Chapter Summary: 'Baby sleep, gently sleep …' Perhaps this wasn't exactly the ending to the day that Bella had wanted, but … well, me holding her in my arms? And I didn't think there was the possibility of solace in this Now.
"So," I said now that we were safely ensconced in our room.
Our room. Not just my room anymore. Our room.
"So?" Bella asked defensively.
"So, are you going to tell me what the occasion is?" I clarified, and I waved at my Bella in her prim and proper little dress.
"Don't you like?" Bella asked, hurt.
"Very much," I answered right away.
"Well, then, that's it," Bella said shyly.
"Bella …" I began, disbelievingly.
"Look, Rose," Bella said, "I'm really tired. I had a long day shopping with Charlie and then, you know, scared to death what you would think, you know? Can I just go to bed now?"
I looked at Bella. She did look more than keyed up and wrung out. Exhausted: tired and wired.
I did notice one thing, however: she called me 'Rose.' She glowed earlier at my compliment to her dress, but her now, calling me that? I think I may have glowed a little bit, even listening to her tiredness.
"Certainly," I agreed solicitously, "I'll get Esme to lend you her …"
"No," Bella said firmly.
"Bella, really," I said patently, "it's no trouble for us, for Esme, to lend you her pajamas; she has plenty. It'll be her pleasure, in fact, and …"
"No," Bella said again, "I brought my own pjs, and I'm gonna wear them."
"Bella," I tried again, reasonably.
"Rosalie," Bella cut me off, picking up her bag. Then: "No. Okay? Just no."
She glared at me.
I closed my eyes for a second and reopened them.
She was standing so stiffly, her jaw locked.
I sighed, giving in. "Okay," I breathed out, looking away. I mean, I could fight her, again, on this, and win, more than likely, but it's been a week since I had last seen her, and I just so want to be with her, and I want her to be happy to be with me.
I thought with regret, however: ratty sweats; ratty, holey sweats.
Well, I suppose if I could accept and love my bald-headed Bella, I could accept and love my Bella in her comfy, plebeian night clothes.
Bella flew to me, planted a light kiss on my cheek — "thanks," she whispered — and raced off to our bathroom. I heard the sounds of Bella disrobing …
Don't think about that. … Too much.
And the sound of Bella putting on those wretched pajamas of hers.
I mean, seriously, what a turn-off!
I called to Bella from behind the closed bathroom door: "Are you brushing your teeth?"
We've bought floss, tooth brushes and tooth paste and stocked our bathroom, just for Bella.
"Jeez, Rosalie! I just brushed them at home!" she whined.
"Yes, I know," I answered, and smiled a very private smile.
I heard Bella sigh; she probably was rolling her eyes, too. Then she opened the door, and I braced myself.
Expecting the wrong thing.
Again.
I looked at her, smiling at me. She was wearing a pink long sleeved cotton top and a mint-colored bottom with a print of white kittens at play. The pajamas were brand new. I could smell they had never been worn until now.
I smiled and shook my head. "You are just full of surprises today, aren't you?"
Bella smiled back, shyly. "I didn't know whether to wear these or the purple set."
"You bought two pairs?" I asked in disbelief. "I can't wait for tomorrow night."
Of course, what did Bella do? She blushed, and it caught me by surprised.
I should have expected Bella's blush, but I didn't. She blushed at anything and everything, and it made it just so hard. Firstly, because it brought her blood right to her cheeks and the pull of that hunger in me is just so terribly painful.
But also, because the way she looked as she was looking away so coquettishly as she blushed?
Oh, I wanted to get her attention back to me, all right, and the scenarios that I came up with to get her fully focused on me were entirely too naughty and fearsome for a sweet little girl like Bella who has only just graduated high school.
It was just so hard, restraining myself from throwing myself at her and carrying her off … right to the bed.
But restrain myself I did. If we were going to make this last, we had to work with each other's pacing. Rushing into things? I've seen that people who rush into things also rush right out.
I waved to the bed, and Bella went to it and snuck under the covers, then she turned to me, giving me her totally superfluous big eyes and patted the top of the covers.
'Totally superfluous' because I was going there, anyway.
I smiled faintly and ask her if she could wait while I changed.
It seemed that Bella could manage the wait … barely.
I went to my walk-in closet and chose my most demure piece, my Farr West Georgette slip (yes, that is my most demure piece), changed quickly into it and moved to the bed, resting on top of the covers, snuggling next to Bella who was beneath them.
I wrapped my arm around her, and she took my hand and kissed it.
"How did you get Charlie to go shopping with you?" I asked Bella. Charlie didn't seem like the kind of person who would be interested in shopping excursion, first of all, and, if at all, wasn't interested in one to select women's wear. I would think that would be something rather far down his priority list.
Bella was thoughtful for a moment, then she said quietly: "Charlie told me he was a bad father."
It was my turn to be introspective for a moment. Given the history of my own fathers, both stern and distant Walter Hale, then Carlisle Cullen, who, in 'kindness,' turned me into a monster, what Bella said was incomprehensible. I would have been lucky to have a father like Charlie.
I haven't been lucky much, if you haven't noticed.
"What would have him make a statement like that?" I asked.
"He said …" Bella paused. "He said he had never spent time with me my whole life, and now, he never gets to spend time with me, and he feels he's to blame for me ending up in the hospital back in Phoenix and then broken-hearted, twice." She paused again. "I mean, I totally tried to tell him he was great and none of this was his fault and I wasn't broken-hearted, but I just couldn't get through to him at all, and so …"
She, like her father, turned her head a little bit to catch me in the corner of her eye, then she looked away again.
"Well, I ran out of, you know, pads this last week, and he was doing a Costco run, so I said 'let's do that together,' since he said he wanted to start doing things with me …"
I could feel Bella's small smile. "He said that wasn't particularly what he wanted to do together, and I said, you know, us doing things together meant little stuff like that, too, and I told him it was really hard for me to ask him in the first place, just like it was really hard for him to consider doing anything with me, and so … well, he said okay, and then that lead to a little bit more, you see, because we eventually ended up at J.C. Penney's in Sequim and …"
"In Sequim?" I interrupted.
"Yeah," she complained quietly, "Forks is just so small!"
Then she continued. "Well, he helped pick out the dresses, you know?"
"Dresses?" I asked incredulously, emphasizing the plurality of the word.
"Um, I meant … Gah, Rose, forget I said that, okay? 'cause … well, just forget it, okay?" Bella pleaded.
I smiled again as she mumbled to herself regretfully, "So much for that surprise …"
"Bella," I reassured her, "if you are planning more like this evening, I can assure you I will be very pleasantly surprised and delighted whenever you spring it on me."
"Really?" Bella asked again hopefully.
She surely has that pleading 'really' request down.
"Yes, really," I answered confidently, and I felt Bella's relief in my confidence.
My confidence in her.
It was quiet for a moment.
"So," I essayed.
"So?" Bella asked again timidly.
"So, dresses, or one dress so far, and two new sets of PJs …" I began, leaving the opening for her to fill.
"Yeah?" Bella said.
Of course, she wouldn't fill an opening given to her.
"So," I pressed forward into the silence, "did you see anything special about this weekend that we're just spending here? Or," I added, "what did you see happening this weekend?"
"Well …" she began, and then stopped for a moment. "I kinda … you know … saw us … you know …"
Bella was quiet again for a moment, then whispered very, very quietly: "… doing it."
And I'm surprised I even heard that, because she immediately buried her head under her pillow.
I waited for her heart rate to come down from its tachyarrhythmia.
"Doing what?" I asked, getting the innocence and confusion in my voice just right.
Bella's head remained under the pillow, but then she pulled it down and cradled it, encircling it with her body in a fœtal-like embrace.
"Well," she tried again, "like, I told you that I love you … and … and … you said that back to me, so … you know …"
"Yes," I prompted.
"And we're kissing now, too …" she continued.
I was really enjoying this game. "I'm still with you," I contributed.
"So I thought …" she barely got out, "we could, you know, sleep together. You know. This weekend. Like tonight. You know."
Golly, gee! Bella was just so seductive, wasn't she!
But it couldn't hurt too much to have a bit more fun, could it? I worked hard in not revealing the wicked smile in my voice.
"But, Bella, I don't sleep, so …" I began innocently.
"Jeez, Rose! You know what I mean!" Bella burst out fiercely but also quietly, not wanting the other sensitive ears in the house to hear any of this.
Bella is just so innocent about how fine-tuned and powerful vampire hearing is.
Bella is just so innocent about many things. But that's another topic entirely.
But every vampire in the house did indeed hear Bella's request, despite her desperate attempt to make it as humanly quiet as she could make it (made in a way only Bella could). I heard Jasper's very quiet admonishment to Alice to contain herself as I heard Alice very much (but very silently) not contain herself. I heard her pumping her fist in the air repeatedly.
But I had had enough fun for tonight, and so had Bella, judging from the edge of irritation creeping into the tone of her voice.
"Yes," I said, acknowledging her, "I know what you mean."
"And so …?" Bella asked, voice an intermingling of bravery, fear, and a touch of hope.
"And so I'm wondering if this be the case why you're wearing PJs at all?" I asked.
"You don't like my PJs?" she asked sadly.
"I like them very much, Bella. Very much," then I added, "you look cute in them."
"'Cute.'" Bella repeated sounding disappointed.
"Yes, Bella, 'cute,' and a whole bunch of other things besides that which I haven't told you because then it would take a long time for you to come out from under the covers. So that begs the question as to why you are wearing them if your plan was to be doing things that entailed you not wearing them."
"Well, I'm not like you, Rosalie," Bella said. "I don't know how any of this works, and …"
Bella was right about not being like me. Something I was thankful nearly every minute I was with her.
"And …?" I prompted.
"And I'm shy," Bella said, squeezing the pillow tighter to herself.
"Yes, I gathered that." I said kindly. She was indeed shy, and cute, and so, so sweet.
Edible, even.
"So," I said, taking charge of this situation, because Bella definitely wasn't.
But all I could come up with was: "… okay."
"'Okay'?" Bella asked in confusion, "'Okay' what?"
"I mean," I said, "'okay' or 'yes.'" And then I clarified, "We'll 'sleep together.'"
I felt I had to tread carefully with terminology. Bella was being so brave in making this request, but I don't think she was ready for me to say: 'Okay, let's fuck.'
I felt surprise coming from Bella: "Um, wow! Okay, who are you?"
I could understand Bella's surprise. I am very much of the 'Old School' and I believe things need to take their time, they cannot be rushed. So you are probably saying, 'well, isn't this rushed?'
No, it isn't. Bella made this request. She's ready now. And as for me?
Well, I'm ready, too.
I'm so, so ready. I've been ready for quite some time.
This isn't rushing things at all.
"What do you mean?" I demanded.
"Okay, it was like a year before you talked with me at all …" Bella began.
"Bella, I was speaking with you the first day you came here," I countered, put out.
"Rosalie, snarling about me and at me doesn't count as talking with me," Bella said reproachfully.
"Point taken," I acceded ruefully.
"Then it was like months before you let me say 'I love you,'" she continued, "and now it's like days after you say 'I love you' back, I just ask and you're like, 'okay' right away?" Then Bella paused for a moment and asked: "Was it the dress?"
"I did say you look cute in it," I answered smiling.
But it was more that just the dress. It was everything. Bella snuggling with me? God, that felt so good, but also so bad, because it felt like all I needed was to do much more than snuggling when she sat into my lap and moulded herself into me as we've been watching movies these days.
And then her sweet little careful kisses? Where I was the one who had to break off so that she could breathe?
Do you know how much I hate having to break off from her kisses?
And then, worst of all, there were her eyes.
She'd been giving me the 'fuck-me' eyes for more than a week now.
I don't know how in the world Edward lasted so long with Bella giving him the 'fuck-me' eyes, month after month. Maybe he was just using Bella as a front to hide the fact that he had no preference for women at all. Perhaps he was castrated before he was turned?
But the first time she gave me the 'fuck-me' eyes, the only way I could do to stop myself from taking her right in front of my family was to look away. That didn't stop her from giving me those looks from time to time. And saying: 'Bella, could you not give me those fuck-me eyes?' I'm sure she would be embarrassed at first (after all, when isn't she?), but then my request would only have the reverse of the desired effect. 'Am I giving you the "fuck-me" eyes now, Rosalie?' she would tease, as she gave me the look, again and again.
Yes, me asking her to stop tempting me so deliciously would have disastrous consequences.
"Wow!" said Bella.
"Oh, come on, Bella, don't act so surprised!" I said with a touch of annoyance. "It's not like you didn't expect this."
"This?" Bella said, sounding actually surprised. "No, Rose, me going up to your room to ask you why you didn't like my speech leading us to here? I did not see this coming from a million miles away." She was quiet for a second. "Did you?"
"Why do you think I worked so hard to push you away?" I asked her back.
"But you pushed me away from the beginning," she said.
"Yes," was all I answered.
She mulled over this, and then I felt a dawning of realization in her.
"You mean … you felt this from the beginning …? But I thought you hated me!"
"Oh, did I ever, Bella," I said fervently. "I hated you with everything I am."
"But … but … so why …?" Bella stuttered slowly.
"Bella," I said, "everybody who's ever gotten close to me has hurt me so terribly, terribly badly or have just died, which hurts me more. So I just shut everybody out, and hated them or made them hate me. That way I could be safe. That way people could be exactly what I thought of them, and they couldn't get close enough to hurt me. But there you come into our home, you little human, you, attached to Edward, and you looked right at me, right into me, and saw everything. And I just knew if you got close to me, I would get hurt again, and you would, too, and we weren't the only ones, sweetie."
"Boy, did I ever hate you, Bella," I concluded, "with all my might."
"I'm sorry," Bella said sincerely.
I kissed the top of her head, feeling her rich, thick hair against my lips. "Me, too, sweetie, for everything." For everything's that's happened, and for everything that will. For I had no illusions: a human associating with a vampire, and, much worse, with me? There was a certainty in me that she would get hurt much more, just because of what I am and, especially, of how I am.
But the only way I could see a way of preventing that hurt was to leave her, and I couldn't bring myself to do that, for I saw how devastated she was when Edward left her, and I could just feel how empty I was being away from her for even just one week.
One week that felt like forever.
"But you love me now?" Bella asked tentatively.
"Yes, Bella, I love you now," I answered quietly, then added: "with all my might."
"Good," Bella rejoined firmly. Then: "So, uh, … you know?"
I smiled into her hair, breathing her into my being, reveling in everything that she is even as the very scent of her caused an agonizing pull in me.
"Yes, Bella, okay," I said, "I will be with you as you sleep now."
"Um," Bella said, "I was kinda, you know, hoping … well, asking for … more than that, 'cause, like, we've already been doing that for a little while, right? Here and at Renée's, too, and everything, so, I was … well, I think we're ready for the next step, you know?"
"And we are," I said. "So tonight I'll hold you as you sleep …" I began.
"But you've already been doing that!" she complained, interrupting.
"… with no covers between us," I finished.
"Oh," Bella said. "But why just that?"
"It's been a full day for you, Bella, hasn't it? Busy and exhausting?" I asked.
"Yeah …" Bella answered cautiously.
"And you were probably nervous about how I would take your surprise for me, hoping I would like it, but knowing I would criticize you, but then when I didn't? And what I would say to your request, right? And you were ready to fight me on this point because you were sure I would say 'no,' right? But then the shock of me saying 'okay' …" Here I paused, letting all that sink in. "So you're rather keyed up, I would say, am I right?"
Of course I was right, for Edward can read thoughts directly, but the human body is filled with acids and scents and sweat and changes in skin temperature and heart rate variations. A vampire doesn't need to hear the thoughts directly to know almost exactly what you are thinking and feeling.
Bella was quiet. But she squeezed the pillow a little bit harder again.
"And on top of that?" I continued, "The first time, honey? Do you know what the first time is like?" for I certainly know what my first time was like, being savagely beaten and raped by five men in the snow. "Worrying, unnecessarily, if you're doing it 'right'? Worrying if the other person feels like you do about this? Worrying about a hundred little things? Worrying that you're worrying too much? Knowing that you don't have to have these worries, that they are taking you away from the moment, but worrying anyway?"
"So," I suggested, "why don't we just let all this built-up expectation and worry wash away and just get comfortable with each other, just be with each other for tonight, and get used to each other without these demands taking us away from each other?"
Bella thought about this. "Okay …" she said reluctantly.
"'Okay,'" I said, "but what?"
"It's just …" Bella said, then began again suspiciously. "Well, you're not saying 'oh, not today, but tomorrow,' and then tomorrow it's another reason not to and … well, like that?"
I could see where she was coming from with her concern, given her all-too-recent history with this particular issue.
"No, honey," I reassured her, "I'm not saying that; I'm not doing that. I want to be with you tonight, and I want you to have a good night's sleep."
"But you do … you know, well, …" Bella's question petered out and lost steam.
"I do what, sweetie? You can ask me." I said gently.
Bella was quiet for a second, then said: "You do want me, too, right? You know, that way?"
"Oh, yes, Bella," I answered. "I do so very much want you."
"Really?" Bella asked as if she were surprised with this answer.
I sighed. "Yes, sweetie, really; very much."
I felt Bella shift, just a bit, more into me, and I could sense Bella's pleased smile, even as I couldn't see it.
"Okay," she said, and this time she said it contentedly.
I lifted up the covers, and slipped in beside Bella. She turned to me, and we kissed.
Very, very lightly, and very, very sweetly.
That kiss and the two of us lying in bed with me holding her felt very, very good.
I don't know how our kisses affect Bella. I really don't. I mean, I know she likes them, because she initiates them. She wouldn't keep doing something she finds odious, would she? So she must like them.
I do, too. I like her sweet, little kisses.
They fill me with sadness. When we embrace thus, and her lips and mine touch, I just feel so connected to her, and I'm not me anymore and I don't have any thoughts or feelings or anything.
I have nothing. I am nothing because I am completely with her, her soft lips and impassioned yet contented look behind her closed eyes and sweet, clasping hands.
But then there always comes that point when she, in her frailty of her human condition, has to pull back, and it hits me then, hard, what I actually am, and I so don't want her to pull back, and I want to clasp her tighter to me, but my hands against her head, if they obeyed me, would literally crush her into me, and that's when it hits me how very ephemeral this all is, how very ephemeral she is, in my arms. And, knowing that? I want to hold her in my arms forever; I want to prolong this very sweet moment for as long as I can, holding onto it, onto her, before the alway ravenous monster I truly am returns to me, full force, as it does, even during our kiss.
But either due to embarrassment or to uncomfortableness of her head (she had to tilt her head back to look up to me, even lying in bed), Bella eventually turned from me and then snuggled into my spooned form. I rewrapped her in my arms.
"This feels just so good," Bella exclaimed quietly, "so right!"
"Yes, it does," I agreed mildly.
But if this felt good for Bella? For me it felt …
What I really wanted to do was to renege on my request to delay our consummation until the morrow.
But after a couple of minutes I had a different problem than my own lust to consider: Bella shivered.
"Am I too cold for you?" I asked her in concern.
"No," Bella denied, "I like it: it's such a relief from the summer air. This wet sticky Washington heat is just so oppressive compared to the dry Phoenix summers I grew up with."
If I were cool balm for her, she was like a furnace to me. I felt like I was embracing fire, that I was a witch being burned at the stake, but instead of the agony I felt in my transformation, Bella was a flame that heated my very being with its warmth, and there was nothing more that I wanted than to be consumed by the living fire of her.
But then Bella shivered again, and I felt her body losing the battle to keep her warm against the iciness of me.
I kissed Bella on the top of her head, getting out of bed, and whispered a "I'll be right back."
I went to the shelves in my closet and picked out a nice white cashmere sweater I had bought from Neiman Marcus when Alice and I had made a therapy-excursion shopping trip to Belleview during the whole debacle of Edward running off to Alaska then saving Bella's life. I put the cashmere to my face. I never would have thought this soft sweater on sale (at sixty-five percent off? It was a steal at ninety dollars!) that I bought to comfort me during the upheaval would be a sweater I would be giving to the very girl I wanted to have take all her troublesome problems by 'going away' with me 'helping' her go by smothering her myself in her sleep.
Now my arms will be around her tonight, but for a very different reason.
You see: God does exist, and His sense of irony is still in top form.
Not that I mind all that much. If getting Bella is God's little joke on me, I'll suffer His irony gladly.
I returned to Bella, handing her the sweater. As she put it on, her eyes were abstracted, lost in thought.
"What is it?" I asked.
Bella pulled the sweater over her head and asked quietly, "I mean … how can this work if I'm with you only for a few minutes now and I have to dress up … more? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?" Then she looked at me shyly but earnestly for confirmation. "Right?"
See? We hadn't consummated our love tonight, but already she was worrying.
"It's okay, Bella," I said reassuringly. "That will work itself out."
Bella was silent, and I just so enjoyed the feel of her against my body with the usually interposed blanket removed in the quiet.
"How?" she asked after a moment.
I smiled: "Have you ever noticed that you experience elevated body temperature during increased or prolonged physical activity?"
"You mean …" Bella began, but then she got it: "oh, wow!"
"'Wow' what?" I tried to keep the disapproval from my voice at her imprecision of expression. I had to remind myself that this was something that people in this day and age just did.
"I just got an image of what you were talking about and …" Bella shifted in embarrassment.
"Tomorrow you'll get more than an image," I purred.
"Uh, wow!" she said again, then she said hesitantly: "… um, so … do you wanna … um, 'practice' now?"
Bella is such a sweetie! I thought so pleased to myself.
A tired little sweetie.
"We are practicing right now, holding each other like this. Let's do just that for now, and let you get some sleep."
Bella's voice scowled: "Meanie! Why?"
But then she answered herself with a big yawn, and she couldn't stop a little giggle at herself for this.
"Mmhm!" I agreed, "that's why."
"But how can you expect me to fall asleep after getting me all excited like that with your sultry words and voice," Bella asked petulantly. "Unless …"
"Unless what?" I asked, anticipating her request, but letting her ask it, anyway.
I wonder if this is how Alice feels at times, enjoying what's coming more because you already know what's coming a priori.
"Well," Bella said, "do you mind singing me to sleep?"
Do I mind! I thought sarcastically. I mean, really: Rosalie, do you mind showing off a bit of your talent for us? Hm, well, let me think about that …
And why would I wish to withhold the royal favor of myself from my admiring and adorning fans, anyway?
Well, besides the bloodlust, that is.
I simply smiled and let the hushed lullaby sing my answer:
Baby sleep, gently sleep,
Life is long and love is deep …
I felt Bella relax in my arms as she sighed contentedly. She was out before I even got to the third line, but I finished the song.
For her.
I held her that whole night, lightly, letting her shift as she was wont to do while sleeping, but in her sleep she kept herself pressed to me, even as she turned.
We used to tease Edward. Watching Bella for a whole night? Night after night? Wouldn't that be boring?
I now realized it was anything but boring. Life, out there, talking and fighting with family and those stupid humans, that was boring.
But this …?
If this moment went on unto eternity, it would be the eternal moment I would treasure.
And the thing about it is this: it does go into eternity for me. I will always have this moment in my Eternal Now. I will always have it to treasure.
And I had thought there was nothing redeeming about this thisness and about our kind.
But now …
I shook my head at my own weak foolishness. If myself of fifty years ago saw me now, she would have probably torched herself to make sure her eternally blazing anger and hatred would not be 'corrupted' by this weakness. For she knew full well that if you let people into your heart, they break it.
Especially the ones that profess that they love you.
"Rose," Bella whispered softly from the depths Morpheus' hold, still reaching out to me.
It were almost as if she could sense that I had descended into my own depths: the depths of self-examination and -loathing, and she was reaching to me with her voice to pull me out. The sweet little waif of a human girl stooped to rescue me, the cold, hard, monstrous vampire from her a Hell of her own making.
"I love you, Bella," I whispered back softly, and kissed her head.
Bella sighed and fell into a deeper slumber.
Chapter end notes:
[1] Okay, my sweets, what should I do? I have all these pictures of my Bellas and my Rosalies wearing the clothes mentioned in this chapter an in other chapters and stories. Do you wish to see the clothes being modeled? And if so, um, how do I do that? If I put a link to the stores, and they change them, we all lose out, so I've downloaded the pictures to my computer (we're not talking about anything but modeling clothes in this story, because it's a sweet story, remember?), but I don't know how that works, see? I mean, I don't know how to upload them to ffn so that I can link to them. Anyone know how to do this who can tell poor little me in a step-by-step manner how to do this?
Oh! I just had an idea. One of my readers suggested the website polyvore that does collaging, so maybe I can make a BellaRose collage for the chapters that mention clothing? Should I? Or should I not take hours to learn how to do that and just update now, already, 'phfina, that bad girl who's leaving you in suspense.
(but I did update quickly to resolve the 'hair incident,' so please be gentle with me, huh?)
[2] The lullaby is from M. Night Shamalan's movie The Village. It's Bella's favorite lullaby, and that's why Rosalie sings it to her, even as Bella has no idea of the ironic implication to Rosalie that Bella's favorite lullaby was in a monster movie. You can find the whole song on youtube with a search of 'Ivy's Lullaby.'