Hey guys! I got more writing done at my Grandma's than I thought I would, next the weekend I'll be devoid of Internet... And English... So I won't be able to write starting Thursday...

I started another story, too , if anyone's interested. Naturally it's Malec, and I probably won't be updating every ten days (as I try to do with this one) but I'll slowly write it in between this one and my other monster story. (That one's for a different fandom)

As an annon asked, no, I don't have any other Malec hidden away on another website. (I haveFrerard stashed away... But that doesn't count.) I'll try to wite you more Malec on here though so I can build up my portfolio ;)

And if anyone has any kinks that they'd like me to write about in my new story... tell me. I'm trying to get them to have sex once a chapter or so. :D

We need to celebrate... Alec and Magnus make progress in their relationship.

Dinner is uneventful, and Alec and Magnus don't speak to each other as they mutely prepare for sleep. Alec goes to the bathroom to change, Magnus not really giving a fuck, and they climb into bed for sleep. Alec really needs it. But he shouldn't… He can't have the nightmares again.

He tries to keep his eyes peeled open, tries to keep his heavy lids from drooping. But he has no success, he always did sleep a lot. The curtains of sleep eventually fall on his worn and broken seeing devices. So, so broken with the pain and treatment he's had to endure. His mind broke so badly the day of the incident happened he can't even see the world with the same eyes any longer. A jagged layer of broken glass covers his seeing lense, and too many pieces have been imbedded in his eyes for the fragments to be safely removed, and Alec isn't going to risk getting them out.

As Alec falls into slumber, he starts to dream. No, it can't even be called a dream. He starts to remember, starts to focus his ugly mind on the past he knows, the past he's lived through in his nightmares far too often. As much as he hates it, Alec starts to think about the incident.

Magnus groans, turning over in his bed. He looks at the clock with sleep riddled eyes. It's early. Too early to be awake, hell, early enough for some people (coughpartyanimalscough) to be going to bed. Or to sleep, as they may have been in bed doing other activities…

Magnus hears a whimper from the bed next to him, and he panics for a moment before he realizes he has a roommate. Stupid prick, waking him up in the middle of the goddamn night. Should be illegal. Punishable by death. Keeping Magnus from his beauty sleep.

"Please… no…" He hears Alec whimper again. "I didn't… I didn't…"

Magnus sighs. It's going to be a long night if he has to listen to these whimpers all night. Maybe he should just wake up his roommate and tell him to stick a cork in it. Shut his pie hole, etc. It could be a decent use of energy.

"Stop! Stop! Oh GOD, STOP!" Alec screams, thrashing about his bedcovers. Magnus nearly jumps a foot in shock, but quickly pulls himself out of bed to wake his roommate. He shakes the teen until his baby blue eyes snap open and he pushes Magnus away from himself. There are tears pouring down his eyes in thin ribbons of fear and suffering, eyes wide as he pants, trying to regain his breath.

"Are you okay?" Magnsu asks after a moment, though he knows his roommate isn't alright. Maybe it is just a nightmare, maybe there's nothing more to it but Alec is obviously scared out of his wits. He's not o-fucking-kay.

Alec nods, still short on breath. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep."

Magnus raises an eyebrow. "Really? That was nothing? So thrashing around in your sleep and screaming is nothing?"

Magnus is not convinced.

Alec sighs. "Look, just drop it. It's none of your business what I can and can't handle. I'm fine, or I will be soon. Just leave me alone."

Magnus' eyebrow remains raised as he places one hand on his hip, making the universal 'bitch, please' look at his obviously demented roommate. "Uh huh. Well, considering you woke me up in the middle of the goddamn night screaming and I had to shake you awake, I would consider it my business and you obviously can't handle it."

Alec averts his gaze from Magnus, taking a shaky breath. "Look, please just let it go. I'm not going to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it, so please let it be."

Magnus sighs. "You know I'll find out eventually, right? I'm not king of this school for nothing."

Alec bites his lip before whispering "I know." and climbing back into his bed. This time, though, he doesn't fall asleep. His eyes have almost been glued open with the prospect of another dream, a whole round once again with the monster that forces Alec to scream in his sleep. He doesn't want to go through that repeating loop again, he doesn't need that torture. He's not that much of a masochist.

Alec's better rested on his second day of school than the first, and Magnus is considerably more curious about Alec. The nightmares, could they have something to do with his cold behavior? Or is he just a pussy-eating idiot? It's an interesting puzzle to attempt to piece together, but Magnus doesn't have anywhere near enough parts to begin construction. He can just stare at all the oddly matching pieces and hope to find two that fit together. So far he hasn't had much luck. He's resorted to his back up plan; thinking Alec is a waste of space until he can be figured out. But an interesting waste of space, one for observation. Who knew wastes of space could be so confusing?

Alec heads out to the cafeteria before lessons, and Magnus follows once he's properly jazzed up in fashion and glitter for the day. He gets an apple and a coffee for breakfast, spotting Camille and making his way towards her. He sits down next to his friend, but quickly scans the room for Alec. He finds the boy with his eyes, sitting at a table in the corner of the room, all alone. He looks sad, Magnus notes. Oh well. That's what he gets for being a prick. If Alec was nicer, maybe Magnus would let him sit with him and Camille at the popular table, but no.

"I don't like him." Camille says, following Magnus' gaze. "He's rather rude. Very touchy. But... Hm. There's something about him that I can't quite place."

Magnus nods, carefully watching as Alec takes a sip from a steaming coffee mug. The liquid must be hot, but the blue eyed teen doesn't seem to care. "Yeah. He doesn't seem to like to talk about himself much."

"It's kind of annoying when you want to know more about him."

"Mhm. Last night he was screaming and thrashing around in his sleep but he wouldn't even tell me what it was about. I had to wake him up. Kind of pissed me off."

"He's a strange boy. Be careful around him." Camille warns.

Magnus shrugs. "He doesn't seem that dangerous."

"He wouldn't tell me if he's homophobic or not. You should be careful. He doesn't seem like he'll do anything for a while at least, but he might... and I don't want you to get hurt."

Magnus chuckles. "Dear Camille, while I do believe he might be just a bit insane, I don't think he's that kind of insane."

"Why not?" Camille asks, her brow furrowed.

Magnus shrugs. "I just don't think he'd touch me willingly. If he is homophobic, he's the kind that won't really do anything about his fears. He freaked out on both of the occasions that I've touched him, so I don't think he'd hurt me."

"Whatever you say, Magnus. But do be careful, won't you?" Camille requests. Magnus nods his acceptance and they turn away from Alec, their mindless chatter about gossip and nothing at all filling their mouths, but their minds are still fixed on Alec. Alec. He's a mystery that they both want to solve, that's for sure.

Alec finds a desk in the English classroom and sinks down into the seat, on time, resting his head in his palm. He stares blankly ahead at the black chalk-board, waiting for the class to begin. After a moment, it does, and Alec is watching the teacher explain the difference between a metaphor and a simile. The class project for the day is to write a poem using a metaphor. Alec really doesn't want to, but with a sigh and heavy fingers, he begins his poem.

Life is but a dream

as we watch each day go by

we want to change the outcome,

but we can only watch

Stricken by grief, stricken by pain

Life was all a dream, so

put

me

to

sleep.

Alec sighs, looking down at the poem. It doesn't satisfy him, but nothing really satisfies him anymore. He shouldn't be writing poetry, doing anything that shows he has tastes in things. Except music, he can get away with music. It's just noise to some people, and as long as he doesn't listen to it with others he can show off his tastes. Music is an exception to the rule. Music helped get him into the mess he made with the incident, but it also made him strong enough to survive. It doesn't have to make sense, it just has to work.

Alec closes his eyes, daring himself to remember the incident he hates so much. It's stupid, but he's trying to get over it. He can't handle the nightmares, but maybe if he goes through it again while he's awake, it'll go away. But, same as usual, as soon as he remembers those hands coming towards him, on his skin, his eyes snap open and his breathing quickens. He shouldn't be trying this, and in English class no less... What if he had a freak out? Everyone would know that there's something wrong with him, that he's dirty and disgusting. Enough people already know that, he doesn't need more hate thrown upon him.

"Alec?" The teacher calls, and Alec notices that the man has appeared in front of Alec's desk, looking at him with semi-concerned eyes. "Are you okay?"

Alec nods. "Y-yeah..." His voice is hoarse an broken, his eyes still not having quite lost that terrified look.

"Are you sure? You don't seem to be alright. Would you like to go to the nurse?"

Alec shakes his head, taking a deep breath. "I'm fine."

Mr. Sundlin nods, pursing his lips as he looks over his pupil for a moment. "Can I read your poem?"

"... Sure." Alec says. He doesn't know what makes him say it. He doesn't like the poem, he doesn't like any of his poetry. But maybe he's screaming silently for someone to help him. No, that can't be it. He doesn't need help. He's perfectly fine. There's nothing wrong with him.. nothing at all. Yeah. He's fine.

Lunch. Alec sits in the corner once again, picking at a meat pie. He hasn't really had as big of an appetite as he used to since the incident. He notices the blonde that called herself Magnus' friend sitting at a table surrounded by other students, laughing and joking. It isn't Magnus' lunch hour, Alec notes, as the sparkly teen is obviously absent from the mix. There are jock-types, you can tell by their muscular builds and presence, and the cheerleader-types, some, but not all, wearing less clothing than the school dress code should allow. Then there are people like Camille, who fit in with the group, but don't really seem to fit very well into the sub-categories of the clique. Camille has too much presence to not be in the group, and if she wasn't in the group she would probably create a better group on her own. Alec has the feeling Magnus is in a similar category as Camille, shining too brightly to be left alone by the obvious rulers of the school.

Alec used to fit, somewhat unhappily, into that clique, along with his siblings, before he quit all the sports he was in. He was there, laughing at their jokes and always being uncomfortable with the dirty jokes they made, always just being generally uncomfortable. But he left that behind, and he's glad for it. He doesn't have to hear about who has the biggest dick, who's best in bed, who'll give a blowjob on command. Alec doesn't need that. He probably couldn't stand it, actually. Not with the guilt that consumes his mind, not after the incident. He stopped doing "popular" before the incident, and now he can't do it. He can't be that kid again. He needs to keep his head low, stay out of trouble and sight. He needs to stay safe, he needs to keep to himself alive. He's not jealous that everyone over there is laughing and having a good time, he's not jealous of all the smaller cliques or banded together outcasts that laugh and joke with one another.

He's not jealous. He's not. He has no right to be. He dug this grave he's in by himself, and he's going to keep living in it until no one can even tell its a hole in the ground, all they'll see is a home if that's what he has to do to stay safe, he's going to do it.

Anything to stay alive, he'll do what it takes to survive because he's still here. He's still alive and not planning on changing that, no matter how many cuts he gouges into his wrists he's not going to take his own life. Because somewhere in him, his opinions thrive and his desires for rebellion are still a blazing flame that can't be extinguished no matter the hate shoved at him. He needs to stay alive, prove to everyone that death will never take him alive. Because it never will. Alec's stronger now than he ever has been, he's determined not to care about anything except music. He can't show his misery by committing suicide. He can't commit suicide, he needs to keep himself alive and spite his parent. Let them know they have to live with him, and broken and quiet as he may be he's still Alec, no matter what they know about him now he's still the same person. He's still human, even if he's trying to erase his emotions.

It doesn't have to make sense. It shouldn't make sense for the most effective outcome. Let them scratch their heads in curiosity, in confusion. Let all Hell break loose on them and their bodies. Let them feel lost, let them feel a fraction of what Alec felt when the incident happened. Let them rot for what they did.

Alec went to the library after dinner, intent on studying. He got lost in a whirl of new textbooks and information to absorb, so lost he didn't even noticing people were watching him until the girl from lunch yesterday, Magnus' friend, sat on the table he was studying at. He looks up at her, lips pursed.

"What do you want? I'm trying to study."

She laughs. "On a Friday night? How sad, I must say. I think I've got a better offer."

"I'm not interested."

"Oh, I think you will be." She seems so confident in herself. "I'm throwing a party tonight. Just a little thing. As the new kid, it would be beneficial for you go and meet new people, so, will you come?"

"No." Alec says rather bluntly.

"Hm? Are you sure?" She asks, a delicate eyebrow raised.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'd prefer to keep away from attention, and you reek of it."

She smiles, but it's a cold smile. Calculating. "Don't you think you'll draw more attention to yourself if you turn me down? I'm not used to being rejected, you see. It could be quite the scandal. Besides, I refuse to leave until you say yes, and heads have already turned our way."

Alec sighs. "Fine."

"Well, then I'll see you in my room at eight. Magnus can give you directions. I'm Camille."

"Alec." Alec says, frowning at her.

"I know." She smiles and walks out of the library with swinging hips, a detail that is lost to Alec. He sighs. He has to get back to studying.

Magnus sighs, looking over his roommate. He really is a lost cause, and not because he has one of the fuckiest personalities ever. "You're going to Camille's party in that?"

It was simply unheard of to go to one of Camille's celebrations (celebrations of alcohol, what else?) in normal day time clothes. Black semi-skinny jeans and a band shirt. Nuh-uh. It ain't gonna cut it, sweet heart.

"Yes." Alec says, an eyebrow raised. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"It simply isn't done." Magnus sighs. "Don't you have anything... tighter? Or colorful?"

Alec frowns. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it does." Magnus huffs. "Now put on something sexy."

"No."

Magnus frowns. "Go change."

Alec sighs but obeys, walking into the bathroom to put on really (fucking) tight skinnies and a low cut slim-fit t-shirt. This is so stupid. He doesn't even want to go to the party.

Magnus whistles as Alec walks out of the bathroom. Alec just looks at him.

"What?" Magnus shrugs. "You look sexy. I'm gay. Entitlements, my friend."

"I'm not your friend."

"Right, right. Homophobic. Sorry, I forgot. Can't be friends with the fag." Magnus rolls his eyes.

"Don't call yourself that." Alec says without really thinking about it. Shit. Did he really just say that?

Magnus raises his eyebrows. "Oh?"

Alec refuses to look at him. "Let's go to the party."

Camille's room is blasting music, you can hear it from down the hall. Why the school hall patrols don't stop her from hosting such an event is beyond Alec, but Magnus has been around long enough to know that as long as you have a little pocket money you're willing to give up you can get away with just about anything. Considering this is a private school filled with children of well-off, if not down right filthy rich families, a lot is gotten away with. It's scandalous.

When they walk into Camille's room, Alec isn't that surprised to see a sea of bodies dancing around, Camille and her roomate's beds pushed up against the wall in the dim light. The music is too loud for Alec (mostly because he's not fond of the songs. He can still hear people chatting [and moaning.] over the steady beat.) and it smells like a mixture of sweat and alcohol. It's kind of gross, watching some people bring the phrase "getting cozy with your classmates" to an entirely new level. The kind of party Alec would rather be left out of, not having to watch people he's seen in the halls or his classes grind against each other. He's going to see Max tomorrow, and he doesn't want to be disgusting for it. He'll have to shower, no doubt. Multiple times.

"Here." Camille says, appearing out of what seems to be nowhere with two clear plastic cups filled with... something that reeks of alcohol. Magnus takes a sip of his, but Alec doesn't follow. He does not want a hangover tomorrow. So he just awkwardly holds his cup, looking around the crowded room.

"I'm here. Can I leave now?" Alec asks his hostess.

Camille frowns. "No. Have a drink. Get drunk. Then you can leave."

Alec sighs. "I'd really rather not. I have to meet my baby brother tomorrow, and I'd prefer not to be hung over."

"You have a brother?" Magnus asks, surprised. He really can't imagine Alec having anyone but himself.

Alec frowns. "I have two brothers. And a sister. Now, please, can I leave."

"No." Camille says again. "You're getting drunk."

"What the Hell." Alec shrugs, throwing back the entire cup of disgustingly flavoured alcohol. Camille and Magnus just stare at him. He shrugs. "If I'm gonna get drunk, I'm going to do it as fast as I can and then leave."

"Why'd you invite him here, Camille?" Magnus asks his friend over the loud music.

"I wanted to see what he'd be like drunk." Camille shrugged. "A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts."

Magnus nods. "So true. He did something interesting earlier."

"Oh?" Camille's eyebrow lifts. "What did he do that intrigued my dear Magnus so much?"

"Well, I called myself a fag and he told me not to do so." Magnus grins. "It looks like an accident, too. Like it was just something he let slip without thinking about it. Maybe he's not a homophobe after all."

Alec's drunk. He knows he's drunk, and he's dancing with some girl. She asked him, and he just didn't feel like saying no. It's not very fun, as Alec's never liked dancing much, and she's getting annoyed that he's not touching her, but what the hell. He should go sit down.

He wanders across the room, sitting himself down on one of the out-of-the-way beds, watching everyone else. There's dancing, and it's dirty, people leaving with their mouths (and other parts) locked together to their own rooms, and some people chatting with drinks in their hands. Alec shouldn't have drank so much. He shouldn't have listened to Camille. But he didn't want to think, didn't want to have to go through this nightmare of a party without something to take the edge off everything.

"Hey, Alec. Like the party?" Magnus asks, sitting down next to Alec. He's just been sipping at one cup all night, so he's maybe a bit tipsy but he's not drunk. Quite clear thoughts he has, actually.

"No." Alec says quite bluntly, but he doesn't really care. He's drunk, and he's usually rude, but he's not yet to the point of slurring his words.

"That's too bad."

Alec shrugs. "I knew I wouldn't like it when I came. I've never like things like this. Izzy was always trying to get me to come to parties, and every time I did it just wasn't very fun."

"And Izzy is..?" Magnus prompts.

Alec smiles. "My sister."

"You like your sister a lot,don't you?" MAgus asks.

"Yeah. I've taken care of her for as long as I can remember because my... my parents were never around." Alec has trouble forcing the word parents out of his mouth.

"Ah. That sucks." Magnus decides. "So. What do you think about me?"

"You're very sparkly." Alec giggles. Magnus can't help but look at his roommate with wide eyes. He giggled. Dear Lord, what is this world coming to? The heterosexual male has started giggling. "And.. and pretty. I like that you're taller than me. It doesn't really happen too often... I like that."

Unless the world is very much mistaken, Alec Lightwood is smiling. The rude bastard is smiling, giggling, and calling Magbus pretty. Wait. Calling Magnus pretty? That's not something most heterosexuals would... oh. It snaps for Magnus. Alec isn't straight at all. He's probably just... closeted.

"Do your parents know you're gay?" Magnus asks abruptly.

Alec tenses, his eyes darkening. "My... Parents? I'd really like to not call them my parents... Not after what they did."

Magnis' brow furrows. "What did they do?"

Alec turns away. "I'd rather not talk about it. I think I'm going to head back to the room... I'll see you later."