Chapter 4- Choke
To Rachel, it seemed like she was walking for hours before they finally stopped for a break. Even though she personally had reached the height of her physical fitness, she was still a little fatigued. She had been rehearsing their Regionals numbers constantly in her bedroom the night before the competition and her aching limbs had paid the price for her lengthy preparation regime.
She was also quite worried about one of her nightmares cropping up along the way. She did not really think that Quinn would be the only one to be on the receiving end of such a harsh, cruel nightmare, so she was watching out for anything that might be distinctly related to one of her worst fears. She had seen no birds, no tarantulas and no lizards so she figured that she was safe when it came to the animal kingdom.
Looking around her surroundings, she saw her fellow Glee Clubbers rubbing their aching muscles or talking to their significant others, worried expressions on their faces. Finn was in a deep conversation with Mercedes and Puck, so Rachel walked over to where Mike was sat with his head in his hands, looking for some solace in her time of need.
"Hello, Mike. How are you faring with all of this going on?" Rachel inquired, smiling at him even though he couldn't see her.
There was no reply. She thought for a moment that Mike could have been asleep, so she gently poked his bicep to no avail.
Strange, she thought to herself. Well, it wasn't that strange. Her peers often excluded her from conversations, but they never actively ignored her. She knew she could be abrasive and critical at times and her classmates did not respond well to creative instruction, so they resented her for it. Above everything, she knew that Mr Schuester would never pass up an opportunity to talk to his second favourite student (Rachel often assumed that Finn was above her, which was just fine).
"Mr Schuester?" She sat down beside her Glee instructor and Spanish teacher, looking for some sympathy plus company. It got pretty lonely when nobody truly liked you besides your boyfriend and your teacher.
No reply.
"Mr Schuester? Will?" She tried again, but his face was passive, as though she wasn't even there.
Wait a second.
As though she wasn't even there.
"That's it!" Rachel cried, frowning. "I'm invisible! But…I've never actually had a nightmare about being invisible. That's odd."
Before she could comprehend her next movements, the world spun rapidly around her. Her Glee Clubbers vanished into thin air and a long, red curtain was drawn across the space in front of her.
Okay, this was all just a dream, Rachel concluded. I fell asleep on the bus to Regionals and now I have to go out there and perform. It's a little short notice but it'll be okay. I know these lyrics and steps as if they were facts about Barbra. I can do this. I wrote 'Get It Right' for me and I know this. I can win this for us.
Rachel felt an unerring sense of panic as the curtain sluggishly revealed her unready position. Glancing down, she realised that she wasn't in costume of any kind. She didn't have a microphone and she hadn't warmed up yet. Everything was beginning to go from good to extremely catastrophic in a number of seconds. She gazed out meekly into the audience, seeing a few shadowy heads, but not recognising anybody, the bright lights too much for her vision to evade.
Rachel hesitantly stepped out onto the stage, waiting for the preliminary applause from the eager audience, which did not arrive. She stood awkwardly for a few seconds before looking to her right where the piano would promptly sound from. She waited and waited for the chord that was about to strike, signalling her entrance into the original song. She tried to spot the opposing teams in the audience. She figured that she would not be able to miss the preppy style of the Warblers anywhere that they went, so it a mystery to her as to why she couldn't make them out.
After realising that the sound was not going to erupt from the wings, she took matters into her own heads. The judges were soon to be impressed with her instinctual initiative of performing her song acapella for them and would surely award the New Directions with a place at Nationals.
She opened her mouth as the first lyrics came into her mind.
What have I done?
I wish I could run
Away from the ship going under
Rachel froze. What was the next line? Mentally stressing, she scrutinised her mind for the correct following lyrics, but the answers would not appear in her mind. As if the audience had only just appeared in the space, she heard a very distinctive booing sound from the very back of the auditorium. The singular noise was soon followed by a cacophony of jeering and booing, all because she, Rachel Berry, could not remember the lyric to her own original song written about her entire life. About Finn, her dads, high school, musical theatre after high school and just everything she felt inside herself.
Never in the history of her life had Rachel Berry forgotten a lyric. The only time she had ever messed up a performance was when she had laryngitis during Glee rehearsal, and that wasn't even her fault. She had to carry the weight of the slacking Glee members—
Rachel, this is not of great importance right now! You need to either leave the stage or face the squashed tomatoes flying at your face, it's your choice, Rachel heard Kurt's voice reprimand her, but he was nowhere to be found.
Looking around the stage dizzily, Rachel chose the right wing and sprinted for it, only to run into Mr Schuester.
"Mr Schuester, thank goodness, something dreadful just—."
"I know, Rachel. I saw it."
"Thank Barbra you're here Mr. Schue, what do I do?"
"Rachel, you have just disappointed the entire team of the New Directions and McKinley High. You convinced me to let you write the music for the competition and then you go and forget the words and forget to arrange to have Brad perform it for you. You had no accompaniment and the lyrics were nowhere to be heard. Plus, you were a little sharp on the first verse. Even with 'Loser Like Me', there is absolutely no way that we could ever win Regionals now. I hope you can explain to the team why you've let everybody down and, for your sake, I hope they forgive you." Mr Schuester scowled at her before disappearing behind the curtain.
Rachel felt like crying. She could already feel the tears seeping silently down her face. She looked over at Finn and met his eye, looking for some comfort and support from her boyfriend. He just stared at her, shaking his head.
"No, Finn." Rachel whispered, crestfallen that she had managed to disappoint everybody, including Finn and Mr Schuester.
In a peculiar flash of violet light, Finn dissolved into a sludgy puddle as Rachel's world flipped upside down and threw her to the floor.
"No, I'm sorry. I'll do better next time." She whispered, knowing it was futile.
"Rachel Berry, if you don't wake up right now, I am going to personally find every item of your clothing with anything resembling a creature from the zoo and throw it into a bonfire along with your pantsuits because they're simply abhorrent." Kurt was gently slapping her face, yelling insults at her.
Her eyes fluttered open, coming to her senses.
That wasn't real.
Ugh, she should have known. Seriously, when did Rachel Berry forget the lyrics to her own song? She was sincerely gullible to have believed such a farce.
"Kurt, please stop yelling, I've been through enough today." She muttered, forgetting for a moment that it wasn't actually an event that had taken place.
Then what was it? She highly doubted that it was a dream, so maybe it could have been a vision or a fantasy sequence?
It was her worst nightmare.
"Berry, stop making everything about you. So you fainted, big deal. Other people are actually going through things here." Santana snapped, storming off, leaving Quinn and Brittany to jog after her, trying to calm her down. Rachel expected Kurt to run after her, but he stayed by her side and even helped her up. Was this real? Kurt was actually being nice to her. She certainly did not deserve it, she thought.
"You had a nightmare sequence didn't you?" Kurt guessed correctly.
Rachel gaped. "How did you—?"
"I know things. Well rather, I can sense when things are due to occur. I knew before it happened that we were going to crash today. That's why Sam was trying to stop the bus before we did, or rather didn't crash."
"Why are you being nice to me? I'm nothing but awful to you."
"True. Perhaps this is my nightmare and you're my only friend." Kurt chuckled at himself, as did Rachel.
"Oh, that's hilarious, Kurt."
"In all seriousness, are you alright? Would you like to describe what happened as we walk?"
Rachel smiled at the boy. "Oh, it was awful. I was about to go on stage, but I thought it was actually Regionals and I had to perform my solo and then I had to sing acapella because the pianist wasn't there and I sounded disgusting and then forgot the words and everybody was booing me and it was dreadful. Then Mr Schuester told me that I had let everybody down and should feel bad about it."
Kurt clucked. "Well now you know for sure that it was a nightmare. Rachel, you're the last person that I would expect to let the side down. Hell, even I would make a mistake during a performance before you would. Performing is just embedded in your DNA or something. No matter how frazzled you are, you always seem to accomplish flawless performances, a skill that I would give anything for."
"Kurt, don't give me that. Your performances are always so well-rehearsed and polished to a perfect standard and your vocal range is something that anybody in this entire state would cut off limbs for. Don't knock yourself down and relinquish credit where credit is very much deserved." Rachel pointed out. She really did think that Kurt was an amazing performer.
"Well many thanks, Rachel. That was a lovely thing for you to say. I'm glad that I can impress you in some way." He offered his hand, which she gladly took.
"I have a strange feeling that we're in Santana's nightmare. This is probably what she dreams about."
"Her nightmares involve a lot of your animal sweaters, Rach. As do mine." Kurt winked, and Rachel had not missed the subtle nickname he had inserted during his sentence. She smiled to herself.
They walked in silence for a while, using the time to think about the where, what, why and how questions that they were all deeply pondering.
Rachel did not have the answers, but she knew that she could get through anything that her nightmares threw at her.
Or at least she thought she could.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading!
The chapter takes its name from the 18th episode of the 3rd season of Glee.