Chapter 4

She woke up in bed. Patrick was by her side. She hadn't gone. She had been talked round. And she hated that. She hated him for talking her round.

He had played on all her biggest weakness. He had spoken to her of her children and then he had spoken to her of her god and he had reminded her of what He would want her to do.

Stay in her marriage. But she was so unhappy;.

Getting up silently, she dressed for work. Once again it was her only escape. But she k new it was all going to be different now. She and des had to finish, for her own sanity.

That day every pair of lover's dreaded had come. The day dreaming ended. Her dreaming had ended.

She could see that now. All she had ever been doing with Des had been dreaming. Of what might have been. Of what could have been.

It was six thirty. She went down the stairs and she got herself a mug of tea before going in to the living room.

Her mind ticked over every adored memory which contained her and Des. All the times they had feel in to his bed. All the cuddles, the kisses, the promises that would now never be fulfilled. All of it was so unfair!

She would always treasure her love for him. And the moments they had shared. They'd stay with her forever…

By the time she had finished her drink, she was ready to go. There was no point in hanging about.

Leaving a note for her husband and kids telling them she would be home by six to do dinner, she grabbed her bag and car keys and went out.

When she got to the car she found her daughters CD was in the player, her soundtrack of the film RENT.

"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love."

She sang along. How would she measure her and Des's love. She didn't know. They hadn't had 525,600 minutes together. She only wished they had. It would have made that day easier. But harder too… she wasn't ready to break up.

Going in to her office, she felt lost. When she had known they were together she had had a real reason to love being here but now… the job was going to have to be enough. She had always loved it. but she loved him more.

It wasn't long after right she heard the door open and she knew who had come in.

"You never came." The hurt and pain was in his voice. Des was hurting so bad.

"I wanted to, but when it came to it, I couldn't… the kids and Patrick have been to bigger part of my life for so long."

"So what about these last few months, especially the last few days, have they meant nothing to you?"

"Please, don't be so stupid. You and I both know that they have been every thing." She said as she finally turned to him.

Tears were in both there eyes.

"You know it is for the best at the end of the day. I am another's mans wife." She said to him.

Ho shook his head. "I don't care." He said as his voice cracked with emotion and love for her. "I love you as if you were mine."

"I know you do. And for it I am better person. But I can't be with you. Please… try to understand…" she said as her lip wobbled with emotion.

"You know I have had you down as a lot of things in the time we have met but never have I thought you were a coward Shee."

"How dare you!?"

"I dare because I know it is true. You are scared to break away because I am nothing that you stand for. I'm not always honest. I have hurt so many people and yeah I admit it., I have to my fair share of lies. But never to you. Your scared because I make you feel more alive than he ever has. Your words not mine Shee. I can't believe I actually thought you'd break the mode." He said before storming out of her office, leaving her in tears. To think he had faith in her.

The rest of the day was a blue to both of them. There were to be no more steamy embraces. No more forbidden kisses.

Had it really only been the day before they had been Sun Hills favourite Romeo and Juliet? It felt a like a life time ago.

At the end of the day Des went straight home. He had to clean up.

He looked in to the bed. The rose petals he had set out had wilted. Looking in to the kitchen the ice the champagne had been cooling on was now heated.

Everything was gone. Everything he had set out for her home coming.

Life fell back in to the way it had been before he had feel in love with her.

When he was at worked, or drinking he was considered one of the lads, he flirted, and women flirted back on a Saturday night. Some time he even took them back to the flat and slept with them. But it was no good. None of them matched up to her. she had spoiled him for any one else.

For her, her world became colourless except for the children. She sleep walked through days at work the only good thing she was able to savour was the stolen glances of him.

Nights were worse. When she was alone in the dark with Patrick and he tried to be 'affectionate'. It was unendurable.

The days turned to weeks and before she knew it she and Patrick were getting ready to go to the Christmas do.

The more time had passed the more they got back to normal.

She still spent every day thinking of that wild passionate love that still took over her heart. But it got easier. At least till that night.

Going in to the pub where the relief had arranged to meet they were all smiles. The perfect married couple. Of course no one at the pub believed it.

Especially not Des.

How ever every one else did believe he had moved on.

Just as the Murphy's had settled them selves in there chairs, she watched as he walked in with a beautiful blonde on his arm. She was obviously a lot younger than Sheelagh and she was beaming at Des.

"Hello." Said Gary to her. "Now I know you have you aren't here with des for real, come on darling, how much is he paying you?"

She laughed and she smiled, before turning to Des.

"Fifty quid wasn't it?" she joked.

He smiled, and laughed it off with her, "What can I get you to drink Emma?" he asked.

"V and T please baby."

"Be back in a minute," he said as he kissed her on the lips making her giggle. He had one soul purpose tonight. To make Sheelagh jealous, and he knew he wasn't going to have to try very hard.

She turned away when they kissed, she looked awkward. She hated him for it, but loved him even more.

The night progressed. It was a lot like all the other drinks they went for but more people drunk more.

Emma often perched her self on Des's knee and he ran his hand down her back making her blush. He would whisper in her ear, and smile at her too.

Sheelagh by nine o'clock couldn't take it.

"I just need to go to the bathroom," she said to Patrick, and Des who had been sitting close to her, heard the emotion crack her voice.

Intensely, he got up and went after her.

"Des?" Emma's called after him, but he didn't turn back.

"Maybe there not as over as we thought," said Kerry to Des.

Des went straight in to the Ladies after Sheelagh.

"What are you crying for?" he said in a way that made her sure he knew. "You ended it, not me."

"I don't kiss Patrick in front of you; you don't have to kiss her in front of me!"

"Shee if you can get away with it, you don't kiss you husband at all! Don't tyou see I don't care for her," he asked.

"But – I – Des don't do this to me!"

"I have too, for my own sanity I have to believe you love me, or I don't know what I am going to do. I love you Shee. I can't forget!"

"And you think I can? You think I don't dream you still. You think I don't get caught in day dreams about you. Well I do! I do!" she said to him as tears started.

"Please, don't cry. Just come back to me." He said to her. "For gods sake I love you woman!"

Weakened by his soft words and gentle caressing as he stroked her hair, she gave in to him and begun hugging him, tighter than she ever had before.

He really had thought he'd lost her. how wrong he had been.

"Do you think we can sneak off with out being caught?" she bit her lip. She knew she shouldn't be saying this but in that moment she couldn't stop herself.

"I know we can." He said as her took her by the hand. Her fingers tingled. "Are you sure about this?" he checked.

"I allowed Patrick to manipulate me before. It isn't going to happen again." She said as they walked out, keeping as far as they could away from the relief. They were glad that when they walked through the bar, the disco begun and the lights went down. Fate was on their side.

Going back to the flat, Shee smiled.

"I don't actually believe I am here yet."

"You are Shee. Your home at last."

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