Chapter Four

When I finally did wake up, I did so in the clinic of Toran Castle. I had no idea how much time had passed, or whether we'd even succeeded in our assault on Shasarazade. I mean, I suppose we had to have, or I wouldn't have awakened at all.

As I came around, I noticed the clinic was pretty empty, and it wasn't even Army Doctor Luikan who was tending to me, but one of his nurses.

From what I would later be told, once I hit the water, I was almost instantly clocked in the back of the head by another ice boat, which in turn drove me underwater, where I very nearly drowned. However, one of the boat's commanders- Ronnie Bell, a freaking MASSIVE woman- reached into the water from the back of the boat, and dragged me onto the thing. I'm kind of shocked the cold didn't wake me up right off, but thank God it didn't. Ronnie Bell's team- the Secret Factory Team- consisted of Mose (one of those Blacksmiths), and the laundry girl Sarah I told you about when I was going on about Clive (again, I have no idea who picks these teams or the logic behind said choices. I just work here).Ronnie dragged me out, but unfortunately neither she nor Sarah were well-versed in mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. But because my luck works that way, Mose certainly was.

I'll let you figure out the rest.

As for the thing that actually mattered (by which I mean the war), I blacked out only minutes before the critical moment.

Tir and his entourage got to the floodgates, all right, and closed them just as planned… unfortunately, the chemicals that were intended to burn the place out from the inside went off a few minutes ahead of schedule; Like, "While Tir and company were still in the catacombs" ahead of schedule.

From what I understand- from what we were told, anyhow- one of the other soldiers who was directly under Sanchez's command turned out to be the traitor to the Liberation Army. You know, the one that Mathiu came up with all those goofy plans in order to counter. The guy assumed he could take out both our army's Commander and our chief Strategist in one blow. He stabbed Mathiu in the back (in a very real sense) and tipped and lit the oil or whatever it was.

Unfortunately for him, Tir and the others got out, safe and sound (with General Sonya Schulen, to boot!) and Mathiu survived his little ambush… for a while, anyway. I guess someone got too hotheaded or something because they killed the traitor on the spot, and dropped his corpse into the burning castle of Shasarazade.

As for Sanchez, he was held accountable for the lapse in security. He was punished by being placed under closer scrutiny himself, pretty much put in solitary confinement for the duration of the war.

Of course, there are rumors that Sanchez had a more active role in this betrayal… but that's Onil for you.

Nevertheless, we had won Shasarazade and taken General Schulen captive. She, like General Hazil, General Rossman and General Oppenheimer, decided to join up with us along with what troops were left from her contingent. I guess one by one they realized they weren't playing for the right team (but then again, considering Commander Tir had the Grim Reaper emblazoned on his hand, I might have been confused, too).

Anyway, back to me.

I was still a bit achy about the chest and the back of my head. I was all bandaged up, and the nurse allowed me to leave… but told me I was expected in the Barracks.

This was usually bad news, and considering the circumstances behind my stay in the clinic, I knew for certain I wasn't headed for a promotion.

Looking back at the time, I was happy it hadn't been Meg who'd been hurt in the volley after all. Whether or not I'd been able to help her. There were plenty of ways to play the hero that didn't include her being riddled with arrows.

However… the bouquet was now gone. And, really, it was all for nothing.

As I walked- rather, 'limped' toward the barracks, downing a pain-numbing Medicine vial on the way, it occurred to me just how quiet the place was. There was a mere skeleton crew at work on laundry, cooking, cleaning, and a handful of soldiers on daily patrols. I couldn't help wondering where everyone else was. Still cleaning up at Shasarazade at that point, would have been my guess.

I finally arrived at-… well, what once had been the barracks, only to find a large, empty room instead of rows of cots.

Well… mostly empty.

Standing at the center of the vast, echoing cave was none other than Lord Maximillian Maximillian, of Maximillian's Knights (and his Squire, Sancho). They had been there, waiting specifically for my arrival… the thought of which sent a great wave of shame through me. The fact that they had taken the time to personally attend to my punishment instead of leaving it to my immediate superior… and that they had waited for me to come out of a coma to do so… Yes, I was in trouble.

I stood in the doorway for a second, as though freezing like a statue would somehow forego or even call off altogether the scolding to come… but it didn't work on Pesmerga, and it didn't work then, either.

"Step inside, Squire." He declared at last.

I shuffled forward, finding myself unable to look up at him- unable, even, to look toward the gentler, more logically minded Sancho- until at last, coming to stand before them. My gaze was still firmly weighted to the ground.

"Well?" He demanded, making me flinch. I had never seen him quite this stern. "Explain yourself."

"S-Sir… L- Lord Maximillian…" I began, swallowing. I felt nauseous, scared and I couldn't even blame it on the presence of those overstuffed Narcissists. "I didn't… mean to cause any trouble."

"You abandoned your post, Squire." He persisted, folding his arms. "Suppose someone on your ship had been grievously wounded. Suppose one of the soldiers in your care had died. Had you considered the explanation you would give his or her family before deciding to 'jump ship', as 't'were?"

I really hadn't, in all reality, but I suppose it hadn't struck me that anyone on my ship- led by Pesmerga, Mace and Clive- led by The Experts- would have had anything to worry about. Then again- and I really should have realized it- there were more than just the three of them on the ship. Not everyone in the Liberation Army was some kind of choice soldier, a fact I should have known better than anyone else by that point. And even the so-called Elite Forces were vulnerable. Jabba and Mathiu himself had been wounded, not to mention whatever the hell had happened to that poor Dragon Knight kid…

"I'm… I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I heard another boat shout for a medic… someone else had been wounded…"

"There were other medics on other boats." Max retorted, his eyes made of steel and fire at that moment. "Closer boats than yours."

I sighed. I really had no excuse for what I had done- at least from a military perspective. Granted, my negligence hadn't ultimately resulted in any deaths, but it wasn't as though I would bring that up.

"It… wasn't just that."

"Then what was it?" He persisted.

"It…" I cleared my throat, hoping to dislodge the ever-present lump. "It was… for a girl."

Max said nothing, only leaning forward slightly, bidding me to continue.

"The boat I swam for belonged to the Tricksters' Squad. I saw Juppo, is how I knew… I didn't see Meg- Juppo's niece. I didn't see her, and I was scared…" Even at the memory, the thought, my insides were tying themselves in knots. "When I heard them call for a medic, I was scared she'd been hurt, or… or worse."

Another long silence passed, ending in an equally long, heavy sigh from my aged commander.

"My boy…" he began, glancing to Sancho who only gave a nod, "Recklessly leaping to the aid of another before fully gauging the necessity to do so, as well as abandoning your post, are very serious offenses. This holds true no matter how capable those you are assigned to may be."

I nodded, looking away from the two once more.

"And your lackadaisical manner with regard to your responsibilities as a Knight is nothing short of a disgrace to the organization itself. I have received a great many complaints stating so from your immediate superior. However, at no point before this has it been a potentially life-threatening issue."

I get it! I wanted to say, but I was too busy trying not to cry, honestly.

"Do you wish to be a member of the Maximillian Knighthood?" He asked flatly, "Or have you truly no dedication? No purpose here?"

I hesitated.

That had been the real question for a long, long time now. The one I'd been wrestling with for years...

I don't know how I've looked to you throughout the events I've related to you up to this point, but really… At that moment in time, and even now, I'm embarrassed. Embarassed at the notion that I thought I was going to just sit in the back and watch everyone else throw swords, spells and arrows around, killing each other while I slacked on the sidelines waiting to be discharged. And to what end? Back before the Liberation War, I didn't think of endings, of consequences…

And then, this. I met friends who were completely invested in this war. I saw people like Mathiu- people who were supposedly indispensible to the fate of the world- nearly killed at the drop of a hat. Seasoned soldiers and grown men who were more than willing to give their lives… and poor innocents who only got wrapped up in it all.

I thought about Meg then. I thought about the fact that she had run away from home, and that her parents hadn't the slightest idea that she was unwittingly risking her life in a battle to overthrow the tyrannical Scarlet Moon Empire. I thought about Juppo and his unwilling but bizarre loyalty to his niece, trying to keep her safe and guarded from a reality she had simply failed to notice. And I thought about my own role in this war: Willing or not, I had been enlisted into an organization who took it upon themselves to perform that very same solemn duty, so that no one would have to experience the kind of loss that I saw in that Dragon Knight boy's eyes.

And I thought about Meg.

"No." I said out loud- but quickly corrected myself. "I mean, I don't want to leave. I can't leave yet, sir. There's still too much to do… someone I have to protect."

Max and Sancho looked at me, then each other, and nodded.

"This is- more or less- what I had hoped to hear." Approaching me, he unfolded his arms, and placed his hands on my shoulders. "I shall overlook your… comparably minor infractions."

"'Comparably'?"

"To how damaging it might have been."

"Oh…"

He nodded slowly, then continued;

"I shall overlook them… on the grounds that you realize there are certain behaviors that have no place within the Knighthood." He said, then smiled. "But there are ideals- such as love and chivalry- upon which the Knighthood was based."

At last, I was able to look up at him, tears trickling from my eyes through a smile in spite of myself.

"Just try to remember which is appropriate and when."

"Y-yes, sir! Of course! Thank you, sir!" I could barely form my words, stumbling over my words through a smile born of a joy I could never remember feeling before that moment.

"Now hurry and make yourself presentable." The aged warrior declared, standing to his full height, his voice taking on a serious, oddly somber tone. Well… odd until I realized what he actually said. "Myself and the Maximillian Knights will be expected at Gregminster City for the funeral."

"…The what? …Where!"

I had missed more than I thought.

The assault on the capital city of Gregminster had come very shortly after winning Shasarazade. From what I understand, it had been an intense, epic battle, the likes of which had never been seen before, and may never have been seen since; hordes of monsters, a clash of ancient and powerful Runic magic, the fall of several mighty imperial generals, and a victorious charge into the city where Tir McDohl and his entourage mightily stood against Emperor Barbarossa… It took place at sunset on the roof of the castle, countless soldiers watching as Barbarossa took the form of an enormous golden hydra, and by the time the climactic battle had ended, the castle was too weak to stand and began to collapse- taking with it (apparently) Barbarossa, the court magician Windy, Flik and Viktor.

It was the sunset of the Empire… and I had missed the entire God-damned thing.

The victory, however, was not without cost (and I don't mean Flik and Viktor. Don't feel too sorry for their loss; you'll see why in a short while).

Mathiu Silverberg, unfortunately, died of his injuries at the moment of the Liberation Army's final victory over Barbarossa, slipping from the world just as Castle Gregminster collapsed. It was his funeral to which Master Maximillian referred.

It was an amazing ceremony; not because of the décor and pomp and circumstance, but because of the sheer emotion involved. There wasn't a dry eye or an empty seat in the house.

I stood with the Maximillian Knights- as would be expected- watching and saluting, listening to one eulogy after another… a procession from which Sanchez was conspicuously absent. Flik and Viktor had gone missing, and Tir McDohl- to the shock of everyone involved- abdicated his position as President, and left the chair to now-president Lepant… not Sheena Lepant, Gods forbid, but General Lepant.

He was the one who spoke first, at great length, of the terrors of war and the strength of will required to be someone in Mathiu's position. Mathiu's uncle- Leon Silverberg- was there as well. He spoke of Mathiu's code of ethics, and about something called the Kalekka incident… I won't get into it here, it's pretty complicated stuff; Apple wrote about it in Mathiu's biography. Speaking of, Apple spoke as well, and… well, remember that 'not a dry eye in the house' comment I made before? That was really Apple's doing. She could barely keep herself composed as she spoke of Mathiu's skill and brilliance.

When all was said and done, there was a procession of a different sort, where all who wished to do so (although nobody wished to decline) could line up and pay their final respects to Mathiu. Maximillian demanded it of all of us, but I probably would have done it anyway. I said it before; I'd learned to respect him.

Then, at last, the army was released to mingle and contemplate and mourn.

I, for one, had no real desire to find anyone to mingle with. My head was full of 'serious stuff'; Everything Max and I had talked about, everything I'd experienced with the Stars in the last couple of days, this now-concluded Liberation War and how it had affected my outlook on life. Besides, nobody outside of a small handful even knew who I was, and those who did teased me- either about getting knocked into a coma, or Meg…

Meg… I didn't bother looking for her. I hadn't known what sort of role she'd played in the siege of Gregminster, but I couldn't imagine that once the war was over, Juppo would have stuck around… and as goes Juppo, so goes Meg… neither of them would have had any business at a funeral.

I sighed silently, pacing through the groups of chatting soldiers and civilians, until I heard a quiet voice call my name from some distance off.

Turning, I quickly recognized the face and attire of Templeton, the mapmaker. I turned toward him, but as I began to wander in his direction, I noticed that he was insistently waving me toward him.

Picking up my pace, making my way past a few more circled groups, I could make out more and more of my friends who had made a circle of their own: Templeton, obviously, with Lotte, Melodye, Hix, Tengaar, Viki, Qlon, and-

I stopped dead in my tracks. For a moment, I thought that after everything that had happened, the flicker of brown ponytail and the slight jingle of bells was my imagination attempting to pick away at what remained of my sanity… but no. The closer I came, the clearer it became:

Meg was still there. Right there. She stood at the middle of them all, looking around anxiously as might have been expected, holding a halfhearted conversation with Tengaar.

"Are you alright?" Templeton asked as I started making my way closer to the circle. "We were worried you might not get here in time… If you didn't, I doubt we could have-"

"I know." I said with a nod. "I'm fine, thanks… and I mean 'thanks'." I shot him one more smile, and he nodded back. He knew I didn't have much time to talk.

As I approached, one of those surrounding Meg must have noticed me, as the circle opened up… forming a nigh-inescapable semicircle and allowing me a clear path to her. I hustled into the newly open space, and watched as she slowly realized something was amiss. Butterflies wrought havoc in my stomach as she gradually turned, finally facing me with those deep ruby eyes.

Unlike last time we met, when I was in mere bedding attire, I was in my fill squire's regalia, far more impressive, even if it wasn't as impressive as a Knight's might have been. She was still dressed in the same outfit as she ever wore, and (at the time) I wouldn't have had it any other way. That she had made it through this war without a physical or psychological hair out of place was all I could have asked for, all things considered… but now, I had more.

"Did I do something wrong?" She was the first to break the silence, with words that made me blush deeply.

"N-no." I began, that annoying lump emerging in my throat as it ever did in these sorts of situations. Thankfully, Tengaar saw fit to break the silence.

"This is the guy I was talking about before."

"Ah?" Meg blinked, glancing at Tengaar over her shoulder before looking back to me, her eyes widening slightly. "I thought you were… in a coma or something?"

"I got better…" I replied, smiling weakly. I couldn't stop that persistent flush in my cheeks- just tried not to focus on it, tried to focus simply on speaking the words I'd wanted to, but not really knowing what they were. You'd have thought I'd have been rehearsing for this moment, but even if I had been, circumstances kept changing, and things faded in and out of relevancy.

But as I stood there, as I simply looked at her and took in her presence, she reached up and rubbed her arm in a nervous gesture. I could sense Tengaar and the others mentally urging me to say something; Anything… but then my eyes were drawn by her movements to her other arm, and to the glove of her right hand- in which was tucked a glittering gold handkerchief.

"I like your handkerchief…" I managed at last.

"My uncle… Uncle Juppo said it was a gift…" She looked around weakly, as though still seeking him out. "A gift from an idiot."

I coughed a bit. It was a fair assessment, but the fact that he'd given it to her at all…

"Don't I know you from somewhere?"

"Yes…" I swallowed, looking away for a brief moment. "I… we've met twice, actually. Once in the castle halls at night, and once when we were in Merchant's Row. You yelled at me because you thought that I thought that Juppo was your 'boyfriend' and not your Uncle… how you told me you didn't have or need a boyfriend?"

She stared at me for several unsettling moments… until she finally brought the hand rubbing her arm up to her lips.

"Oh." She breathed.

"Yeah." I sighed back. "I've… I've been wanting to talk to you for a while."

"Why didn't you?" She replied casually. "I've been around."

"Well, no you haven't." I replied honestly. "You've been chasing Juppo all over the place- not that I blame you, I understand. It's just hard to find you."

She blinked, tilting her head inquisitively at me.

"I know you ran away from home to be a Trickster, left your family to find adventure, but…" I hesitated. I didn't want to come off sounding like a parent or something. I wanted to sound like-... I don't know.

"Meg… I know you want to make your own way in the world, to find adventure, to be a great Trickster like your uncle… but the world can be a scary place full of strange things and bad people. I don't know how seriously you've taken this war- God knows I didn't at all, at first- but… I've seen what it can do to people. People lose friends. They lose family… they could even lose their lives if they aren't careful."

I sighed deeply, and looked at the handkerchief again.

"I don't want that to happen to you. I don't want to think about you being hit by a stray arrow or getting ambushed by bandits on the road or something or…"

"Why do you care?" Meg asked, a hint of a pout in her voice. "You're not my parents, or my uncle… I don't even really know who you are. I mean, other than those two times, have we even met?"

"I know." I replied. Now it was my turn to feel awkward… it was true. We'd never really talked, never gotten to know each other. She was cute and I admired her determination, her free spirit… I looked at her, and wanted to know she would be that way forever; that nothing would happen to endanger her, to make her sad or take away her view that the world was something to be explored and enjoyed rather than feared (Why I didn't say any of this, I don't really know. It would have been better).

"I care about you, Meg." I said, and as I said it, I reached out, and took her by her slender, gloved hand. "I can't explain it, but… but I care about you. We don't know each other, but I want to know you. I want to know what makes you want to be a Trickster. I want to know what possessed you to run away from home. How you felt about this war, or if you even cared. I want to know about your family, and about… about you! What makes you happy? What… makes you smile?"

I didn't know what my friends were thinking or whispering to each other about behind Meg's back at that point, but I didn't care. Slowly, I wrapped her hand in both of mine, my eyes staying on hers for as long as they could, though hers seemed to self-consciously dart this way and that. I know it was a silly thing to do, but I slowly got down on one knee, as though about to propose to her…

"I want to know everything about you because… Meg…" I hesitated.

"I want to be your-"

The last thing I remember hearing before finding myself kneeling on the center of the dinner table of a very confused Kobold family was a loud, high-pitched sneeze.

And then I remember being very, very angry.