Disclaimer; I don't own harry Potter.
And here's the next chapter to the story! Btw, since this is Severus's point of view, ergo the last of the three, I'm issuing a poll in my profile page for the ending of this story… Who should it be? Severus or Draco? Your choice! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too. And don't forget; review people!
MIDNIGHT PONDERINGS vol. 3
Hogwarts; Dungeons; Midnight;
Severus had just woken up, only to find himself lying alone on the floor of his lab. Despite the coldness and roughness of the stone floor, he couldn't remember having slept more peacefully for over eighteen years. The only reason he was awake was his surprise when he turned to wrap his arms around the woman who was supposed to sleep next to him, only to touch the cold floor.
Serenity. She was supposed to be here with him the moment he woke up as she was the moment he fell asleep, rested on his chest as he stroke her dark hair. He tried to figure out what could have possibly gone wrong, what he might have done wrong and scared her away, but all the images that flooded his mind were of pure happiness.
He thought of her soft skin, the way she smiled at him and the way they had kissed and fit together. Even of the way she had taken of his shirt when she realized she couldn't undo the buttons.
'Then what went wrong?' he thought to himself while combing his hair back with his hands. His mind was stuck on her image and nothing else would come through. He smiled softly to himself as he reminisced the first time he had seen Serenity. He wasn't there when she was shorted to her House, since he was forced to go and pick up Potter and Weasley that had just crushed on the weeping willow with Arthur Weasley's car.
No, the first time he had seen her was during her first potions lesson in that very same room. She was only eleven at the time and the only child in the room who didn't seem to be scared from the little speech he gave to all first years. And she had produced one of the best sleeping droughts he had ever seen in his life. He had decided at that moment that she was a promising student and that he would have to keep an eye on her just like he was doing with almost everyone in the school.
How she had changed so much during the years, right before his eyes, to become that amazing woman that was the only thing on his mind while he was dying was beyond him. Yet, he could easily remember the first time he noticed just how much she had grown. He closed his eyes and let his trademark smirk appear on his face as he pictured that stupid party Slughorn had thrown almost two years ago;
He was bored out of his mind, forced to answer stupid questions whose sole purpose was to boost Slughorn's ego. He had resolved in answering those questions with a 'yes' or 'no' when possible, hoping Slughorn would finally give up trying to include him in the conversation. Whilst the overweight professor was bubbling pointlessly about the Hollyhead Harpies, Severus had diverted his glance to scan the room out of habit, just to make sure nothing was wrong. That was when he spotted her;
Serenity was wearing a deep red dress, which clung to her body bringing out her curves in ways the school uniform never could. She had fixed her hair in a tight bun, letting down only two locks of hair, one on each side of her face, letting her face and swan like neck stand out. Almost all the male representatives of the human species in the room -and even that vampire Sanguini- were staring at her, but she seemed to have her gaze fixed on him.
Suddenly the room felt too hot and he had to fight the urge to undo the top buttons of his shirt that all the sudden felt far too tight. He knew his face had reddened slightly and he was pleased that she didn't seem to take notice. The rest of the people in the room looked like a blare, a kaleidoscope of dim colors where she was the only bright light, and the sounds faded to the background sounding nothing more than a faint buzz, overpowered by the drumming of his beating heart.
He couldn't stop himself; he smiled at her, something he hadn't done since Lily had died. He felt Slughorn tapping him on the shoulder to reclaim his attention -not that he ever had it in the first place- and for a second Severus felt playful; he rolled his eyes at her, his smile refusing to leave his face. He knew he had to go back answering Slughorn's questions before he was caught. And even though he seemed to pay attention to the conversation, all he could think as Slughorn was bubbling was that Serenity stared at him too.
He no longer cared she was a student while he was her professor. She was still young, but he could wait; he knew she was turning seventeen sometime in June next year. No, he didn't care about any of those things, at least not any more. He was set, adamant as a mater of fact, to talk to her and show her the other side of him, the one he was forced to keep inside, so he would pass as a cold hearted Deatheater. He was shocked he was experiencing such feelings again, after all this time. But, his surprise aside, the feelings were undisputedly there, having sprouted without him noticing, seemingly out of thin air.
He knew there were going to be obstacles in his way, the main one being the Dark Lord himself, but he might just have found the one thing that would motivate him to pull through that ordeal and make it out if not unscathed, at least alive. Yes, he was about to talk to her that night and he would have done so undoubtedly, if it hadn't been for…
Severus's eyes that had closed as he reminisced snapped open; how could he forget? Was his mind so overwhelmingly clouded by his need for her that such a crucial point had slipped his mind? Draco Malfoy; Serenity's boyfriend.
Severus rubbed his eyes with both of his hands as he sighed in exasperation. Was he that much beyond reason? He knew how important Serenity was to Draco from what Narcissa had told him last summer. Their relationship had started right before he begun searching for that blasted Potter brat that decided to disappear on him. So he had spent all year trying to figure out where he was so he could give him the sword of Gryffindor. As a result, between searching for Potter and making sure that Voldemort remained in the dark concerning his true colors, he had drifted away from Serenity, pretty much allowing her to fall straight into Draco's arms.
And the boy had fallen in love with her. Not that he could blame him for it; Severus seriously doubted Draco even had a chance. But he had fallen in love none the less and, according to his mother, it was Serenity that had prevented him from succumbing to depression or even worse.
He sighed once more in despair; there was no doubt in his mind that the boy was head over heels for her. But so was he. Because, even if he hadn't got the chance to admit it out loud yet, he was in love with Serenity. It was the first time he experienced that feeling after Lily's demise and he wasn't keen on letting go; not this time around.
He let his mind roam back to how he had lost Lily to James Potter; of course it had been his fault in a great amount, but he couldn't help but think that if it hadn't been for James, he might have had the opportunity to patch things up with Lily. But, no, James simply had to drop on and steal Lily away from him, even though he knew his feelings for her, even though he…
And as such, his eyes widened again as guilt threatened to overthrow him; here he was blaming James Potter for robbing him of Lily's love, yet wasn't he doing the same to Draco? Wasn't he robbing him of his reason to live, claiming something that wasn't his to begin with?
But wasn't his love enough too? Wasn't he justified, being the first to notice her? But then again, he knew that James liked Lily for more than a couple of years before he got the nerve to ask her out. What if that was the case this time around?
Could he allow himself to end up being the same with the man he had spent all these years hating? Then a thought that grasped his insides in a painful clench passed his mind; he didn't know what feelings Serenity held towards Draco.
'What if she has regretted what happened between us?' he thought to himself as he rose from the floor and started passing up and down the room. He bowed down and picked his wand from the floor, for no specific reason but a childish hope a spell could give him the answer.
'Is that why she left? Does she blame me for this evening?' he entangled his fingers in his hair as he paced faster. 'What if she hates me now?' he stopped as if frozen solid, terrified by his own thoughts. A few tears escaped his eyes as he stared blankly at some cauldrons he had bought for his classes. He shook his head forcefully from the right to the left, as if he believed he could just detach the idea from his head.
Then anger came forth; not for Serenity, for he could never get angry with her, but for himself. He let out something that sounded something between a shout and a cry as he sent one of his strongest exploding spells towards the cauldrons, sending bits and pieces of them all over the room.
He looked at the mayhem he had caused but he didn't seem to care that the newly bought cauldrons might as well as be beyond repair. He had felt some of his tension leave his shoulders, though his guilt remained. He massaged his temples slowly as he tried to reason with himself; he reviewed the hours he had spent with Serenity that very same afternoon; he couldn't find a flaw, not a single dark spot in those precious hours.
He closed his eyes and leaned back for support on the wall, pressing his back on the cold stone behind him as the images of that same evening played behind his shut lids. He was afraid that he was going to scare her away with being too straightforward with her, but no, Merlin no! She had actually shredded his shirt with a cutting spell. He really hadn't seen that one coming, not that he would complain any time soon.
And her kisses; damn those lips! He wasn't even aware someone could feel that way through a kiss. He had tried to be gentle, he had really tried. But it had proved impossible. They had ended up making love on the floor and none of them seemed to care.
And it had been pure bliss the way their bodies reacted to each other. He could very clearly remember how daring she was, her small hands never hesitating, always moving and always craving for more, moving unyielding almost desperately on his chest, face, everywhere.
'That's the word…' he thought to himself. 'She was and is everywhere. My mind, my heart, my soul.' He sighed again and opened his eyes making a swift turn to throw his fist on the wall he was previously leaning on. It hurt like hell and it would hurt worse in the morning, but all he could think about was all his mixed feelings that were bursting to get out, almost ripping his chest in the process;
There was pain, guilt and a great deal of anger towards himself, that was for sure. But there was also love and it overwhelmed him. It was coming straight from his core and running across his body in a fervor following the path of his blood and intensifying with every beat of his drumming heart.
He thought of how she had changed and matured over the years and, most importantly, how she had changed him in the process. He could now have back all those feelings he had purged, technically ripped away, from his heart and had thought to be forbidden to him ever since he had done so. Because now there was love, hope, faith, devotion… now there was life.
He knew that Draco felt the exact same thing about Serenity, he had witnessed it himself; he had seen it in his eyes. But his mind was set and his resolve wasn't quivering. And most important of all, his heart was alive and kicking and ready for a fight.
Because he now knew. He had fought for redemption and he had fought for revenge. But if there was anything worth fighting till he would no longer breathe or his heart stopped beating -and maybe even after that- that was love. And it was a fight he was ready to give.