Hello dearest people!
I am pleased to inform you that following this statement is the fourth chapter of Capitol Carnage! I hope you'll enjoy it. I won't be returning with more for a couple weeks, as I will be getting hypothetical 'A':s from my IB1 exams. May the odds be ever in my favour... But after exams, I shall come back to you and write you something lovely. Now, without further ado, the fourth chapter of Capitol Carnage! Behold!
"I didn't even dare to think that the Capitolean youth would be against their city," I muse when Peeta and I make our way back to our quarters.
"Me neither. I wonder how much she made her thoughts known," says Peeta.
"Probably not much. I bet she would be dead by now if she had gone about shouting words of hatred in public," I note.
"Point well made," Peeta agrees.
Effie is waiting for us in our room. I wonder whether Plutarch has made her our escort again. I hope not, but the odds have not been in my favour lately. Effie tells us that there will be a formal gathering today a few hours before the opening ceremony. Important people have been invited to the Capitol to celebrate the last Games. These people include the mayors of each district, their families, and other people that have been important to the rebellion.
"Maybe we'll see Annie and Johanna again!" Peeta exclaimes happily as Effie announces the latter.
I feel happy to see our old friends again. However, that would mean seeing someone else, too. Someone I am not ready to face yet. When Effie leaves, she tells us to wait for the crew to redo us for the party. I sink on my makeup chair and let out a sigh.
"What's wrong?" Peeta asks, rubbing my shoulders.
"Well, there's someone who will most likely be at the party, and I don't necessarily want to see him," I tell him. What's the use of keeping this from him?
"Why don't you want to see him?" he asks. I mentally thank him for not making me say his name out loud.
"It was his invention that killed Prim. It's just difficult to face him after that," I say truthfully.
"Don't worry, I'll help you," says Peeta. "You know I have numerous reasons to."
"Be nice," I snap at him with a hint of playfulness in my voice.
"Fine, whatever you say," he answers with a similar tone.
"Lovebirds! Let's prepare you for the party!" Venia announces as the crew makes a grand entrance into the room. Portia walks Peeta back to his own station, and Octavia and Flavius start to spread some disgusting goo on my face. I hear it is supposed to make me look pretty.
"You will be dazzling today," Octavia says excitedly. "You'll make people go 'ooh' and 'ahh' when you walk into the room."
And that was supposed to make me feel good about myself. Too bad I am not one to seek attention.
Peeta has the makeup thing easy, obviously due to him being a boy. He spends half the time in my remake station, talking to me.
"I've been thinking about starting a new project," he says. "A painting one."
"That sounds great. What do you have in mind?" I ask, happy for him that he has found something to occupy his mind. I know I could use a distraction for my thoughts.
"Well, I already painted parts of the Games, so now I'd like to channel my emotions into something more positive. Sort of a story of how we got through it all," Peeta explains. To me, that sounds lovely.
"I like the idea. Maybe that will help you get past those hijacking flashbacks, too," I tell him.
"That's what I thought about, too."
After what seems like ages of scrubbing, bathing, pulling, kneading, and tearing, I am ready to go. Peeta praises my dress and Portia blushes scarlet. Today, I am wearing a short, midnight blue cocktail dress. My hair has been braided, and the braids have been twisted into the back of my head in a bun. I have to admit to myself that I do look pretty. The crew uses our facilities to change into their own party clothes, which does not take longer than ten minutes, and then we leave for the party.
"It's not just the dress that's beautiful tonight," Peeta says as we walk into the president's ballroom.
I look down at my toes. His compliments embarrass me, even though they should not. I know he means what he says. But I guess that is the very reason why they make me embarrassed.
"Look up, shoulders back," Venia whispers to me, and I correct my posture. Peeta snickers.
"You of all people should not mock me," I tell him. "You know how lethal I can get."
"I also know you would never kill me," he says back, and I elbow him in the ribs.
The ballroom is full of people. At first sight, I see no one who I know, but after looking around for a moment, I spot people who I've seen on the Victory Tour, in District 13, and in the Capitol during our first Games and the Quarter Quell.
"Shall we, dearest?" Peeta asks and offers his arm for me. I take the hint and we link arms. The situation reminds me of the ball at the end of the Victory Tour. Peeta and I had tried to pull off the lover-act, trying to sneak away and dancing tenderly. Now we have to try again. We cannot reveal the fact that we decided only to act in love on stage. This will be our last performance before the Carnage really starts.
"To be honest, I can't remember how to act in love. It's been so long," I admit as we walk further inside the ballroom.
"Don't you worry, just follow my lead," says Peeta. I feel a twinge of guilt. He does not have to act. He is already there.
We mingle with people we know, and Plutarch grabs the opportunity to introduce us to people we should know. We see Enobaria who has come from District 2 to watch the Games. She is excited, since she was one of those Victors who wanted the Carnage to be arranged. I try to sound as enthusiastic about the Games as she does, but Peeta has to patch my act up a great deal. The only thing I can do is keep Prim's image in my head. I get power from the memory of her. Power to keep going, to keep acting.
"Oh look, it's you, brainless," I hear a voice from behind me as I grab a glass of punch from a tray an Avox offers me. I cannot believe they decided to keep the Avoxes as servants after the revolution.
"Hi, Johanna," I greet the newcomer. I feel happy to see her again. "How are you doing?"
Johanna shrugs. "Meh, I've had worse. What about you, crazy? The last time I saw you, you killed our president-to-be."
"It's been hard, but I'm getting there," I tell her, leaning a little against Peeta.
"I see," she says, raising her eyebrows. "Is she still a mutt, Peeta?" she laughs.
I am alarmed by the joke. Who knows, it might set Peeta off. But my worry is needless.
"Not at all," he laughs with Johanna. "At least most of the time she isn't."
Suddenly Johanna lets out a small shriek of joy. "Annie!" she squeals, and a nervous-looking woman, largely pregnant, joins our conversation.
It becomes evident that Annie Cresta is getting better with her hysteria, especially with the baby on the way. She remembers Finnick with warmth and longing, but does not cry when asked about him. She is a strong person. I wish I could be as strong.
Johanna and Annie are soon stolen from our company by some other guests, which leaves Peeta and I alone again. We exchange pleasantries with half-strangers, admiring their choice of dress or asking how their families are. Beetee is there, too, and he comes to greet us. He has been appointed a higher management position in 3, which he seems happy about. His microscopic musical chips had not been successful for long, since their production had ceased because of the revolution, but the markets are climbing up again. He tells us that he will be staying with Plutarch for the duration of the Carnage.
"That's wonderful! We'll get to catch up more," I say wholeheartedly. I had missed Beetee a lot while back in Twelve.
"Definitely so," he says. "Good luck for tonight's show." And then he is off to grab some food.
Haymitch drops by, warning us that there have been a few people questioning the strength of our relationship. I personally think of it as a legitimate question, considering that everyone saw mine and Peeta's contradicting propaganda on television during the revolution. But for the Carnage, it is safer that there be no doubt about our love. That is why Peeta asks me to dance. He leads me to the floor, where a few couples are already dancing cheek-to-cheek. We join them, and I press against Peeta, resting my head on his shoulder.
"Should we try to make another escape?" I ask him. "You know, like we did during the Tour?"
"I say we save our old tricks for an emergency. We should try something new," he says, and I can hear from his voice that he is smiling.
"But what if something does go wrong?" I ask. "I don't think I can take any more mishaps. Especially if they happen because of something I did or did not do in the Hunger Games."
"Well, we'll just have to figure out how to convince them," Peeta assures me. "However, meanwhile, a kiss or two would do the trick. If I may."
He kisses me softly, and I accept the kiss, however I am afraid that if I try too much, it will cause Peeta's flashbacks to come to play. When his lips leave mine, I get a sense of loss, but I push it aside. I have not decided what I want yet.
"Catnip," someone utters behind me. I feel Peeta's head shoot up to look at the newcomer. I do not have to look in order to know who it is. Nobody else would call me 'Catnip.' Only him.
I turn around in Peeta's arms, while he still keeps them wrapped around my torso in a protective manner.
"Gale."
"Yes, it's me. How are you? You look breathtaking," he says, smiling a smile that reminds me of the old days when it was just me, him, and the woods around District 12. However, the smile does not have the qualities it used to have. It is not as relaxed, not as genuine. This smile, however real it might seem, is forced.
"I'm fine. And thanks," I say. I do not feel the need to return the compliment.
"Hello, Gale," Peeta says, his arms still around me. "How's life in Two?"
Gale shrugs. "Oh, the usual. Work. I do miss home though."
"Yes, they are in the process of rejuvenating it," says Peeta. "Everything is still in process, though."
"I bet. It looked pretty demolished the last time I saw it," Gale states, trying to keep up a polite small-talk.
"The people, too, are recovering," Peeta goes on, his voice cooling down, gaining an edge.
"Katniss, are you coping with everything?" Gale suddenly asks me, shrugging off Peeta's remark.
I do not want to answer to that. How could I confide in him? Yes, he was my best friend for years. And yes, I had thought we had a chance of becoming a romantic couple as well. But that was all before the war. Before I saw my sister catch fire.
Peeta saves me from answering. "We've been helping each other as much as we've been able to," he says, trying to be civil for me. "I think Katniss is making more progress."
Gale suddenly looks at Peeta's hands resting on my abdomen. His expression is quizzical.
"I'd actually really like to talk to you, Katniss," he says. "Do you mind?"
Do I mind? Yes. Can I show it? No. Or can I? I turn around in Peeta's arms.
"Peeta, if I go with Gale, will it make our act look weird?" I ask him quietly. Gale is now behind me, so I give Peeta a very meaningful look. Luckily, he catches on quickly.
"Good point," he says. He lets go of my body, taking my hand instead, and we turn to face Gale again.
"I'm afraid I can't go talk with you," I tell him.
"Why?" he scoffs. "Does he own you now? Is that how you comfort each other?" He takes a step closer to me.
"Calm down, Gale. We're in public," says Peeta.
Gale looks like he would keep arguing, but in the end, decides to drop it. "Fine," he says, "I can talk to her here."
"Yes, anything you need to say, you can say with Peeta being here," I tell him.
"Alright. So, here goes then. I've missed you," he says.
A part of me wants to say how much I have missed him, too, but a bigger part tells me I cannot. Not after Prim's death.
"I thought you would've had enough work to forget all about me," I say flatly.
"How could I? After all these years, how is that even possible? You know I could never forget you, Catnip. That's why I was so happy when I got to come here. I thought, maybe we could catch up. And of course, the Games will finally be entertaining even for me," he laughs at the latter statement. "Think about it. Capitol kids in the wild, trying to survive without their luxuries... Now that is justice."
I cannot believe what I am hearing. I knew Gale was very anti-Capitol. That had been obvious for years. But to have no mercy on those poor kids...
"Did I say something wrong?" he asks. The horror I feel must show on my face.
"You could say that, yes," I say.
"I'm sorry. When did you start to like these people?" he mocks.
"When I saw a girl lose her big sister in the Reaping," I say.
Gale looks at me in astonishment. "You feel sympathy for Snow's grandchildren?"
I nod sternly.
"She has the right to. She lost her sister, remember?" says Peeta. He squeezes my hand reassuringly, but I feel my walls crumble down. I wish Prim was here.
"Katniss," Gale says, his tone soft and comforting. "I'm so sorry, I forgot-"
"So you did forget," I utter. "You did. Did you forget how she died, too? My mother didn't come back to Twelve. Do you know why? She would have lost it. And now look at me. I don't have a family."
Tears start to flow over, and I have to look at Peeta in an effort to not let Gale see my face.
"Shh, it's okay," Peeta whispers and being careful not to smudge my makeup, he wipes the tears off my face with his index finger.
"You blame me."
I turn back to look at Gale, who has laid his eyes on the floor.
"You blame me for her death," he says again. "I planned that death trap."
I nod, even though I know he will not see it, looking down like he is.
"If I'd known Coin would use it like that... If I'd known Coin would hit Prim... I'm so sorry," he says, finally looking up. There is pain in his eyes.
"I'll accept your apology. But I can't forget," I say.
"Then I'll never stop making amends," says Gale. He takes my free hand in his, as Peeta is still holding my other one. Despite the sadness in me, I feel very, very uneasy.
"Gale, if I were you, I'd consider who she can't live without," Peeta says, his voice almost threatening. I have not heard him sound like this anywhere else than in the arena.
"That won't change anything, I'd still try to make things better," Gale answers, taking a step towards Peeta.
"Okay, this has to stop," I say, afraid for the safety of them both. I position myself between them with Peeta behind me. "Gale, stop making a scene, and Peeta, you know I don't like to discuss that, so drop it."
"Sorry," Peeta says, and I return to his side. He takes my hand again.
"It's okay. It's just hard for me," I tell him.
"I'm sorry if you felt pressured," he says softly.
"We'll talk later," I whisper, since I do not want to discuss this with Gale there.
"And Gale, I don't want you to make amends. There's nothing you can do," I tell Gale.
I am not sure about what comes out of my mouth. I cannot focus on the flow of words. I cannot think about what I am saying. That makes me think about Prim and the image of her on fire because of Gale's war machine. Despite not thinking about it, I feel moisture gather in my eyes again.
"I think you'd better leave," Peeta says, tightening his hold on my hand. I squeeze it in approval. I do not want to lose my face again in front of the boy I used to love.
"It was a pleasure to see you again, Catnip. I hope you can forgive me. Enjoy the Games," Gale says and leaves us alone.
"Ugggh," I exclaim and hang my head.
"I bet that was hard," Peeta says, rubbing my arm soothingly.
It is a difficult feeling, longing. It can branch out, spread itself around you so that you feel like you are being pulled in multiple directions. Over the years, it has enveloped me, pulled me so many ways I have felt like I have been torn apart. My father, my mother, my district, Peeta, Gale, Cinna, Prim... And when longing branches out towards a person, it can never go back. You are tied to that person forever, and you will never stop thinking about them, longing for them. Ever.
I nod. "Yes, one of the hardest."
"Would you like to make an escape?" Peeta asks, smiling.
I look at him, see him smile warmly at me. His hand has not left mine.
"Yes, I'd like to go," I tell him.
Utilizing Peeta's skills of blending in, we get out of the ballroom, post haste. In the hallway we stop when the door closes after us. I look at a clock on the wall. We have two hours before we need to get remade.
"Our room?" Peeta asks, and I nod. I sense he wants to talk with me about something. There is this air around him that makes me feel it. We have developed such a good intuition with one another. I am happy about it, about knowing someone this well. Especially now that I do not have Gale anymore. He used to know me. And I used to know him.
We make our way along the hallway, underground. In one of the many corridors we need to walk along, a familiar Avox greets us with a timid smile.
"Hi, Darius," I say warmly, but he suddenly looks frightened, glancing around as if to see whether someone heard me.
"Why do they still do this to you?" I ask him, but he just shakes his head and walks away.
"I don't like this," Peeta says.
I am dazed. My beliefs about the new government, the new Capitol led by the rebels, have been fractured. I wish the Carnage would end fast. I miss home. Incapacitated by the sudden terror concerning the Avoxes I stare down the corridor.
"Katniss, are you okay?" Peeta asks, though his voice sounds like it is coming from far away.
I feel him grab my hand. "Hey, what's wrong?"
I need to crash after the emotionally loaded morning, so I ask Peeta to take me to the room, my voice feeble. Peeta is the only person I can let to see me like this. So when we reach our room and the door closes behind us, I wrap my arms around his neck and start to cry.
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May the odds be ever in your favour.
AC