Pretenses

Emma awoke to the sounds of raised voices and she stumbled from her bed, grabbing a hold of the nightstand before she fell down. She had slept maybe a collective three hours between the guilt she felt for yelling at Will and the heartbreak she felt at Will's response.

Sticking her head out into the hallway, she saw that both Jack and Will's bedroom doors were open so she made her way to the top of the stairs and then froze.

"Why on earth would you ever say that to her?"

Jack. Emma's brow furrowed. It didn't take a genius to figure out she was the topic of conversation.

"I don't know! I wasn't… I wasn't thinking."

Will. Emma could almost see him running his hand through his hair, a habit that she had grown to love. Sitting down on the top step, she continued to listen.

"You know why she's here. She loves you."

Emma's heart stopped. Was she so obvious? No. Emma shook her head. She didn't love Will. Right?

"Not in the way I want her to."

Emma could hear Jack sigh and she risked scooting down another step to hear his response.

"Will… I don't need to tell you how Emma feels about you. To figure that out, all you have to do is look at her. She stayed with you in your hour of need, what more - "

"She keeps…" Will trailed off and Emma had to bite her lip to keep from yelling at him to continue.

"What, son, what does she keep doing?"

Emma slid down a step further.

"I feel like a toy, one she comes back to when she's bored with the other."

Emma gasped and slammed a hand over her mouth. Could he really think that of her? Did she really treat him that way? When Carl had called off their second date due to an emergency root canal, Emma cleaned the Spanish classroom, just for the hell of it. When Carl had made a harmless comment about her OCD, Emma called Will and asked him if she was crazy. When Carl got held up meeting her at school, she sat in at glee practice and let Will walk her to her car.

The realization hit her like a truck and, without waiting for Jack's response, she ran back down the hall and locked herself in the bathroom.

An hour and four full body scrubs later, Emma emerged from the bathroom buttoning up her cardigan and combing her fingers through her gently curled hair. There was still no activity upstairs. Will was either still roaming the house in his pajamas or he had gotten ready at some early hour in an effort to avoid her. Though he had a habit of doing the former, Emma assumed it was the latter.

"Will!" The voice was unfamiliar and Emma frowned. There was another woman in the house. Making her way to the stop of the stairs, she glanced down in time to see a woman wrap her arms around Will. It wasn't until she pulled away that Emma realized this must be Will's aunt.

"Oh sweetheart," she said as she cupped his face. She had round, kind features and dirty blonde hair, just like Will's mom.

"Will!" Whoever yelled this time had trouble with "L's" so it sounded like "Wiw!"

Emma saw movement to the left before a little girl had latched herself onto Will's leg.

"Hey, Munchkin," Will said as he picked her up.

"I'm sorry, John and Anna are stuck in Mexico. We were babysitting," his aunt said.

"No, no. It's okay. I'm glad she's here," Will said as he buried his face in the child's hair and sighed deeply. "I've missed her."

"Nana bought me a black dress."

Will smiled. "Yeah? I bet you look beautiful in it."

"Oh, Will, What a year for you." His aunt wrapped her arms around him again, nearly squishing the little girl.

Will nodded in a way that gave Emma the impression that his aunt had a habit of saying inappropriate things, but she meant them in the best sense possible. Deciding to save Will from more pity, she finally descended the stairs and made her presence known.

Will's aunt was the first to notice her. "Well, hello. Will," she smacked him, "why didn't you tell us you had company."

Emma could practically see Will stiffen and he held the toddler a little tighter in his arms, as if for protection.

"Aunt Joanie, this is, uh, my friend, Emma." The hesitation before 'my friend' was brief but to Emma, it felt like a lifetime. Emma held out her hand, something she had been working on with strangers, but Joanie bypassed her hand and crushed her in a hug. Emma should have seen it coming.

"Thank you for watching over my brother-in-law and nephew."

Emma blushed, "Oh I haven't been much of a help."

"Of course you have." Will's words were sincere. Emma could tell by the pain in the eyes as he said them. Clearing his throat, he said, "And this is Charlotte, my cousin's daughter."

"Hi," came the shy reply from the face buried in Will's shoulder.

"Hi," Emma replied. "And how old are you?"

Charlotte held out four fingers before giggling and pressing her face into Will's neck again.

"She's shy."

"No I'm not," came the muffled reply.

They laughed and, as Will led them into the living room, Emma saw Jack on the porch talking with an older man, presumably Will's uncle.

"My son and his wife are vacationing in Mexico. They couldn't get a flight out in time," Joanie said as she sat on the couch. Will attempted to place Charlotte on the couch next to her grandmother, but she held on like a monkey.

"All right, all right." Will stood back up and hiked her back on his hip. "Let's go get drinks for everyone."

The charade he was playing was a good one, but not once did Will meet Emma's eyes. For the sake of his aunt and his cousin, he was pretending that everything was okay between them. Emma had no choice but to play along – though she wished she didn't have to play at all.

"Iced tea okay, Aunt Joanie?"

"Iced tea's great. If you have anything a little stronger to put in it, even better."

"Emma?"

"Regular iced tea would be just fine."

Will placed Charlotte on the kitchen counter as he opened the refrigerator and pulled out the pitcher of iced tea, before reaching below in the cabinet for a bottle of vodka.

Emma could vaguely hear Charlotte recounting her scuffle with a boy on the playground before Joanie pulled her attention away.

"So, Emma, how do you know Will?

"Oh, we work together at McKinley High. I'm the guidance counselor." And we dated briefly but he broke my heart and then I broke his. Emma decided to leave that part out.

"Oh yes, I think Molly mentioned you a few times." Joanie smiled to show she heard nothing but good things.

Molly. It had occurred to Emma that she hadn't even known Will's mother's name. Will returned from the kitchen, Charlotte trailing behind, and placed the drinks on the coffee table.

"So I hear Charlotte's been practicing that right hook I taught her."

"Will, dear, was it really necessary for her to learn that?" Joanie brushed the curls back from Charlotte's face.

"Of course it was. Look, it's already come in handy."

"It sure has!" Charlotte chimed in as she reached for the iced tea closest to her.

All three adults collectively lunged for the drink, "No!"

Charlotte's eyes grew as wide as saucers as Will took the drink from her hand. "That's Nana's iced tea. This one's yours," he said as he handed her a plastic cup.

"Oh. I thought Nana and I both had the same thing."

"Not quite, Squirt." Will ruffled her hair.

"So, honey, how are you holding up?" Joanie reached across and patted Will on his knee, after taking a long sip of her iced tea.

Will inhaled deeply and shrugged. "I'm honestly not quite sure. Everyday gets a little bit better. Wednesday, I was a disaster. Luckily I had help."

Joanie smiled at Emma as Charlotte pulled Will down to whisper in his ear, glancing at Emma as she did. "Yes, she does," he replied to whatever Charlotte had said.

"She does what?" Emma asked, as Charlotte turned pink.

"She likes your hair. She thinks it's pretty," Will responded as Charlotte climbed onto his lap, trying not to spill her iced tea all over him.

"Thank you, Charlotte. Your hair is very pretty too. I wish I had curls like yours."

Charlotte giggled and sipped her iced tea. Emma tried to catch Will's eye but he stared at the coffee table. Upon closer examination, Emma realized that, had Terry not been lying, the daughter they might have had probably would have looked a good deal like little girl in his arms. Emma felt a pang her chest watching him gently brush the curls back from the little girl's forehead. He would have made a wonderful father.

They were soon joined by Jack and Will's Uncle Rob and Emma excused herself while the four remaining adults discussed the funeral plans for tomorrow. Retreating to her room, Emma placed her hands on the dresser and exhaled. He wouldn't look at her and it was killing Emma. All she wanted to do was grab him and apologize for leading him on, for letting him kiss her, and taking advantage of him in such a vulnerable state. Emma knew that the entirety of the blame needn't fall completely on her, but she figured any guilt she could spare Will, she would. Sure he had made mistakes in the past. He had kissed Shelby and slept with April. He had tried to emulate Carl but only succeeded in walking further away from the man Emma fell in love with. And what did that say about her? The more like Carl Will became, the less she liked him. Go figure.

It was a disturbing realization and she decided to push it to the back of her brain and ponder it when there wasn't a house full of people to hear her cries.

Yes, he had made mistakes, but he had tried to make up for them. That is, until he realized Emma wasn't paying attention to any of his attempts so he gave up and stopped altogether. I feel like a toy, he had said. The words still echoed in Emma's heart.

"Hi."

Emma jumped and looked in the mirror to see Charlotte standing in the doorway. "Hi."

"Did they kick you out too?"

"What?" Emma watched as Charlotte climbed on the bed and let her feet dangle over the side. She was oddly okay with the little girl sitting on her bed and she mentally added one more thing to the list she had to tell her therapist about.

"They told me to go play upstairs while they plan Aunt Molly's goodbye party."

Emma raised her eyebrows. "Her goodbye party?"

"Uh huh. Aunt Molly died and she's going away forever. So we're throwing her a goodbye party and I get to wear my black dress."

Well, that was one way to think about it.

"Are you gonna marry Will?"

"What?" Emma's heart nearly stopped. Or skipped. Or both.

"Are you gonna marry Will?

"Uh no. Will and I aren't… we aren't…" she trailed off as Charlotte looked expectantly up at her.

"We aren't dating."

"Oh. Well, I hope you do. I like you."

Emma's cheeks warmed. "I like you too."

"There's a boy named Bobby in my pre-K class who wants to date me. But I punched him in the face and got a time-out."

"Oh."

"Please don't punch Will."

Emma laughed. "I promise I won't."

"Charlotte!" Jack called up for her.

"Coming!" she replied, before hopping off the bed and holding her arms open for Emma to pick her.

"Oh. Okay." This was something knew and different. Emma hadn't held a child since, well, ever. But after giving herself a little mental pep talk, she reached out and hoisted Charlotte onto her hip. Her little arms wrapped around Emma's neck and they made their way downstairs.

All four adults in the living room stopped what they were doing when Emma and Charlotte entered. Joanie and Jack had warm smiles on their faces while Will just stared at them a little dumbstruck.

"We missed your company," Jack said as he approached them. "So we decided to bump cocktail hour up. We figured we could all use it."

"What's a cocktail?" Charlotte asked.

"Cranberry juice," Will answered. "It says so right on the bottle."

Charlotte slid down Emma and wandered over to Will. "Show me."

"Please."

"Show me, please."

"Much better." Will smiled as he swung her over his shoulder.

Jack led Emma over to the couch where Rob engaged her in conversation about McKinley. Being a high school science teacher himself, he was hungry for information.

"Emma is the best guidance counselor McKinley's ever had," Jack said.

"Oh gosh, that's not true."

"According to Will, you are."

"According to Will, what?" Will asked as he handed his father and uncle a gin and tonic and Emma a glass of wine.

"Nothing," Emma whispered as she looked down. Will looked a little hurt but didn't press further.

Two glasses of wine later, Emma sat on the couch and let her eyes close. Jack and Rob were sitting in the backyard smoking cigars, Charlotte was sitting quietly on the floor playing with a Barbie, and Joanie was upstairs picking out an outfit to bury Molly in. It was a morbid task, but someone had to do it. Will had been wandering the house, staring at pictures, playing with Charlotte, but he had disappeared and Emma didn't have the energy to find him. She wasn't sure he wanted to be found anyway.

Laughter filtered through from the backyard as Jack recounted how Molly got hit on by Josh Groban. Emma smiled at the memory. Will had showed up in her office the following day saying, "You will not believe what happened to my mother last night." That was when he used to still come to her office. Back when she was still the first person he'd look for when he had something to say.

When she heard Joanie say, "Hey, kiddo," she finally realized that Will was on the front porch. With all the windows open, voices blew back and forth on the breeze.

"Hey, yourself," he replied.

"I have a feeling that something other than the obvious is bothering you."

Emma sat up a little straighter and took a nervous sip of her wine. She knew she shouldn't be listening, but God help her, she couldn't leave.

"I'm fine." He paused. "As fine as I can be."

"So you and Emma…

"We're just friends," he interrupted and sighed. "Sometimes, I'm not even sure we're that."

Emma bit her lip to keep it from wobbling.

"You're at least 'just friends," Joanie replied. "She wouldn't be here otherwise."

"That's what people keep telling me."

Emma scooted to the edge of the couch and dared a look out of the window. She watched as Joanie narrowed her eyes, inspecting him. "You had a fight."

Will was silent but he slowly nodded. Joanie stood and kissed him on the head.

"For once, I won't pry into your love life, sweetheart. But don't let it go on too long. I can see it's eating both of you up."

Emma quickly stood and set her wine glass on the table in an effort to make a hasty retreat. She didn't want to be caught eavesdropping. But she wasn't quick enough and as she tried to rush through the foyer, Joanie opened the front door. The two women stared at each other, Emma blushing, Joanie smiling.

As the older woman passed, she gave Emma a nudge towards the door. "Go on."

Taking a deep breath, Emma steeled for the inevitable confrontation. They couldn't hide from each other forever. His shoulders tensed as she pushed open the screen door. It was as if he knew it was her just by the squeak of the hinge. She brushed off the porch and took a seat next to him. The night was still, no wind, no noise. She stared out over the grass, refusing to look to her right.

It was as if they were playing some twisted game of 'chicken.' Neither saying a word to see which one would break first. After five minutes of painful silence, Will stood up to head back inside.

"You terrify me, Will." The words left her mouth before she had a chance to stop them.

His head snapped up. "Excuse me?"

Emma shifted her body to look back at him, but her gaze remained on his shoes. "The way I feel about you, it's terrifying. The thought of… losing you, of never seeing you smile again, or hearing you laugh or sing. Just the thought of you not being hurts like you wouldn't believe." Emma's voice betrayed her and she turned back again. "We have to stop. I hate that you can't look at me. I hate that you won't smile at me. You won't even speak to me." Emma swallowed her tears. "This isn't… this isn't us, Will."

For a terrifying second, Emma thought that Will was going to continue on his way back inside, but finally two words left his lips.

"I'm sorry." He walked forward and took a seat next to her again.

"For what?"

"I never should have kissed you. I was out of line."

Emma could have laughed but she didn't. "I didn't try to stop you."

"But still… I like to think I'm a gentleman, but I haven't been behaving like one recently." Will scuffed the tip of his shoe into the wooden step.

Emma's heart was still heavy. "But I… The way I've acted around you, I don't know why you put up with it," Emma said as she hid her face behind her hands. "You must think I'm the biggest tease in the world."

"You know I don't." He turned her face towards him with his finger. "I'm not waiting for you. I mean, I am. But I'm also not. I know that there's a good chance you'll never see me the way you used to. You may stay with Carl and, though the thought destroys me, it's something I'll accept when the time comes. But if you do leave Carl… and you do realize you feel the same way about me, I know with every fiber of my being that you will have been worth the wait."

Emma bowed her head to hide her tears.

"I've been patient. Or at least I've tried to be, but yesterday my patience slipped and that was completely my fault. Not yours."

She finally looked at him through watery eyes. "Do you want me to go?"

"No." He grabbed her hand. "God, no." He touched his forehead to hers and placed a chaste kiss on her palm. "I would not have survived the past two days without you. I mean that." He tilted her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact. "Please stay."

"Okay."

They remained in that position, knees pressed against each other, foreheads touching. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Emma pulled away and wiped at her eyes.

"So where does this leave us?"

Emma held her breath as he looked out across the yard.

If only Will's answer had been the one she was hoping for.