Chapter 4

Sakura didn't see Kakashi for a few days after that. She could have said it was because the hospital got really busy, but that would have been only partly true.

The other part was that she was avoiding him.

His words after their spar had cut her a little too deeply; they were too close to what her traitorous inner self had been thinking for awhile now. She knew seeing him again so soon would make it all the more difficult for her to shut that inner self up, so she stayed away from his favorite haunts and went directly to and from work with no detours. She just needed time to remind herself why the life she had chosen was her best option ...

Of course, she couldn't avoid him forever.

It was early evening three days after their spar when she received a knock at her door. She set down her knife, wiped her hands on her apron, and went to open it. On the other side stood a crinkly-eyed Kakashi and a sulking Sarada.

"I believe this is yours?" Kakashi asked, gently nudging Sarada toward the door. Sarada just planted her feet, huffed and jerked her head away from him.

Kakashi's eyes got crinklier, then opened, his entire (visible) face becoming deadly serious as he turned his attention to Sakura.

When he didn't say anything, Sakura prompted him with a raised eyebrow and an impatient "Yes?"

He frowned, taking another minute to build up suspense. She rolled her eyes. Finally, he spoke gravely. "So there I was, minding my own business, napping harmlessly in a tree …"

"Lazy ass …" Sakura coughed under her breath. Sarada's sulking face broke ever so slightly into a smile, but she quickly schooled it back into place.

For his part, Kakashi pretended not to hear and continued with his story. "... napping harmlessly in a tree when I was grievously assaulted by none other than Uchiha Sarada-chan and her teammates." He paused for dramatic effect, then leaned forward, lowered his voice, and revealed the worst part: "It seems they were intent upon seeing what's under my mask."

A frustrated groan came from the direction of the short, dark-haired girl. "But it's just another mask, Mom!" Sarada interjected loudly, no small amount of outrage in her voice.

Looking at her daughter's indignant face and clenched fists, Sakura nearly burst out laughing, remembering the day when she, Naruto and Sasuke were dismayed to find the same thing. Just managing to smother her laughter, she glanced up at Kakashi and noticed that he himself was struggling to keep his face straight. His eyes met hers briefly, dancing with mirth, before he returned his attention to his attacker, who had been grumbling the entire time the adults were trying to contain themselves.

"It was baka-Boruto's idea anyway," Sarada finished with a defiant scowl.

Finally confident that she wouldn't start snickering the minute she spoke, Sakura looked sternly at her daughter. "It doesn't matter whose idea it was, Sarada, you shouldn't be attacking old men ..." She felt Kakashi glaring at her. "... napping in trees. Especially when they're retired Hokages."

"Yes, Mom," Sarada mumbled.

"Now get cleaned up for dinner. It'll be ready soon."

Sarada obediently went inside, but not without shooting Kakashi the stink-eye first. He just smiled his usual smile in return.

"You're impossible," Sakura muttered when her daughter was out of hearing range.

"I know," he replied cheerfully. "It's one of my better qualities."

"With that as one of your better qualities, it's no wonder you're so annoying to be around," Sakura retorted as she held the door open wider. "Are you staying for dinner?"

Kakashi hummed his assent and moved past her into the living room. She followed, feeling something between irritation and affection. Trust that man to say something so troubling and then show up out of the blue, acting as if nothing had happened …

A couple of hours later, dinner was finished, the dishes were cleared, and Sarada had fallen asleep on the couch. Pulling a bottle from the fridge, Sakura offered Kakashi some sake. He accepted and lowered his mask, and they poured each other a glass. The quiet in the kitchen was a peaceful one as they sat across from each other at the table, sipping their drinks.

"She seems so innocent like that," Kakashi said, looking at Sarada's sleeping face.

"She does," Sakura agreed. "It's hard to believe she's already a genin, going on missions and cooking up plots to see your face."

Kakashi nodded, the hint of a shameless smirk playing on his lips. He took another sip.

She giggled at the memory of her daughter's outraged face. "I suppose at least now I can kind of understand why you hid it all those years …"

"Cheapest entertainment available," he explained with shrug and a crooked smile.

Sakura shook her head at him admonishingly. "Sadist," she whispered.

"I heard that, Sakura-chan."

"You were s'posed to, Kaka-sensei." She stuck her tongue out at him. He just raised a silver eyebrow as they lapsed into a comfortable silence.

With the rest of the house blanketed in darkness and the sake warming her belly, everything was starting to seem a little fuzzy in the golden light of the kitchen. Sakura found herself watching Kakashi's calloused fingers loosely holding the sake cup, occasionally tracing the rim. She wondered at the fact that those fingers, which seemed so harmless wrapped around a porcelain cup, were actually among the deadliest weapons in the world. In that moment, she found it too hard to believe.

Noticing her gaze, Kakashi took his hand from the glass and rested his chin on it. Sakura's eyes followed his movement until she realized that she was staring at his stubbled jawline. Her eyes met his, and for once there was no hint of teasing in their charcoal depths. Startled by the soft way he was regarding her, she quickly looked away, but then, remembering that this was just Kakashi, she lifted her own elbow to the table and leaned her cheek against her palm, tilting her face towards his.

"I wonder what it's like to fall asleep and wake up with the one you love every day," she mused randomly, focus drifting from his face to the wall as she spoke.

Kakashi gave her profile an indecipherable look before turning away. "I wouldn't know," he said simply. His voice held no emotion.

Sakura didn't say anything for a few minutes. Eventually, curiosity getting the better of her, she asked, "Why haven't you ever been with anyone, Kakashi?"

Though her question hadn't been posed lightly, the serious atmosphere seemed to dissolve the instant his name left her lips. He returned his gaze to her, a teasing light back in his eyes. Quirking a roguish half-smile, he said deliberately, "You know ... I'm not a virgin, Sakura-chan."

"I- wh-" Sakura stuttered, a blush coloring her cheeks. Then she realized he was making fun of her, and her eyes flashed with anger. "You know that's not what I meant!" She jerked her arm off the table and turned her side to him with a huff.

At that, he began chuckling in earnest, the rare, honest chuckle she always found contagious. "You looked exactly like Sarada-chan just then," he laughed quietly, amusement written all over his face.

She swiveled back to him, trying to look indignant, but that infectious chuckle of his brought out a smile against her will. Squashing it as well as she could, she rolled her eyes at him and took a drink from her cup. "You're impossible."

"Ah," he agreed, still smiling, and lifted the sake bottle to refill her glass. She dutifully held out her cup and then refilled his.

The peaceful quiet returned once again. While Sakura watched her daughter sleep, her mind pleasantly relaxed, Kakashi watched Sakura.

After awhile, his voice broke the silence. "There always seemed to be something more important," he said, leaning back in his chair and staring blankly into his cup, tilting it toward his face.

Sakura turned to look at him. "Hm?" she asked before remembering her earlier question. "Oh-"

But before she could reply, he continued, "There was always a long-term mission, or a war, or a vacant village leader spot needing to be filled. A relationship just didn't seem as important in the face of all that."

Sakura began to protest, telling him that a relationship was always important, that there was always a way to make it work, even if you couldn't be together all the time, but something in his eyes stopped her.

"I don't want half a relationship, Sakura," he said with finality.

She could only stare at him, eyes wide, while his words seemed to echo in her stomach. He'd looked at her in a way he never had before when he spoke, a way she didn't understand, and his voice was somehow different than she'd ever heard it - lower, deeper, utterly serious. It held no vestige of his familiar light-hearted tone.

Suddenly, sharply, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Was this how his enemies felt when they faced him on the battlefield?

Abruptly breaking eye contact, Kakashi tipped his head back to empty his sake cup. He set it gently on the table and stood up. "It's late. I should head home."

Sakura nodded mutely as he walked toward the door. Reaching for the door knob, he turned to catch her eye once more. He looked like a stranger. "Thanks for dinner … it was delicious." His voice was still richly dark, and it made her feel uncomfortably warm.

When the door clicked shut behind him, Sakura let out a long breath. She had no idea what had just happened. Her hand shook as she poured herself one last glass of sake, and it shook when she raised the glass to her lips. Had that really been Kakashi?