Disclaimer: I own nothing…………not even a Winnebago…………yay.

Sirius Black: A Unicorn's Savior?

Sirius scrambled down the path, hurrying towards his wounded companion and the giant potato that might have killed him. Upon reaching the almost entirely eaten potato that lay discarded on the side of the trail, Sirius saw the state of the allegedly ill unicorn and was aghast. Fred was prancing about, whinnying and laughing giddily alongside Judy, who had only a moment ago, informed Sirius that Fred was terribly unwell. The two began to laugh even harder as they saw the shocked expression residing on Sirius's face. Almost immediately, the shock was replaced by rage.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" he bellowed, gesticulating angrily at the unicorns. "Here I am, thinking that you've up and kicked the bucket, when really you're perfectly fine, just prancing about! Why in the name of Godric bloody Gryffindor would you do that?" Eyes wide with fury, Sirius stared at the creatures before him. The hoofed beasts stared blankly at him for a moment before replying.

"We did it because you left us here all alone. It made us cry," Judy explained, her eyes beginning to water. This Judy was a far cry from the stern judge she had appeared as earlier, and Sirius did not believe one bit of her pitiful act. Simply rolling his eyes, Sirius turned to Fred.

"I say…you deserved it, you swine!" Fred stated.

"I didn't do anything! You're the ones who decided to have a feast on a ruddy potato right in the middle of our journey!" Sirius responded harshly.

"But…you abandoned us!" Fred cried.

"Yeah! You should have eaten some too! It isn't like we've brought a whole Winnebago of food, is it now?" Judy snapped snappily as she returned to her normal manner of rudeness.

Sirius thought for a moment before saying, "Well, I suppose we haven't. Maybe it would be best if I just continued on alone, seeing as we don't seem to be getting along so wonderfully." Gasping at the very thought, the unicorns appeared to be simply appalled.

"B-b-but…I say! We c-c-c-couldn't let y-you go all by your l-little old self!" Fred stuttered.

Judy looked at Sirius appraisingly before beginning to speak, saying: "Hmm…that creepy Mildred character did say that he was the only one that could do…something."

"Don't recall it," Fred stated.

"You know, short, crotchety old hag…looked like an overgrown house-elf," she explained. Fred shook his head in confusion. "He got arrested for her murder." Fred looked positively perplexed. Judy stared at him, frustrated. "Oh, come on! You have to remember her! She let us eat all that rubbish she grew in her garden! Carrots, celery, turnips, beets, yams, tomatoes, asparagus, cabbage…don't you remember, we called her Mildred because she wouldn't tell us her real name? Said she didn't trust anybody who wasn't named Gerald?"

"Never heard of her," came Fred's reply.

"Aw, you have to be kidding me! We went to that place every day for like…well, we've always gone to Mildred's!" Fred remained clueless.

"Maybe you should just give up," Sirius suggested, sensing that this might take a while.

"Oh, shut it, you," she directed at Sirius before continuing, "Do you recall the pasture where all those oddly delicious plants used to grow?"

"Nope. Never been there in my life."

"Fred! Of course you've been there! It isn't as though you could have lived off of sugar cubes!" Judy shouted, stamping her hoof at him.

"Er…well, aren't we all kind of…dead?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, I supposed we are," Judy admitted. "But that's not the point! Fred, you must have been there sometime!" But no reply came. "Fred? Where are you?" Glancing around, Sirius spotted no sign of the third member of their party. He did, however, see a very large hole.

"Hey, what's that?" Sirius asked.

"What's what?" Judy queried.

"What's with that hole over there?" Sirius questioned.

"Hole? Where?" Judy inquired, turning about.

"There," Sirius pointed at the hefty hole, "Don't you see it?"

"What do you think?" Judy snapped.

"Can you ever not ask a question in response to another question?" Sirius asked coolly.

"What do you have in mind?" Judy replied.

"We are way off topic here," Sirius stated.

"Too right, you are! Anyways, let's have a look at that," she declared, moving towards the hole. Sirius edged towards the large gap in the earth, and found himself shocked once more by what he saw: Resting in the hole in a crumpled heap was Fred, clearly deceased.

Sirius and Judy stared at their recently departed comrade for a moment, before Sirius asked, "Wait…if we're already dead, then how can Fred die again?" Judy thought for a moment before responding.

"Well, no one really knows for sure, but it is thought that you just go to another place like this." Judy began to trot down the path, but was interrupted by Sirius.

"Hang on! What about a funeral?" he called down the trail at her. Sirius may not have been very fond of Fred, but thought that he at least deserved a funeral.

"Oh, right." She promenaded swiftly towards the hole in which the dead creature lay. "Ahem," she cleared her throat and began. "Fred was a very, er…nice unicorn, and was also very opinionated. He was never afraid to say yay or neigh to something, which got rather annoying from time to time, but at least he spoke his mind. We'll all miss him…sort of. The end," she finished lazily, and turned to leave again.

"Well, aren't we going to bury him?" called Sirius to the absconding unicorn.

"I gave the service. You bury him," she returned nonchalantly, as though the death of a fellow unicorn did not bother her in the slightest.

"Aren't unicorns supposed to be gentle and nice and cheerful and the like? Aren't you meant to care about poor dead Fred?" Sirius voiced. Judy paid him no mind, and continued down the path. Sirius hurried after her.

Stopping directly in her path, Sirius glared into the unicorn's eyes and asked, "What is wrong with you?" Judy merely neighed and nudged him out of her path. Sighing, Sirius turned back to bury the unicorn lying in the hole, dead.

Upon reaching Fred, Sirius withdrew his wand and waved it at the dirt, which crowded in on the unicorn, covering him. Mumbling a spell, Sirius pointed his wand at the area where the dirt had covered Fred's head. A smooth, round, marble gravestone appeared, engraved with:

Here lies Fred,

A nice unicorn, who always said "Yay!" or "Neigh!"

Slightly less enthusiastic than before, Sirius set off down the path, giving one last glance back at Fred's make-shift grave. After a five-minute sprint down the path, Sirius found Judy at the edge of the Sugary Swamp.

"What took you so long," snapped Judy in a snobbishly sharp tone, not looking at Sirius.

"I had to bury Fred, remember?" Sirius snapped, his tone matching hers in hostility.

"Right. Well, let's go," she said, slightly less cruelly.

The two set off, wading through the strangely sweet-smelling swamp. They did not speak for a while nor look at each other, unil Sirius heard a gasping noise from Judy and a sudden squelching noise.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, spinning in her direction. Surprisingly, she was nowhere to be seen. "Judy?" he called. "Where are you?" Yet, no answer came. "Are you all right?" Still, there was no reply. Whirling around, Sirius finally spotted a thin white leg with a hoof sticking up out of the swamp. Struggling over towards the leg, Sirius found himself being pulled down, as the leg sank along with him. Flailing madly, Sirius pushed against the sugary muck as it pulled him downward. After much gesticulating and pain on Sirius's part, he managed to free himself from the swamp's grip. The thin leg, however, had disappeared, and with a sinking feeling, Sirius realized that the leg must have belonged to Judy.

Now very much alone, Sirius clambered onto dry land and set his pink pack down beside him. If Sirius had been asked a single day before if the unicorns mattered anything to him at all whatsoever, he would have said absolutely not. But as he sat so alone without anyone to talk to or be annoyed endlessly by, Sirius was not quite sure that his answer would be the same. Indeed, with the empty feeling inside him, Sirius thought that he must, somehow, miss the odd creatures. Then he heard his stomach growl, and realized that he was just very hungry.

Sirius reached inside the sack and withdrew a large bag full of little frosted cakes. He opened the bag to retrieve one, and found that they had become wet during his struggle with the swamp. With a wave of his wand, the cakes were dry, and he began to gobble them down. Ordinarily, Sirius would have conjured up a feast for himself, but he wasn't sure that he would be able to do so. After all, he was in a foreign land and was apparently dead, though he certainly did not feel so.

As Sirius finished the third cake, the moon looked down sorrowfully upon him, as though trying to apologize for his recent losses. He exhaled deeply, pulling a tightly rolled sleeping bag from the pack. Even in the dark, Sirius could tell that it too was a violent pink, but he was too tired to mind. Today had been a terribly exhausting day for Sirius, and within a minute of crawling into the sleeping bag, which was very large, extremely soft and highly comfortable after being unrolled, he fell fast asleep.