4
Lara wanted to be beside Ana, to be there for her. But Lara didn't know how to act around her sister anymore. She couldn't take this. She was so stressed. She was trying to protect her sister, hide this secret from the Kejin, and trying to trust Stefan again. She ran out of the hospital room and into the waiting room, her breath whooshing out of her mouth. She needed air. Stefan sent an apologetic look to the doctor and followed Lara, grabbing her arm to make her face him.
"Sit down." Stefan steered her to a chair and nudged her into it, then gently pushed her head between her knees. "Breathe deeply. It's okay." He rubbed her back, feeling the tremors there.
"I don't know what to do…" She murmured.
"It's not your fault Lara. Whatever you think, it's not your fault. Just the wrong place at the wrong time." But already Lara was shaking her head. Stefan could see her shaking had spread to her arms and hands. Her breath was still whooshing out of her mouth as she covered her head with her hands.
"They did this purposely. She's my sister, and the Kejin's always out to hurt me. Add two and two. You honestly think they wouldn't do something like this?" From the muffled sound f Lara's voice, Stefan knew that she was near tears.
"I'm not stupid. Obviously they could do something like that; I don't doubt it. But they want your cooperation, not your resistance." Stefan said.
"But they want to hurt me. You know that Stefan. They've had it in for me ever since they recruited me. They'll do anything to hurt me." Lara spoke so quietly Stefan almost didn't hear her.
"Look at me." Stefan said, taking out a handkerchief from the breast pocket of his suit, which had taken the place of his jacket in his haste to get to Lara. She hadn't sounded herself in the message. He handed it to her when she lifted her head. Her eyes were red, her skin blotchy. Her cheeks were wet with the tears that she had silently shed.
"You've been through more than anyone else I know… you're entitled to show your emotions from time to time, you know." Lara nodded as she dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief.
"I'm scared." She said quietly. Stefan saw how much that admission cost her. She blushed from embarrassment. She avoided Stefan's gaze as she continued. "I'm scared that one day the Kejin will give me an assignment that will kill me, and then I won't be able to protect Ana."
Her face crumpled as tears once again fell silently down her face. "You absolutely cannot say anything about my relation to Ana. If the Kejin finds out… I don't know what'll happen." She leaned against Stefan, who put an arm around her.
"I won't say anything Lara. You can trust me." He said, rubbing his hand up and down her arm soothingly.
"I… I have dreams. Nightmares that I get turned into a vampire. I don't want that to happen." She kept shaking her head. "They seem so real." She shuddered.
"I have them too. I think it comes with the job description." Stefan said. He'd had nightmares for a month straight, and they had been so bad, he'd had to see a therapist. He'd been unable to eat, drink, or sleep for that month. They'd been so real then, too. He didn't get them any more. Hardly.
"I feel so bad about it, not talking to Ana, but I need to keep her safe. Now that's gone completely out the window." She said sadly, wringing her hands; something she only did when she was stressed.
"Stop worrying. It'll only eat you up and take over. Just… you need to stop thinking about it." Stefan said. She was still shaking. Without a word he took her into his arms, her legs draped across his lap. Lara struggled for a moment.
"Shhhh. It's ok." Stefan said. Lara slowly stopped struggling and took the comfort Stefan offered.
"I remember you having those dreams." She murmured.
"And you helped me overcome them, to go see the therapist. I would still be having those dreams if it weren't for you. Just let me help you with this." He murmured against her ear, making their conversation as private as possible. They both fell silent, remembering that month, that horrible time.