A/N: Grr, I've got to stop publishing due dates…Bleck. Anyways, those four special people who actually put the phrase from last chapter in their review, (wasn't something about eggs and toasters?)…check my profile.
Oh, and if anyone is wondering about my avi, it's cause I had surgery yesterday.
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Wow, I really am all out of witty disclaimers. Erm…just know that Naruto isn't mine.
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"Okay, this is all fine and dandy…but I thought you two were angry at each other." said Temari, clearly confused. As interesting as their story was, didn't they need…counseling?
Neji growled. "Oh, we're pissed at each other, don't worry. I was getting to that part…"
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"So…is that it Neji?" asked Ino uncertainly. "I mean…that was barely five seconds…" Neji chuckled.
"I'm prodigy remember. Five seconds is all I need." Ino resisted from rolling her eyes.
"Now for the retribution! Vroomer! Your up!"
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"Give it up for The Prodigies one more time!" yelled Ino into the microphone. The crowded was excited and the air was buzzing with anticipation.
"Okaaaaaay! Next, we have a challenger whom we know little about. His name is Vroomer 2.0 and he's the brave candidate who's aiming to take The Prodigies head on!" hyped Ino. Vroomer rolled into the center of the circle and Gaara plugged him in.
"Oh wow, he must a new model…" someone gossiped.
"Yeah, I saw one in Aburame Appliances a couple days ago…"
"KYAAA! He's sooo HAWT!--"
"Dude, are you taping this?" A guy in the crowd zoomed in his video camera.
"Yeah man, I'm gonna score so many views on Youtube!"
"Vroomer," said Ino, placing the cord behind him. "You have 30 seconds, okay? Good luck! DJ Hiashi Hizzle! Drop the beat!"
Once again Hiashi sighed, thinking of 1000 different ways his time could be better spent.
"Begin!"
(Vrooom! Rrooooommm! Vooom!)
I came from the factory,
on East Street.
A true G.
You turn me on,
I doubt that you can take me.
(Roooom! Voooommm! Vrooooom!)
You say you're prodigies?
I shouldn't even,
give you a chance.
After all, you need arrows,
to know how to dance.
-Vroomer turns towards Sasuke-
My rhymes stay the illest,
Rivaled by none.
I would say 'yo mama'
But you don't have one!
"Goddamit, thanks a lot Itachi!"
"Hn…"
-Vroomer turns towards Neji-
It's about time,
You get your hair clipped.
Hasn't anyone said,
You look like Orochimaru's bitch?
"Hn…"
(Vrrrrrooom! Rooom!)
You call this a battle?
I call it 'Tag Teaming'
You think that you can beat me?
You must be pipe dreaming.
(Vrroooom! Voooom! Roooom!)
Your eyelimits are trash--"
"TIME!" exclaimed Ino. The crowd groaned because they wanted him to finish. "Sorry Vroomer, but your 30 second limit is over." Vroomer lowered his handle to show he understood.
"Show your love once more for the Vroomer 2.0!" said the hostess. People cheered once more.
"Now, to determine the winner…" started Ino. The crowd hushed itself. "Everyone take one of these slips of paper and write who you want to win. Once you're done, place it in this box on your way out. …Thanks for coming! If you have a few minutes to spare, maybe you can stay to receive a perm or a manicure!" Squeals emitted from the crowd. "The winner will be announced tonight on the five o'clock news. Take care!" All of the males in the crowd besides Gaara and a handful of women who didn't care about their appearances dropped their vote and left. The majority of the women stayed and started fawning around Itachi, Tobi and Deidara, trying to get their services from the handsome males. Shino, Kisame and Kiba were helping Neji and Sasuke hide from their own dieheart fangirls.
"Now now ladies," said Itachi prying a fangirl off his arm. "I only have so much nail polish…"
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"Hey you guys! The food and cake is here!" yelled Kisame from the front.
Tenten hopped from under the hairdryer and helped Hinata and Ino set the tables of food. The fangirls reserved a table for themselves as they set to work on their life-sized plushies of Itachi, Sasuke, Tobi, Neji and Deidara. Sasuke and Neji crawled from whatever hole they were hiding in and join their friends at the table near the back. Everyone started to grab for their favorite dishes and chat.
"Hey Kisame, you wanna try this shark meat? It's really good!" said Hinata pushing the dish toward him. Kisame looked faint.
"COUSIN!"
"Oops…" said Hinata apologetically. "Sorry…"
"I'm bored again…" complained Kiba. Hinata just sighed. "Yeah, I kinda am too. We can always play another game! How about…let's try and make Itachi blush!"
Ino and Tenten started to giggle. "Go for it!" said Kiba.
Itachi sighed. "I don't know how to blush. Sexual innuendos don't illicit any kind of reaction for me."
"We'll see," said Neji, smirking. "...Question one. When did you lose your virginity?"
"Hmm…" said Itachi, stroking his chin. "I think it was when I was six."
Anyone who was chewing food proceeded to have coughing fits.
"WHAT?" asked Sasuke, astounded. Itachi just gave him a bored look.
"Yes Sasuke, six. You know. That cool number in between 5 and 7. Yeah."
"I know what six is--!"
"Well crap, thanks for crashing our game." pouted Kiba. "How can we make someone who lost their virginity before they hit puberty blush at all? Don't tell that to anyone or you'll never get married…" Itachi smirked.
"Well that was fun. Anyways Kiba, that brings me to an announcement I need to make…" He tapped his wine glass three times and cleared his throat.
"I guess now would be as good a time as ever to tell them pumpkin," said Itachi to Ino. She nodded and took his hand. "I suppose you're right. Keep your voice down, we wouldn't want a fangirl to hear…"
"Right…" He paused. "Well, I've asked for Ino's hand in marriage and she's accepted!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Wow…" said Tenten, amazed. "I didn't even know you two were dating! Well, congratulations!"
"Oooh! I pick the bridesmaid dresses!" squealed Hinata. Ino smiled. "Sure, but the flowers we've arranged are violets so they have to be purple…" Tenten, Ino and Hinata stayed in their own little world while the rest of the males were too stunned to speak.
"Umm, hello?" said Itachi waving his hand in everyone's face. "Where's my congrats?"
"Oh, sorry…" said Kiba. "It's just that…wow…you and Ino huh?"
"Congratulations Ita-san!" said Tobi. Shino just gave a solemn nod.
"Yeah congrats, un," said Deidara. "Want me to mold some clay figures for the big day?"
"That would be nice, thanks--"
"Um NO!" said Sasuke. His brother raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry Itachi, for an Uchiha to marry a women and produce heirs by said female…there's a fucking intelligence requirement for her! We can't have retard Uchihas' running around!" Itachi frowned.
"Are you calling my fiancé stupid?"
"Yes--"
"Well excuse me for not being a prodigy!" said Ino who was eavesdropping on their conversation.
"You're excused." yawned Sasuke. "Hn…how about this blonde…" He took out a piece of paper and drew a happy face on one side and sad face on the other. "Every time you act smart, I'll put a tally mark on this side," Sasuke pointed to the 'happy' face. "However, every time you say something stupid, I'll put a tally mark the other side. Sound fair? And if your happy tally outnumbers your sad tally by the end of the day then maybe I might consent this marriage." Sasuke looked smug while Itachi rolled his eyes.
"Very good Sasuke, you get three clever points, but why the hell do I need your permission to get married?" Sasuke's smirk widened.
"It's your own fault! It's Uchiha tradition to have the father and uncle sign the marriage witness and consent document! But since somebody killed them, guess who that responsibility falls on?" Itachi groaned.
"I forgot about that…damn…Ino…just…be really smart today so my prick of a brother Sasuke will let us wed, okay?"
"You can count on me!" exclaimed Ino, giving her fiancé a teasing salute.
"Actually Sasuke, I'm surprised at your hypocrisy. You're not exactly the smartest one out of the two of us. What right do you have to dictate whether Ino is intelligent or not?" said Itachi.
"What do you mean? You think you're wiser than I am?"
"Not think, knows. I'm older, so by definition I'm wiser."
"Oh really?" said Sasuke in a challenging tone. "Say something wise."
"Sure. Hmm...The duck's fur rumbles as the nightingale's serenity seeps though her playground." said Itachi in a low velvety voice.
"Oh god, an English major…"
"That…was so beautiful…" choked out Tenten, wiping her eyes.
"You're kidding right? That was total shit!" cried Sasuke, obviously not impressed.
"Shit? What is shit, not but a word to inflict upon others for their woes to be intensified…" continued Itachi.
"Preach it." said Hinata. Sasuke just shook his head.
"No, shit is the utter garbage coming out of your mouth! I've read wiser crap in fortune cookies! You're crazy…"
"Hn…"
"While were on the subject of crazy…" started Kiba, taking another swing of sake. "I was wondering...why did you kill your clan if you don't mind me asking Itachi..." Sasuke snorted.
"Itachi got wasted on some dry-erase markers when he was 13. So in his intoxicated state, he ran around the Uchiha compound and started slaying everyone in sight because he thought they were gumdrop vampires trying to bite him."
"…"
"It's so freakin funny, but I can't bring myself to laugh…" said Neji, sadly.
"Wait...so why didn't he kill you Sasuke?" asked Tenten. Sasuke shifted in his seat.
"Because…hethoughtiwashisimaginarychickenfriendjill OKAY!"
"…"
"What was that?" smirked Neji, knowing perfectly well what Sasuke just said, since he was a genius and all.
"Don't make me repeat myself Hyuuga." said Sasuke in a deadly tone.
"Hn…"
"So I'm guessing you two had a pretty messed up childhood…" said Hinata, sipping on some tea. Itachi shrugged.
"Not really…but contrary to popular belief, Sasuke was the emo in the family before I killed our clan…" Everyone shared surprised looks.
"That's not true!" yelled Sasuke. "…wait a minute; I'm not an emo now!"
"You aren't?" asked Gaara, petting his chia-pet Choby silently. "Oh, by the way, Deidara, can you give Choby a perm, I can't manage his fro' much longer…" Deidara blinked.
"I-I don't k-know if I can give it a perm, I've never done a plant before…" Gaara frowned.
"He isn't an 'it'! He's a he!" cried the sand sibling. "And if you call your self a hair stylist and you don't even know how to perm leaves, you more pointless in this fanfic then you were in the anime--!"
"Ignore him…" said Tenten. "Anyways, what's this about Sasuke being emo before the massacre?"
"It's simply the truth." said Itachi, ignoring his brother's outburst. "Oh shut up, don't act like you don't remember 'My black comforter comforts me in my time of depressing slumber…' Everyone sitting at the table snickered.
"Well…" started Sasuke, going into defense mode "You used to leave pee on the toilet seats!"
"Lies."
"And you used to play with action figures!"
"…This is bad why?"
"Because you ripped off their heads and made collages on the weekends!"
"Oh I forgot about that habit…" said Itachi. "Well, you got me there…but YOU used to obsess over that stupid Ninja Info Card game. Actually…" Itachi reached into Sasuke's pocket and pulled out a shiny card. "you still do…"
"Give that back nii-san!" yelled Sasuke, jumping in the air to get the card from Itachi, who was baiting it over his head. "Do you know what I had to do to get that from Naruto's son?"
….XxX….
--Meanwhile, 10 miles away--
"Uncle Sasuke! I don't like this game! GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID CLOSET!"
….XxX….
Tenten watched the brothers' feud with mild interest. "This is almost cute…almost." she said. Finally Sasuke snatched it back.
He looked on the table and saw there was only one ice cream sandwich left, and Ino was the only one who hadn't had one yet. Suddenly feeling guilty about his earlier comments, he decided to offer it to her.
"Ino…have you tried this ice cream thing? Want the last one?" said Sasuke innocently. Ino glared at him with mistrust.
"This isn't a question to determine my intelligence is it?"
"No...I was just wondering if you wanted it…" Suddenly Ino brightened up.
"Thanks for asking! But, no thank you, I can't eat milk or ice cream…I'm a vegetarian." Sasuke eyed her peculiarly.
"Don't you mean 'lactose intolerant'?"
"What's toast got to do with anything?"
"…"
Itachi smacked his forehead while Sasuke smirked and put three tally marks on the 'frowny' side of the piece of paper.
"You're screwed Itachi…"
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After everyone cleaned up, the fangirls gave their plushies to their appropriate owners and returned home. A long haired man entered right afterwards.
"Oh hey Orochimaru, what's up?" said Itachi, redoing his own nails. "Come for another perm?" Orochimaru licked his lips
"Yes…"
"So...you want any highlights? Kisame got some new dye today." said Deidara. Orochimaru nodded.
"Yes that would be preferable, I want my dull black to be even darker…"
"Curls or no curls?"
"No curls, I have a mass murder coming up soon and I need to look as intimidating as possible…" he explained. Deidara nodded and put his curling iron away.
"So...Sasuke," started Itachi. "…I've heard that my nephew Shiro-kun is using the Sharingan at the age of 8, just like me. …Can I take him under my wing? Teach him my ways and maybe a few jutsus?" asked Itachi. Sasuke looked at him like he was insane.
"So I can wake up dead, slain by my own son? No way, me and Sakura swore to never have that Worse Case Scenario happen…" Itachi frowned while Sasuke gave him a look the showed he clearly didn't care. There was a soft 'ding!' and Tenten came from under the dryer.
"Ta Da! Like my new look?" She did a little twirl. Her hair was in buns like usual, except they were shiny.
Neji frowned at Tenten's 'new' hair style.
"Tenten, can you get something different? You've had your hair in those buns since you were like, four."
"Well I like uniformity," spat Tenten. "Why don't you cut your hair, 'Orochimaru's Bitch'" The salon started to chuckle.
"If you ask me, I think it looks fine the way it is Neji," said Itachi. Tenten rolled her eyes.
"Good thing no one asked you…" she grumbled.
"Hn..."
"Get a new catch phrase!"
"Aa."
"Tenten, you always get so riled up over nothing…" said Neji, crossing his arms. Tenten glared.
"No, it's just you people piss me off. You, sitting over here like some kind of god!" She turned toward Itachi "...and Mister Uchiha here acting like he doesn't have any home training, getting into people business. What? Didn't mother Uchiha teach you any manners before you snapped her pretty little neck--?"
"Oh no, don't be talking to my man like that!" said Ino taking her earrings off.
"What you gonna do about it blonde?"
"Oh no…" said Neji.
"OH YEAH!" yelled Kiba.
Let the bloodshed induce.
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A/N: Another filler chapter. Next chapter we'll finally get to the root of Neji and Tenten's problem, and find out the winner of the rap-off! Who do you want to win? Who do you think should win? Vote now in a review! Also, I included a reference to one of my other stories. Can you find it? Thanks for reading! And as always, check out my other fics. D
-JayleeJ