Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor any of the characters involved in this story.

Warnings: There will be violence, adult content/situations and rude language so this is your warning if you don't like any of those things. Rating T for now but will go up to M later.

Thank you Rerezhang and Guest for reviewing :) I'm glad you liked the third chap.

So far I have up to chapter ten planned out and I am going to spend my day off tomorrow writing those chaps out and planning more.

Yami had insisted that I not return to the forest of death straight away saying it was too risky to go the very next day after being found in there. I had disagreed at first thinking Yami didn't want me to return there at all until he reminded me it had been his idea in the first place for me to train there and that he just wanted me to stop and think about the situation for a moment.

Yami was right returning the very next day probably wouldn't be the smartest move I didn't want to risk getting in trouble for being in there to often which could result in them telling my father. And that was something I did not want to happen. So I agreed with Yami that I would wait a few weeks and see if anyone approached me about having been in there.

A week passed by without being confronted by anyone which led me to start to believe that the two figures who found me in the forest either weren't going to come looking for me or were just waiting for me to return to the forest.

'Give it another week to be sure'

'Why? It's been a week and no one has said anything to me. Why cant I just go back now?'

The thought of having to wait another week before I could return to the forest of death was almost to agonizing to even think about. I wanted answers and the only way I would get them was if I went back. Just thinking about having to wait another week was causing those emotions that were not my own to change and morph into new emotions that I had never felt before.

The rage and ferocity were still there but now I could feel longing, hunger and a thirst for what I didn't know but the emotions were getting stronger by the day. It was like ever since I let that part of me take over it was making me crave something. I wasn't sure what but the only answer I could come up with was that it was causing me to have a craving for a fight. It was like it only needed me to have let it have control once before it could start slowly taking over parts of my mind making me think and want things I hadn't before.

'Do not argue Shikamaru. You will wait another week just to be safe'

I could tell Yami only wanted the best for me and I knew in the end he was right but that did not make the need to return to the forest and lesson.

Sighing in defeat I brought my attention back to the present looking up to see our sensei teaching a lesson on the Shinobi Rules all of which I already knew. How boring.

Turning my gaze away from the lesson I looked out the window to my left that pointed out into the field that sat next to the academy. A lot of lessons were taught out there seeing as there was a lot of space for practice. At the present moment there was a group of girls sitting on the grass as they listened to the Kunoichi who was teaching the lesson.

'What are they doing out there?'

'Flower arranging it's a class for pre-academy students. They are too young to attend the academy to become Kunoichi but the academy offers simple lessons like flower arranging that will help those girls blend in later in life when they become Kunoichi and are sent on infiltration missions'

'Flower arranging… sounds troublesome'

'Of cause it does you find most things troublesome'

I could hear Yami reply to me but the words did not process in my mind as something caught my attention.

Pink.

A girl maybe only a year younger than myself sat off to the side of the group alone but that wasn't what made me notice her. No it was her hair that caught my attention.

Bright bubblegum pink hair.

It fell around her like a curtain making it impossible for me to see her face as she stared down at her lap.

I could feel Yami itching to comment on my sudden interest in this girl but he wisely kept his thoughts and opinions to himself and for that I was thankful because I wasn't sure why this girl seemed to interest me. Pink hair even if it was an unusual shade wasn't exactly something that would usually hold my attention for more than a moment. But no matter how hard I tried to tear my gaze away I just couldn't.

Just one more thing to add to the growing list of things I wasn't sure if I liked or not.

'When did my life become so difficult?'

'The day you were born' I could hear the amusement behind Yami's reply, which only caused the frown that graced my lips to deepen even more.

'Shush you'

The week passed by agonizingly slow each day seemed to stretch on forever. Yami was getting annoyed at my complaining and quiet frankly so was I. I had never wanted something so badly before but be forced to wait for it. The longing and craving to return to the forest was becoming unbearable causing it to take over my mind almost completely.

I was used to having a calm mind I was a Nara I was intelligent and with that came being able to think things through clearly and have patience like no other. It was one of the things my Clan was so well-known for. So to now have my mind so disorganized and chaotic was unbearable.

'God how do I make it stop Yami!?'

'You need to find the answers to the questions you have'

Groaning I agreed silently deciding I couldn't wait until tomorrow I headed towards the road that would take me to the forest of death instead of continuing home.

I usually didn't enter this part of town on a Friday night never having not gone straight home to my forest after a day of classes at the academy so I hadn't realized how packed these parts of the streets became at this time on a Friday night.

Civilians and Shinobi alike all walked the streets either entering or exiting the many bars that lined the street. I paid none of them any mind, as I did not expect them to react any differently than usual towards me as I quickly hurried through the streets. But if I had I would have seen a set of eyes following me with their gaze.

The craving was the only thing I could focus on. I was grateful that the sun had not long set leaving me surrounded by the night's darkness allowing me to easily and quickly wrap the shadows around my body as soon as the iron fence came into view. I was to preoccupied focusing on disappearing and reappearing on the other side of the fence once I had found the right shadow to latch onto that I did not notice the figure that stood at a distance watching me.

Yami was unusually quiet but I pushed those thoughts aside coming to the conclusion that he was just letting me focus on what I needed to do.

I was restless and uneasy I had been for the past two weeks and just thinking about being able to rid myself of such feelings send a wave of excitement through my body.

Hurrying through the forest letting the shadows guide me to where they wanted me to go I clenched my fists in anticipation.

Suddenly the shadows that guided me stopped sinking back into the darkness and leaving me standing in a part of the forest that I hadn't been in before. The forest of death was eerily quiet I had taken note of that the first time I was here so I wasn't surprised that the forest around me was silent.

If it wasn't for my eyes I would have not been able to sense the animal that was not to far away from me. Nothing could hide from me in the darkness because everything in the darkness belonged to me.

The huge bear that was bearing its teeth and making its way towards me was jet black its eyes so dark that to anyone else would blend into the darkness as well as the rest of it so easily did. But its eyes were what gave it away they were as bright as the sun compared to my ebony orbs.

As it approached I felt something pull at my mind. Letting a smirk grace my lips I let the part of myself I had always kept separate take over. I would have my answers soon. After this I would finally know if I liked the feelings that this part of me made me feel. I would finally understand.

I felt my eyes sharpen even more just like they had last time. Before I couldn't see in the dark, yes I sense where things were and see better than a normal human could but I still couldn't see in the dark as if it was day. But as soon as I let that side of myself out my eyes sharpened and everything around me came into focus it was like someone had turned on a light in a dark room. I could see everything so clearly. Everything I had once been able to sense was now before me as clear as day. Yes everything had a sort of dark purple hue to it caused by the darkness but it did not hinder my ability to see but enhanced it instead. Now what I always said was true. Nothing could hide from me in the dark.

Seeing the bear was now only meters in front of me I waited for it to make the first move.

The primitive side… the animal side that I had let out caused a growl of anticipation to rip from my throat as the bear that was ten times my size lunged at me. As I sidestepping the attack with more grace than I usually possessed I felt the shadows around my hands start to harden becoming kunai.

The bear swiped at me again as I dodged backwards into the air as I threw the shadow kunai aiming for the bears front left leg. The feeling of satisfaction ran through me as the kunai lodged themselves into the bear's leg blood instantly running from the wounds.

Lifting my hand I focused on the shadow kunai as I made them slowly begin to change back into their true form. The shadows imbedded into the bears leg began to wrap violently around its form as it roared in agony.

I liked that… I liked that sound.

Now that I had some of my shadows attached to its body I focused more shadows to combine with the original shadow. I knew I could do this quickly by just stealing the bears shadow and killing it instantly by tearing its soul right from its body but I didn't want it to be a quick or clean kill.

To caught up in the moment I failed to notice the man sitting on the branch above watching me instruct the shadows that were coming from the forest floor to wrap around the bears body completely causing it to let our the most enjoyable sounds of pain.

With my arm outstretched in front of me I slowly started to close my hand forming a fist. The more I closed my hand the tighter the shadows became cutting into the bears flesh causing blood to spray out from the wounds left behind.

This bear would die that was for curtain. Whether it was from blood loss or from something else entirely was up to me.

And suddenly a new emotion washed over me. I had never felt anything like it before and I wasn't sure exactly what it meant. But it was urging me to do something. Retreating into my mind I focused on that feeling needing to decipher what it meant. But what I found shocked me.

The need to kill.

That was what that emotion was. It was the craving to kill this creature in the slowest and most painful way I could. The pure need to violently kill this bear and see its blood splattered around me.

And that was when the answers I had looked for became crystal clear.

I had been wrong in my assumption that it had been the fighting that part of me was craving. No it wasn't the fighting at all that I was craving.

The longing, hunger and a thirst I had felt since I first let my other side take over was the craving, the need to brutally kill anything that defied me or came in the way of what I wanted.

'You have every answer but one' Yami broke my train of thought with his statement obviously not being able to hold back any longer 'Do you like it'

Did I? Did I like this hunger to kill that was coursing through my veins burning red-hot with need. Did I like such a primitive feeling? Did I want this? How could I answer any of these questions unless I gave in completely and brutally killed this creature before me to see if I indeed liked these feelings?

'Do it'

Having Yami's approval was the final push I needed to clench my fist closed tighter than necessary my blunt nails digging into the skin of my palm cutting in and leaving blood to run trough my fingers down my arm dripping onto the forest floor below me.

As soon as my first clenched the shadows tightened at an alarming pace putting so much pressure onto the bear that the explosion of blood, guts and shadows should have surprised me but it didn't. Blood splattered the area around me as well as myself. Lowering my hand to my side I relished in the feeling of blood running down my skin.

So the only question left to answer was did I like it?

Yes.

Yes I liked it, yes I wanted more and yes I had ever intention of having more.

Yami had told me on more than one occasion that I would be the most powerful and greatest Shinobi this world has ever seen. And even though I used to argue that I just wanted to be an average Shinobi I have always known he was right and that I had little choice in the matter. But how can I become that man who Yami insists I will one day become if I am fighting with myself? Fighting to keep a part of me at bay.

This part… this part of me that lusted to kill that lusted for blood. It was a part of me a part of me that I needed and wanted to accept.

My mind shouldn't be slip into parts. There shouldn't be parts to begin with. They should be all one. I wasn't scared anymore.

'Maybe they are separate for a reason Shikamaru'

'What reason could that be?'

'Maybe because you cannot control this side of you. You have always had such good control over your powers because of your superior intellect. But you can't control this part of you. You have been a mess ever since you let it out. Your behavior as been erratic. You have been restless and uneasy I don't even know when you slept last. Maybe its separate because your mind wants to protect you from itself'

'I don't care' I thought stubbornly 'I don't care if I can't control it… I don't want to control it! I like the way it makes me feel. I have never felt anything except loneliness, seclusion and heartache. So maybe I just want to feel something different for a change! All my life I have been hated and shunned just because I was born. No one knows what true loneliness is until they have lived a day in my shoes. Maybe I don't want to hurt anymore! I have never hated anyone for the way they treat me but this side of me wants to hate them… This part of me wants to give them a real reason to be scared of me… They think I'm a monster! So why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I give them what they want! Why shouldn't I become the monster that I apparently already am?'

My words were filled with the rage that I was feeling. I knew Yami only wanted the best for me and always tried to steer me in the right direction but this time he was wrong. This time there was only one direction I could go. And I planned to follow that direction and see where it leads me. Good or bad it didn't matter as long as I could continue feeling these new emotions. I didn't want to hurt anymore… I wanted to feel something other than loneliness… my heart couldn't take another day of this. I had once wanted someone to love me. Wanted someone to except me for who I am. I had once foolishly hoped my father would be that person. If no one could except me or love me then why should I hope for it when I knew I would only be left hurt in the end.

I was sick of being alone because of something I had no say in. I was sick of being hated because of who I am. I was sick of it all. Of the loneliness, the judgment, the whispers and the glares… I was just sick of it. I did not ask to be born…. Didn't ask for my Clan's ninjutsu to mutate and leave me with my eyes and my abilities. I didn't ask for any of it!

Because I didn't need them I only needed Yami and myself. Because to them I was just a reminder of the past that they wish would disappear. I didn't need them… I didn't need their love even though I knew they would never give it… no I didn't need their love or care.

So if they couldn't learn to love or care for me then I refused to love and care for them anymore. Love only yourself… If I only loved myself then I couldn't be hurt or let down anymore… Love only yourself… yes I liked how that sounded.

'I hope you know what your doing'

That's the thing I didn't know what I was doing. No six-year-old should have to have lived the life I have so it was understandable that when I was offered something new something better than the life I lived now I was going to snap and take it.

My decision made I closed my eyes and retreated into my mind. Finding the barrier that separated my mind from this other part of me I noticed a crack in its surface. So that is how it got out. That was how I had been able to get a taste of it. Looking beyond the barrier I saw the darkness that swirled there waiting to be let out. Focusing I let my mind think of only one thing.

Tear down this barrier and become one mind.

Slowly the crack in the surface of the barrier began to grow. Slitting as it went until cracks were finally covering the surface. And that's when it began to crumble and the darkness that was once trapped leapt out and flooded my mind covering every inch before it started to seep in and disappear from sight. When it was finally gone I opened my eyes to only realize I had retained my sharpened eyesight.

My mind no longer felt like two halves.

That barrier hadn't only kept emotions locked away I realized as I stared down at my hands where the shadows swirling violently around my fingertips. They seemed to crackle with the pure power that was rolling off me in waves.

I was powerful before but never to this extent.

This is who I was… this is who I am… and I didn't want to control it.

Finally having the answers I wanted I let the shadows consume me so I could quickly retreat to my forest. So caught up in the new emotions and the new power that had been unleashed I did not notice the eyes that watched me disappear into thin air.

A/N - So I wrote this chapter like three times and I'm still not sure I'm happy with the result. I know my writing style is a bit different from others, basically its all over the place lol I know. So sorry about that I have tried to make it a little less messy. Anyway I'm not exactly happy with how this chapter turned out but it gets across what I needed to to move on with the real story. Gotta get all this beginning stuff outa the way so we can move onto the better stuff!

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