So sorry, about the late update- school's been absolutely crazy the last few weeks (Midterms, papers, and projects galore!). I promise Chapter 4 will be up a lot sooner than this one was. This is a bit of a filler chapter but necessary for the story. Thanks so much for the support and hope you enjoy chapter 3. Read, review, and without further ado...
(*)= from Winter Soldier movie
I don't own Marvel, DC, Arrow, or the Avengers.
Chapter 3: Bucky's Girl
(April 5th, 2014- Natasha's POV)
"Natasha, we need to talk." I turn behind me to face Maria.
"We're preparing to infiltrate SHIELD and HYDRA, Maria. I don't think now's the time for a chit-chat."
"It's going to have to be. Barton contacted me. Says he's been trying to get in touch with you. I told him what's been going on and his response was that 'even HYDRA can wait two minutes for this'."
I frown at my friend with growing worry. Clint's put his whole life on hold more than once for SHIELD. There are very, very few things I can imagine that could make him say HYDRA could wait and all of them regard his family's life on the line.
"Did he tell you anything?" Maria hesitates.
"Barely. But what he did say…I shouldn't be the one you hear it from." She hands me her own cell. "Call him now. You have to go to SHIELD before the rest of us." With that she walks away.
"Maria?" answers Clint when he picks up.
"No, just using her phone. You do know we're in a crisis at the moment, right?"
"It's not the only crisis, Tash." I pause at his response. There's something very weird in his voice…
I've known Clint Barton since I was 20 years old. He's my best friend. And I have never heard what I hear in his voice now. It's fear, but not just any kind of fear. The kind of honest, painful, nightmare-inducing fear that paralyzes you. The kind of fear that turns you into a helpless child.
"Clint…what the hell is going on…?"
"…Felicity's alive."
Two words. Two words and I feel like the world has flipped upside down. I only knew Clint's cousin for a little over four years before she was gone from the world and, rationally, I shouldn't have mourned her as much as I did. I didn't get to see her often or talk to her much so it would've made more sense to mourn her simply because my closest friend lost someone he loved, not because it felt as personal as it had. And yet, Clint's baby cousin had made almost as much of an impact on me as Clint himself did.
Clint was the one who saved me from the path my life was put on. He was the one who gave me a way to right my wrongs and clear the red from my past. SHEILD may have been HYDRA in disguise but nonetheless I have helped people- saved people- because Clint took a chance on me. But it wasn't until I met a fifteen year old girl who was too smart for her own good and wore her heart on her sleeve that I actually believed I could change and get past my darkness. I remember her exact words that made me believe it:
"You know, I might only be a fifteen year old genius and barely know you, but I can tell you have a lot to offer the world. You have a light inside you. My cousin obviously sees that otherwise he wouldn't have taken a chance on you- you just have to choose to see it too."
"…How?" I ask Clint. "Where has she been all this time?"
"The Feds that took her and Cooper Seldon weren't Feds, Tasha. They were HYDRA. Until a month ago she…she was a prisoner of theirs." I close my eyes and grit my teeth at that. How many more people's lives has HYDRA ruined?
"Please tell me you've taken care of those bastards."
"No- Felicity did that before I had the chance. Those moles in the FBI that were found a few weeks ago?" I can't help smirking a little at that- of course. Even four years of being a prisoner of terrorists can't stop the rebel hero in Felicity Smoak.
"Felicity was the source."
"Yeah." Neither of us say anything more for a moment before I ask the question I'm both desperate to know and dreading to find out:
"What happened to her, Clint?" He pauses for a long while. Then, with a pained strain in his voice, tells me,
"A lot. And I'm sure a lot more that she hasn't shared. I need you to come to the homestead when you a get through with everything with SHEILD. And…Felicity needs you to bring Cap along." My brows crease.
"And why exactly would she ask me to bring Steve along? I know you, Clint, and I know you'd refuse to let anyone know she's alive who doesn't have to right now."
"You're right…and he has to. I…I can't tell you everything but Felicity's got some damn good reasons to talk to Cap specifically. One of them…is that four three years she's known Bucky Barnes." I pause for only a moment before telling him,
"We'll be there as soon as possible."
…
(April 7th, 2014- the graveyard with Sam and Fury)
(Steve's POV)
"Anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me right here,"(*) Fury says- nodding to the gravestone before us. I nod back as I grasp the man's hand in farewell. For now at least…
"You should be honored. That's the closest he ever gets to saying 'thank you'." (*) Both Sam and I turn to the voice of Natasha as she walks towards us and as Fury leaves.
"Not going with him?" (*) I ask lightly; walking over to her as well.
"No," (*) she responds with a fervent tone but a light expression.
"Not staying here," (*) I conclude though. My partner for the last year- now my friend- shakes her head.
"I blew all my covers. I gotta go figure out a new one."(*)
"Might take a while."(*) She smiles.
"I'm counting on it."(*) The smile suddenly fades and for the first since I've met her, I see Natasha Romanoff hesitate. "Before that though…there's somewhere you and I need to go." I frown at the woman and friend in front of me.
"Why?"
"That information you asked me to get? I have it but before you go off following it, there's someone you need to talk to. …Someone who knows more about him than I'd ever be able to find."
"Who?" I ask quickly- my heart shooting up to my throat and thumping loudly. "Where are they?"
"Someone who, until a few days ago, I'd thought was dead for the past four years. And the location is secret, which is part of why I need to go with you and why Bird Boy needs to stay behind." I pause at her words. If whoever this is has something to tell me about Bucky and they've been presumed dead for four years then…
"HYDRA?" She nods stiffly. "Do you know anything about the information this person has?"
"No. I haven't actually spoken to her. All I know is she turned up three days ago on a family member's doorstep, that she's been HYDRA's prisoner, she has info about your friend, and that she asked to speak to you specifically. I can tell you about her on our way there."
"Let's go."
…
"So how do you know the woman we're meeting?"
"Barton introduced us about a year after I joined SHIELD. She was 15 at the time if I remember right."
"How old is she now? And why would Barton introduce you to a 15 year old girl?"
"She'd be almost 24 now. End of next month she will be. He introduced us because she was staying at his house when I went to meet his wife." I just look at Nat and the longer I do the wider her smirk becomes. "You alright there, old man?" I throw a glare at her which just widens her smirk even more.
"I don't know which part of all that to question first, Romanoff." Her smirk turns to a more genuine expression and she nods.
"When Clint joined SHIELD Fury helped keep his family from their radar so that they wouldn't be in danger by association. And given what SHIELD apparently was it's a damn good thing he did. He and his wife, Laura, have a son and daughter but it's not just them Clint was protecting. His cousin, Donna Smoak, and her daughter, Felicity, are the only other family he and Laura have. Felicity is who we're going to see."
"How did Barton's cousin end up a HYDRA prisoner?" Nat closes her eyes for a moment which tells me that this situation is harder for her than she wants to let on. Apparently Clint's cousin was important to her and that says quite a lot about this girl.
"Felicity's a genius. A prodigy in technology to the point that she could give Stark a run for his billions." I start a bit in disbelief at that- while he could use a lesson in humility, I can't deny there's a reason Tony's widely considered the brightest technological mind there is.
"Seriously?"
"Yup. In regards to software at least- Stark would probably have her beat at the hardware side of it. But yes, Felicity is Tony Stark and Bruce Banner level smart. And like Stark, she went off to MIT at the age most people are in high school. At 19 she'd gotten two bachelor's degrees and was in her last year of getting her Master's degrees in Computer Science and Cyber Security. Given all that, it's not hard to see why HYDRA would want her." No, it certainly isn't. Someone that intelligent being under HYDRA's control would make them very happy and be very dangerous for everyone else.
"Not that I have any doubt HYDRA was more than capable of it, but how'd they make it look like she'd died?" Natasha pauses for a moment and when she answers I can tell her mind is somewhere else.
"Felicity's always had a heart of gold. She was one of the most caring, forgiving, beautiful people I've ever met. She was this loveable dork who talked too much. But she was also more curious than anyone should be and- even though she didn't show it- she was insecure of herself.
"Her father is where she gets her genius but that's the only good thing he ever did for her or her mother. He abandoned them when Felicity was only four and never paid Donna a cent of child support. Apparently Clint wasn't surprised when it happened- he'd never liked Noah Kuttler and obviously for good reason. And even the intelligence Felicity got from him wasn't always a good thing. Like I said, she was too curious for her own good. Mix that with her abilities and intelligence and she was asking for trouble eventually.
"That trouble came in the form of Cooper Selden- her boyfriend at MIT and the first guy she ever loved. He was a smart tech-kid too and he made Felicity feel special and loved in a way she never had before. But to the people who cared about her, he was Felicity's version of Noah. From what I know of the relationship, I got the impression that he did love her back but he used her too and he led her down a path that…it wasn't good. Cooper was an arrogant, angry, misguided kid and he fed Felicity's own anger.
"They apparently formed some sort of hacktivist group and I can see how it would appeal to Felicity. She was always wanting to be a hero of sorts in her own right- wanting to better the world- but as angry as she was back then, saving the world as a rebel would've been the way she'd go about it. Wrong thing for the right reasons, I guess. No one knew about it until the day she and Cooper were arrested by the FBI. Or- according to Clint- what we all thought was the FBI." I close my eyes for a second as I'm flooded with grim understanding.
"HYDRA. They impersonated the FBI?" Nat's jaw clenches.
"No. According to Clint- who again got it from Felicity- SHIELD wasn't the only government agency HYDRA had a hand in." Anger bubbles up in my gut.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Does Fury know th-?"
"-They aren't there anymore. Those four FBI agents that were on the news a month ago for being moles? Those were all that HYDRA had in the FBI. And that's just a small sample of what Felicity can do to someone when her hands are at a computer." I gape for a moment and Nat's signature smirk slides back into place.
"She's how the director of the FBI found them? I thought the information was hand-delivered through a mail carrier."
"It was but Felicity was behind it all. And I've no doubt she didn't even have to leave her computer. I'm sure she'll be happy to demonstrate her abilities after she tells you about Barnes." I nod and it's silent for a moment. "Anyways, the FBI-HYDRA agents had gotten a lead on some hacker at MIT who turned out to be Cooper. The arrogant idiot had tried wiping student loans with a computer virus Felicity had created but he overestimated his abilities and led HYDRA straight to him. Felicity, being who she was, admitted to creating the virus he used thinking that his sentence would be lessened and it might've if they were actually the Feds. About an hour after they were taken, there was a fire that killed dozens at the supposed place Cooper and Felicity were being held. Donna was given a pile of ashes and told it matched her daughter's DNA." I rub my forehead in frustration for a moment- thoughts of all the lives HYDRA hurt or ruined running through my mind.
"Does her mother know she's alive?"
"I don't know for sure but I doubt it. Whatever happened to Felicity…Clint sounded scared. I've never heard him sound like that and I've known the guy for nine years. Neither Clint nor Felicity would tell Donna anything if Felicity's still in danger from HYDRA. Barton's familial ties to Felicity might be hidden from HYDRA but Donna's aren't." I nod.
"And HYDRA would likely jump at the chance to get Felicity back under their thumb so staying away from her mother is, unfortunately, a good idea. We know HYDRA isn't opposed to harming innocents to get their target."
"Exactly. One of the reasons we left Bird Boy behind- as few as possible should know Felicity's alive let alone here," Nat says as she turns the car around a corner of trees to an open piece of land and farmhouse.
I smile lightly and look around as she continues down a long drive. If you're looking for a hidden sanctuary of sorts, this certainly seems like a good place for it. Natasha parks the "borrowed" car beside a truck in front of the barn and we get out, heading toward the front door of Clint Barton's home. When Clint opens the door after Nat knocks, he appears older than when we last saw each other. He hugs Natasha tightly after we enter his home.
"Thank God you're alright, Nat," Barton says quietly. He then nods to me after releasing her from their hug. "Cap, it's good to see you standing too. Thanks for coming."
I take note of the clear wariness and tension in his voice- something unusual for the generally relaxed, sarcastic man. Though, admittedly, Clint and I haven't spent a whole lot of time together. I nod back and shake his hand quickly.
"Of course, it's not a problem. Natasha says your cousin has info on Bucky- I think it's her that the thanks is owed to." Clint's jaw twitches for a just a moment a spark of what looks like anger flashes through his eyes but it's too quick for me to be sure. Seems the spy is having a harder time than usual keeping his cool.
"Where is Felicity?" asks Natasha. Clint nods to the stairs stiffly and now worry is obvious in every inch of him. It's as if he's waiting for a bomb to drop in front us.
"Upstairs. She, uh, hasn't been feeling well lately so we'll have to wait to talk until her stomach cooperates enough to let her get up off the bathroom floor."
"Is it because of something HYDRA did to her?" asks Natasha quickly. Barton hesitates before muttering,
"Partially."
I glance at Natasha to see if she's as unsettled by that simple answer as I am but she doesn't look back at me. She's studying Clint intently with a frown growing steadily between her brows the longer she does. For his part, Clint Barton isn't showing either of us any attention- instead, keeping his eyes on the stairs and, probably, his ears on his family upstairs.
I focus my own better-than-average hearing on the upstairs level of the house. It seems that in one room, a small someone is playing with toys and another small someone is flipping the page of a book. A few rooms down from the two children, someone is retching (Felicity, I suppose) and someone else (who will undoubtedly turn out to Barton's wife), is combing through her hair and rubbing circles to her back. All the while whispering to her in calming tones;
"That's it, sweetie. I know it's horrible. Keep breathing. That's it." After a few more moments a hoarse voice whispers,
"Think we got lucky and I puked out my stomach this time?"
Hawkeye's wife chuckles at that and I can't help my own smile from coming forth. One sentence and I know that Felicity Smoak is as wonderful a person as Natasha said she was. Not that ever doubted her. Honestly, what makes me smile most is that it reminds me of something Bucky would've said. I look over to Barton whose worried expression hasn't changed one bit.
"Is she going to be alright?" Clint looks at us but seems to hesitate in answering. Nat only lets her best friend hesitate for a second though before impatiently reiterating,
"Well? Is she?"
"Am I what?"
We all turn to the stairs and the two women walking down it. The first of the two women looks to be in her late thirties and has long brown hair, warm brown eyes, and a kind presence. The woman who'd spoken follows just behind her; blonde hair pulled up messily and blue eyes smiling with obvious intelligence. While both of them are beautiful, the younger of the two women seems to almost have a light inside her. And yet, there's a haunted sort of presence to the young woman…one that I recognize. It's the look of someone who doesn't remember freedom.
"At least I'm assuming I'm the 'she' you all are talking about," continues the blonde as they reach us- the brunette going over to wrap an arm around Clint's waist. "But, then again you know what they say about those who assume," she finishes with a smirk. I look at Tasha, Clint, and his wife to see if they understood that- given their slightly amused, affectionate looks toward the girl I'd say so.
"I, uh, don't actually know that one." The girl chuckles.
"Ah, right, you've been asleep for a while. The saying is that it 'makes an ass out of you and me'." After thinking that one through I chuckle as well.
"Sounds like something Bucky would've come up with." Her smile fades at the mention of Bucky. She shrugs a bit.
"Maybe the Bucky you knew. The Bucky I know is…quiet." My own previous amusement fades at that as well but before anymore somber moments descend she clears her throat and offers her hand for me to shake. "Felicity Smoak." I take the hand with a small smile and shake it- her grip surprisingly strong.
"Steve Rogers, ma'am." She snorts for some reason and shakes her head while muttering,
"'Ma'am'. Four years of being a HYDRA puppet and lab rat and here's Jimmy's brother calling me 'ma'am'."
My eyebrows shoot up at that with both shock and confusion- who's Jimmy? At hearing a surprised sort of choking noise we both turn to Clint, his wife, and Natasha. Nat is staring at Felicity in utter horror.
"Lab rat?! What the hell are you talking about?" She turns to look at Clint and his wife. "What the hell is she talking about?!" The only answer she gets from them are expressions of pain and sadness. When both Natasha and I look back at Felicity she looks at us with…pity.
"It's a long story Tasha. You should probably sit down. Clint, Laura? As much as I enjoy your tendency to hover, please don't feel like you have to stay and listen to this again." Both Bartons look torn- it's obvious that they don't want to leave Felicity but at the same time they seem wary about hearing her story again. "I'm fine guys. Really." Clint runs a hand over his face and steps toward his cousin.
"Promise you'll rest after this?" she smiles at him affectionately, if a touch sardonically.
"I'll even attempt food again, just for you." Clint rolls his eyes but smiles at her as well.
"Smart ass." Felicity grins at that.
"Of course. I'm related to you." I can't keep my own smile from coming forth and when I glance at Nat I see that she's grinning at the cousins as well- a wistfulness in the back of her eyes. Clint shakes his head and kisses Felicity's forehead before looking back at us.
"Laura and I will be upstairs with the kids- we'll have dinner when you three are through talking." Laura nods and walks over Clint but looks at Nat and I before leaving with Barton.
"Could you make sure Felicity has some water or tea to drink while-"
"-Hey," interrupts Felicity a bit sharply. "Twenty-four years old, guys. Well, okay- twenty-three. Almost twenty-four. Point is, I can take care of myself so just…just go play with your kids." Clint and Laura both pause before leaving us.
"They just care about you, Felicity," comments Nat quietly. "They missed you- we all did." The girl purses her lips for a moment before sighing.
"I realize that, Nat. But it's…hard for me not to feel a bit crowded by it all." She turns and we fallow her into the living room. As she walks, she mutters, "I'm not exactly used to being cared for anymore…"
It's obvious her words weren't meant to be heard by Nat and I but I hear them anyways and it's a painful reminder that however brightly the woman in front of us seems to shine, she's someone who's been through hell. When we get to the sitting room, Felicity sits on a chair while Nat and I take seats on a couch across from her.
It takes about fifteen minutes- no thanks to Romanoff's interruptions- for Felicity to tell Nat and I about the first year she was gone. She tells us how HYDRA took her and Cooper Selden to New Jersey (the same compound that Nat and I found at my old training base) to work for them as hackers. She tells us how she felt there was something off and looked into the people they were working for, how she refused to continue after finding out they were HYDRA, and how that refusal led to her and Cooper being brought to Russia to be experimented upon. She tells us what the experiments were- how they were using Bucky's blood to try and replicate the HYDRA version of Erskine's serum. And with an aura of weariness and old pains never fully healed, about how Cooper and everyone else besides her had died from them. At this point she pauses and glances at me with an odd air about her- as if she's nervous about my coming reaction.
"What is it, Felicity?" asks Nat- having of course seen the same nervousness as I.
"It…it's just that this is where Jimmy comes into the story…" I frown in confusion a bit and with a quick glance to Nat I see that she's confused as well.
"You've mentioned that name before…who's Jimmy?" I ask her.
"Oh, sorry. Force of habit. Jimmy is what I called Bucky. He didn't know who he was and I didn't realize who he was until later on and when he kept coming to see me I wanted to have a name to call him since I wasn't about to call him 'Asset' which was the only name he gave me so I, um, yeah. I named him Jimmy. Then I realized the irony of that name when I found out who he was."
"What do you mean he 'kept coming to see you'?"
I can understand the nervousness in Natasha's voice when she asks the question but I can't help the small flare of anger I feel at it either. Truthfully, she has every right to be worried about a HYDRA assassin's reason for visiting this girl who'd been a prisoner of HYDRA. But even knowing what he is now, my immediate desire is to defend him and say that he would never hurt her. But I can't say that…so I don't say anything. Instead, choosing to wait for Felicity's response to Natasha.
"He's never been a danger to me, Natasha," she says quietly.
"Felicity-" the moment the warning tone comes from Natasha's mouth, Felicity visibly tenses. In fact, she seems almost angry.
"-Hey! You don't get to do that, Tasha! You don't get to take that warning, patronizing tone with me. I'm not a teenager anymore and you might think you know about the Winter Soldier because you've met him, fought him, but you have no clue. None." Natasha stares back at Felicity for a moment before responding with a simple,
"Then tell us." Felicity nods and visibly backs down. It makes me curious why she seemed almost…defensive of Bucky.
"The Winter Soldier is a program, not a person. It's set to force a mind into complete compliance through conditioning and set triggers. It could be done on anyone but it takes years to perfect because it takes years to repress who someone is and their memories. But that's the problem with trying to program a human being- all you can do is repress. You can't get rid of it." My heart leaps at that.
"So you're saying he's still him? That he can be saved?" She hesitates and studies me for a moment before answering.
"Yes and no… There are certain things about a person that you can't change- the essence of who they are, so to speak. But experiences are powerful and they do change people. There's a part of Bucky that is still him but at the same time, he's never going to be the Bucky you remember from seventy years ago. And if he ever gets through HYDRA's programming, he probably won't even be the guy I came to know. I saw everything that happened with SHIELD and HYDRA the past few days so I know that Bucky isn't under control by HYDRA anymore but…the last thing you want to do is try to force him into remembering. I've seen what can happen to him if he tries to force himself to go against whatever's been put into his head at the moment and…it's not good." I sigh and nod at her words. Some of it is exactly what I'd hoped and other parts of it…I'll just have to learn to accept.
"How do you know so much about him?" I ask Felicity. "You mentioned him coming to visit you- why would he do that? Why would HYDRA let him?" Natasha looks at Felicity with an eagerness for answers to those questions.
"HYDRA's reasoning…at the beginning I can't be quite sure why they let him visit me but the reason they continued…" Felicity pauses for a moment and looks between Natasha and I, eventually focusing on me. "I used to sing in my room and three years ago Jimmy- Bucky- was taken out of cryo-freeze for the first time in two years for a mission. He and guards walked past my room and he heard me singing. They came in and…I knew I should have been afraid of him but I wasn't because…because his eyes were curious. He just looked at me and said, 'Пойте, Annie'."
"He what?" asks Nat with shock clearly laced in her voice. I look between the two women confused.
"Why? What does that mean?"
"It means 'sing, Annie'," answers Nat- a contemplative frown now crossing her face. As the name registers I whip my head back to face Felicity.
"He called you 'Annie'?" She nods.
"I've never known who that was and he never called me that any other time so I didn't ask. Plus, I doubted he even knew who he was talking about. Who was she?"
"She…she was a girl we knew who went to school with us. She became a singer at this little jazz club after high school. When we were eighteen she and Buck…Annie was the only dame he'd ever really fallen for but she died from TB in '37. But if he called you her name that means-"
"-Some part of him remembered her. Yeah, they did their best to repress his entire life but every once and a while if something particular would happen, some stirring of his old memories would surface."
"Then why did he almost kill, Steve?"
"Because they would've wiped his mind again. They wouldn't have sent him after his best friend without making absolutely sure he wouldn't recognize him. After what happened they probably wiped me from his mind too."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I'll get to that. Like I said, J-Bucky kept visiting me. And then…HYDRA started encouraging it because I became another tool they could use to keep him on track. He…liked spending time with me and if they promised that he could see me, well, he was an even better lap dog for them." I wince at that term- the idea of Bucky as anyone's lap dog is horrible. Felicity sees my reaction and smiles sadly. "Sorry. But, what should make you feel better, is that HYDRA did exactly the wrong thing- encouraging him to care for me ended up being their Achilles heel."
Felicity goes onto explain how over the years Bucky and Felicity became close and how HYDRA tried to use that closeness. She explains how she gained a diluted version of Bucky's and my own enhancements, how she was forced to kill for HYDRA to save her mother, step-family, and keep them from torturing Bucky. By the time she gets to telling Nat and I how HYDRA got a hold of Loki's scepter and has been using it to experiment on people, including her, I've got the clear sense that the woman in front of me isn't simply someone who knows about my best friend. She isn't even someone who simply cares about his wellbeing- this is a girl whose grown to have reel feelings for Bucky. And from her story, I know it's true the other way around as well.
"So…let me get this straight," Nat says when Felicity pauses. "You were experimented on and became the less-enhanced girl-version super-soldier while everyone else died, then they forced you to kill people, and then they experimented on you again with Loki's alien scepter while, once again, everyone but you died?"
"Yup…pretty much." For the first time since meeting Natasha Romanoff, she seems lost in what to say. Neither she nor Felicity seem to want to take it on themselves to break the heavy silence that's now descended on the three of us so I choose to:
"What happened with the scepter? Given that you survived the experiments when no one else did…?" I let my question trail off at the end but Felicity understands it- nodding in confirmation.
"I was changed by it. I, um, control and create electrical currents. And I'm…I have mental changes too. It's hard for me to explain that part but…it's like my mind was mutated in order to accommodate a computer." I stare at Felicity for a moment trying to process that but I can't. Nat and I glance at each other for a second before she asks the obvious;
"Excuse me?" Felicity sighs and rubs at her temples.
"I told you it's hard to explain. I…I can absorb data from any electrically powered instrument- computers, lamps, electrically powered cars, etcetera. I touch the object and know every part of it and everything it has in it. I see electrical currents in the air and in the neural synapses of people. I see data and patterns in a way that isn't…it isn't human logic. It's mechanical logic. I mean, I understand all the human logic too it's just…it's like there's a computer within my mind. I don't know how else to explain it to you." Natasha and I sit on that information for a while and the more I think about it the more disturbing the implications of it become.
"How long was all of this?" asks Nat eventually. "It was about 2 years ago that we got Loki's scepter and HYDRA must have gotten it from their people in SHIELD…"
"The experiments on me and my…changes…lasted a total of eleven months but they got a hold of the scepter maybe a month or so before that. And it took about three months for me to control it and, um, be able to focus on the world again." At mine and Nat's questioning expressions she explains, "While my mind and body was changing I wasn't exactly, uh, sane. It took a while for my mind and body to stabilize. I mean, it's not exactly natural to be mutated by alien technology."
"Does that have something to do with why you haven't been feeling well?" asks Nat- anger clear in her tone but with an undercurrent of worry as well. "Clint said it had something to do with what HYDRA did to you." Felicity gets that look of someone lost in their memories and it takes a moment for her to focus back upon Natasha and I.
"I'm not sick because of what the scepter did. I mean, it probably plays a part but it's not the direct reason."
"What is it then?" Felicity looks between the two of us for a second before turning to look out of the window. She doesn't look back at us when she starts speaking.
"HYDRA understands the weaknesses of people. They have a talent for exploiting those. But they don't understand the strengths of humankind…they underestimate life and love and friendship and the capacity we all have for those. If they had understood…if they'd understood the lengths people will go to protect and survive…they never would've done what they did to Jimmy and I."
Felicity turns back to Natasha and I- her expression is sad, lonely even, and yet her eyes blaze with determination and ferocity. It's the look of a soldier willing to sacrifice everything for what's right; someone willing to walk through fire without a moment of hesitation. It's this expression, this moment, that I truly understand how special the woman before me is and how Buck fell for her even through HYDRA's control. Felicity Smoak is truly one of a kind and that deserves to be protected.
"The day I escaped, I downloaded all their data into my mind- plans, names, files, everything- and then destroyed it all. I exploded the facility- probably killed half of the people there in doing so. But none of that would've happened if J-Bucky didn't care about me. To protect me…to protect us, he did the impossible; he went against the people who controlled him. He's the reason I escaped." A mix of hopefulness and pure confusion fill my chest at her words. When I glance at Nat, a confused frown graces her symmetrical features.
"How is that possible, Felicity? HYDRA's ability to control Bucky's actions and mind after all this time is horribly adept. You even said that if he ever tried disobeying his orders, it wouldn't end in his favor."
"I also said that HYDRA underestimates what they don't understand. They did the exact wrong thing by letting Bucky care for me because when the time came, and the opportunity arose, even all their power over him couldn't keep him from choosing us." I frown a bit- something about her wording isn't sitting right with me…
"What do you mean by 'us', Felicity? It's not like Bucky was able to escape with you." The young blonde before us takes a steadying breath.
"Here goes nothing…" Felicity squares her shoulders and that single action fills me with dread. "Some of the data I downloaded was information on Bucky and I- more specifically, their plans for the two of us. They were going to start the Winter Soldier programming on me- brainwash and condition me the way they had Bucky- but before that they planned to create an elite squad of Winter Soldiers…through us. So the last experiment that I went through before I escaped- that J-Bucky and I went through together- was, um, an experiment on- on procreation between enhanced individuals. If it…was successful the first time, they were going to have us do, uh, that again and again before putting me through the programming…so they'd end up with a family of assassins under their control… I didn't know all this when Bucky helped me escape but I knew they'd take our child away from us and raise them in HYDRA's image. I told him how afraid I was of that happening and so he protected us…because he cared for us."
Shock. Horror. Disgust. My entire being is filled with those emotions after hearing what HYDRA forced Felicity and Bucky into and what their plans were. Felicity's right that I don't really know the man Bucky is anymore but whoever he is or will become, I know now that he loves Felicity Smoak. And I can't imagine the anguish he'd be feeling at what happened to the woman he loves and the fear he would've had for her and…and his child.
His child…
Holy cow…Bucky's going to be a father.
"You're…you're pregnant," states Nat after a long while of heavy silence. "That's why you've been sick? Because HYDRA forced the Winter Soldier to impregnate you?!" Felicity nods slowly.
"Yes. But we…well, we don't know exactly how all the experiments will have effected this so…I don't have any idea how normal this pregnancy will be or if…we just don't know," she finishes in a whisper.
"But you're going to be alright eventually, right? I mean even the average woman gets sick while they're pregnant, right?" Even as I ask those questions, I remember Clint's response earlier when we asked if she'd be alright. Felicity's only response is to inform us,
"Clint asked Dr. Banner to come check on me. We'll know more then, I suppose."
"Felicity…" Nat just trails off- obviously she doesn't really know what to say to Felicity any more than I do. Felicity just nods.
"I'll let you guys…process. I'm going to go let Clint, Laura, and the kids know we're done. Clint'll probably enforce rest upon me while dinner's being prepared so I'll see you guys later, I guess," she says while standing.
Natasha looks like she wants to protest Felicity's leaving but doesn't say anything. Felicity gives her a small smile of understanding and grips her hand for a second before leaving the room and heading upstairs. I watch the young woman walk away for a moment- a heavy weight of worry settling over my chest- before turning to my partner whose head is in her hands.
"You alright, Nat?" She just gives me a sardonic look at the question and I put my hands up in surrender- something only Natasha Romanoff can get me to do. "Right; sorry I asked. No one's really alright at the moment, are we?" Natasha sighs lightly.
"I know you didn't know her before but that girl deserved the world, Steve…not to have the world taken from her. She was never supposed to be touched by darkness like the rest of us. If anyone was going to escape it, it was supposed to be her."
"Felicity might not be alright now but she will be in the end, Natasha. I promise you that." My partner glances over to the stairs that the woman in question hand ascended so recently.
"As much as I'd like to believe you- as much as we all would- how can you possibly make that promise? We don't even know exactly what's happening to her now let alone what will happen to her later on." I place a hand on her shoulder and grip it lightly.
"Maybe not…but I failed Bucky all those years ago; I failed the only family I had left. I'm not about to let that happen again. So no matter what I need to do to ensure it, I'm going to make damn sure Bucky's girl is alright. …That they're all going to be alright."
Chapter 4 Teaser:
It hurts. It all hurts so much. Can't think. Can't think. Obey. Obey who? There's a war. No, a mission. Fight. Cold. So very, very cold. Obey. Who do I obey? Asset obeys. Asset. Asset. I am-
"Jimmy."