CHAPTER FOUR

"Where were you?" Wheeler asked.

"Getting in trouble, of course," Alex laughed. "Captain Ross showed up and saved us all."

"You still need rescuing?" Deakins smiled.

"Good to see you, Jimmy," Ross said warmly. "I hear life as a private citizen is going well for you."

"I can't complain, Danny…Detective Wheeler's been bringing me up to date about things in Major Case. I tried to warn you about this trio."

"Yea," Ross said. "You did. They're living up to your reports. Give me more headaches and clear more cases than the rest of the squad put together."

Bobby felt lost and confused. He didn't know if it was the result of his confrontation with Copa, his happiness at seeing Carver and Deakins again, his gratitude for Ross' comments, his sadness at Logan's departure, or his worries for Eames, but he felt almost exactly as he did when he graduated in the top ten of his Academy class and had no one attending the ceremony.

"Bobby," Deakins said warmly. The older man seized Bobby's hand and pulled him into a hug. "It's good to see you again."

Bobby thought of how often he'd longed for a similar gesture from the man he thought was his father or from his brother. His confusion grew.

"You look like you could use a drink," Deakins continued. "You still drink that expensive Scotch?"

"Yes, he does," Alex grinned. "Especially if someone else is buying."

"I…I'd be happy to buy…" Bobby stuttered.

"No you don't, Bobby." Deakins smiled. "I'm doing very well. Much better than when I was with the Department. And I don't get to see you that often."

Bobby found a drink in his hand before he could respond. He found more drinks appearing in his hand through the evening.

"I always agreed with your taste in liquor, Detective," Carver said as he handed Bobby one of those drinks. "Even if I was disagreeing with everything else."

Bobby couldn't tell if the lawyer was the better or the worse for drink.

"Eames and I were talking earlier." Bobby let the words form carefully in his head and mouth before he spoke. "We both…We both miss working with you…Even if we sometimes seemed to be working against you."

Carver smiled, and Bobby thought that he'd rarely seen the man smile at him—at Alex, yes, but rarely at Bobby. "I realize now," Carver said. "That you and Detective Eames were both admirable colleagues and worthy opponents. I've experienced some things from the opposite side of the court, and I appreciate how ethical you and Ms. Eames are."

Bobby felt his face flush. "I…Eames and I…are glad we haven't had to face you in court."

"I would want to face either one of you," Carver said genially. "Although I doubt it'll ever happen. Ethics aside, I've already warned one of my colleagues against taking a case to court because you and Detective Eames were the investigating officers. I told his chances were better if he advised his client to take a plea."

Bobby felt tremendously grateful to Carver, but had no idea of how to express it. "Thank you," he finally said. "But I'm not sure I'm happy to be known as a terror of lawyers."

Carver smiled. "I can't tell you how many times I had a defense attorney agree to a plea when he or she learned you and Detective Eames were the detectives on a case."

"Afraid of us…or afraid of Detective Eames?" Bobby asked.

"Some didn't want to be humiliated by either of you," Carver said. "But the majority…It was because the two of you have reputations as ethical and effective detectives. The word is that if you arrest someone, that person is probably guilty. And smart and experienced defense attorneys are reluctant to let their clients in the interrogation room with either of you."

Bobby stared into his drink. "That…That's a lot of responsibility," he said softly. "I'm not perfect…Eames may be…but I'm not…I've made mistakes…"

Carver shook his head. "I may have disagreed and fought with you, Detective, but there are many things I admire about you. And you've just demonstrated one of them."

"What…"

"Many cops…Many people," Carver said deliberately. "Would regard the information I just gave you as an indication of their great abilities. They'd seek to use it in some way. But you…Your first thought was about how such trust in your abilities results in a great responsibility. You didn't regard this as a great thing for you, but how it might hurt someone."

Bobby couldn't tell if the fog in his head resulted from the alcohol in his body or Carver's words. "Thank…Thank you…That means a lot…Especially coming from you…"

"Look at this!" Mike Logan plopped into the booth beside Bobby. "Mr. Carver and Detective Goren having a civilized conversation with each other."

Carver smiled. "We are capable of civility…I'm sorry…I nearly called you Detective."

"Don't worry, Mr. Carver," Logan said. "Most of the people in here are calling me that, and I'm probably going to be answering to it for a while."

"My apologies, gentlemen." Carver rose and stood unsteadily. "I think I should speak to Captain Deakins while we're both still capable of forming words."

"I've actually missed that guy," Logan said as he moved to the other side of the table. "At least he admitted he could make a mistake and you didn't have to watch your back around him."

"Yea," Bobby said. His lips and tongue felt thick and he wondered if the sadness folding over him was the result of Logan's departure, his encounters with Carver and Deakins, or the drinks he consumed. "Eames and I were talking about how we missed him. We're gonna miss you, too, Logan."

"Just how much have you had to drink, Goren?" Logan asked. "You're not going to get all touchy feely on me?"

"I hope not," Bobby snorted. "Although I'm not sure why you seem to be more sober than me."

"I cut myself off a while ago…My reputation…Particularly lately…As a drinker is overrated."

Bobby sighed. "I'm afraid my consumption of liquor has gone up in recent months. I need to start watching it."

"Maybe," Logan said. "But you've never developed a reputation. But take care of yourself…and Eames…I'm glad the two of you are still part of the department. It's good to know that at least the two of you and Wheeler and Ross are still there."

Bobby stared into his drink. "Ross has stuck his neck out for me a lot."

"Yea. Once he knows he can trust you, he's on your side. I've had a couple of drinks with him. He's not a bad guy."

Bobby felt a twinge of jealousy, followed by one of guilt. "I…I wish I could talk to him…Or he could talk to me…But we…We just…" He waved his hand.

"You know," Logan said. "Ross feels the same way."

Bobby snorted. "Yea…"

"Yea…Really…You frustrate him…But not for the reasons you might think. At least not entirely…" Logan looked up at the bar, where Ross was deep in a conversation with Wheeler. "Ross is a really bright guy…Very well read…He's not used to being in a room with a guy as smart or smarter than him who doesn't care about what the Brass cares about him as long as they let him do the job…"

"I worry about the Brass now," Bobby said. "If only to try to protect Eames." He looked up at the bar, where Deakins and Alex had joined Ross and Wheeler. Deakins had apparently just said something that mortified Alex and amused Ross and Wheeler. The quartet looked in Logan and Bobby's direction, and the latter quickly lowered his eyes.

Logan hadn't seen the other detectives' interest. "I hope you stay around and keep the Brass honest, Goren. I'd like to think there's some people left in the NYPD that I admire. I'm curious…"

"Uh?" Bobby wondered if another drink would sustain his body's warmth and numbness or just make him sick.

"You've go to be more frustrated with the job than me," Logan said. "The Brass has treated you worse. And you're a much brighter guy than me. I know the stories…"

Bobby felt a heavy weight settle in his stomach as he considered the stories Logan might have heard.

"Barak," Logan continued. "Told me that the FBI wants you…Has for a long time…The army would take you back in a heartbeat…Federal, state agencies want you." Logan waved his hand in the direction of the bar's door. "You could walk out of here and into any college in the city and get a job teaching."

"Uh…I think their standards are a little higher than that," Bobby said. He felt hot and dizzy, and wondered if he should chance another walk outside.

"What I want to know…The last request of a retiring cop…" Logan smiled. "Why are you a cop, Goren? Why are you here? Why do you stay?"

"I count three questions, Logan," Bobby said. "Three requests. Although, I guess they're really one. Funny…Deakins asked me the same thing…At least why I became a cop…When he was forced out…You deserve an answer as much as he did."

"I don't know about that," Logan said quietly. "I talked to Deakins…Before I resigned…The only thing that made me feel like resigning wasn't the right decision was that I felt like I was letting Deakins down…Letting him and the cops like you and Eames…And my old partner, Lennie Briscoe. You ever meet him?"

"Once," Bobby said. "When Ed Green was his partner. Poisoning case. I liked him. I'd heard a lot about him, of course. Sounded…Acted…Like he was everything good about a New York City Cop and nothing bad."

Logan turned his empty glass in his hands. "Yea…That sounds like Lennie…And I think he'd be proud of that description. God, I miss the guy. And Ed Green's left the department too. You and Eames may be all that's left."

Bobby watched the glass spin in Logan's hands. "I had…It was a rough when I was a kid…The cops came a couple of times. They helped. And when I went in the army…They put me in CID. I was good at it, and I liked it. But I got tired of moving around so much…and I needed to be close to help take care of my Mom…" Bobby paused and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I thanked you…Didn't I? For coming to the funeral and the gift to Carmel Ridge?"

"Yea…You did…You were a little preoccupied…"

"Yea…I…I…don't know what I would've done without Eames. Don't know what I would do without her." Bobby looked up at Alex.

"Oh," Logan said.

Bobby turned to him. "What?"

"You don't know," Logan said slowly. "You're the most brilliant guy in the NYPD…and you don't know." He turned his head to look at Alex. "I don't think she knows…and she's one of the best detectives…"

Confused, Bobby leaned forward. "What are you talking about?"

"For God's sake, Goren," Logan said. "Wake up. She's the reason you stay."

Bobby stared at him.

"It's for Eames. You stay for Eames."

END CHAPTER FOUR