Craig Shouldn't Make Out With Stan (Because Now Kenny Has Pictures)

Everybody woke up Monday morning with a headache, and it was all Token's fault. And everyone else for coming to his party when his parents were out of town for the weekend to visit family. With his allowance, Token paid a homeless man buy kegs of beer with the help of Clyde. Everyone was invited Friday, and everyone showed up at midnight, starting the the kick - ass weekend long party.

Not a lot of people could remember what happened after the first ten hours, but the few who could had a lot of blackmail material. By Sunday, there were about a dozen make - out videos on YouTube and a few pornos on RedTube. Luckily, the FBI were personally watching what was being uploaded and got rid of those videos themselves, though it took them half an hour each video for some reason. But none of the men in black came by because South Park was fucking crazy, especially their current high school students.

So anyway, back to Monday. Everyone woke up after almost thirty hours of partying with beer and loud music in Token's house that had a pool and picked themselves up with a horrendous hangovers, heading off home at sunrise to get ready for school. Everybody said that they were going to have a sleepover at Token's house and come home after school Monday. They had to keep up with the lie or else their parents would kill them, or worse, ground them.

Craig groaned as Token cruelly opened every curtain covered windows, letting the soul crushing light of the sun have a full on assault on everybody lying iin his house half dead and hurting. "Alright!" the black boy shouted, making everybody cringe in pain. He was doing this on purpose, smiling brightly like he wasn't fucked up the day before. "Everybody get the fuck out of my house! It's Monday, and we need to go to school! If I get in trouble, I will never have a party or buy beer for you guys again!"

Everybody groaned buy obeyed. By seven o'clock, the house was almost empty, save for Token, Craig, and Clyde. They had an hour to clean the entire house up and get to school. Thankfully, it was only Craig that was grouchy and having a hard time. "Imma go check the rest of the rooms and kick anyone left out," Craig said, dragging himself up the stairs.

"You're just trying to get out of the cleaning," Clyde muttered, holding a trash bag.

"Shut the fuck up, Clyde." Craig flipped the finger at his friend as he continued up the stairs.

Up the stairs, Craig slacked off as he check every room, from Token's to his parents'. No, there was no one anywhere, so Craig decided that his job was done and fell onto Token's bed and pulled the blankets up, getting as much as a nap that he could before he had to school. He had a good five minutes before he was interrupted by a ringing from his pocket.

Groaning, Craig lazily reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone and opened just one eye to find that Kenny had sent him a message. He opened it and almost screamed in agony, looking at a picture of him and Stan Marsh drunk off their minds and making out. He knew they were making out because Kenny sent him a whole bunch of pictures of the events that happened after, of him and Stan getting it on real hard. At one point, they both lost their pants and jacket. Craig definitely didn't remember taking off his pants! He was still wearing the one he was wearing when he came over Friday!

There was a another short ringing to tell that Kenny had sent another message.

Last Friday night,
Yeah, we were dancing on tabletops,
And we took too many shots.
Think we kissed but I forgot.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck," Craig drawled out in regret as he threw his phone at the wall, not caring that it might break. "Son of bitch, Marsh. I'm going to fucking kill you, McCormick."

The door opened, and Token peeked his head in, rolling his eyes because what he thought was correct. "Craig, get the fuck off my bed and clean some shit up," he ordered, "Or I'll let you miss school and Tweek'll get mad."

Craig groaned again, sounding frustrated. "I think he's already mad at me," he said, words muffled because he had planted his face onto the bed.

"What did you do?"

"I made out with Marsh."

"Yeah, so? That was, like, yesterday, and everybody at the party saw it."

"What?!" Craig shouted, lifting his face up from the bed. "What the fuck, Token?!"

"Hey, man," Token said, holding up his hands in surrender. "It's not like it's my fault. You and Stan drank too much and started fighting, and then started making out. I have no idea how that happened, so don't tell me."

Craig groaned again, loudly in defeat. "How am I going to go through school ever again?" he whined, feeling a headache from his hangover. "Why couldn't I have made out with Tweek?"

"Because Tweek was smart to say no. Also, he didn't drink."

"Why didn't Marsh make out with Broflovski?"

"Because Kyle was smart to say no. Also, he didn't drink."

All Craig could said was a long, 'I-gave-up-on-life' sounding word of fuck, beating himself over it. Holy shit, Tweek must be fucking pissed off! How the fuck could he fix this?

Is Tweekers going to break up with me for this? Craig thought over in his mind. Fuck! I can't live without him! How am I going to survive the rest of my life if I've been with him for half of it already? Is he going to forgive me? What the fuck am I going to do? Oh, my god, Tweekers, don't leave me!

"Dude, Craig," Token said, interrupting by the door entrance. Craig must have thought out loud without knowing it. "Just go talk to Tweek. I'm sure he loves you enough to give you for this one drunken mistake. Now don't be lazy and get your ass off my bed and clean my house."

Token left, and Craig groaned for the nth time, going back to taking a nap to help his aching head, praying and hoping that Tweek wouldn't break up with him. Unfortunately, that was short lived after ten minutes because Token came back upstairs and dragged Craig off his bed and shoving him down the stairs to clean shit up.

Half an hour later, Craig, Clyde, and Token were outside, taking Craig's car to go to school. Craig threw his keys to Token, and Token drove everyone to school. Once at Park County High, Craig jumped out before the car was even parked.

"What the fuck, Craig!" Token shouted.

"TWEEK!" Craig shouted, not caring that everyone in the parking lot was looking at him weirdly. Everyone else could go suck it for all he cared, so he held up his middle fingers to them on the way. "TWEEKERS!"

Rushing into the school entrance, Craig ran into the hallways, looking for his boyfriend. He ended up running around the entire school, taking a break after ten minutes of non - stop running. "Tweek!" he shouted at the corner of the hallway.

"W - why are you sh - shouting, C - Craig?" somebody stuttered behind him.

Craig turned around immediately, wrapping his arms around the short blond. "Tweek, I'm sorry!" he said, not noticing that he was going to crush his small boyfriend if he didn't stop any time soon. "Marsh means nothing to me! I love you! We were both drunk, and I think he hit on me! Marsh probably got me drunk on purpose! That guy's been giving me looks for a whole year, and he probably went to the party to take advantage of me! Don't break up with me, Tweek! It's all Marsh's fault!"

Coming closer, walking up the hallway, came, "Fuck you, Tucker!" It was Stan, looking grouchy and hungover, and his Jewish boyfriend was rolling his eyes already. "I rather die than hit on you, you bastard!"

"Stan, shut up," Kyle warned, ignoring the crowd that was already forming around them. "Craig, if you don't let go of Tweek, you're going to kill him."

Craig look down to see that he had been pushing the blond's face into his chest and let go, but he continued to cling onto Tweek. "Oh," he said, flipping Stan and Kyle off before pointing at Stan. "Tweek, I swear to god, it was all his fault. Blame him and don't break up with me."

"You want to fight me, bro?" Stan growled, ready to hit Craig.

Again, Kyle rolled his eyes. The Stan - Tucker rivalry had been going for years, since they were in sixth grade when Stand and Craig got into a fight. Their relationship hadn't been the same since, one always trying to one up the other all the fucking time. "Tweek, please say something," he said, pulling out his phone.

"C - Craig, I'm n - not breaking up with you," Tweek said, looking at his boyfriend like he was the biggest idiot in the world. Probably was at that moment.

Craig took a moment to look relieved. It was weird. "I love you, Tweekers," he said, hugging - not crushing - the blond closely.

Tweek nodded in comfort, patting his boyfriend on the cheek softly. "Now d - do get t - t - to class, C - Craig."

"Got it," Craig said, giving his boyfriend a kiss. "I love you!" he shouted as he ran to class, doing exactly what his boyfriend told him to do, even though there was seven more minutes before the bell rang for first period.

"I hate the both of you," Stan grumbled, still shit faced.

Kyle laughed. "Sure, Stan," he said. "whatever you say. Oh, Tweek, let me send you that picture Kenny took of us. It's on my phone." The Jew pulled out his smartphone, and moments later, Tweek took out his his, receiving a text.

Tweek opened it and giggled when he saw the picture. It was almost like the one that Craig got earlier, but the one Tweek just got had the bigger picture. Behind the two drunk boys, there was Kyle and Tweek, holding their respective boyfriend's head close to the other. Tweek and Kyle were both smiling at the camera, having a hard time holding in their laughter.

Craig and Stan can never know they did this. "It's for blackmail reasons," Kyle justified an hour after the picture was taken.

"And the lolz," Kenny said. "Totally going to jerk off to this."