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Polis was beautiful. She had always known it was. She had grown up just outside of the main city. A small village where they had farmed animals and grown crops. She had never been meant for this life of simplicity. Her mother and father, from what she remembered of them, had been humble people. They lived in the same village all of their lives and that was where they were happiest. Appreciative of what they had and never asking for anything more. She envied them now for knowing such contentment to just live their days and be. She thought how different her life could have been. She could have just been one of the gentle people she swore to protect. Living her life out in an easy calmness, letting all the current goings on wash over her like some dramatic fable she would have heard when she was a child. She could have even had her own children. Given something more to the world than blood and death. Given something pure. Given something greater than trophies and battle scars of vanquished foes. She sighed as the thought of children made her think back to Clarke, like everything else in her days did now. She realized how little she knew about the woman. She didn't know how she was when she was a child. How life was for her. She knew little of her parents, little of her world before she stepped on to the place they now both called home. She didn't know her favorite color. She didn't know her favorite thing to eat. These were simplicities that life on the ground so rarely afforded, but she made a promise to herself that should she ever meet her Sky Princess again that she would make the effort. Clarke was worth making the effort for.
The late evening sky brought a chill to her skin. She stood out on the balcony to her bedroom, needing some air after the constant headache that seemed to have been hammering in her head since the meeting. There was no room for rest in politics, but even Lexa had to indulge herself in some quite solitude every now and then. If she was perfectly honest though, Polis without Clarke didn't really feel like Polis at all. She knew it was ridiculous. Knew she had spent endless months within the capital before she'd even known Clarke's name or had been in the woman's presence. She had dined and laughed and found entertainment in Polis's many pleasures. It just all seemed dull now. It seemed like the city was in a constant state of dusk to her. Never breaking in to sunlight without Clarke by her side. She had experienced a taste of happiness again and ever since nothing else seemed to click in place. She was lost. Like a raft out at sea being battered by waves in every direction. Floating unguided to whatever fate may have in store. It wasn't until Clarke had left that Lexa really realized how much she needed her. She couldn't help but feel like a child lost in a world she no longer understood.
Her amorous thoughts were short lived and interrupted as she could feel the guilt tapping at her brain. A constant reminder that although she was sure that Clarke had stolen her heart, there was one before that had already and had always held a piece of it. Costia. Lexa so rarely allowed herself to think of that name. The emotions it brought with it was not worth the trip back in to fond memories. She had accomplished so well the ability to suppress it. To throw herself in to her leadership and her passion for blood that it almost felt like she was losing Costia all over again when Clarke left. She had devoted herself to her lost love so long ago, part of herself felt traitorous for falling so Clarke so easily. She knew it made her weak. Knew she should honor the promise she made to a life of loneliness and solitude, but she could not. Clarke had changed her to her very core, it was what made losing her now even more painful.
Lexa shook her head as a chill worked its way up her spine. The cool evening breeze flowing over her body and making it's presence known. She was convinced it was the spirits' way of telling her to be strong and focussed. She could not change what happened with Costia and she cannot change what has happened with Clarke. She had an empire to manage and steer to victory. Her matters of the heart would have to know their place. Her enemies waited for no one and neither would she. But for now she needed sleep. Sleep would help soothe her torn affections and guilty conscience. She hoped in the blackness of night she could finally get some clarity.
Hours later, Lexa tossed and turned as she slept, unable to find any comfort in the thick rich pelts or warming furs. It was like the covers were suffocating her, blankets of endless weight that she could not push away. She looked out of the window and could still see the darkness hovering over the horizon. She knew there were many hours before she'd have to rise. She looked to her right and begrudged the empty space there. It had only been a couple of days, but it felt like an eternity. They had not gone this long without seeing each other since the night of the mountain. It seemed like a different lifetime.
A sudden knock at her door startled her and she couldn't help but self consciously pull the covers up to her chest.
"Enter. What is the meaning for disturbance at this early hour?" She called out, making sure her distain at the interruption was present.
"Apologies, Heda. It it I." Titus said remorsefully as he pushed open the door to her quarters. Lexa's face softened and her irritation diminished at the sight of her old friend and teacher.
"It is fine. Everything is okay I hope?" Lexa asked, still confused by his presence during the middle of the night.
"All is well, Commander. I am here with good news." Titus said with a broad smile, ushering in two other guards that had been waiting outside the door. They carried with them a wooden box, elegantly carved and embroidered with Ivory.
"What is this? A gift? Titus, surely this can wait until morning, there is no need to bestow presents on me now." Lexa pressed further, noting the strange actions of her advisor and tutor.
"It cannot wait. I assure you, this is one gift that requires your utmost attention and priority." Titus almost hushed her, Lexa's brow furrowing at such a sight of disobedience and defiance. The two guards dropped the box at the foot of her bed, returning them to their place outside her door. She watched as Titus slowly started to walk back with them, smiling as he excited.
"I hope you enjoy, Heda. Sleep and rest be with you." Titus said politely before shutting the doors to her room, leaving her with an eery silence. Lexa looked down at the box at the foot of her bed, her interest piqued by what could be contained. Titus was not one for gifts. She couldn't imagine any of the other ambassadors feeling particularly generous given current events either.
She stood slowly, walking along the cold stone floor towards the new object in her room. She brushed her hands over the delicate wood, marvelling at the beauty of the craftsmanship. She looked down at the clasps, shining golden buckles that reflected her eyes as she peered at them. She snapped them up, tensing as the sound echoed around her silent room. She couldn't help the uneasy feeling rising through her as she braced herself to open the box.
The smell hit her before anything else. As soon as she lifted the lid, the acrid, putrid smell of rotting flesh hit her nose. She fell back on to the floor as her heart hammered in her chest. The bile rose to her throat as the shock of what she'd seen settled deep within her bones. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream and fight and tear herself apart. Not again. It couldn't have happened again. Despite herself and through her tears, she looked in the beautiful box with its contents of atrocities. What she saw would haunt her forever. And all she would remember was the broken, gaunt face and a head of bloodied, matted blond hair.
Her whole body jolted as she forced herself awake. The tears were still present on her cheeks and her chest heaved as she tried to control her breathing. Her eyes darted around the room, searching and desperately trying to claw for any truth in her nightmare. She scanned the floor around her bed, looking for the box that had contained her worst fears. The morning light was streaming in to the room from her windows, shining down and easing her nerves as she realized her floors were empty except the thick rugs that had always been present. She lifted a shaky hand to wipe her sweaty forehead, feeling a constant chill despite the heat that flowed through her. It had been so real. It had felt just like it had before. Clarke had been in that box. Her beautiful face torn from her body and delivered to her in the cruelest of ways. She knew the spirits were warning her. She knew the spirits were telling her not to repeat the mistakes of her past. In spite of all their warnings, she craved Clarke now more than ever. Craved to see her smile, to see her at peace. To know that she was safe and well and away from any enemies that either possessed. She couldn't contain the tears as they fell, cascading down on to her bed as she shook. It had been so real.
A knock at her door made her jump all over again. She stared wide eyed at the entrance to her bedroom as she tried to calm her nerves. She dared not move as she just stayed fixated, staring, chest heaving as she waited for whatever fate awaited.
"Heda, have you awoken?" She heard Titus call from behind the thick, wooden doors. The sound of his voice made her feel sick as she thought to her dream. She blinked hard as she tried to remember that's all it was.
"Y-Yes... Enter." She called out shakily, trying to maintain some form of composure as she awaited her latest guest.
"Heda, what's wrong?"Titus entered with a look of caution and confusion on his face. He kept his eyes locked on Lexa as he tried to work out what was the matter. It was clear from her red eyes and puffy face that she had been crying and despite her stature and status, he was like a father to her.
Lexa tried to talk. Lexa tried to dismiss it and tell him she was fine. But all that came out what a choked sob as she dropped her head in to her hands.
"It's Clarke, isn't it?" Titus asked, knowing how different she had been since the leader of the Sky People had left. Lexa couldn't even bring herself to deny it. She was too tired of wearing the mask of strength she always wore. The dreams, Clarke leaving, the political struggle that was ever raging, it had just got too much. Titus made his way over to her slowly, sitting down on the foot of her bed, careful not to overstep any boundaries.
"It was for the good of the people, Heda. You have to remember that. Clarke is safe. You are safe. This would never have been afforded to you had she stayed here." Titus tried to soothe her, hating his commander being in such pain despite supporting the decision for Clarke to leave.
Lexa nodded and drew a deep breath. She knew he was right. She knew she had done well by her kingdom and her people. It didn't make the reality of the situation any easier though.
"Excuse me, Titus. My behaviour is not acceptable. I did not mean to put you in an uncomfortable position." Lexa said quickly the embarrassment of the situation quickly over coming her emotions.
"Do not apologize. You forget I used to soothe you when you were young, too." Titus smiled, standing up and making his way back to the door. "King Roan is here and has requested your presence when you are fit." Titus finished with a nod, shutting the doors behind him.
Lexa's sadness was diminished slightly as her confusion about King Roan's presence took over. As far as she was concerned Roan should be with the other Azgeda containing the Ark. After the meeting she had requested each leader remained with their clan should the possibility of war be provoked. She changed quickly as she thought what Roan could wish to discuss. Battle plans? Boundary positions? It all seemed too trivial for Roan to stay another night in Polis and request her assembly so early in the day. She dressed simply, leaving her typical dark make up, too eager to find out the wishes of the new king.
She walked down the halls and entered her throne room. There were several guards present, but she dismissed them immediately. She looked up to see Roan sat at the head of the table, a smile on his face that she neither care for or liked.
"Heda. Thank you for gracing me with your presence. I apologize for the early hour, but some things cannot wait."
Lexa eyed him cautiously. She knew the Azgeda did little out of kindness and that an agenda was usually just under the surface. After her latest dealings with Roan, she knew it wouldn't be long for his true intentions to come to light.
"Speak, Ambassador. If it's so urgent then there is no need for pleasantries." Lexa said bluntly, making sure to keep a healthy distance between her and her rather unwanted guest.
"Straight to the point as always. It's a good leadership quality. But as strong as you may be in some avenues, it wouldn't be remiss of me to say that you've been some what... Lacking as of late." Roan said with a smug smirk, taking a small dagger out of his jacket pocket and placing it's tip against the table. "The mighty Heda has had a defiance problem with many of the clans. It's not exactly usual for the Commander to face such insolence."
Lexa's nostrils flared with the weight of his contempt. She could feel the anger flow through her at his blatant disrespect and it took all her self control to remain placid. "Careful, Roan. May I remind you that there will always be a place for you in the stockades of this city."
Roan merely laughed at her threat, something that only served to enrage the commander more. "You see, Heda, that would have been true in the past. However we both know that if you were to imprison me here then my second would march the Ice Nation armies to your door step. And given your recent casualties of late, I'd hardly say you were equipped for war."
Roan's return threat made Lexa feel the slight twinge of nerves in her stomach. The mention of war to her already fragile coalition, would destroy any chances she had of a peaceful future.
"I'm still waiting for a point. I don't think you'd have woken me at such as hour to make empty threats of violence for no reason." Lexa said cooly, trying to remain composure during her verbal sparring.
"Suit yourself." Roan shrugged, before lifting his head up and looking her directly in the eyes with a stern gaze. "Your armies are not what they were. I know it. You know it. The other ambassadors know it. You make decisions without the full backing of your people and I think it's fair to say that everyone believes your luck is quickly running out."
Lexa felt her hands tense at her side, regretting that she foolishly didn't have a weapon on her. If she had, she'd have probably slit his throat right now for his despicable behaviour.
"Do you not remember how easy it was for my mother to get the backing of the others. They are done with you, Heda. If you carry on alone, then you will be dead before your time."
"My time and fate are my own. You have thirty seconds until I call my guards in to show you the exit to this city, Roan. And that is the polite option." She practically growled, rage pulsing through her veins with every beat of her heart.
"Now, now. I come with a very polite option for you commander." Roan smiled back across the table, the look neither suited nor flattered the man. "We could join together. No one would dare challenge us. The ice nation and your people combined. Our spirits would sit on that throne for a thousand years to come."
Lexa exhaled slowly as Roan finally made his point. She neither like it or valued it, but she knew now was not the time to be making even more enemies. Her armies were weak and her options for allies limited due to the treacherous nature of the coalition she had formed. "Roan, if you want a closer alliance between the Ice Nation and my people, that can be considered. But we cannot alienate the other clans. My plans for peace were not a mere statement. If we want to thrive then it's what we need to achieve."
Roan merely laughed at her words, the sight had Lexa fix him with a deathly gaze. "You misunderstand me, Heda. Our people already have an alliance. That is not what I am proposing."
"Then what is it you are proposing? I have had it with your riddles, just speak your mind." Lexa seethed, growing increasingly frustrated with every passing second.
"I am proposing that you and I form an alliance. If blood must have blood is no longer our way, then why can't a single commander no longer be our way too." Roan said slowly, gripping the dagger in his hand as he spoke. "I believe the Sky People, that you so clearly treasure, call it marriage? Every king needs his queen, Heda."
Lexa sat in a stunned silence. She felt repulsed with the very thought of it. Her fist slammed down on the table they sat at, gritting her teeth as she spoke. "I would sooner die, then call you my king. Guards!"
The warriors that she had dismissed previously entered the room with haste, looking to her for guidance with a concerned gaze.
"King Roan's presence is no longer welcome in Polis. Please kindly show him the closest exit so he may rejoin his people." Lexa breathed out slowly, trying to maintain some element of calm.
Roan stood up across from her and raised his hands by his head. The chuckle he exuded caused her entire body to tense. "I meant not offence, Heda. I know it is a big decision, so I shall allow you a few days to decide. I wouldn't keep me waiting too long though... I can get rather impatient."
Lexastayed fixed at the table as she heard Roan be escorted out behind her. She felt waves of nausea run through her as she thought of Roan's proposal. She couldn't. She wouldn't. But at the back of her mind the fear of what would happen if she didn't acquiesce his request haunted her like an unwelcome guest. War. It would mean another war with the Ice Nation and this time she was unsure whether she would be so victorious.
Footsteps behind her caused her to stand in fury, head whipping round in preparation to cause Roan whatever amount of pain she could muster from her mere hands alone. She startled slightly when she realized it was one of her aides, quickly changing to a less aggressive posture.
"Apologies, Heda. I have word from one of the clans at the boundary line. They've sent you an urgent message."
"What is it? What's happened?" Lexa asked quickly, feeling her stomach drop at the thought that already war had broken out and lives had been lost.
"It's Wanheda. They have the body of Wanheda."