The Dumbing Down of Love

Loose Ends

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A/n: It will be kept in Kid's POV keeping in mind that it's technically Kid's story, but there will be future chapters where Crona gets some spotlight. I'm kind of surprised at how well received this story has been.

The rating has changed to Mature because of the past chapter being extremely suggestive and for future content. There's possibility of future sexual content involved with the plot, which will be posted on other accounts linked on my profile.

Super special thanks to everyone for reading (even if you don't review)! You guys make my world brighter!

Thank you specifically Crona Gorgon, Chabeli05, , Schizoid7Loner, KuriSari, freaky63, UnknownArtist, TheAravis, Noelle la Marie, mimiges11 and Don'tSleep for the feedback. Thank you guest reviewers as well. :) Don't be too shy (or lazy) to let me know who you are though, so I can thank you properly!

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It's complicated...

This time I think it could be-

Triangulated.

It could be just what we need...

So what you say, we give it up and walk away?

We're overrated, anyway.

Nothing to salvage, anyway.

"Loose Ends" – Imogen Heap

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That was the beginning to everything, the start to a catalytic relationship.

The way Crona moved and moaned was too much. I'd never so much as kissed any person's cheek before I found myself on the ground with the infamous Makenshi mewling underneath me. Her body was surprisingly soft…and warm. So warm. I couldn't even pick out imperfections while she felt so perfect.

The vague thought passed through me, 'Why haven't I noticed how perfect she is?' Within the heated moment, Crona was more wonderful than symmetry. The way she moaned, especially my name, the way she pressed against me in a way of begging, the way her face contorted in bliss with a small whine; she was so perfect through my lust clouded eyes, and she was only mine. I remember crooning how perfect she was, how beautiful. She'd started crying, and I could see how desperate she was for more kind words and overwhelming touches.

Then it was over, and yet it wasn't at all.

We were trying to catch our breaths when I realized several things; we were filthy with dirt and sweat (among other bodily fluids), we were exposed on Shibusen property even if alone, and I'd just had sex with someone who'd tried to kill me more than once. And now she was falling asleep.

We couldn't be seen like this. I tidied up the best I could and grabbed Crona, explaining in a rush how we needed to leave to my house to get cleaned up. She was confused, still dazed, so she followed quickly without complaint.

Fortunately Liz and Patty were still at school, completely unaware of my impromptu fight and newly developed predicament. I needed to fix this before classes ended and they came looking for me.

Once home, I shoved Crona into the bathroom, which she whined at me for, and began to strip. Her face reddened, and she struggled to back away when I tried to undress her as well. We'd already been intimate, and I wasn't an easily embarrassed person, particularly in serious situations, so I didn't stop. I felt dirty; for once asymmetry wasn't the cause.

The shower was rough and quick, but we were clean, and that was all I could handle to focus on at that moment. Crona had been silent for a while and sat naked and dripping wet on my bed. She was hunched over with arms crossed to cover her nudity. I brought her a nightshirt of Patty's that hopefully wouldn't be missed, and it hung loosely on Crona's thin figure, particularly around her chest. Remembering what I'd done to that chest, I glanced elsewhere. Dressed in casual clothing, I sat down beside her.

"I…don't know what to say."

She didn't know what to say either it seemed. My room was eerily quiet. And then she whimpered. I looked at her and saw tears beginning to fall and her shoulders shake. I felt my body tense suddenly and my heart lurch. It wasn't something I was used to feeling: sympathy. No, more than that. Her sadness was too painful to just be sympathy.

I didn't think about it; I just wrapped my arms around her and tried to soothe. I shushed and patted without understanding what was really happening. Why was she crying? How was she supposed to act? How was I supposed to act?

I didn't expect her to look at me, but eventually she did. I almost wished she hadn't. Those blue eyes were edged with black instead of the typical red (her blood being black after all) and glimmering with tears. She looked so completely hurt, so…broken and defeated. Just earlier that's what I had wanted. Now it was almost too much to bear.

"Crona…" I wasn't used to comforting someone like this. Usually I was the one in need of soothing over my OCD. What could I even say? "what's wrong?" She whimpered down a sob and continued to shake in my arms. It was easy to understand her being upset over all that had happened, but somehow I didn't get it. Maybe I didn't want to admit that I'd done something much worse than I already thought. Did she…feel like I'd raped her? Just as panic was beginning to rise in me, she spoke up.

"I don't…know…what t-to do now… I don't kn-know how ta dah-deal with eh-any o-of this…!" She buried her face in my shirt as she continued to cry, and I allowed this, trying to take in everything that had just happened. Focusing on her was all I could do to keep calm. I felt like I was set on autopilot as I numbly wiped her tears and waited out the cries.

"We can forget it." I said stupidly, the first solution to come to mind. I was doing a great job of saying stupid things today.

Those same eyes filled with pain, betrayal, way too much emotion for me to handle, gazed up at my words. "…forget…" she mimicked hollowly. Then it was all panic and tears from her and stoicism from me.

In my stomach, guilt and fear and shame were pitted, spreading like a sickness throughout my core. I watched Crona scream and cry at me how she couldn't forget this and didn't know what to do. My ears burned though the rest of my body felt cold. I trembled, and then it finally came.

I would have expected myself to live in shock for longer. Some people can go for weeks, or even months or years, in such a state. But Crona was my catalyst.

My hands slowly gripped the nightshirt around her tightly as I slumped against her. My trembling increased to a violent shaking as tears swept down my face. "I am so sorry…" My voice shook with emotion. "I am so sorry!" What was I now? The answers in my head were clear; I was beyond imperfect, beyond garbage. The perfect shinigami I had aimed to be was a dream to be mocked. I wanted to die. I wanted Crona to hurt me like I'd hurt her and then some.

It took me some time to recognize her slender hands cupping my face and wiping the tears away. When I finally looked at her face again, I felt miserable and couldn't see clearly, but I could tell she looked so very painfully sad. "I'm so horrible, I'm so sorry!" I continued to sob in her gentle grasp. "I'm the absolute worst fucking creature in existence..."

My cries were strong despite how her lips muffled them. She kissed me and held onto my face stubbornly with a resolve I didn't get. I didn't kiss back and didn't struggle. I didn't understand what she was doing after all my words and actions. It made absolutely no sense. But she kept those lips pressed on mine until my sobbing softened and I was shaking only a little.

"I don't want to be alone anymore; I don't want to hurt…" she whispered on my lips with similarly grief-stricken vocals. "It felt good, but I'm so confused…" She bit her lip to stop another onslaught of emotion, though her body betrayed her.

Heaving a sigh, I managed to find some strength in me left to continue speaking. It wasn't my usual strength. I was still breaking over this. It was some sort of numbed reserve hidden in me I hadn't been aware of. "I don't know what to do either…" I admitted in a whisper. I felt Crona jolt, probably unnerved by my honesty. I was, after all, the one who always had some kind of plan, the one who pushed his ideas and opinions. Crona didn't get how shattered my resolve was.

She shuddered and looked at me desperately with lingering tears escaping down her face, grayed in blush. "Don't go." My eyes widened in surprise at her simple demand. There was silence between us, but I heard the echo of her words. Don't go, don't go, don't go, don't go, don't…

I gave her what I felt to be the softest look I'd ever given anyone and carefully held her face. I have to go, I thought. Words formed in my head, ready to be translated by mouth. I can't stay here. We can't do this. It was a mistake. I'm sorry for what I said. I'm sorry for what I did. We can't do this, Crona. We can't do this. It all hurt so much, the thought to stay, the thought to go. It hurt so damn much, I knew it was tearing me apart.

God help me, those eyes, those tears, that quivering mannerism… It was another stupid thing to do; I hardly expected it of myself, but I brought her face to me and gave her the softest kiss I could muster. She pressed back, so gently and so warm. I could smell her, and she smelt of skin and water and body wash, my body wash. But she also smelt just so strongly of a scent that couldn't be described in a better way than simply Crona. It was surprisingly comforting.

When I pulled away, our eyes and breaths remained with each other. "I won't." I whispered on her lips. I won't go.

Because really…

How could I?

We stayed wrapped up in each other for a while. Silence accompanied our slowing heartbeats and breathing, and my face began to feel cold where tears had streaked. Crona clung to me, face buried in my chest, and I started petting her hair down. We needed to get up and go back to the regular daily routines we each lived. But I felt so exhausted, emotionally and physically. My eyes kept open and watched for several moments akin to peaceful as Crona drifted to sleep. 'I should get up now.' I thought. 'But I'm so tired…' Sleep would take me away from everything I had to handle but couldn't. I shut my eyes, thinking of what I needed to do, and fell asleep before I could finish one comprehensive thought.

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Liz and Patty came home a few hours later. When they woke me, Liz asked if I was sick, and I noticed after some panic that Crona was gone. Not beside me, not in the bathroom, not in the thoughts of Liz or Patty. So I said I was fine. Liz obviously had suspicions, but I was sure they had nothing to do with Crona.

I spent the rest of the day in my room, sleeping and thinking, thinking about what would happen now and what the hell was I feeling. So quickly my prim role model life had been twisted by the shaky hands of a witch's child, and I was so confused over how I felt for her. What was expected of me? What was right? What did Crona want? What did it all mean?

My life was suddenly a labyrinth of questions that I stood alone in.

The girls were obviously put-off and more worried than before by how I was acting. I didn't blame them. I was quiet, hardly energetic, and looked a mess. I went to sleep without dinner and awoke restless. In school the next day I was just as unresponsive.

"Kid, come on, what's wrong?" Liz asked in class.

I gave her a drained glance. "Nothing…" I muttered. My tired eyes, much to my chagrin, found Crona's seat. It was empty, and that hurt me in a way I didn't understand. My heart seemed to drop into my stomach and rise back up with a new heaviness.

Liz must have noticed, because she tapped my arm and told me we'd talk about this before the day ended. As I looked at her with empty eyes, I just nodded.

Maka was probably going to check on Crona because she was that kind of friend with her, looking out for her and giving advice when she could. 'She'd throttle me if she found out.' I thought, even though I'd lost the will to care. It was likely true. The only reason it really bothered me was imagining Crona crying again, thinking of her in so much pain because of me.

The day dragged on with a lethargic me. Liz pulled me aside at lunch instead of going with everyone to eat. Patty went with the others, which made me a little curious. An unusual amount of concern showed in Liz's blue eyes. For a quick moment I noted how deep a blue they were compared to Crona's. Then I shook it off, and Liz put a hand on my back. It was simple and comforting.

"What's up?" she asked. I looked to the ground away from our feet, unsure of what to say. "Come on," she gently prompted, "what's wrong?" The way she said it, the contrast of her usual behavior, made me look up, and I felt I could say it. At least some of it.

"I… It's…Crona." I stumbled to say, looking back down.

"Yeah?" Liz moved her hand to lightly rub my back, and it felt very nice. It made me want to break down again.

Using all my strength I had left in my drained state of mind, I continued. "We got into another fight." Liz remained quiet, patiently listening in a way I'd witnessed from her only for Patty. "This was the worst one." I wasn't lying.

Next thing I knew, her arm wrapped around my shoulders in a sort of hug. "That bad, huh? What happened?"

I clenched my fists, body tensed up. It was bad, couldn't be worse. "Yes." I forced out, eyes on my feet.

Liz was quiet. I thought- Well, I don't know what I thought. I was waiting for anything and nothing at the same time. Then she sighed and squeezed my shoulder. "I told you you were acting weird." I wasn't going to be angry at this point, but she quickly added, "Tell me what's going on, Kid. Do you seriously hate Crona?"

My head popped up with surprise and I felt almost defensive. "No, no I don't." My eyes became downcast again. 'I'd be crazy if I did after what happened.' I decided to keep that part to myself. 'But maybe I'm crazy now.'

Liz sighed again and removed her hand. "Do you like her?"

When I looked at her again she had this look like she was sorry for me with her arms crossed. I stared back, unsure of the answer. I didn't hate Crona. But did I even like her? As a person, much less anything more? I wasn't unaware of how awful that thought was. I almost collapsed at the thought that I might really be that terrible a person that I impulsively slept with people I didn't even like.

But I kept my calm to save face in front of Liz. I didn't want her any more involved than this. "I don't know."

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Liz stayed with me for a while, making us both skip class so she could give me some advice. I really appreciated it, but couldn't tell her the whole truth. I wanted to tell her, but couldn't stand it if on top of my guilt and Crona's feelings, Liz hating me or thinking I was as awful as I felt. Liz and Patty dealt with me all the time over my OCD, but I couldn't let them know this… I wasn't sure what would happen, but I doubted they'd comfort me and tell me I was wrong about being a disgusting excuse for a creature that's only good for breathing.

I told them I was going to go apologize to Crona for our fighting, so Liz took Patty home. I searched all over the school and didn't find Crona. At the end of my searching I bumped into Soul with an upset Maka who told me Crona had been crying the whole day in her room. I asked and was informed Crona was done crying for now and wandering around by the library.

Maka didn't know why Crona cried. I felt like I'd throw up if I had to talk to her any longer. Soul looked at me as if he was going to ask if I was alright, but I said my goodbyes and headed away from them to find Crona as casually as possible. I found her crouched outside the library, which was closed due to the time. She gasped when she noticed me and huddled into a corner of the doors more. I was tense again and swallowed down my constricted throat. I crouched down and looked at her with what felt like an upset expression, though I was doing my best to treat this as delicately as possible.

She slowly looked at me with puffy pinkened eyes from crying and an accusing and defeated stare. "We should talk." I said, careful of how the words came out. There was so much to say, and I prayed I could do this and somehow make things even a sliver of what they were before I fucked everything up.

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