4. The scar

John had been sipping his coffee, reading, when Sherlock's abrupt question made him jump in his chair and turn. 'What?'

With a huff - he hated repeating himself, he added, 'We've lived together for almost two years and in all this time I have never seen your scar. You are very self conscious of it and never walk around shirtless. Why?'

That was a loaded question, with no simple answer. He paused and considered it, staring into space. Long enough that Sherlock looked at him, still waiting for an answer.

John looked back at him, 'I don't know, Sherl-'

'No, you do know. You just don't want to talk about it. I don't understand why. Do you think of yourself as disfigured? Most men have no problem walking around shirtless in their own homes, but you don't. At least, not in front of me.'

Hell, I'd be too self conscious with less clothes in front of him, John thought. 'Sometimes, when it's too hot, I do sleep shirtless,' he replied defensively.

'Yes, but as soon as you leave your room you cover yourself up.' He got up and came into the room, sitting across from John. He crossed his legs and placed his elbows on the armrests, fingers interlaced on his lap.

'I had never noticed it.'

Sherlock just tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, doubting that last statement. John sighed. 'No, you're right. I have noticed because it is a very conscious decision. I just don't have a concrete explanation for it. I just don't feel comfortable being shirtless. And it's not just with you. It's been like this with my past girlfriends too.'

Sherlock winced internally at that. It pained him to think all those women had been much closer to John than him. Too many of them.

'And yet you have allowed them to see it. Why can't I?'

'Are you asking me to take my shirt off now?'

'Yes.'

'Why?'

Sherlock paused and considered. Why indeed? 'You are my only friend. I should know all there is to know about you. Clearly your scar and the cause of it is quite central in defining who you are. Yet this is unknown to me.'

John understood, but still felt uncomfortable with the idea. To purposely show his torso always put him on the spot. Under such unwavering and unnerving scrutiny it would be much worse. This was Sherlock, after all.

'Sherlock, it's been very awkward for me to strip off my shirt ever since I got back from Afghanistan. Somehow that makes me feel exposed, more so than being naked. To do it right now would feel no different, still very uncomfortable.'

'Then why not get it over with and just allow me to see it? If you did it for your girlfriends, many of whom are no longer in your life, why not for me?'

John remained silent, looking back into Sherlock's intense gaze.

'Sherlock, I'm sorry. I can't. Maybe I will in the future, but not at this very second.'

Sherlock was disappointed. He brought his fingertips together in front of his lips and looked down, thinking. Then he tried to convey his thoughts more clearly.

'John. I don't understand. You obviously consider me your friend. Is that correct?'

'Yes, of course.'

'You have shown you trust me, even with your life, just as I trust you with mine. Don't you?'

'Yes. Well, most of the time. Except when you are experimenting on me.' he paused. 'Is that what this is about? Are you sure this isn't you wanting to see the damage that a high caliber bullet can do?'

'While I admit that this in itself is interesting, it's not my reason for it. Were my interest merely academic I could easily find enough material online. Not to mention I have already seen quite a few in my line of work. No. I'm interested in what you've been through, from the moment you got shot, to the hospital, the convalescence, the rehab. This is what brought you here. This is a huge part of who you are. I just want to know that part of your life too. That is the reason. I would like you to trust me.'

It made sense, he considered Sherlock his best friend, that alone would have merited trust. Yet, somehow, he felt really uncomfortable with the idea. 'I'm sorry Sherlock. It's just too awkward and embarrassing. I can't just do it like this, at the drop of a hat.' Sherlock wrinkled his nose, he hated being denied his wishes. Seeing this, John added, 'Look, I trust you and someday I'll show you, just not like this, okay?'

'Like what then?'

'We'll know when the time comes.'

'John.'

'No.'

'John.'

'No, Sherlock. It's final. Not now.'

...

John thought about it afterwards. Sherlock kept insisting, and the more he insisted, the worse John felt about just taking his shirt off like that. He left the flat to get away and thought about why he felt uncomfortable with the idea. To allow Sherlock a view of his scars would make him feel naked. His stare would dissect him and leave him bare, as if his very soul had been stripped. He thought about how he admired Sherlock physically just as well as intellectually. In a way, as embarrassing as it was to admit it, by comparison, he wasn't remotely in the same league and that made him feel inadequate. Also, he remembered their lips brushing, and the alarming response in his body. What if this response were to happen right in front of such observant eyes? His world revolved around this incredible, insufferable, gorgeous, annoying, amazing, self-centred man that was Sherlock Holmes. He didn't know exactly what he felt, but whatever it was, it was there and it wasn't going to disappear, he could feel it.

...

Week 7 never saw week 8.

Note: John is wrong to feel inadequate. Sherlock would disagree, as you'll see in the following chapters. In earlier versions of this story, John did relent and show it to Sherlock, but my beta thought it seemed too implausible that he didn't put more resistance if he feels that awkward. So you and Sherlock will have to wait a bit, sorry.

This chapter is ultra short (for me), but I am in a bit of a time crunch tonight. If I can I will post the next one later. If you like this story, I do have another one complete - another Johnlock, what a surprise! It's called The Catalyst. It's much longer too. Thanks for following, favoriting and reviewing! You guys are great!