-1DISCLAIMER IS THE SAME AS CHAPTER 1

A/N: WOW!! I never expected to get so many reviews. You must all be really liking this story. Here is the next chapter for you all to enjoy. I hope that it is as good as the rest of them. Please read and review, they give me the boost I need to keep writing the next chapters for you!!

Chimp1984: I think you find I did end it like that, LOL!! As for getting the other stories out of my head! I wish!! The more I try to get rid of them the more ideas I get for new ones! It's really starting to annoy me!! Anyways here is the next chapter for you!!

Probie.duck: I'm glad you are liking it. Here is the next chapter for your enjoyment!

Kirky123: Sorry for leaving the last chapter where I did. Here is the next chapter for you!

Dreamer27: I don't mind how many times you say that you love my story!! :-D it makes me happy to know that I am writing something that someone feels is worth reading!! So Thanks!!

SaraLou: I'm glad that you are loving this story. Please keep reading and reviewing!

Chawkchic: we'll soon see if Catherine stays supportive of Sara in the next few chapters so please keep reading.

Titpom1: I'm honoured that you have added me to your story alert list!! And I'm glad that you are loving this story!! All your questions will be answered in time :-D

Bound Dragon: Here is the next chapter for you!

Hells Angel44: I'm glad that you liked the last chapter and the cliff hanger! Here is Sara's answer to what has been going on! I hope that you enjoy this chapter!!

Michi the mischievous: I'm glad that you like the story so far. I hope that you enjoy the next chapter just as much

SaraZZ: Thanx for loving my story. Here is the next update for you!

A/N2: I am incredibly sorry for the lack of updates. Real life kind of got in the way. Hopefully I still have a few readers out there despite the amount of time that has past since the last update. Anyways, here is the next chapter for you!

Chapter 4

SPOV

Searchingforanswers: well….it starts like this…

Well it was now or never. The truth was finally going to come out. I just hope that she could handle the truth. Many people have tried to understand in the past but inevitably it always ended with them abandoning me. Then again, Catherine was stronger than any other person I knew. If anyone could understand it would be her. I know that I told Grissom part of the story before but ever since he's had this look of pity in his eyes. I guess that is the advantage to talking online. You don't have to look at their reactions to what you are telling them.

Searchingforanswers: growing up wasn't easy for me. I cant remember a time when my parents didn't argue. My earliest memory is being strapped into a chair and having to duck when the plates started being thrown around the room. I thought it was a game but the punishment was severe when I threw my plate on the floor. I don't think that was my first beating but it's the first that I remember. I was about 4 at this point but they still insisted on having me strapped in at meal times. Certainly not the usual first memory to have is it?

CSImomma: I don't think there is a usual first memory to have. It didn't get easier did it?

Searchingforanswers: no it didn't. did you know I had a brother?

CSImomma: no I didn't. older or younger?

Searchingforanswers: older. He is 4 years older than I am. He and I used to be really close. He even saved me from a beating or two over the years to protect me but then he changed. we both had our escapes from the world. I had my books and he had his drugs. I should have known it was coming. The drugs changed him. Instead of protecting me he joined in on the fun. Deep down though, I know that it wasn't him.

CSImomma: what happened to him?

Searchingforanswers: he did a brief spell in prison when he was 21 but so far I cant find a trace of him. Guess a knack for hiding runs in the family.

CSImomma: you certainly know how to disappear

Searchingforanswers: anyways, that's not the point. So far you know that I was beaten as a child by my parents and my brother. God, I've been beaten so many times I cant remember. I've had numerous broken bones, black eyes and bruises. Bruises so deep that you cant even see them on the skin. When I was 8 things got worse. It's hard to believe that they could get worse but they did, trust me on that.

CSImomma: I believe you…what happened Sara?

Searchingforanswers: it was my 8th birthday, around the time that my brother started to keep to himself all the time. My father said that he had an extra special present for me in the bedroom but that it was a secret…

I couldn't go on. The tears were pouring down my face at the trips down memory lane. I was so disgusted with myself. How could I let that happen to me? They were my parents, they were supposed to look after me not leave me with memories that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

CPOV

Listening to Sara tell her story, or at least reading her write it, I never knew just how tough life had been for her growing up. I knew that there had to be something in her past that makes her react the way she does to certain cases but I never thought that it would be quite like this. How could one person take all that and become the strong person that I remember her to be? I find myself almost dreading what she is going to tell me next. I can just imagine an 8year old girl going through all that and I just want to take her in my arms and keep her safe from anymore harm. I knew that I needed to know the rest. Find out who the real Sara sidle is.

CSImomma: go on Sara, please

Searchingforanswers: simply put, he raped me Catherine. I was his 8 year old daughter and he raped me

CSImomma: I'm so sorry Sara, you should never have had to live like that

Searchingforanswers: funny thing is, I thought everyone lived like that. That the kids were beaten and raped and had frequent trips to the hospital. It wasn't until that fateful night when I was 13 that I realised that they didn't.

CSImomma: what happened that night Sara?

Searchingforanswers: I'm afraid that is a story for another day. I think that you have listened enough for one day and to be honest talking about all this really takes it out of me.

CSImomma: I understand Sara. But I just want you to know that I am still here for you. You may not have had the best start in life and we may not have had the greatest of relationships in the past but I am still here for you.

Searchingforanswers: thanks Catherine, that means a lot and I promise you that I will finish the story another time.

CSImomma: I'll be here with a listening ear Sara. And just so you know, you didn't deserve all that, no child deserves that and it wasn't your fault.

Searchingforanswers: I know that but sometimes its hard to believe that I wasn't to blame but anyways I have an appointment to get to so I'll speak to you soon.

CSImomma: bye for now Sara, take care of yourself

Searchingforanswers: always do Catherine, always do. Bye

Searchingforanswers appears to be offline

All I can do now is wait. What happened to Sara when she was 13 that made her realise that not all children were treated like that by their parents. It was plainly obvious that something bad had happened. She wouldn't have avoided telling me otherwise. I hope that she would still talk to me after today. She opened up to me and I just hope that she doesn't clam up again. I really want to help her see that I can be the friend that she can trust in. I don't want to fail her but I'm struggling to get my mind round what she had already told me. I know this is going to get worse before it gets better but I just hope that I can help before its too late.

A/N3: I'm sorry about the shortness of this chapter. I'm not completely happy with the outcome of this chapter but I decided to post it and get your opinions on it. Please review as I need some feedback on how this story is going. Many Thanx!!