Chapter 4: Ultimatum- FMLatum

A car could be seen driving at 220 miles an hour. Megaman yelled, "Lan! What are you doing!"

Lan growled, "Letting out all of my love, my anger, and all of my sorrow! SHINING FINGER!"

"Lan, that move is from G Gundam. You're not next to anything that could even be considered close to a Gundam. At best, you're in a Zoids machine with that vehicle. Anyways, going into road rage isn't going to help you get over your frustration. Why don't you go- holy hell! You almost ran over a bunch of school children!"

"They didn't get run over did they! Calm your sour ass down!"

"Anyways, why don't you just go stroll along the beach, get some fresh air, and breath- omfg! You ran over an old lady at 330 miles an hour!"

"She was in the way! Plus what kind of pussy way is that to calm down? Only dorky mama boys do that kind of sh-"

"Lan! No cursing! Oh, you have a message from SciLab. You might want to get over there immediately."

"Screw that! I'm probably going to have to face that jail-haired bastard! Speaking of jail, I think the police are chasing after me. LALALA! I can't hear them over the roar of my engine and my sexy singing skills!"

"Shut up! I think your singing is causing more harm than your driving! And didn't you kill Chaud last chapter?"

"Nah, I just cut him in all sorts of places with broken glass that came from me smashing his head in the window after I smacked him over the head, arms, and legs with the tables and chairs and threw him into the teacher's desk and blackboard thereby breaking them."

Lan got up off his video console and stomped out of the room, "Then again, it would be pretty fun to beat Chaud up again if he's up and moving."

At SciLab, Lan walked into the net police meeting room. "Hey Mr. Famous, what did you need me for?"

"It's Famous! And you're here because-"

"Shut up Mr. Diva and tell me what I'm here for."

"I was- Mr. Diva? I was going to tell-"

"Aww, is Mr. Old News's feelings hurt?"

"Wait, why are you calling me all these mean-"

"Quit wasting my time, Mr. Deadbeat Celebrity!"

The punk haired scientist started bursting into tears and left the room. Laika sighed, "Why don't you take a seat Lan? The chief is about to give us some important new mission."

Kifune coughed into his hands, "Ahem, okay. Last week, we found an asteroid that I'm sure you kids remember. Duo's Comet. We managed to talk to Barrel and ask why Duo is coming back to Earth. Well, here's the message."

They turned on a huge monitor screen and Duo's face popped on the screen. He said, "I return to Earth because as always, there seems to be a large amount of evil on Earth. Up until now, I did not wish to return to Earth because there was one kind boy doing all kinds of altruistic deeds for people. These kind deeds from doing the Mission BBS were enough to offset the great evil I sensed in the hearts of mankind. However, since this person no longer did any mission in the last week, the evilness has been growing. So it is my judgment that Earth be destroyed."

Chaud scoffed, "Lan wasn't doing it because he was being nice."

Mayl coughed, "That asshole took me out on a date for a stupid mission and broke up with me right afterwards. How the hell is that not considered into his measurement of evil?"

Manabe interrupted their thoughts, "Anyways. The reason we called you here today is for a new mission. We want all of you to do as many missions as possible to offset the course of Duo. According to our calculations, he will be here in a week. Hopefully, if we do enough charity, then he'll go away and won't rape our planet with his giant-"

Gutsman yelled, "It's not that big!"

Everyone turned to Gutsman and raised an eyebrow, "How in Santa's Toy Factory do you know that?"

Gutsman gulped, "Uhh… it's just… I… uhh…"

Manabe yelled, "Anyways! Get to work!"

Lan walked to the park where a request person wanted to meet him. A lady went up to him and said, "Hi, thanks for accepting my mission. So here's my dilemma. Tonight, I have a daughter who wanted to go to the concert with her friends. I was originally going to go with her to make sure she's safe and all, but at the last minute, my boss wanted me to come to work because he decided to promote me."

"So you finally decided to sleep with him huh?"

The lady covered her mouth, "Gasp! How did you know?"

Megaman: O_O

The lady fixed her composure, "Anyways, here are the tickets to the concert. Please make sure she has a good time."

Lan looked at a box she gave him. "Fifty tickets? What the hell? I thought you only needed one ticket to get in."

At night, Lan figured out why he had 50 tickets- he was basically babysitting 50 kids who wanted to be at the concert since she invited basically her entire class. Lan sat down on his seat while everyone around him was standing up and jumping, screaming like rabid fangirls. Apparently, this was a concert by Justin Bieber, the Jonas Brothers, and Big Time Rush.

When the concert started, he had a large 5 meter stick trying to keep the girls back. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Oh, damn! I'm not strong enough! Fangirl power rising! I need to push them back WITH THE HELP OF KYOJI! ****! Still not strong enough!"

Lan let out a dramatic gasp when he saw a girl throw her panties on the stage. Just like that, Lan hopped onto the stage, "You think these brats are great singers? I'll show you what a great song is!"

He grabbed a microphone and started singing (to the beat of "Baby"),

"You know I'm awesome! I know you know.

You scream whenever, I get here.

I am your love, all in your heart.

And you will never, ever, ever, disobey.

I know you love me. Girl, quit playin.

We're just friends, what are you saying?

Said, there's another and I slapped her knowing she loved me after all this time

Because I'm so sexy, sexy, sexy, oh!

So sexy, sexy, sexy, hot!

So sexy, sexy, sexy, oh!

You always be mine, mine."

And just like that, the Lan's mission was over because everybody went home or to the hospital to have their ears recover from Lan's ear rape. Lan grumbled, "Damn girls don't know what good music is…"

Meanwhile, Mayl was going on a date with another person. She gulped. I can't believe I'm going on a date with another person. I know Lan's been a jackass to me, but to go out with another person like this that quickly… I'm such a whore… No, wait. This is for a mission. This is for a mission. This is for a mission.

The guy holding her hand looked at her and asked, "Are you okay?"

Mayl was about to reply, but the guy interrupted her, "Oh look, there's my ex-girlfriend with that asshole of a boyfriend."

Mayl took a deep breath, "Ok, I don't know how to say this, but I'm not really comfortable with helping you make your ex-girlfriend jeal- omgwtf! Is that Lan on a date with your ex-girlfriend?"

"Oh? You know that person? Ow ow ow ow ow, itai! You're squeezing my hand too tight. Holy shhh… your read hair is floating like you became super saiyan! Are you the devil's wife?"

Mayl growled, "Let's continue this date."

Lan sighed, "Come on! Let's go home already!"

The girl yelled, "No! You ruined my time at the concert so I want to have fun to erase that horrible memory!"

"Damnit, you should be happy you saw someone like me up there singing! Hey, wait a minute, is that Mayl dating some other person!"

Lan gritted his teeth. I can't believe she's going out with some other person. Maybe I should make her jealous by taking this girl out on a date.

Mayl and her "date" walked up to Lan and his "date". "Hey Lan, what are you doing here?"

"I'm going out on a date with this person here."

Lan's date asked, "Are you actually going out with this redhead?"

Mayl's date huffed, "What does it matter to you?"

Back at SciLab, Manabe yelled, "Chief! Look at this! Duo stopped moving! I think it's working! All the kids completing their missions is stopping Duo from coming to Earth."

Deep in space, Barrel looked at Duo. "Are you okay? You stopped moving."

Duo nodded, "Yes, I feel something very awkward going on at Earth. I don't want to be caught in the awkwardness so I'm going to stay here until the awkward moment subsides."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"That silence isn't really helping me deal with the awkward situation."

Back at the carnival, the two couples decided to go everywhere together. Don't ask how they arrived at that conclusion. Secretly, both partners of one couple wanted to keep a close watch on the other pair.

Lan saw Mayl grabbing the other person's hand and decided to counter with a hug. Mayl growled and decided to kiss her partner. Throughout the day, the two couples tried their best to make the other jealous. Mayl's date won her a teddy bear, a large stuffed Pooh, and a lot more prizes. Lan won his date… nothing except ear STDs.

Finally Mayl and her date went into the Tunnel of Love. Mayl leaned on her date's shoulder, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually having a good time."

As the two leaned in to kiss each other on the lips, a small explosion caused the boat to flip over. Lan sat outside the tunnel of love laughing. "I hope that stupid boyfriend of hers die."

Megaman gulped, "Lan, wouldn't that bomb that you placed on the boat kill both Mayl's date and Mayl?"

Lan widened his eyes, "Oh no! Mayl!"

The dunderhead charged into the tunnel of love, fighting off as many employees as he encountered.

Mayl and her date swam ashore. "What the heck was that?"

Her date shook her head. Mayl widened her eyes, "Wait a minute… you're a girl?"

"Huh? You didn't know that? Yes."

"B-b-but, I- you- your ex- we- wait…"

Lan's date ran up the two of them. "Oh darling! I'm so sorry I broke up with you! I just wanted to explore my horizons and see whether or not I could fall in love with a guy. Apparently, I can't. My date was a complete loser."

Mayl was still too confused to care about what the girl said about Lan. Mayl's date hugged her, "It's fine. I understand. Society is frustrating that way. Mayl, thank you for helping me. Here's your reward, a cipher code."

Mayl just stood there dumbfounded. The three parted ways as Lan was kicked out of the carnival, him and his descendents banned for eternity. Lan growled, "Damnit. I didn't even get a damn award for doing that girl's damn mission. Oh well, at least I got this."

Lan pulled out a cologne, remembering how he got it from Justin Bieber who recommended that he use it if he ever wanted girls. "Stupid beaver… well… I guess if a lot of girls liked those fags and those fags use this cologne, I should give it a try."

He gave himself a spray. Suddenly a girl in the closest proximity next to him shook vigorously. She screeched and pulled out her hair and dashed towards Lan. Lan ran away from her screaming at a higher pitch than the girl. "What the hell's her problem! I don't want to date a bald chick!"

Lan finally escaped from her after he ran across the street and she got ran over by a car. Lan sighed, "Man, this cologne only works for attracting uggos."

He threw the bottle on the ground and it shattered. As he walked, he slipped on the cologne and fell on it, the cologne seeping to his clothes and skin. Suddenly, the window of the store next to him broke as a chair flew through it. A clerk jumped out, "I smell a bratty kid with a great ego and has absolutely no skills at singing."

Megaman chuckled, "Wow. He's dead on right."

The clerk walked up to Lan with a chair, holding it threateningly. Lan gulped, "Now now sir. I don't want no trouble."

A girl ran up to the clerk and kicked him, "Leave Justin alone! Leave him alone!"

Suddenly, war erupted around him. With girls protecting him while guys wanted to beat the life out of him. Lan gulped and walked away. "As much as I like having a hoard of rabid fangirls chasing me, I don't like these uggos. I wonder how the others are doing."

Chaud slapped a girl, "Ho, don't be cheating me of my money like that. I know you hidin' an extra hundred in yo pocket. I'll rip your penis out if you don give me what I want."

A girl sobbed and ran away, "I hate you, substitute pimp, sir!"

Mayl sat next to him, "You don't have to be a dick, you know."

Chaud whispered, "Hey, I only told you to come here and set an example of how these girls need to act towards me. Now go make me a sandwich."

Mayl grunted as she stood up and got him a knuckle sandwich. She walked away, "I quit."

"Beezy, you walk away when I let you girl! I don't remember giving you permission to quit on me like that!"

The door was kicked open, "Boy! Why you losing all my girl like that?" Standing in front of Chaud was a tall guy with a dollar sign medallion.

Chaud gulped, "I uhh, the bitches weren't listening to me so I had to set them straight."

"Well, you ain't setting them straight if they be leaving my crib crying like that. Them ho's need to stay in mah house and cry like that. How you gonna say you set them straight if they get to leave whenever they want?"

Chaud nodded, "Oh man… I've been doing this all wrong. Sorry bro, won't happen again."

Some of the pimp's friends looked at Mayl and whistled, "Well well, what do we have here?"

"Girl, you wanna become a woman?"

Mayl walked away, "No thanks. I'm going home."

"Girl, I ain't asking no question."

"Yea you did," Mayl scoffed.

"Don't be correcting me like that! I said I didn't ask no question, and I didn't ask no damn question like I said I didn't!"

"You did ask a question! You asked me if I wanted to become a woman!"

"Don't go repeating things I said. I know I asked you if you want to become a woman!"

"But you said you didn't ask a question!"

"No girl, I said, 'I ain't asked no question.' I used a double negative, so one negative canceled out the other negative making a positive. So what I said was right!"

Another guy yelled, "Damn girl! You got schooled like a schoolgirl!"

Mayl gave a loud frustrated groan, "I'm leaving!"

The pimp walked up to her and threateningly raised his palm, "You wanna get slapped girl?"

Mayl took a few steps back, "Chaud! Help me!"

Chaud shook his head, "Nah, you need to know your place."

Mayl took a few steps back and started running. The guys ran after her. Mayl ran around Dentech City screaming, "Help!"

The pimp yelled, "Yo, catch her before people hear her fool!"

One of them grabbed her shoulder, but before he could do anything, a fist plowed him in the face. "Yo, my ho said no, bro."

The three pimps stopped at stared at Lan, with his hands wrapped around Mayl. Her face was in his chest. She looked up and blushed. Wow, Lan looks so… hot… wait… did he call me his-

The leader smiled, "Aww man. We waz chasing another bro's ho? Alright, I can respect that. Sorry bro."

The three walked away. Lan looked down at Mayl. "You okay h-"

Thwap! Lan caught Mayl's hand before she could slap him. "Oh hell no. The bitch doesn't get to slap the master."

Mayl growled and punched him in the stomach with her other hand. "I hate you!"

She stomped away as Lan fell to his knees. He always knows how to ruin a good mood.

Lan crawled to SciLab. "You wanted me to test something, dad?"

"Yes son. I wanted you and Megaman to test out this new copybot. It's a copybot that I made for undercover missions. When you jack Megaman in, Megaman should be able to assume any shape or form that he wants. In other words, he has transformation abilities. He can turn into a human, an animal, a luggage, whatever."

Megaman smiled, "Wow! How did you do this?"

"…you know… I calibrated the thing, switched wires… explaining things in a scientific manner was not part of the job description. Anyways, test it out. I'll be behind this bullet proof glass window and bomb protection wall in case anything happens."

Lan shot Megaman into the copybot with a big sigh. Megaman looked at himself, "Okay, everything seems normal so far."

He focused and changed into his human form. "Cool! I can finally appear in the real world."

Tears started flowing down his cheeks. "This is like a dream come true!"

Lan waved his hand, "Yea, yea. Just continue transforming so I can go do my next mission already."

Megaman frowned, "You know, I had enough of dealing with your stupid crap! Even my patience has a limit!"

He turned into a bear and leapt over Lan. Lan screamed, "Ahh! Help me!"

The bear pinned Lan over. Dr. Hikari just watched nonchalantly. "Oh hey, Mayl. Did you need something?"

Megaman groaned, "Oh no, something's malfunctioning."

Mayl nodded, "Yea, I just needed to tell something to Lan."

"He's in that room."

Mayl opened the door, "Lan, sorry about earlier. I forgot to tell you thanks for-"

Inside the room, was a nude chobits lying on top of Lan, unconscious, but her breathing was visible. Mayl gripped the door and pulled it out of where it was attached. Dr. Hikari screamed, "That was a bomb proof door!"

He took a few steps back, "Something tells me I should get out of here."

Mayl walked up to Lan with the door and smashed the chobits to the wall, breaking the copybot. Lan looked at Mayl, "Oh hey, Mayl…"

He stopped talking as he looked into her eyes of rage. She screamed, "Take this! My love! My anger! And all of my sorrow! Smashing door!"

She attacked him with the door and hit him through the bulletproof window. She stomped away.

A/N: Damn… my stories are getting longer and longer than I thought… I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry if I offended anyone with that pimp scene! More reviews please! PS: I do sexual scenarios, but no sex. Just saying.