Short authors note before we start… I'm sorry it took me so long to update. With all the mess I have to deal with right now most of the time I really don't feel like writing. Poor Jane, being in love with your best friend is hard, believe me I know. But there will be a good ending for her so don't worry too much.
I don't know when I'll update again; hate promising something I can't keep so I won't make any promises at all…

The characters are not mine as usually…

-R&I-

How could I be so stupid?

Meanwhile, Maura just sat there, thinking if she understood right what happened a few moments ago. Did Jane say what the doctor thinks she said, could it be? The honey blonde didn't like guessing, and she wasn't good at it either. The only way to find out is talking to the detective.
Maura slowly made her way to the kitchen. Jane was standing with her back to her, gripping the counter so hard that her knuckles turned white.

The detective heard her friend coming. Not ready to face her yet, without turning back, "could you please give me a moment?" she asked.

"Jane…"

"Please Maur… I just…" just what? Can't keep my mouth shut? Her voice sounded lower than usual, like something was stuck in her throat and didn't let her voice come out naturally. "I really need a moment right now." She finished.

The honey blonde didn't want to give up but she knew that pushing her friend into the corner won't do any good in this situation, so she poured herself another glass of wine and turned back to the living room. "Okay Jane, I'll go and find something to watch, join me when you're ready." And she left.

About forty minutes of pacing in the kitchen later, after bottle and half of beer and few shots of tequila she found, the dark hair detective finally made her way back to the living room. She found her friend, still trying to find a movie.

"Found anything yet?" she asked, trying to come as far as she could from talking about what was said earlier.

"I don't know… Did you have something in mind?" to tell the truth, she didn't care at all right now, she just wanted to see if her assumption was right. "Jane, you were the one that said we can talk about anything… Just tell me."

Realizing Maura wouldn't take no as an answer, she took a deep breath. And another one, and one more… "I really don't know where to start… I don't think there is a right time to tell you something like that, but I think it's the worst timing ever. Can't we just forget it?" the honey blonde shook her head no and Jane who was too drunk to stop herself went on, "I have feelings for you. I have them for years now, and I can't wait until you find your prince charming so maybe I'll be able to let it go seeing how happy you are with him. I love you, Maura, and I hate to see you this hurt when there is nothing I can do. I hate seeing you with someone else, I hate hoping this someone is the one when I want you for myself, and most of all I hate not knowing if I should be happy after you break up because he won't take you away from me or to cry with you."

If she was one to guess, Maura would think Jane was about to tell she had a crush on her, but being in love? It was a little shocking.
Or maybe not.

The doctor sat quietly, lost in her thoughts, not knowing what to reply or how long she sat there without saying a word. If she was completely honest, she did think about how it would be having a romantic relationship with the detective, but never with too much seriousness, thinking it could never be.
Seeing her friend so quiet, Jane started to panic, "I told you we should forget about it. I've ruined, now it will be awkward between us and I'm going to lose the best friend I ever had…"

"Jane…"

Tears were streaming down Jane's eyes, unable to control her emotions any longer she was pouring unstoppable rant out of her mouth, "I really didn't mean to tell you any of this…"

"Jane…" the doctor tried again but still with no success to get her friends attention.

"It just slipped out. I guess it was too much for me keeping it a secret for so long… and it's all Ma's fault 'tell her how you feel' yeah, since when listening to her is a good idea?" she was talking more to herself than Maura now…

"You told your MOTHER and didn't tell ME?" she said it a little louder than she intended and maybe sounded a little angry, because now Jane had a scared look in her eyes. Maura wasn't really angry, she was just confused… "Why didn't you tell me, Jane?" she asked softly this time.

Jane, who until now was walking in circles in the living room, stopped looking more defeated than Maura ever saw her. Not trusting herself to look at the blonde in front of her, "I didn't want you to hate me. I guess it's too late now." She said looking at the floor.

Maybe it's the alcohol or the emotional breakdown. Or it could be the two of them together. Suddenly the room was spinning, her eyesight went black and Jane felt herself falling.

She felt so warm, so relaxed. She didn't want this feeling to end. It was like floating, covered with soft wadding clouds. The cool wind caressing her face, lightly bowing her hair. So quiet, so peaceful… it's the way she imagined heaven inside her head, but if it's heaven she must be... no she can't be. Could she?
The detective could hear a voice from far away but couldn't make out the words. The voice was getting closer yet she couldn't see anyone.

"Jane… honey, can you hear me?" the voice was so beautiful and gentle. If it is heaven maybe she can hear the angels singing. Here it is again, it sounds so familiar. Jane tries to answer but she can't make any sound.

"Jane, please wake up…" She knew this voice. It's Maura…
Maura is heaven…
Maura… all the events were slowly coming back to her. She stayed with her eyes closed, trying to delay the moment when she has confront the reality. And the reality is that the honey blonde hates her now.
Her heaven slowly turning to hell.

-R&I-

Shorter chapter this time, and I know it's not fair after the long wait but it felt right to end it here.
Hope the next chapter will be up soon and maybe it will get closer to Rizzles.