Peroxide for the Wound
Part Four
Subtitled: If You Can't Leave it Be, Might as Well Make it Bleed
Quote: The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. Herbert Agar
Isabelle yawned luxuriously and grinned at Ginny, who returned it whole-heartedly. "We should do this every day." She said, putting her feet up on the sofa and holding the mug of cocoa closer to her.
Ginny shook her head. "I haven't flown so much in ages, I just wish Fred and George had been here." She smiled to herself for a moment, picturing her brothers' faces. "That last flip was wicked."
"It's just nice to get out." Isabelle said, sipping her cocoa and glancing affectionately out the window at the previously haunting moors. In the light of day, the wilderness that surrounded Remus' cottage was the furthest thing from threatening. "My mom and dad lived in a neighborhood so I could never just go out for a fly, you know?"
Ginny nodded, trying to imagine what it would be like living in a muggle area. "Yeah, I mean, I never had to worry about muggle neighbors, or anything like that, but my brothers never used to let me fly. I had to sneak out, when no one was around and with six brothers, that was no small feat."
Isabelle laughed at the image of Ginny trying to sneak out of the Burrow with the many watchful eyes over her. Her face softened for a moment. "It must be nice to have older brothers." She said wistfully, suddenly growing melancholy. Unbidden an image of her own brother came to mind. She shivered unconsciously, but blinked the image away, terrified that she'd cry and if she cried, she just might never stop.
Ginny shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She and Isabelle had hung nearly every day since they'd met over two weeks previously but Isabelle had never before mentioned her parents or even let on that she was sad. Ginny hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to say. The only other person she knew that had experienced a loss like Isabelle's was Harry, and it wasn't as though Harry ever poured his heart about it. "You miss them, don't you?" Ginny said quietly after a moment.
Isabelle shrugged miserably, "How could I not?" She asked softly, looking suddenly very lost. Ginny leaned forward, placing a comforting hand on Isabelle's arm. She opened her mouth, desperately hoping that something soothing would come out, but before she even got the chance, the door to Remus' office swung open and he and Adelle stepped out, laughing raucously.
"Oh my god!" Cried Adelle. "I haven't thought about that in years."
"Well it's not exactly an image you'd want to treasure." Remus said wryly, following her into the living room and stopped abrubtly. "Hello girls, have a nice fly?" he said, seeming almost surprised to see them. If possible, the circles under his eyes looked darker than normal and though she was smiling cheerfully, a sense of exhaustion pervaded him.
"Yeah," Isabelle said quickly, collecting herself, her throat feeling oddly scratchy. "It was wicked!"
Ginny nodded eagerly.
"Good!" he said and smiled at them. "Well, Adelle and I have to run to London for some last minute business." He looked darkly at Adelle, "Can you handle things here?"
Isabelle laughed. "I think I'll probably be alright. If it'd make you feel better you could always call a baby sitter."
Adelle looked at her in surprise. "Well aren't we cheeky?" she said delightedly, thrilled at Isabelle had finally found some spunk. "You should hang out with the Weasley's more often."
"Any more often and Ginny would be living here." Remus said, smiling affectionately at Ginny, grateful that his daughter had found so willing a friend.
"I'd be good with that," Ginny said simply, settling back into the old, battered arm chair.
"Yeah till Harry Potter comes to the Burrow." Isabelle added under her breath so only Ginny could hear. Ginny glared at her.
Remus and Adelle had suddenly gone very deaf and they busied themselves with retrieving their wands. "Well we're off!" Remus said and held out his wand.
"Be good girls, " Adelle added. "Try not to be too much like your father, Isabelle, go easy on the firewhisky and keep the parties to a dull roar, " she shot a sly look in Remus' direction and winked at Isabelle.
Isabelle sighed theatrically. "I'll do my best." She said.
Remus shook his wand warningly at Adelle. "Don't go giving them ideas." He said but rather then respond, Adelle grinned at deviously and apparated.
"That's my cue." He said and with a swish was gone.
"Well that was rather drawn out." Ginny said drying, staring at the empty space that had once held Remus and Adelle.
"Yeah," Isabelle said dully. "They're always like that." She paused for a moment deep in thought. "They're always locked up in that office. I wonder what they do in there all day." She said thoughtfully,
Ginny snickered. "Well I have a few ideas," she said, raising her eyebrows suggestively.
Isabelle looked up, alarmed. She and Ginny's eyes met and they both burst into giggles.
Ginny left late that night but even after Isabelle had tidied up the house and taken a shower, she lay in bed as she always did both desperate for and terrified of sleep. Well into the night her thoughts tormented her. The more she got to know Remus, the more she wanted to know what had happened between him and her mother. But at the same time even acknowledging in her thoughts that Remus was her father, that he'd been married to her mother, that she had his hair, seemed an unforgivable betrayal of the man who had raised her. The man, who, in his sweet mugglishness had come to every one of her ballet recitals, softball games and school plays. The man who had bought her her first bike, pair of earrings, even took her to get her first wand, though he knew nothing about it. By getting to know Remus, liking Remus, was she somehow being disloyal to Jonathan Walker, who, until a few weeks before, was the only father she had ever known. How could she insult the memory of the man who had been nothing but good to her? Who had raised her as his own? Who had died fighting with her? Her guilt, compounded with her already suffocating grief made nights unbearable and days only marginally better.
Sometimes Isabelle felt like she would burst. She had wanted so badly to hate everyone and everything, to anything to blame her pain on. But everyone had been so good, and so patient, Isabelle found she couldn't rage at them any more than she could rage at her very gone, family. But then there was the mystery of Remus himself. Why was he always so tired? Isabelle found herself vaguely wondering if she had inherited insomnia from him. And what was this nameless work he did for Dumbledore in that creepy mansion in London, that very clearly didn't pay him anything? It was at this point that Isabelle's thoughts began to become disjointed with exhaustion. Dumbledore…school…Hogwarts…Alex would never get to see Hogwarts, or any other school…she'd never see Salem School again…America…Remus' office…her mother…Isabelle's stomach clenched painfully and she drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
The morning dawned foggy and foreboding. As light poured into her room, Isabelle sat up groggily, staring resentfully at her windows. She heard some distant banging in the kitchen and swung her feet onto the floor and shuffled into her slippers. When she reached the kitchen, Remus was cooking expertly while reading a book.
"Good Evening." Remus said without looking up.
"Morning." She said, and flopped onto a kitchen chair. "Wait, what?"
"It's nearly six o'clock." Remus said, pointing his wand and muttering a few words.
Isabelle stared at him for a moment. "You're kidding." She said.
Remus laughed. "Nope. Ginny popped in earlier but I told her you were asleep. She wants you to come over tomorrow."
Isabelle nodded dully. She had slept away the whole day? Remus seemed to be reading her mind. "What time did you go to bed last night?" he asked casually, flicking his wand.
"Not that late, but I couldn't sleep." She admitted.
"Any particular reason?" His voice still forcefully casually.
Isabelle thought back to the night before. She remembered thinking about her mother and Remus but shook her head, her light hair falling into her eyes. "Nope." She said, lying purposefully and busying herself with straightening the silverware. She wasn't sure why she didn't just come out and ask Remus about her mother. She supposed it was because deep down, she believed that she and Remus were getting along simply because they were both pretending, and pretty successfully at that, that Isabelle was simply there on holiday. They never talked about her mom, or Jonathan or Alex. They never even talked about anything long term, except for maybe the odd reference to Hogwarts. In fact, now that Isabelle thought about it, they never talked about anything of substance, no one did not to her anyway. She knew that Ginny knew more about the work Remus was doing for Dumbledore than she let on. Not that all this secrecy particularly bothered her, she was, after all, just as guilty. It wasn't as though she'd been particularly forthcoming. Still, it was all a little strange.
"Dinner time." Remus said cheerfully.
Isabelle snapped out of her revere and smiled distantly. "Oh, right, great." She said. "I'm starved." She took the plate from him gratefully. "So, did you go to London today?" she asked in a would-be-casual way.
"No, I had some work to do around the house." He said, chewing his asparagus thoughtfully.
Isabelle glanced at her chicken for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "What do you do in London, anyway?" she asked, looking up from her plate carefully, her light eyes, meeting his.
He shrugged. "Oh this and that." He said airily. "More vegetables?"
The wind blew softly outside and Remus watched as Isabelle leaned back and laughed deeply. He liked her like that, when she was flying. She seemed, happier, freer, more like the child he once knew.
"You look tired Remus." Molly said, tidying the counter under the window.
"Hmm?" he asked, tearing his eyes from his daughter just as she tossed the ball to Ginny who flew passed a red faced Hermione with surprising ease. "Oh yes, well you know." He said vaguely, refilling his coffee mug. "It's been a long summer. The Order, and the full moon last week, not to mention Isabelle…" he trailed off, feeling exhausted just thinking about it. "Thank you, by the way, for having Isabelle over Wednesday night. Even with the Wolfsbane potion, I'd rather not have her around."
"Oh it was no problem…"Molly said kindly. "She's a dear. Rather keeps to herself though, I must say. Never met so self contained a child. Gets along with Ginny just fine but get her in a group and she's quiet as a lamb."
"Afraid she gets that from me." Remus said, sighing. "Her mother was the definition of frank."
"If you don't mind me asking, are you two getting along alright? I know the circumstances are incredibly difficult," Molly said, watching Remus with a mothering instinct that could never even been dampened.
Remus shrugged. "Yes, we're getting along fine, I just…well… I worry about her. There's a lot more going on with her than she let's on. But I don't want to force her to talk to me about it."
"She'll talk when she's ready. To be fair, you haven't exactly told her all your skeletons either." Molly added, sweeping to the kitchen table and giving it a good scrub down.
"She just lost the only family she's ever known." Remus said, suddenly looking far older than he was. "and Merlin knows the world is becoming a darker place by the day. I can't bear to break her heart any further."
Molly smiled sympathetically following his gaze to the grinning girl. "Of course, dear. Who would want to break that smile? Now let me feed you something, you look famished."
Remus,
There's been a mass escape from Azkaban. Come quickly.
A.D.
Remus jumped up from the table and placed his wand on the note, causing it to erupt into flames. The owl flew out the window almost as fast as it had come. Isabelle watched the whole display over her shepherd's pie a little wide-eyed and horrified.
"I may be gone over night, but the doors are locked and if there's a problem, just flew to the Burrow." Remus said hurriedly as he rushed in and out of his office and into the living room. "I'm sorry to leave so suddenly but Dumbledore just owled."
"Is everything okay?" Isabelle asked, watching her usually calm father look so agitated and feeling slightly panicked herself.
"I'm sure everything will be fine." He said, sounding far more confident than he felt. "Be careful." He said, looking at her intensely for a moment, but with a wave of his wand, he was gone.
Isabelle sat there for a moment, feeling slightly dumbfounded. She walked slowly back into the kitchen and began to clear the plates. Unsure of what to make of the whole incident.
As she reached for Remus' plate, she grinned. She was all alone in the house. Completely alone. Now was the perfect time to check out Remus' study. If nobody was going to tell her anything, she would just have to find out for herself. For a moment she considered flooing Ginny but the notion was gone as soon as it had come. She felt, for some reason, that she had to do this alone. This was her family, her past, her future. No one else could understand, not even Ginny.
Feeling almost illicit, she placed the dishes into the sink and dried her hands. She walked slowly down the hall, aware of the beating of her own heart. In Remus' haste he had left the door to his office wide open. She paused for a moment, afraid even in her solitude that Remus was going to pop out, to call her on her deception. She pulled open the door with a creak and turned on the lights. The room was deceptively spacious with a large space in the middle that looked roughed up and well worn. The hard wood floor looked as though it had been the victim of much foul play. Directly opposite the door was a large desk. Isabelle moved to it almost against her own will. She didn't even know what she was looking for exactly. Maybe something to do with this strange business in London, maybe something to do with her mother, maybe something else. Her heart beat loudly in her chest and she pulled open the top drawer.
On the top were bills, and other letters, and a few books about Defense Against the Dark Arts. The second drawer was just as fruitless. At the bottom of the third drawer, however was a large, gorgeous leather book. She pulled it out carefully and turned to the first page. It was her mom, a much younger mom, standing next to a red headed woman, both grinning and waving eagerly. At the bottom of the picture were the two again, each with a baby in their arms. The red haired woman held a baby boy with jet black hair. Her mother held a much smaller baby. Me she realized with a start. She turned the page eagerly, and something fell out of the back of the album. Isabelle placed the album on the top of the desk and picked up the fallen piece of parchment.
Isabelle had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach and picked up and unfolded the piece of parchment with an almost painful fluttering.
Remus,
The directions for the Wolfsbane Potion are enclosed. Brew well in advance of the full moon and drink one vial each day for three days before the full moon.
Best,
Severus Snape
Isabelle felt terribly ill as she held the parchment. Her hand began to shake violently and she almost threw it onto the desk, as though terrified that by holding it, the situation would become more real, more horrific. Isabelle stared at WOLFSBANE POTION with an intense hatred. She knew that potion, they'd spent two weeks on it. It was for werewolves. Her father…the only family she had left. She stared about the room with a horrific new understanding. The room began to spin against her will and she gripped the desk, desperate for some semblance of balance. She had to get out of there. A werewolf lived there. The shadows had not been her imagination, without another thought she jumped up and hurtled from the room and out the back to. She ran and she ran and she ran. She wasn't even sure where she was going but at some point she began to sob uncontrollably.
Somehow this had all gone terribly, horribly, irreversibly wrong. What was she going to do? She had nowhere to go. No one to see. Suddenly her foot hit a root and she tumbled face first to the ground. It knocked the wind out of her and it took her a moment to calm down enough to catch her breath. She barely had a breath out of her when coldness filled her. As despairing as she had felt, this was so much worse. The dark moors faded from her.
There are bright lights
Her mothers scream
Her brothers sweaty hand
Her mother's scream
Her mother's scream
"No!" Isabelle cried, her mother echoing mercilessly in her ear
It was oh so cold…..and then…darkness fell.