Chapter 4: Denny

The barren trees followed me wherever I turned. There was a long branch hanging onto my sleeve and I had to yank my hand away. I felt like a witch in a dark, evil forest. My sister, Mary, strutted in front of me, holding her prayer book tight.

'Did you ever imagine what God looked like?' I asked her, hopping over a puddle.

'God is not a living being like you and I, Kitty, stop putting silly questions.'

'He's everything, that's what they tell us, that He's in everything and everyone, that's what they say. So…he looks like the world around me,' I said pondering my words.

'Kitty I will box your ears if you keep uttering nonsense like that. Bid you stay quiet in church!' Mary chided me and walked on.

'Get in the carriage dears!' mother called.

I looked back and I saw our garden smiling back at me.

After the sermon I ambled through the cemetery with the other children, long after mama called after me. We all did snow angels and put snow in our collars and we laughed a great deal but we did not laugh too loud for the dead were upon us, surrounding us from all corners.

I gathered the little ones around me and knelt in the snow.

'D'you know at night, what the roaming sleepy spirits do? They awaken the bodies they belong to and walk the earth, taking their revenge.'

The little girls widened their eyes but the little boys just snorted in disbelief.

'Why would they do that?' they asked.

'They did not have an honourable death. They were never given peace before death. Maybe one of them was slain by a brother or a young woman was jilted and threw herself off a bridge. Now they seek punishment from those that have scorned them. They creep in their houses, melt in the walls, rattle like snakes at their feet, steal their most valued possessions. Sometimes they take the newborns and drink their blood. Sometimes they wrench hearts and fly with them to the moon…And pray you are not around when they are awake,' I said smiling devilishly.

They were staring at me frightened, holding on to each other.

'I would like to see them with my own eyes,' a taller boy said sharply.

'We should all gather at night to see them,' another one added.

'If we do, we must not be seen,' I added secretly.

'How can we not be seen?'

'There is a spell for that, but only witches know it,' I answered.

'Do you know any witches, Kitty?' they inquired.

'I heard they still exist, somewhere up north. But they live in isolation, away from us and they never come out in sunlight for they are burnt by its rays. They only bathe in moonlight and they dance and swirl and swirl on water…' I said twisting and turning in the snow. 'And if someone sees them they turn into swans and glide on the river...'

'Kitty! Kitty!'

Jane had come to take me away. 'Come Kitty…we must be going now.'

The children ran with me to the gates and waved goodbye.

'Take care of the swans Miss Bennet!' they shouted after me.

Jane pulled me to her and held my arm gently.

'Do not encourage them too much, Kitty. You know they are apt to believe you.'

'Encourage them? I only told the truth,' I answered firmly.

'You mean to say you really believe in those stories?'

'Why would I not? It would be a really dull, colourless world without them. And every household has a ghost just like every forest has a witch.'

'Goodness, that sounds wretched!'

'Not at all. All things strange and unfathomable come to life when you believe in them.'

'You are very strange,' Jane whispered more to herself but I heard her.

'Why is that so?'

'Oh, it is just an idle thought of mine. But do not tell your stories to young men.'

'Why ever not?'

'They might not treasure them like children do.'

'I understand your meaning…but aren't we all children?' I reasoned.

'The only child here is you.'

She cast me a sympathetic look and went to help mama get in the carriage.

'That's not true!' I shouted after her.

I wrapped my cloak round me tight. It was so very cold and Lydia was talking to the officers while I thought I would freeze, but she did not feel the cold.

'Your sister here, Miss Bennet, isn't a great talker.'

'Oh, she never says much, do you Kitty? Well? Answer the officers!' she beckoned me as I looked at them as if through a cloud of fog. They were all so handsome and groomed. I expected them to turn into mice, just like in that story I once read.

'I do talk, once in a while,' I answered. 'I'm very cold.'

'Let us go to the Bagger's Inn, then, ladies,' they said escorting us inside. One of them, his name was Denny, took my small hand in his gently and smiled at me most caressingly.

I wanted to smile back but I saw something, a shadow lurking behind that kind face. It was not an evil sort of thing, but it scared me a bit.

We met them every week in town and every time we stayed in their company for at least an hour or two, while our other sisters managed their affairs.

One afternoon, we were all walking on the outskirts, admiring the white scenery that was slowly melting, when we passed some large shrubberies. Denny helped me jump over a puddle and pulled me to him behind the large bushes.

He lowered his face to mine slowly and I asked him what he wanted to do. He embraced me and was about to kiss me but I pulled myself away and ran away, fast as lightning.

I stumbled several times on fallen branches and logs and I dirtied my boots in the marshes but I continued running, gasping for my breath.

Only when I saw my home on the horizon did I stop at the foot of a tree.

I started crying my face in my hands. I did not wish to grow up!