Aundama - Part Four
"Sir, before you leave, you might be interested in this?" suggested Walter. O'Neill had been hoping to go grab forty winks. "We picked up energy anomalies an hour ago? Lasted barely ten seconds so weren't able to do anything like a concrete analysis at the time. Getting confirmation from all over. Nasa. Satellites. Stealth surveillance. Fed it all into a computer…"
"And…? I know you're dying to tell me."
"Bears striking resemblance to a Wraith distress call. This is the second one. Apparently there was another five days ago, but was so brief, everyone thought it was just a computer error."
"Sure?" joined in Cameron, who'd just entered the control room.
"Been triple checked, sir."
"And a location? You have a location, I presume?" prompted O'Neill.
"Norway."
"Norway?" Now, that wouldn't have been his first guess.
"Can't pin it down to anything more specific than that, sir. Except its north of the arctic circle."
"Well, if it's Todd, lets hope he freezes his ass off."
"Unless he still has Ronon and Sheppard," pointed out Cameron.
"Yeah. Right. There's that."
"We're liaising with RNAF now to do a full search," explained Walter, still studying monitors and flicking fingers fast across the keyboard in front of him. "They have their C130Hercules and F16s up as we speak. But so far, nothing's been picked up from the ground. And there's been no repeat of the signal."
"Think he's cloaked again?" suggested Cameron, leaning on the back of Walter's chair with one hand and peering over the tech's shoulder to study the screen.
"Yeah. But why would he signal to other Wraith? He can't possibly reach out as far as Pegasus?... Can he?"
"No chance. A systems malfunction perhaps?" put in Walter.
"Accidental you mean?" Possibly, figured O'Neill. "Or we have more Wraith on our doorstep?"
"But like you said before, General," said Cameron glancing up at O'Neill, "if that were the case, why aren't we crawling with these freaking monsters already?"
And O'Neill frowned, trying to figure out answers. "And why is he still hanging round Earth? Norway, at that? Nothing there but reindeer and Santa Claus is there?"
"Well, he might not still be in that locality, sir. It's simply the last place of contact," pointed out Walter, matter-of-factly.
Cameron shook his head and straightened up stiffly. "This has to do with Sheppard. It just has to be…"
O'Neill made a quick change of plans. Always good to go along with hunches. "How soon can we get to Norway, Colonel?"
"Have you airborne and there in three hours, provided the weather's ok."
"You're clear to go, Colonel Mitchell. Not anticipating any significant frontal systems over the area for the next forty eight hours. And Norway's expecting you at Bodo air base."
"You've organized that already?" Both the Colonel and the General together, surprised.
And Walter simply shrugged.
-oAo-
Sits up, surprised that Todd has left the room. And then surprised he is trembling still. Glances down at his hands, pulling at the chain as he does so. Feeling uncomfortable with the perspiration that has soaked his smock, sticking to his skin. Wipes his neck with a palm. He flops back down to the bed, closing his eyes, content to continue to listen to his heart beat settle, to let his mind clear, to think nothing. And sleep seems like a tempting option if Todd wasn't returning anytime soon. But his mind flat refuses to clear... there's still the problem of finding Rodney, to get him away from those people. And Todd has gone - why? And... there just had to be an easier way to solve all this... at this rate, he was gonna get his brains fried...
Aware of movement. Turns his head sideways to see two Wraith. One is Todd, who walks towards the far wall, faces it, hands clasped behind his back, silent and waiting while the other sets another tray of food on some sort of Wraith desk and leaves. But Todd says nothing even then and continues to face the wall. The hissing of his breathing fast and laboured.
Sheppard stares up at the ceiling. Minutes pass. Ok, this is… awkward…
"How long have we been doing this now?" Anything to break that uncomfortable silence.
"Nearly two of your Earth hours." No wonder he feels so damned drained and exhausted then.
"You think we're not getting anywhere?"
"Hmm!" A scornful grunt that Sheppard guesses is affirmative.
"You stopped... I thought… I thought you said we couldn't stop," says Sheppard quietly, though his voice seems unnaturally loud in the chamber, now free of his mind.
"You wish to continue?" Todd's tone cutting with sarcasm, as he glances over his shoulder back to Sheppard.
"I…" And Sheppard frowns. No. He damn well didn't… who would want to return to that.
"I don't… I don't think anything happened." He is convinced of it. Certain too, that he is recollecting stuff seconds before Todd gets to see it… no… sensing really… and that was what he'd just been sensing… that nothing had happened… though he's seen enough shrinks in his time… knows how much a mind tries and tells you otherwise… denial… no… nothing had happened… but Todd is thinking it had?... this is why he has stopped?... and Sheppard is having to reassure him?... well… that's different…
Still the heavy brooding silence from the direction of the Wraith.
"They're from Earth!" Sheppard repeats, sitting up again abruptly. "Though that does not mean Rodney is on Earth…" he trails off, hoping for some sort of reaction to the fact from Todd. Something. Anything. Not this…
"And you come to this conclusion because of the way they are like animals?" Todd's voice rising. "I had not expected…" And leaves his sentence incomplete. The Wraith does not know what he had expected… he had not expected to ever witness this depravity in humans… though he perhaps should have… they are animals, after all… but… he certainly had not expected to be… shocked by it…
"I had not anticipated such… bestiality," he hisses low under his breath.
Well, some might say all this would be an insult to animals but hey, Sheppard isn't about to get into that sort of argument here… and Todd is acting like he'd been the victim, not Sheppard.
The Wraith sighs and returns to staring at the wall. "However, I have sensed it for sometime… I have sensed it through you, that this is, indeed, Earth." What other planet is so full of humans? Teeming with life forces.
Until he had helped Dr. McKay at Cheyenne Mountain, this was an abundance he had never before experienced. Once, he had taken a Dart under an ocean… a shoal of fish… numbering millions… turning this way… and that… this is how Earth had felt when he had first visited, and when he had 'rescued' Sheppard… all those life forces… screaming… shouting… craving for attention… his mind had never been so full… clarity… conciseness of thought virtually disappeared in the clamouring in his head… and then compelled to select only the one life to feed on… to deny himself… when he and his crew could have… gorged… and gorged… and now he is feeling this all over again through Sheppard.
And he turns to face Sheppard. "But regretfully, your mind has not substantiated this supposition of yours… there is no other… clue. No exact location… No other indication except that it appears to be… cold."
"No. I guess not… We carry on then…" Uncertain whether he is hopeful on that score or not. Certainly not happy about going back to that nightmare…
"No."
"No?"
"When we began this…" and the Wraith falters. He pities John Sheppard. Yes. This emotion is pity. Pity for a human. And like the grief of yesterday. Never has he experienced these emotions before. They are not Wraith emotions. How could they be? He knows their source. The link is with the Gift. He is receiving these emotions because of the Gift. He is receiving these emotions through Sheppard. He has given Sheppard life. Twice. And Sheppard had given him these emotions in return. That. And human morality too? Yes. This is true. He had denied himself the opportunity to feed on Earth. Except for that one man. And, though Sheppard would think otherwise, he did feel some compassion towards the crew of the Daedalus. Sheppard has instilled in him Sheppard's own morality. It has never before concerned him how a human herd might behave. Sustenance was sustenance. Though he'd felt at first hand the cruelty of the genii. But that was genii against a captive Wraith. And at that time, he'd really not felt… true compassion towards Sheppard's predicament, even then. A means to an end. Though he has to concede there existed some admiration for a fellow warrior. Now that is a true Wraith emotion. Here he is seeing… evil?…suffering? as perceived through the eyes of a human? He knows these things exist. As anything and everything exists. But… he's never before been… moved by them… or… or… the Gift is stirring… this is the beginning of… well, he is intelligent enough to recognise the signs… but can never admit it… but to have thought it, is an admittance in itself, is it not?… aundama…
"When we began this, I did not comprehend… you have said yourself… by compelling you to relive this, I am torturing you as much as they are… therefore… I cannot continue."
Sheppard falls silent, not knowing exactly what to say. But, come again, Todd feeling sorry for him?
I would not hurt you, John Sheppard.
And where had that sprung from too? Not that he didn't appreciate the consideration. That and the-bringing-back-to-life-again-thing. But this was getting… hell, what was Todd expecting from him?
"Well… that's… well, that's thoughtful of you… but this is my choice, too, right? And I say we go on."
Todd raises an eyebrow. "Several times you have requested that I stop. Now I have and you wish that I continue?"
"The weapon, Todd! The weapon! You've seen what sort of guys they are… whoever they are. Rodney is adamant. It mustn't fall into their hands. And you've said so too. And this, I assume, is another Ancient weapon?" Those guys really were careless about leaving this kind of stuff just lying around.
"Yes. And it is true that I wish to stop them."
Sheppard knew that. Knew that was genuine. Knew that Todd didn't want this for himself. How? Why was he trusting him?... Why was he trusting Todd? Todd? A Wraith?... This was getting weird… An affinity with a Wraith?... Him?... Sheppard?... And if anyone asked… Sheppard would be the first to deny it…
"There! I knew you'd see sense!"
"But… I have not agreed."
"You know you want to!"
"Colonel… I have mentioned this before… this is not going to be easy… this is a prolonged mind link… this has never before been attempted as far as I know without the demise of… that fact alone… and then…" he shook his head, "we may be too late… or might reach the end and still not discover the location we seek-"
"-Don't be so negative! We carry on!"
"We carry on…" Todd. Blinking. It'd been like this in the genii cell. Sheppard. Sheppard leading the way. Sheppard the stronger of the two. It'd be different if he could feed again. He could feel himself weakening. To feel this pain of Sheppard's, as if it is his own, as if it is real, without being able to regenerate, weakens him. This mind control is strenuous to him also. This is true. The human he had fed on had not only left a bad taste but was insufficient for such an undertaking. His energy reserves are depleting faster that he realises. Probably, as Sheppard still seems so surprisingly energetic, Sheppard is sharing that energy. He should have fed on the girl too. Though her incessant screaming would not have sat well… There is always Ronon… Down in the cells… And Ronon seems such a temptation now… but this morality… this new morality that is sweeping over him… somehow he has to adhere to this human's morality… will he never be able to feed again?... is this link with Sheppard to be the death of him?… Sheppard then… has a mind control of his own and is totally oblivious of its effect…
"You should first take refreshment…" and he indicates the fresh tray that had been brought in. Water. Candy Bars. And…
"Is that… popcorn?!! You're kidding me!"
"It is high in glucose. I know that is one of the nutrients that you require."
"And I told you I'm fine," though he accepts the water. "And we haven't the time."
Definitely no Ronon then.
He approaches the bed and takes his position by Sheppard's side again. "You are certain of this, John Sheppard? I believe it weakens us both to stop and start again. Until we find our location, this is through to the conclusion…"
"Yeah, through to the end, no matter what…"
-oAo-
'I thought I told you to quit messing with the prisoners!'
A new voice… a Texan accent… Earth… this has to be Earth… falls to the floor… hard… abandoned like some rag doll… won't pass out… won't pass out… throbbing in his hand unbearable… won't pass out… doesn't know where Rodney is… he's so quiet… not like Rodney… they've hurt him… they've hurt him…
'Where's Dr. McKay?'
'He's up there, isn't he?'
'You left him unguarded? To do this?'
...soldiers' boots on the stairs… they're searching… further… distant… in rooms beyond… listens… tries to listen… passes out… back again… in the haze… Rodney's escaped?… but… won't get far… how could he?... alone… passes out… back again at Rodney's voice… shouting… heart sinks… don't hurt him… don't hurt him…
'Looking for the little boy's room!'
'You expect us to believe that!'
'…forgot the way!...'
'You expect us to believe that!'
'…it's the truth!...'
…passes out…
…back again when the shot that kills Paulo wakes him…
…closes his eyes… closes his mind… no more… no more… so sick of this… so sick… dragged back to the cell… hands and feet tied… God! mind the hand… God! please mind the hand!… sleeps fitfully… careful to keep his back to Rodney… waking, that is slow… and even the blackness of the hood seems hazy... and a body racked with pain… moans… tries to stop that… shifts but can never escape… his hand… no, his back is worse… with pain that shoots down to his groin… stifled coughs that rack ribs... lungs... dirty water... cold... though the cold… the cold from the concrete… sometimes… sometimes… dulls the pain to a cold ache… sleeping… waking, that is slow and painful... sleeping that Todd wrenches him from… so he moans… moaning that he tries to stop…
…no… need… sleep…
…there is no time… you do not need it…
…yes… do… hurts…
…no… it is not real… it hurts only if you fight me…
…he hears Rodney only once… perhaps he says more but sometimes… sometimes there is blissful sleep without the nightmares… sleep that Todd won't allow… Rodney repeating his apology of the night before… and…
'If you come closer, I have a heater in my cell…'
…come closer… tempting… but won't let Rodney see… wakes… sleeps… wakes… always to the cell floor… sleeps… wakes… hopes… hopes its no longer the cell floor… but it always is… always hard… always cold… always hurting… always no escape… always no respite from Todd… always helpless… always him who got them all caught… always the cold hard cell floor… listening for Rodney... losing count of waking… of sleeping… of hoping… wakes… feet untied… Rodney doesn't speak… already been taken?... alone… alone… no Rodney… alone… none of his men… alone… dragged back to the room again… helpless… so helpless… legs numb… so much pain in his side… legs won't hold him… no strength… no protest… no food, no water… beaten up… how's he gonna make it through another day?... perhaps they'll shoot him tonight… perhaps its tonight that it all ends… but not to the sluice… at the bottom of the stairs?... would fall if not held up by the shoulders…
'You going to work faster today, Dr. McKay?'
...Rodney's there… aware now… aware of closeness to Rodney… aware this is going to be the moment… this… this naked prisoner held in front of him… struggles… doesn't want Rodney to see… doesn't want Rodney to see him… Rodney mustn't see him… Rodney'll cave in… Rodney'll do this thing for them… once he sees its Sheppard… once he sees who's held before him… struggles… struggles… too weak… and held more tightly…
'I am? Yes. Ok. I guess I am…'
…Rodney's bothered… Rodney's nervous… this is not the normal routine… a naked man held before him… yeah… would be bothered by that… effort again… to pull away… can't… too weak… too damn weak…
'Not very convincing, Dr. McKay… Don't you like your fellow man?… Wouldn't mind if there was one less in the Universe?'
'Oh, come on, you're going to kill him anyway!'
…you and me both…
'Perhaps we can persuade you to work faster? To even work at all, as there seems to be such little progress here.'
'What?! You going to shoot him now? Put him out of his misery now? How very considerate of you--'
--the hood's snatched off—
--their eyes meet for a second—
'Sheppard?'
...and Rodney's blinking with disbelief and horror…
'Sheppard?'
…the light hurts his eyes… that's not the reason… not the reason why he looks away from Rodney… shame… ashamed… Rodney's looking him up and down… concern… pity… sympathy… the injuries… doesn't want it… doesn't want it… doesn't want the… concern… pity… sympathy… tape ripped off… gasps, hisses… still… won't look at Rodney…
'Tell your friend, Sheppard, that you want to live a little longer… tell him!...'
…head jerked back… a second… sees Rodney's look… turns eyes away…
'Tell him!' ...prodded hard in the back…
'Rodney… don't… don't do this…'
…biting at pain… butted in the side hard… his good side, no longer his good side… drops to his knees, head jerked back harder… say no… make his eyes say no… tries shaking his head… can't…
'It's ok… It's ok… John… I'll take care of everything.'
'No… don't…'
…a whisper only…
'Don't do this…
…a whisper only…
'You feed him, you give him medical care, you give him back his uniform… then I'll do whatever you ask.'
…no… no… Rodney… don't…
'You're in no position to make demands!'
'Do you want this done or not?!'
…no… no… don't… Rodney…
Rodney's going up the stairs… pauses… looks back… he's nothing but a blur… blinks… senses Rodney's pain… doesn't have to see his face… the way he carries his shoulders…
'Its ok, Sheppard. Believe me, you don't have to worry.'
… senses Rodney's pain… aundama… knows Rodney's pain… as if it were his own… Rodney knows… if he messes up… Sheppard's dead… Sheppard's dead… Sheppard stupid enough to get caught… Sheppard his only hope of rescue… gone… but saying… this thing is bigger than any of us… knows he can't do as they ask…
...allowed to fall where he stands… all day… sleeping… waking… coughing... curls in his protective ball… against the pain… against the aching cold… sleeping… waking… listening for Rodney… they bring Rodney food… Rodney complains that the things he's asked for, for Sheppard, haven't arrived… sleeping… waking… sleeping more than waking… perhaps… perhaps he's dying anyway… perhaps then Rodney will be free… perhaps Rodney has seen that… sleeping… and then coming to in the cell… and not even remembering how he got there… dying…
'Sheppard! Sheppard! Thank God, you're ok!'
...ok?... yeah, he's ok… nearly laughs but damn it hurts…
'I'm sorry… about what's happened…'
…can't bear it… can't bear Rodney's apology… own damn fault… own damn fault that they all got caught… you don't get caught… you don't get caught…
'Don't…' he says… can't finish… too weak… mouth too damaged… mouth weird without the tape… mouth too dry…
'Hurting huh?' asks Rodney. 'They've given you food and water. But why not give you your uniform back? And you're… um… still bleeding…'
… opens eyes… bleary… floor smeared and sticky around his damaged hand… and hands are untied now… that has to be good… and two tins on the floor beside him… one for water… and one, well, he'd never keep it down anyway… reaches instinctively… but with his bad hand… knocks half over… stretches forward and slurps from the tin… like an animal… desperate… trembling… shaking… steadying, without lifting the tin, with his good hand… Jesus… it's like nectar… coughing, but it's like nectar...
'Sheppard… look… have mine too… huh?... the wire mesh? I've worked it loose… take mine…'
…eyes up the distance… only a metre… but… this way… this way… he's curled up… feels… hidden…
'You keep…'
…can't say anymore… head reels… the ice ice cold cold water in his gut… losing… losing…
'Sheppard… here, take it…'
… and Rodney pushes the tin through with an outstretched arm right up to his shoulder…
'You have to drink, even if you can't eat.'
…can't say the words… no… no… thinks, let me die… thinks, if I die you don't have to do this thing… can't say the words… too weak… needs to… needs to make that effort…
'Please, drink… we're going to get rescued you know.'
… no… that should be my line… always me… always… now it's Rodney… and Rodney's said it's ok… and Rodney's said its all taken care of… and Rodney's said he hasn't to worry… assurances… the officer… the officer always says those things… always takes care of his men… always takes care of his team…
'We're going to get rescued. You remember I went missing yesterday?... Sent off a message… they'll never detect it in a million years… Wraith coding, you see… well, if they do detect it, they'll never recognise it… Wraith distress signal… hope it was long enough… got cut off… perhaps I'll get another chance… though... it was probably doing that... that other guy?... a marine?... they shot him because I did that...'
...not... your... fault...
'Come on, drink, Sheppard, please… Don't come this far…' and then… and then…
… eyes up the tin… so longs to drink… pain in his stomach but so longs to drink… has to twist round… Rodney will see him… see him… like an animal… but so longs to drink… and its so so good… don't look at me… don't look at me… don't want your pity… hoarse gasp of thanks and… turns his back again…
'Rod… ney?'
'Don't talk… Here, take my blanket too.'
…blanket? but not going to move again… can't move… not anymore… noises behind him… and a blanket falls on his lower legs… feels its weight… accepts and pulls the blanket up over his shoulders… so good… and warm already… rough and prickles skin, but so good… lays his head on his good arm…
'Rodney?' …a murmur only…
'I know what you're going to say… you don't want me to do this… but I will, for a while longer… if it keeps us both alive… and then? and then, there's the virus…'
… sleeps and wakes… we're dead men, Rodney… not sure if he says it out loud… sleeps… sleeps… sleeps… as Rodney listens and takes care of him… the morning… drinks water again… feeling stronger… just… same routine… dumped at the edge of the sluice… alone… allowed to keep the blanket… so good… comfort blanket… like a kid… doesn't care… best thing that Rodney's ever given him… wakes and sleeps… sleeps and wakes… listens for Rodney… working on the upper floor… no one bothers him here on the lower floor… alone… perhaps Rodney is working faster… meant to tell him, yesterday… don't do this thing… don't do this thing because of him… and brought food and water at the same time as Rodney… tries the food… a few difficult swallows… mouth so sore and swollen… then a fit of coughing... then the nausea… and then the painful need to urinate… nothing for it but to leave the blanket and crawl to the sluice… hot, hot pain… no one notices… they're leaving him alone today… eyes hazy… but notices the blood… not good… but they're dead men anyway… perhaps tonight they will shoot him… but Rodney's taking care of things… Rodney will try and save him… have to tell him… have to tell him not to try and save a dying man… crawls back to the comfort of the blanket… sleeps… wakes… in the cell… able to eat… talking though… talking too difficult…
'You… can't do this… you have to stall…'
'Sheppard,' interrupts Rodney.
'No… listen… it makes no difference… that it's… me…'
… mustn't… try… and… save… a… dying… man… wants to ask… who these guys are?... wants to ask if this is Earth?... wants to ask where are they ?... but the food and the pain still… those questions won't form into words at his lips… sleep easier… waking… listening for Rodney… who is listening for Sheppard… next morning comes… another day and he's not dead… head clearer…
'Rodney?'
'Hmm?'
'How yer doing, buddy?' Rodney's seen men shot... killed... he's not trained... he's not military...
'What?... What brought this on?... No... I'm good.' His eyes say different...
'Where are we?'
... doesn't expect Rodney to know…
'Norway, northern Norway… Earth, you know?'
....too weak to even be surprised…
Todd.
'How d'yer know?'
'How? I'm an astrophysicist, or hadn't you noticed?'
… brain still foggy… can't see the link…
'The sky light… see all the northern hemisphere stars in the evening… learnt that stuff in kindergarten… '
Todd…
This is still not enough, Sheppard. We need coordinates.
At least, head that way! They might not have removed his transmitter. You could pick up the signal… fluttering… Todd communicating with other Wraith?
'How… did we get here?'
'What's with all the questions? Shouldn't you be resting or something?' Keller would tell him he should… but Rodney explains all the same… pleased to… pleased not to be alone… 'Would you believe, they have a Stargate, complete with a ZPM? Stands to reason, I guess, they'd be more than one on Earth. I can't think they hauled it here from space… here, all the time and built this facility around it?'
'Stupid… place to put it…' attempts some humour…
'Yeah, well… ten million years since Ancients left for Pegasus… has to have been two or three Earth axis shifts since then… probably didn't start off somewhere so cold and miserable…'
'Like… Can… Canada…' eyes so heavy…
…there's almost a smirk on Rodney's face... there… in the haze that passes for vision…
'You know… I nearly don't mind how much you impugn the honour of anything Canadian… coz it means… it means… well… I'm glad you're still alive…'
'… me too… who are they?... Trust?' … pain… breathing shallow… even coughing, shallow... swallows and shuts those heavy eyes… regretting the effort to speak… but doesn't want Rodney to know… doesn't want Rodney to guess how bad he really feels…
'Maybe… don't know… we're only seeing the grunts… perhaps it's like the 007 films… you know… an evil genius aiming at - and select one of the following – world, galaxy, universe dominance…' and then he's serious, earnest, but half the words are lost… 'like the weapon… Stargate in the wrong hands…'
…they're taken to the large room again… his place by the sluice with his blanket again… suddenly… noise… shouting… starts from a half sleep… hauled up from his blanket… room spins, swirls… taken to the bottom of the stairs… this is where it ends… this is where it ends… training… they don't train you for this… pain shooting through his whole damn body and facing the end… mind can't comprehend what's going on… certain though… these guys are angry… certain though this is the end… Rodney protesting… talking fast…
'Wasn't me!... not deliberate!... Please believe me! Please don't hurt him!
… something to do with a formula…
'I'll get it sorted… hey, I'll work through the night… don't need sleep… Please don't hurt him…'
'Rodney!' ... and shouts Rodney's name… able to do that?...
'You were warned!'
…guards hold his arms tighter… no need… too weak to do anything… an ankle curls round each of his own, forcing his legs apart…
'No… don't do this…' begs Rodney, moving forward… a rifle bars his way to prevent him interfering…
'No…' from Rodney.
… sees the knife then…
…energy to struggle… knife slicing upwards… screams out… fuck! fuck! fuck!... guards drop him… gasping… crying… writhing on the floor… hands between his legs… looks at the wound… blood gushing… knows its only his thigh… but damn it hurts… it hurts… eyes shut tight… tears… holding his breath tight… keeping a fist on his thigh tight… and Rodney doesn't know… fuzzy… not passing out?....
Todd?
Sheppard, I'm losing control.
Not now! We'll miss something! Not after all this time!
I cannot…
You can! You damn well can! We're not stopping now! Do you hear?! We-don't-stop-now!
We?
Yeah… us… we…
…groaning…
...and Rodney's shrieking…
'There was no need to do that!'
...Rodney's seeing all the blood and thinking the worse…
'Get back to work McKay and sort out your problem!'
'I would have done that before! At least, let me see to him, please!'
'No, get back to work! And don't let this happen again. You can see, he can't take anymore.'
…next time…
...left alone… alone on the cold concrete floor… bleeding… to death?… one hand on his thigh… elbows his way… on his belly… slowly… so slowly… flesh grazing on the concrete… heading for his blanket… no one stops him… relief to get to his blanket and wrap it round his thigh… relief to let blackness take him…
Todd?... Todd?...
I am here.
What happened?
I fear the control temporarily fails when you lose consciousness… We may have lost vital information… to have come this far…
Hang in there!
…in the cell… but… a mattress… on the floor, but a mattress… hey, they look after the dying?... shivering… shivering… can't tell, hot or cold… Rodney…
'They let me think… they let me think… well, you know… still hurts though?'
...yeah… still hurts…
'And… and… you have a fever… I've asked for dressings but they haven't come…'
… aware of movement… close by… he's lying next to Rodney?... opens eyes… bleared… but Rodney's there…
'Hey?…hey, Rodney?'
… a voice that croaks… too weak to cough, to clear the clogging in his lungs...
'I'm here, Sheppard…'
… Rodney takes off his jacket… takes off his shirt…
'I got them to bring you in here with me…'
… puts his jacket back on…
'…so I can take of you… this isn't so good…'
… indicating his thigh… glances down… blood soaked blanket…
'No…'
…struggles against Rodney's hand…
'You've got to let me see to it…'
'No…'
'Look, I'm giving you the shirt off my back! What more do you want?!'
'No…'
'This is no time to get embarrassed!'
'I'm not!' ...surprised at his own response… Rodney impatient now… starts to rip his shirt into strips anyway… starts to remove the blanket anyway… too weak to fight…
'It's not like I've ever been good at this first aid stuff.'
'I know…'
'Thanks… so that's why you don't want me to do this?'
… thinks no… thinks he doesn't want… need… pity… taken care of… Sheppard's job… to take care of Rodney… his men… failing… Rodney whistles low…
'It was close…'
… yeah… yeah… embarrassed too…
'I mean I really thought…'
'Yeah, you said…' gasps the words… wants to push Rodney away… wincing… screwing his eyes tight… holding breath… holding back the cry… has to allow Rodney to do this… knows he will probably bleed to death if he doesn't… Rodney throws the blanket away to a corner… binds the gash on the thigh… quickly… deftly… firmly… he's better than he claims…
'You… know… I don't… let… just… anyone… do… this… ' …words tight…
Rodney hesitates as he finishes tying off the ripped shirt… looks at him seriously… Rodney… all this time… serious…
'No, I guess not,' he says.
… it's a joke but neither smiles… curls up on the mattress grateful… away from Rodney again…
'I've told them,' says Rodney, 'I'm not doing anything unless they take better care of you.'
'No… Rodney… you're not to do anything… it's a weapon, right?…'
'It's fine. I know what I'm doing. I told you, I'm taking care of it…'
'The virus?...They'll never… let you get away with it… they'll kill us… as soon as the work is done… even… a delayed virus…'
…swallows hard… it hurts to talk this much… his head is swimming… eyes unable to focus…
'Kill us? No…'
…quickly changes the subject…
'Have some drink…'
… and Rodney cups a hand under his head to offer water to his lips… so grateful… hands shaking too much… shakes too much…
'What… d'yer agree to Rodney?'
…Damn! Rodney, what did you agree to?... sleeps and wakes… wakes…
What is this?... Confusion… Little is clear… the fever worsens?... Sheppard?...
…can't… can't… stop shaking… so hot… so hot…
'Rodney?... Rodney?...'
'Here… I'm here…'
…can't see him…
'Rodney?...'
'I'm here… Didn't I say I wouldn't leave you?'
…sleeps… bad dreams… his men getting shot… hands tied and he can do nothing to stop it… Sheppard, it's your fault!… Sheppard, it's your fault!…
Dreams, Todd?
I fear I am unable to stop them…
Rodney?... where are you?... guards in the corridor…
'Hey! I have your uniform? How about that?'
…Rodney drapes the jacket over his shoulder… can't bear to be moved… Rodney?...
'Sorry, got to use your shirt as well… Why do you bleed so much?!'
'Rodney?... don't…'
…what mustn't Rodney do?... trying to tell him… trying to tell him… what did Rodney mean, 'kill us? No'… penny drops… Rodney meant… Rodney meant… when he said 'kill us? No'… meant, they'll kill me, only me, only Rodney… but not you, Sheppard… sees that in his eyes… they can kill me, but they're not going to kill you… this what Rodney meant…
'Rodney?...'
…shivering... shivering…
'God! You're still so hot!'
…the guards again…
'Right, that's it! You're not getting anymore out of me until he gets medical attention or you return him - preferably the latter!'
…tables are turned… Rodney's calling their bluff… they know he means business… focuses a second… Rodney's folding his arms… they know he means business… Rodney's moving him…
'Hey!... trying to make you decent… going on a trip… don't want to get back to Atlantis looking like this do you?'
…washing his face… soaking his head with cold so good cold water…
'Rodney?...'
'Sending you back…'
'Rodney, don't do this…'
'Believe me, this way is best…' can't see Rodney's face… through the haze… and if he could… he would see the same forced optimism that's in his voice…
'Rodney… they… will… kill… you…'
'So… what are you trying to say here?... it's ok if you stay and the two of us get killed?... always liked simple maths, myself!... and here's some simple logic that even you can follow, what's better than two of us getting killed?... and the correct answer is?... One… anyway, they won't kill me… they daren't… even if they discover the virus… they'll need me to unravel it… and you can trust me to install the virus from hell… they'll never crack this on their own… and I'll try and get another Wraith signal off… if I don't… Look, remember… these digits… co-ordinates… remember?... ok… ok… you can't… I'll write them down… oh God, this is so… gross!… here… here… here…'
…and writes them… in blood… Sheppard's blood… on Sheppard's arm… on his side… on his thigh…
Todd! Todd!
What are they, Sheppard?
Longitude. Latitude.
Incomplete…
Well, fill in the damned gaps!
…dresses him… gives him water again…
'Don't forget…'
'Rodney!...'
'Good luck…'
…Rodney!... they're taking him away… don't forget… it's all so hurried… no chance… no chance to really say goodbye… don't forget, Rodney… don't forget, Rodney… the sound of chopper blades... beating, drumming... sleeping... waking... the drone of a cargo plane... he could die here... he could die here flying... but mustn't forget Rodney... sleeping... waking... hot... hot blinding heat of the desert... head hurts... sick... so sick... coughing in the dust of a dirt track... Rodney...
'How could we ever forget Rodney?' asks a medic... face in white hot blinding sun...
'…he's delirious…'
....the Doc's voice again… where's Keller?... she would understand…
'Colonel?… any idea… any idea where Rodney is?...'
…has to remember… Rodney set me free… wasn't that… Sheppard should have set Rodney free… that's what he'd set out to do… words… broken sentences… faces that come out of the mist…
…someone in a white coat… ' try fingernail samples… slight chance… might get a match…'
…because he's filthy… Rodney has tried cleaning him… but he's filthy dirty… under his uniform… they know he's been stripped… pity again… don't want the pity… he's the one whose left Rodney behind… numbers… don't wash the numbers… words… sentences… faces out of the mist… O'Neill… his face… this is bad… this is bad… but he's known this… inside, he's all messed up… Earth… Earth… Norway… can't make them hear… oxygen mask… try… harder… try… don't wash… don't wash… don't wash the numbers… struggles… Rodney's written it down… 'you mustn't worry…' don't wash… delirium… no… no… look… look… arm… don't wash… arm… don't wash… numbers… don't forget Rodney…
-oAo-