That way you'll know where I live and know where to go if you ever need me." I smiled bashfully. She noddded her head in agreement though.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

After all, it was friday tomorrow, which meant...the weekened, where I wouldn't see her. Usually my friends and I hang out, but Zoe and Liza have already planned a sleepover, and I'll be busy helping my sister redecorate. So I wanted to see her as much as I could before the weekend. Isn't it strange how one person can make you feel like that?