Chapter 4:

The hot shower helped relax her tight muscles. The only other thing that would completely relax her would be a bottle of scotch, but since she didn't want to dull her senses completely, she decided to forgo that. The memories that the past few days and weeks brought up were taxing on the nerves. Her guilt about almost not being able to get through to Madeline in time was constantly on her mind. And Madeline wasn't out of the woods yet.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was toweling her hair dry so, she didn't see it coming. She was grabbed from behind, her wrists effectively shackled by a strong hand. After momentary panic and the required struggling, she realized she knew who her assailant was.

John was surprised that she had stopped struggling so quickly and that she didn't scream or curse at him. He turned her around, her wrists still bound by his hand, so he could talk to her face to face. The expression in her eyes was questioning. "I'm sorry for scaring you. I just needed to resolve our situation in my head," he paused waiting to see whether she would resume her struggling or try to knee him in the groin. Relieved that she didn't do either and seeing the inquisitive expression in her eyes, he forged on.

"Over the last several months, I haven't been fair to you. I left, but not completely. The last few weeks it became clear to me what it is I needed from you. And besides the obvious . . ." he paused, "I need one more thing from you. After you hear me out and give me a definitive answer, I promise, I will get out your life and stay out."

Her nearness and the heady scent of her perfume took over his impulses. John leaned in and kissed her fully on the lips. Feeling her offer no resistance, he slid his arms around her continued kissing her fervently, conveying his obvious need. He pulled away from her mouth and stared again into her surprised eyes. "That kiss was a long time coming." He said quietly.

Taking advantage of the diversion, she shoved him away from her and stalked into the bedroom.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean - that wasn't my intent in coming here," he said distractedly pinching the bridge of his nose. He followed her into the room. He needed to do this. It had only been recently that he realized the depth of his feelings for this wonderful, remarkable, but conflicted woman.

"You know, there are so many things that I can't tell you. About me, Finch, and what we do. I know you understand what we do and why we do it, but not how we know what we know. And I'm sorry, but I can't tell you because the less you know, the safer you would be. Six weeks ago, you asked me to stay away, and I found that I couldn't."

He smiled at her. "This. . . " he said, indicating between them with his hand, ". . . there is something between us that is just too important… and something I'd like to continue because it just feels . . . I don't know . . . just right. I want to fight this fight with you."

At her continued silence, John looked at her curiously. She stood in the middle of the room in her robe, hair still damp from the shower, arms down to her sides. She looked magnificent. Zoe started worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Something she did when she was trying to work something out in her brain. She glanced at John who looked so hopeful that her heart melted, knowing what it took to say what he had said and as much as he had said. She turned her head away and looked at the floor.

"Your life is still yours. I can leave now if you want me to." John prodded.

Remaining silent, she walked to him, brown eyes meeting blue; she took his arms and put them around her waist. She did the same with John, putting her arms around his waist and laying her head on his shoulder.

"Don't go. Stay," she said.

John gave a sigh of relief and just stood there embracing her. She led him to the bed and just sat next to him then lay down on her side facing him.

John rested an uncertain hand on her hip. Taking it in hers, she joined their fingers together. Their eyes met as he pulled her close as if it were the most natural thing. She nestled her face into the crook of his neck and breathed in a sigh of relief.

Dawn hadn't broken yet when Zoe woke up still wrapped in John's arms. Her head was tucked under his chin and her arms were still wrapped around John. Lifting her head and laying it on the pillow next to his, she couldn't help smiling. She watched him sleep in a uniquely unguarded moment.

Moving her hand from his chest, she slowly slid it under his shirt. Her smile widened when she felt nothing but the tightly packed muscles of his abdominals and chest. For a few minutes she just basked in the silence, gently rubbing his chest and torso, noting that he was still asleep. Her hand that was under his shirt had somehow made its way to his face to gently trace his lips with her fingers. His eyes fluttered open and he caught sight of Zoe hovering over him.

Zoe's smile warmed his heart. Her eyes were soft and inviting.

"Hi." His voice was gravelly, rough with sleep.

"Hi," she whispered back.

She leaned in and brushed her lips to his so softly, then slowly drew back to gauge his reaction and saw that he wanted the same thing. She kissed him again with all the emotion she wasn't able to say out loud. Unable to hold himself back, he reached over and cupped the back of her head in his palm. He returned her kisses again and again. The flow of heat and want between them intensified as their lips brushed and their breaths came together.

Zoe opened her mouth to John and kissed him suitably for the first time in months. His response was just as full of longing as hers; the fog of slumber completely vanished. John's taste, his touch, his smell was all so uniquely John- although familiar, it was still exhilarating at the same time and Zoe just couldn't get enough. She never thought that this sense of awareness and comfort could make her heart race quickly, every time she was with him. She shouldn't be surprised anymore at her reaction to his touch.

Her heart continued to beat a rapid staccato as she unhurriedly kissed him. They had all the time in the world.

They were lost in indolent, Sunday morning kisses, as their hands roamed each others' bodies. His hands, which were previously occupied with caressing her back, moved lower towards her rear. She pulled back for a beat to roll him onto his back and to take control.

As her legs naturally parted around him, she raised herself on her elbows to look at him. Zoe couldn't stop herself from gently stroking his face again. Burying her face in the crook of his neck, she inhaled his scent as she pressed warm kisses to his skin.

She sat up straddling his waist. It was the first time John saw what she had slept in. It was the t-shirt he had leant her the day she had come over to stay at his loft for the first time many months ago. At the recognition in his eyes, Zoe gave him a shy smile with a touch of coyness. Well, as shy as Zoe was ever going to get. She had worn the t-shirt for comfort every night in the past three months. His hands moved up to cup her breasts, she gasped at the contact as he sighed, almost commenting how perfect they fit then reached up to draw the shirt over her head. They slowly took the rest of their clothes off as they took the time to touch each other, relishing the feeling of skin touching skin.

John let Zoe set the pace as she slowly brought him into her, inch by inch. He frowned in concern as he felt her stiffen, her breath hitching in her throat, as she stopped her agonizingly slow movement only halfway down. To steady herself, she reached forward and rested her hand on his chest, as she took her time to take a deep breath, almost as if she were fortifying herself. Zoe glanced up and caught his concerned frown. Her mouth tightly smiled though it looked more like it was contorted in pain.

"Three m-months," she explained as her breath hitched once again.

He nodded faintly, furtively elated by what he had just discovered. She hadn't been with anyone since they were together last, three months ago; she took comfort in his shirt during his absence; and asked him not to go. Reaching out, he brushed his fingers soothingly over her body. Kissing his fingertips, he laid them on the faint almost invisible scars on her inner thighs and her stomach. He felt her relax as she took him in completely.

Discovering a placid measured cadence, Zoe began to move evenly on him. As she adjusted to him, she wanted more. "I want you deeper, John," she whispered as she stilled her actions then bent down and sought his lips. Hooking her arms under his shoulders, she brought him up with her then moved to sit again. She caught her breath as he was driven deeper inside.

Zoe moaned softly, running her hands up and down his back, moving almost restlessly with him. John kissed his way down her chest to one of her breasts. Plying a succession of gentle kisses around her breast, he worked circles into her nipple. He sucked hard as he took her nipple into his mouth, his tongue swirling small circles over the tip. Zoe groaned as she ran her hands through John's hair, tightening her arms around him and pushing her breast further into his mouth.

Bodies touching, they were as close as two people could get. In the past Zoe would have been frightened of the intimacy, the closeness, now she just wanted to consume this connection with him. After months of feeling alone and incomplete without him, she savored the intimacy.

Swiftly, John reversed their positions. As he hovered over her, he moved one of his hands between their bodies and ran his fingers over her as he continued to move against her. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, running over hers. Zoe tightened her legs around him as her nails on one hand ran through his scalp and the nails on the other scraping across his back. She kissed him harder and moved her tongue against his, as she matched her movements to his. His fingers worked over her faster and harder as he continued to thrust into her. Tearing his lips away from hers, he whispered in her ear "Come for me sweetheart. . . "

Their faces were close and they never broke eye contact as Zoe let out a gasp as she came, still moving her hips against his, her body tightening around him. John watched her with a smile on his face as he continued to move. He bent down and kissed her lips, moving harder and faster into her. As he felt his body shuddering, Zoe wrapped her arms and legs even tighter around him. John groaned his pleasure as he slowed down his pace. He wrapped both arms around Zoe and pulled her tightly to him.

Lying in the aftermath, with their arms around each other, Zoe's head pillowed on John's chest, they remained a tousled confusion of limbs. He sighed and said, "I missed you."

Zoe smiled, her head still lying on his chest. "You missed this, John."

Running his fingers through her hair, he admitted, "No, I missed you, being with you."

Zoe lifted her head and saw the honesty of his words in his eyes. She bent down and pressed her lips onto his gently and smiled. "I missed you too, John."

Grabbing his other hand, she laced her fingers through his and laid her head back down. They stayed that way until their breathing evened out and they fell back asleep.