Disclaimer: I don't own Sky High, or any of its canon characters.
Chapter Four- Learning to Deal
I spent three hours working the register at Maxville's Value Mart, an activity that left too much opportunity for my musings. As much as I tried to, getting the image of Paul out of my head proved impossible. I fought to convince myself that it was nothing more than an awful dream. But the vividness of it was too much to ignore- the cold night air on my skin, the unease of it, and his face…his face. So sickly gray, so hollow-eyed, so horrifyingly beautiful…
I shook my head gently. I had to keep myself in the present, not live in the tragedy of the past. Nothing good could possibly come of that.
"Anna?"
I flinched slightly. It was Darcy my co-worker. "Mr. Frederick says you can go on your lunch break now. I'll take over."
"Oh, thanks." I meant to sound upbeat, but the words came out vague, distant.
Five minutes later, I was sitting on a bench at the nearby bus stop, unwrapping a turkey sandwich. The employees' lounge was far too small and cramped for my liking. My co-workers thought I was weird for eating at a bus stop of all places. But I didn't care. It was a good place to people-watch and enjoy the remaining summer weather.
I thought about the last couple of months. Most kids like me had enrolled in Hero summer camp, or had travelled with their family to cities well known for its famous Heroes or Hero history. Some I knew would even have gone with their parents on active duty to the less risky field operations to see firsthand how the Hero job was done.
Last summer Paul and I had enrolled in Hero summer camp. It was our own private world where we could be ourselves in the open and not just powers- wise. We became Paul and Anna, best friends not Paul and Anna, Heroes-in-training. It was special to us.
I knew I'd never enroll in Hero summer camp again. In any case, I thought, I was probably getting too old for it now.
This summer was a monotonous routine of home school and work. I never even went out on a family trip to the movies, even though my parents had pleaded with me to go somewhere, anywhere with them. I'd simply lost interest…without Paul, what was the point of any of it?
"So, your shift's over?"
I glanced up. Warren was holding a bag of groceries in each arm, squinting down at me in the bright sunlight.
My mouth was full, so I shook my head. "I'm on lunch break," I explained as soon as I swallowed.
He raised an eyebrow at me but sat down, resting the bags on the bench in the space between us. "How's the paper coming along?"
"Finished it," I answered immediately, trying not to sound too smug.
Warren threw me an incredulous glance. "The whole thing? That was a six-page report."
"A burst of inspiration and too much time on my hands can work wonders," I told him wryly, popping the tab on my can of coke. "What's up with you anyways? Aren't you working today?"
"I'm on the late shift," he explained, glancing up the street to see if the bus was coming.
"Oh." Several seconds went by, as I deliberated briefly and finally came to a decision.
"Warren, can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
Clearing my throat nervously, I ventured, "Have you ever had a dream that was so vivid…you could have sworn was it real?"
"Yeah, that's happened a couple of times. But it's not exactly out of the ordinary."
"No, you don't understand. I mean, a dream that was…real. Like it actually happened."
My pitch was just a bit too high, my tone a little too insistent. Warren was blatantly confused. "Arrian, what are you trying to say?"
My sudden emotion had taken me by surprise – I wondered if I'd said too much. I found myself backtracking. "Nothing, I guess. It was just a thought I had. Forget it."
He didn't look convinced. "You sure?"
"Yeah." I didn't believe I could get him to understand, since I didn't fully understand it myself. It was better to let it go.
The bus pulled up in front of us. Warren stood and picked up his bags, glancing at me with mild concern. "Okay…well, see you in school."
"See you."
As the bus pulled away, a dark uneasiness settled on me.
xxxxx
There were no dreams of Paul that night. I forced myself to keep busy with study, work and chores. But when I went to bed, I couldn't help but think about the dream. And the more I thought about it, the more absurd it became to me. It was only a dream, a manifestation of the trauma I'd suffered because of Paul's death. I made up my mind not to think of it anymore, or let it upset me the way it had.
I woke up early Sunday morning and opened my desk drawer. Inside was a picture of Paul and me when we were little kids. I'd broken the frame that held it on the day of Paul's funeral, but I never replaced it- it still lay in the drawer, the glass now gone.
I picked up the photograph, looking at the grin on my face, a joy equally reflected in Paul's. It was taken at my birthday party. I had just turned nine. I had felt so grown up, especially when Paul told me that being nine meant I was officially a 'big kid'. I laughed, remembering when he said I'd never get too old for him to keep me in check.
On an impulse, I kneeled down and reached under my bed, pulling out a box filled with old photo albums. I spent over an hour looking over pictures, watching Paul at seven years old, eight, nine, ten- and growing taller than ever at fifteen, sixteen, seventeen-
The pictures ended.
He was so young, too young. And suddenly I was filled with an unbearable ache as I realized how much I missed him.
xxxxxxxx
Monday morning came with the smell of eggs and sausage. My mother coaxed me out of bed and settled me at the table with a plate that had far too much food for me. I could tell from the looks on my parents' faces that they'd noticed the mood I'd been in over the past couple of days. But instead of trying to get me to open up, they chose another tactic- talking about something else entirely.
Soon they drew me into a discussion about Mom's herb garden, and whether Dad should revamp the den. He made a joke about not being able to paint a wall, far less renovate an entire room, which got me and Mom laughing. For those few moments, we were just a normal family having our morning meal. When breakfast was over, I felt better than I had in a long time. Before I left for school I hugged them both gratefully.
Life at Sky High looked a lot more promising. Taking out a couple of texts from my locker, I even ventured smiles to whoever happened to catch my eye. Some kids got flustered and looked away, others smiled tentatively back at me.
"You're in a good mood," Warren commented, as he settled in the chair behind me in Mad Science.
"Yeah I am," I replied, as I tested out a pen on a piece of scrap paper. I turned around in my seat to face him. "I've finished all my assignments, the weather's great. What's not to be happy about?"
Warren cocked an eyebrow. "You tell me. You seemed kind of upset the other day."
My smile slipped, but only for a moment. "It was nothing, just a bad feeling, you know? But I'm good now. Things are finally starting to look up."
Lunchtime came around and I went to my usual table, tray in hand. As I started on my mini fruit bowl, my thoughts already turned to the weekend. Even though the week had only just started, I couldn't help it- I felt something so close to happiness for the first time in months, and I wanted to take full advantage of it. If the weather held up like this, maybe my parents and I could go to the local Botanical Gardens, I thought warmly. I could make a picnic, and-
I paused in mid-thought. Something felt wrong all of a sudden. I slowly looked over to my left. Kylie Jordan, Nicole, and the blond boy I'd seen her with before were there, all watching me. Kylie's expression was one of pure and intense dislike; Nicole was unsmiling, but didn't look particularly unfriendly; the blond boy kept his silent vacant stare, as if he were looking right through me into nothingness.
Frowning, I turned back to my lunch, trying to keep my mood light, which was becoming increasingly difficult. Kylie was obviously still upset about me knocking into her the other day. I felt a pang of regret at that, but it couldn't be helped- it was already done.
When I glanced back to their table, Nicole and the blond boy were now paying attention to their food. Kylie however, was still staring. I tried to focus on finishing my lunch, wanting to forget all about her.
When the bell rang for the next class, I stepped out into the corridor and almost instantly ran into Kylie. She turned on me with an expression of mild disgust, as if she just brushed against something filthy. I knew she'd stopped short on purpose, but I didn't want to make a scene. "Sorry," I muttered shortly and made to walk around her. But she stepped in front of me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her two friends. Nicole, biting her lip nervously and looking around at the gathering crowd, the blond boy looking at the both of us with the hint of a frown, yet making no move to intervene.
"No, I'm not accepting that," she said contemptuously.
"Kylie," Nicole began, "Let's just get to class, ok? We'll be late." Turning to the blond boy, she muttered in a half whisper, "Jonah- do something!"
But Kylie ignored them both. She took another step towards me in what she thought was a menacing way. I wasn't impressed.
"What is your problem?" I asked quietly.
"You are my problem!" she immediately shot back.
I shook my head at her incredulously. "I'm not getting into this with you," I told her in an icy voice. "I said I was sorry. It was an accident."
She leaned forward and looked at me dead on. "Is that what you told yourself when you murdered your cousin?" Her voice was low but very clear, her green eyes flashing.
My breath hitched in my throat as a coldness ripped through me. All the wonderful memories I had of Paul vanished, replaced by the image of him dying in agony…because of what I'd done. And the old pain, the horror of it, bled afresh within me.
The tears came quickly as I looked up at her with a grief and hatred that shocked me. And I didn't think- I didn't want to think. In that brief moment of fury my right hand was already curled into a fist, aimed for her jaw, and I let fly.
But the blow never landed.
A flame tattooed wrist suddenly shot out, blocking me- Warren had grabbed my fist from behind, his other hand gripping my left shoulder firmly.
"Don't Arrian!" he ordered sharply.
"Let me go- right now!" I shouted, trying to hold back my sobs.
Kylie stood defiantly with her arms folded. "Oh, come on. After everything you've done and now you cry?"
"Quit it, Kylie!" Warren snarled.
I let out an angry shriek and lunged at her. But Warren tightened his grip, holding on to me obstinately.
"Stop it! Don't you see that's what she wants?!"
But I didn't care. All I wanted at that moment was to make her suffer, hurt her as she'd hurt me.
"Just try it Anna, I dare you!" she taunted nastily.
"I said shut up, Jordan!" Warren yelled.
"What is going on here?!"
It was Principal Powers. Warren immediately let go of me. With the principal there, I forced myself to calm down. I wiped my tears away as she stepped into the rapidly widening ring of space that Kylie, Warren and I now stood in.
"I'm going to ask one more time… what is going on?"
"Nothing," I whispered, looking away.
"Oh? It doesn't look that way to me," she said. Looking around to the rest of the students, she added, "And why aren't all of you in class?"
I'd rarely seen a crowd disperse so quickly. As soon as they were gone, Principal Powers turned back to us, her features stern.
"The three of you. In my office. Now," she said in her most imposing voice.
xxxxx
"So, no one is going to tell me anything?"
I threw a hateful glance at Kylie, who rolled her eyes and glared at her shoes. I didn't look at Warren, but was almost certain his expression was dark, passive. The three of us shared one thing though- we all kept our mouths shut.
But Principal Powers wasn't having any of it. She gave each of us a deliberate, calculating look for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, she leaned casually back into her seat, and announced that she would be calling to our parents and giving us a week's detention. Kylie finally cracked.
"But that's not fair!" she burst out. "Anna started it!"
I heard Warren give a sharp, angry intake of breath. Powers obviously heard it too- she turned to him.
"Warren? Do you have something to say?"
Reluctantly, I turned and looked at him. Just as I suspected, he wore that sullen detached expression as he matched Principal Powers' gaze evenly.
"Mr. Peace," Powers tried again, "is Kylie telling the truth?"
He hesitated a moment, but only a moment. Shifting his gaze to Kylie, he answered, "No, she's not. Kylie's the one who started it."
Kylie gave an angry gasp. "You liar!"
"You wanna call me that again?!" Warren had shot to his feet, staring at the red-haired girl with such ferocity I thought he would attack her on the spot.
"That's enough you two," Principal Powers began, but neither of them seemed to hear her.
"You know that Anna tried to hit me!" Kylie raged.
"But she didn't!" Warren retorted.
"Only because you stopped her!"
"I wouldn't have had to if you just left her alone!"
"I said that's enough! Sit…down," Principal Powers said sharply and they both went silent. Reluctantly Warren took his seat, still glaring at Kylie.
Powers turned to me at length. "Anna, you've been pretty silent about all of this. Would you like to tell me what happened?"
Up until this point I'd listened to the heated exchange between Warren and Kylie with no desire to take part myself. Kylie's words about what I did to Paul continued to cut me deeply. Talking was the least of my cares- I wanted to wrap my hands around Kylie's throat.
But I looked up at Principal Powers. And I realized that there was no other way out of it, that she'd call my parents if I didn't cooperate. So I broke down and told her everything- how Kylie had deliberately run into me, what she'd said about me in regards to Paul, how I tried to hurt her but Warren stopped me- everything. And then I couldn't say any more, couldn't apologize or anything, because I didn't trust my voice just then.
Principal Powers gave us a scrutinizing look in turn. Then she said, "All right. Warren, you may go to your class."
He threw her a slightly puzzled look, a look he then gave to me. But he stood up and left without another word.
After he had gone, Powers turned back to us, her face expressionless. "Anna, I would like you to remain here for a moment. As for you Kylie, you'll be staying after school…in detention."
"What?!" Kylie exploded. "But Anna's the one who tried-"
"Trying isn't doing, Miss Jordan. You clearly were the instigator in this. Now please, go to class."
Kylie opened her mouth to argue, but snapped it shut. Standing up, she gave me a vicious look, before stalking out of the office.
I felt Powers' eyes on me, but I looked off to the side, knowing what was coming. I only half heard the talk she gave me. It was the usual speech- how I shouldn't let anyone get a rise out of me; how it was counterproductive to the Hero dynamic, etc.
It didn't matter to me though. I'd heard it all before- from Warren, from my parents. I got little satisfaction knowing that Kylie received detention. It was hardly justice for what she'd said, what she'd done to me. I would never forgive her for that. Never.
xxxxxx
Warren looked at me questioningly as I took my seat for the last class of the day, Hero Arts. But I ignored him and pretended to pay attention to Miss Julie, who was currently lecturing us on discovering and creating our own individual catch phrases. I was incensed. And not just at Kylie. Who did Warren think he was, getting in my way? All I wanted was to get a shot at Kylie, one good clean shot, to make her pay for what she said. But he took that chance away from me. And I was furious at him.
When class was over, I tried to leave as quickly as possible. But not quickly enough.
"Arrian! Hey, where's the fire?" Warren said as a weak joke, when he caught up with me at the front of the classroom.
I glared at him darkly, but said nothing as I made my way to the door.
But Warren stepped in front of me, looking bewildered. "Don't tell me that she gave you detention."
The classroom emptied fairly quickly, and I waited until everyone left before I spoke again.
"No, Kylie got detention."
"Then what's the prob-"
"You- why'd you have to interfere?" I burst out, my former wrath flaring up again. "I could've handled her! You never even let me try! Do you know what you've done?"
"Yeah, I do!" he retorted, getting angry himself. "You know Powers and the others think you're about to snap at any minute. The last thing you need to be doing is kicking the crap out of people."
"Oh, you should talk! You're such a hypocrite, you know that?"
"This isn't about me Anna!"
"You're right, it's not. It's about me being torn apart, being completely-"
My voice broke. I bit down on my tongue hard, forcing the tears to stay hidden; my hands were clenched so tightly my nails were cutting into my palms. But it didn't matter to me.
Warren exhaled forcefully, crossing his arms. "If you're looking for an apology, it's not going to happen. Truthfully, I'd do it again."
I ground my teeth, suddenly wanting to hit him. "I don't want an apology. I want you to cut out the big damn hero routine. I can take of myself, so just… just stay out of my way and stop interfering!"
My heart was pounding fiercely as I shouted this, and I didn't know why. I pushed past him, ignoring his shocked expression.
When I got home, I went straight to my room, yanked down the bedclothes and buried myself beneath them. Everything else was forgotten except the fury, the hurt. Trivial things like homework seemed awfully insignificant in comparison at that moment.
By dinnertime, I'd finally calmed down enough to think about the terrible events of that afternoon. My emotions, previously running red hot, now settled into a dull, terrible ache- my body longed for sleep. It was too much to wish for one good day, I supposed unhappily. I should have known- it all started off too perfectly. I almost dreaded what tomorrow would bring. I didn't think I could take anymore.
A knock resounded, louder than was normal it seemed, but I was too miserable to answer. The door opened anyway.
"Anna?" It was Mom. "Honey, are you sick?"
"No," I mumbled, still buried beneath the sheets. My voice sounded hoarse and thick, which didn't help.
"Oh, all right. Well...uh, dinner's ready."
"I'm not really hungry."
I heard her walk over to my bed and sit down. "Are you sure you're ok?"
"Just tired."
"I see." I felt her hand rest gently on my arm. "You know if something's wrong…"
"I can come to you, I know," I said in a bored voice.
"Do you?" It was the way she said it that made me finally sit up, casting the sheets aside. I blinked in the dim light and looked at her.
It had only been a little over a week since she came back home, but my mother looked a lot better. She'd gained some weight, and her eyes were brighter. But she still had that sorrowful undertone in her expression that she could never completely hide, as she smoothed down my hair which was apparently sticking out in every direction.
Staring at her face, I realized how often I took my mother's passiveness for granted. All the times I'd told her I was fine, that there was nothing wrong, that everything was all right… I suspected she knew otherwise. But she never pushed me. She trusted me completely. And this was how I repaid her- by continuing to keep her in the dark about…well, everything.
And so I told her about Kylie, and the terrible things she'd said. "She didn't know anything about it," I muttered bitterly, then looked at her, almost pleadingly. "But it was an accident Mom, I-"
"Sweetheart, listen to me," she cut in, holding my face in her hands. "None of us here doubt that for a second. We know you didn't mean it, but still…in the end, you did what had to be done. We know that. I know that."
It was the first time she'd acknowledged my part in Paul's death. I knew she'd never really blamed me for any of it, but to hear her finally say it closed a wound I didn't even know I had. I threw my arms around her, closing my eyes tightly. Neither of us let go for a long while. When I pulled away at last, she looked at me, her eyebrows raised. "So….what stopped you from hurting that girl?"
I snorted. "It wasn't my sense of nobleness if that's what you're thinking. No, someone held me back."
"Oh." My mother looked down at the wine colored paisley pattern on my bed. "Sounds like that person was being a good friend."
"'That person' should've stayed out of it," I said sharply.
Mom shook her head gently. "Considering your circumstances, I think your friend was right to intervene. You could have gotten a lot more than you think, Anna. You may not realize this, but since...Paul's death... you have to be very careful of what you do and say. It's not fair, but that's just the way it is. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
I folded my arms, but in a protective way. "I guess…I didn't think of it like that."
"Well obviously someone did."
I didn't answer, stubbornly holding on to my anger. I frowned at my knees, keeping silent.
My mother stood up, brushing down her slacks. "I don't think you're angry at your friend, Anna. Not really. I just think you're very hurt right now, and want someone to blame."
"That's not it," I told her insistently. "I already blame Kylie!"
"One person isn't always enough. When our heart is broken, we'll lash out at anyone and everyone that comes too close. Even the people that are for us."
Those words made me feel slightly uneasy, and I fidgeted a little.
"If you change your mind about dinner, there'll be a hot plate in the microwave for you."
"Mom?" I called out as she placed her hand on the doorknob. "Please don't tell Dad about this, ok? He's already way too worried about me."
She smiled. "Don't worry. I won't."
As soon as I was alone, my thoughts came crashing down on me, with a violence that made me visibly twitch. I thought about what could have happened if I had punched Kylie. Sure, I would have felt a lot better, but only for a while. There might have been letters from her parents, saying I was too dangerous to be allowed to remain at Sky High. Mom was right. I probably wouldn't have got away with that, even if another student could. I might even have been expelled, never able to finish my Hero training. And Warren saved me from that.
But I still didn't want to feel guilty about what I'd said to him. I tried to remember all the times he'd gotten into fights himself, times that I never went and got involved-
I blinked.
That wasn't true. I did get involved, once. It was a fight between him and Paul. And I'd stopped them, or at least tried to. I'd even taken his side, in a way. And now…
"Oh...I'm such a jerk," I groaned, leaning heavily into my pillows.