Aki- Just so you wonderful readers and reviewers know, I will probably try to update this story once a week, usually around the wekkend (because that is when I have time to write), no promises though. Also I have a C2 for one-shots. If you would like to make a suggestion or like to join the staff even, contact me is the review or an emial. Thanks.

Chapter 4

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed

That it would be when the world was younger,

And you had everything to lose?

- Switchfoot, "This is Your Life"

"Order up," yelled Luke from the kitchen. Jess swiftly went behind the counter to take the plates to their table. It seemed the whole town was overcompensating from the time the diner was closed or when they had avoided it from the days previous. Unfortunately Lane had the morning off and Caesar was out sick and consequently the diner was as hectic as… a really hectic diner.

Jess came back into the kitchen a few minutes later looking harassed, having been annoyed by Kirk and hit on by Miss Patty in the same trip. "I'm not going back out there," he said with all seriousness, scowling.

"Jess-"

"Until you kick them all out," he continued

"Jess-" repeated Luke with increasing aggravation.

"I won't do it!"
"Jess!...Will you make a delivery?"

"Oh, can I?" said Jess with sarcasm.

"Come on, it will get you away from these people you don't like and then Lane will be coming in, so you can take a break."

"Okay," agreed Jess snatching the bags out of Luke's hands. "Where to?"

"Um." On second thought, maybe Luke hadn't thought this out all the way through. Maybe he had only suggested that Jess go because he hadn't wanted to. "Rory," answered Luke hesitantly.

"Ah."

"At their house."

"Okay."

"Are you sure?"

"I fine Luke, jeez," Jess said, irritated. Rory and him had been on semi-good terms last time they had seen at each other. And if anyone was to be mad at the other, it would be him at her. Of course Luke didn't know that.

So before his uncle could protest again, Jess exited the kitchen, followed by the diner. He decided to walk, it wasn't far, and, as a plus, it meant he would be away from the diner longer. No tried to talk to him, he still had a reputation in this town.

Jess got uncharacteristically nervous as he approached the familiar house. He guessed he hadn't anticipated what it would be like to see Rory again, especially after her mother and best friend had just died. And if Luke had been an indication of the pain of it all, she would be pretty bad off.

Jess rang the bell. After no one came for a few minutes, he tested the door. Unlocked, per usual.

He entered slowly, as not to frighten anyone. He glanced about the living room. No one was there. He went into the kitchen and there she was, sitting at the table, head in her hands, her face hidden by her unwashed, unbrushed, and loose hair. She was wearing a dingy old sweatshirt and pajama bottoms.

Jess cleared his throat to get her attention. She looked up at him and a look of surprised passed across her face, but that was nothing compared to what Jess felt. Her face was thinner than he remembered and her color was gone. She looked utterly exhausted with dark circles under her eyes. And her eyes, well, they lacked their usual sparkle. Her whole appearance, with her chapped lips, chewed fingernails, and unsmiling mouth made her look so… Jess hadn't expected her to look so completely…destroyed.

"Hey," said Jess, finally choking out a word.

"Hey," Rory replied quietly, as least she still had a voice. "I didn't know you were in town."

"Got in late last night. I'm helping Luke out."

"Because off…" she didn't finish.

Jess nodded.

"That's nice," Rory replied. Not bitterly. Not sarcastically. Not hopefully. Just factually.

"Was that full?" asked Jess, changing the subject, pointing at the almost empty coffee pot on the table.

"I haven't gotten much sleep lately," said Rory, a little defensively.

"You should eat." Jess sat down at the table across the table, uninvited, and set down the food.

"I not hungry right now," said Rory, sitting up straighter and tucked her long hair behind her ears and over her shoulders.

"Come on," teased Jess pulling out the food of the bags, "You know reheated fries suck."

The smallest of grin appeared on Rory's face for the shortest of seconds in remembrance. "You're right," she replied, picking up a fry and eating it slowly. "Can you make some more coffee?"

"No way," refused Jess, getting up and walking over to the frig, "You've had too much already." He pulled out a gallon and of milk.

"I don't know how long that has been in there," commented Rory as Jess was pouring. He sipped from his glass.

"It's fine."

The two sat their in silence, making a comment every now and then. Jess wasn't really hungry, but he ate as to encourage Rory, who, though her appetite grew a little, he was sure would stop eating as soon as he left.

"How's school?" asked Jess later, thinking it a safe subject.

"I missed a class or two," replied Rory, not really thinking.

"You're not giving up though, right?" asked Jess conversationally.

"I don't know," mumbled Rory in reply.

"You can't give up. You don't want that."

Rory looked at him strangely, "I don't know what I want anymore."

"But come on. You love to learn-"

"Jess," said Rory harshly, surprising him. "Look at me," she said voice rising, Look at me! I'm a mess! I don't know what I'm doing anymore." Rory was now edging on hysteria. "Look at this," she yelled spreading her arms out to indicate the house. It wasn't any different, but Jess knew she was indicating to the absence of her mother.

"I'm so lost," cried Rory, voice cracking and tears now brimming down her cheeks. She hid her face in her hands.

Jess sat still in his seat from a moment, shocked. He hadn't meant to cause this.

He wasn't sure what to do but he got up and kneeled next to Rory's chair. "I'm sorry. Please stop crying. Try to calm down."

Rory breath was hitching from her sobs, but she calmed herself. "No, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm not mad at you."

Jess nodded, but said nothing.

"It's just that everything right now is…"

"Ror," said Jess quietly, putting his own hand on hers where they rested on the table, for some reason unknown. He wasn't quite sure what to say. "You love school and learning and living…Lorelai wouldn't want you to give that up just because she's gone."

Rory nodded, teary-eyed, "I know you're right. It's just I feel guilty at even the thought of moving on and pretending it will be okay…I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laying all my pathetic problems on you."

"It's fine." Jess glanced up at the clock, "I better get back. Luke will skin me alive for being away this long."

"Okay," agreed Rory, again a faint smile on her lips.

Jess was halfway out of the kitchen when Rory called after him.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?" Jess asked, turning to her.

"I'll see you again, right?" she asked hopefully. Jess looked at her and suddenly, for that moment, she was not twenty-some, trendy Rory who went to Yale. She wasn't rich boyfriend, penthouse apartment, Portia Rory. She wasn't DAR Rory. She was a teenager, young and innocent and hopeful. She was Stars Hollow Rory with a quick wit and big ambitions. She wasn't jaded yet.

"You will," answered Jess simply.

Not much later that day, when a lull filled the diner and Luke left a disgruntled Jess in charge, the older man went to what his late fiancé called 'the crap shack.' He had made a habit of visiting everyday.

"Rory?" called Luke as he entered the house.

Rory came out of her bedroom wearing khaki Capri pants and a light purple blouse, her hair up in a neat ponytail and a little bit of make-up on her face.

"I've got class," answered Rory to his unasked question.

She looked nervous. She looked unsure. She even looked a little scared to go back and face the world. But she also looked a little determined.

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This isn't the end of Rory angst. She has much more to go.