Chapter 4: Eat the Cake, Don't Eat the Cake. DON'T EAT THE CAKE!

Disclaimer: Stupid disclaimer…WE DON'T OWN BLEACH. It belongs to Tite Kubo, who is awesome for making it.

Side note: DO NOT TRY THESE RECIPES. THEY COULD POTENTIALLY HARM/KILL YOU. ONLY ORIHIME CAN EAT THIS AND SURVIVE. THE EFFECTS AND SIDE EFFECTS THAT HAPPEN IN THIS STORY DO NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Pig-chan: Two in one day! Yes! Please congratulate me!

Jac-chan: Shut up nee-chan! Great, now you're out of ideas!

Pig-chan: Oh…well, the people will review? Right? Right? Come on, please! Jac-chan has absolutely no imagination! It was all my idea!

Jac-chan: Whatever. Get on with the story already.

Pig-chan: Who's awesome? ME!

Orihime POV (how rare…)

I think I'm going to make a cake today! I don't know why, I just feel like it. Maybe Karin-chan and Yuzu-chan are going to try it out for me! (distant sneezing and shivers are heard*). Now I need to get flour, sugar, eggs, peanuts, egg shells, hot sauce, vinegar, olive oil, salt, chocolate, and smashed coconut shells. We have milk (A/N Pig-chan: beware the milk…it was chunky from last chapterrrrrr…*get's whacked by Jac-chan*) and I think we have enough broccoli. Hey! On the shelf, there's this thing called 'poison' (she pronounced it poh-ee-zon). I'll use this in the cake! This will be yummy! I wonder if Kurosaki-kun wants some. (more sneezing and shivers heard.)

Karin POV

I just felt shivers down my spine. And then I sneezed. Not good. Either 1) I have a cold, or 2) someone said something about me. Be on your toes, Karin, be on your toes.

Yuzu POV

I sneezed and shivered. It can't be anything bad. I think I have a cold. I heard a voice in my head, "How naïve, I mean seriously, she STILL trusts that woman."

"Shut up already, nee-chan!"

I ignored those voices and continued with my homework. I was out being 'crazy' on Friday so I didn't get any work done. Both Karin and I were called out sick. Ichigo had to come and take us home. We had severe headaches afterward. We had dinner, where we ate "Special Curry".

Karin POV

Continuing on with the "Special Curry" dinner, there was nothing special about it. Maybe abusive, but not special. I cannot believe she would put saw dust in curry. For the love of God, you do NOT put saw dust in curry. NONE of it was edible. I just skipped dinner after that. When will that woman leave? I refuse to say her name, like I said, I swear there are evil glints in her eyes when she makes food.

That's it! Time for proper cooking lessons! YES!

Normal POV

The cake was out of the oven within 15 minutes. For some unknown reason, it held it's shape and didn't become batter. Final warning: STAY AWAY FROM DA CAKE!

Orihime POV (we are NOT enjoying this)

Now for the icing! I think I'll use glue, whipped cream, fruit juice, water, rice flour, and eggplants! (A/N /Pig-chan: I know you guys are beginning to hate this but I just want you guys to know that I am getting desperate. So that means I will use any unusual items. Also, BEWARE OF THE ICING!)

Hey! On the same shelf I got the 'poison' from I got 'rodent food poison' (pronounced roh-deent foh-od poh-ee-zon). I think it will make excellent toppings.

Normal POV

"Orihime-san?"

"Yes, Karin-chan?"

"I signed you up for cooking classes. Are you okay with that?" she looked at Orihime with puppy-dog eyes.

"Sure! Now I can broaden my horizons. Maybe I'll own a restaurant! Thanks Karin-chan!" Orihime looked like she would blow up (in happiness).

~*TIME SKIP (at dinner)*~

Ichigo POV

During dinner, Orihime announced that she would be taking cooking classes. I just sweat-dropped. If she was doing anything in those classes, she would be experimenting on the food, or looking out the window. I doubt she would learn anything in there, even though she is my fiancé. Whoever got her into those classes would surely regret it later.

Normal POV

After everyone was finished with dinner, Orihime brought out the cake. Everyone was hesitant, but slowly took a bite. At first they made ugly faces, then their eyes bulged out. Karin's face turned blue, Yuzu's face turned purple, Ichigo's face turned orange, and Isshin's face became a rainbow. The effects lasted about 7 hours. Orihime was unaffected and was happily munching on the cake.

Later that night Rukia snuck down for some cake. She was the only one, besides Orihime, who didn't turn color. Instead her face became a Chappy the Rabbit and her body became one of the other things (we'll leave it up to your imagination, if you want to). Her effects lasted 12 hours. When she transformed, she still looked like that.

Karin POV

Wow. That cake was disgusting. That tasted like…never mind. I can't think of anything to describe that. It was that bad. I'm still blue, but I found out that it became different shades of blue with my mood. Will food ever be normal for me again? I mean it. I don't want to suffer every time I eat something.

Yuzu POV

OMG! I'm purple! PURPLE! HOW COOL IS THAT! Even though the cake tasted bad I kinda wanted to be a different color. Not forever, though. Just for awhile. PUUUUURRPLEEEE!

Ichigo POV

Ha ha ha. Very funny, Writer-san. You thought that if you made me completely orange and wore green socks, I would be an upside-down carrot. Well you thought WRONG! I'm not wearing green socks! *Pig-chan zaps Ichigo's socks, turning them green*

WHAT THE HELL! I'm an upside-down carrot! DAMN YOU WRITER-SAN!

Karin POV

Well, good night I guess (not).

Pig-chan: Darn. He found me out. Oh well.

Jac-chan: ...Can cooking really do that to you?

Pig-chan: You didn't read the side note, did you?

Jac-chan: Nope, too lazy. Btw, your story is beginning to suck.

Pig-chan: I'm out of inspiration. Out of ideas. Remember, it's not planned.

Jac-chan: You put too much author notes.

Pig-chan: I'm trying to make it funny. Oh btw, I've been mentioning that kid in previous chapters. It's obvious, but see if you can guess who it is. I apologize for any bashing, errors, or OOCness.

Jac-chan: Nee-chan, you should talk less. They'll get bored with you. Readers, if you have any complaints on this suckish story please complain! She lost her touch, give her something to work with! We accept complaints, comments, compliments, and ideas.

Pig-chan: *in a corner sobbing*

Jac-chan: it's okay…shhhhhh…REVIEW! BYE BYE!

Pig-chan: Nobody cares anymore…!