Disclaimer: Not mine.

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"It's not working at all!" Tsuna stomped quietly in the bushes. Wearing a pastel pink spaghetti strap dress that was practically made out of tissue and having long red strings winding around his body emphasizing his slenderness was not helping at all.

And plus, the red strings were starting to look suspiciously like handy bondage equipment. It did not bode well for the little cross-dresser. It wasn't as if it was by choice!

This morning, with a gun to his head by Reborn, his clothes all having seemingly disappeared from his closet, he was shoved into this dress with the matching panties and then shoved outside for a lovely wonderful walk. PANTIES. All the while, Reborn had kept repeating to him about the Queen Debacle from yesterday. No, no, no, Tsuna was not and will never be a queen.

That…that was it. His dignity was gone and dead and buried and all that other stuff.

Then while walking towards Yamamoto's house—not Gokudera's because A) he didn't know where the guy lived B) he was not going to tempt anything at all and lastly C) he wanted to borrow clothes, the baggier the better—a strangely hooded pervert had started following her…um, damn it, him. Remember, Tsuna, remember the extra package. Do not let the dre—PANTIES—ess muddle your brain.

And that was why Tsuna decided to lose the potential pervert by following Reborn's advice and had smiled the Queen's Smile. Correction, tried to smile it. Because at that moment, a gust of wind had blown his dress higher on his thighs and his face had instead turned into a sort of blushing grimace. The kind of uncomfortable face one made as their virginities were taken.

And that was why the pervert had started running and why he'd taken a running detour to a fully packed park. An usually fully packed park. Which was apparently empty on this particular moment of this day. Which is also why Tsuna had decided to hide. In the bushes.

Where were his gloves when he needed them? Oh, yes, Reborn had taken them for this 'training exercise.'

Argh, he was going to be molested by a creepy middle-aged businessman obviously disguised in a tasteless hoodie, aah, the Absolute Horrror.

He could have at least worn a business suit for the classic porno touch. But, god, he'd worn a hoodie, a black hoodie. It was so lame.

It was very uncool.

God, what exactly is wrong with me? Why am I freaking out over my possible molestor's fashion statement when I am about to be brutally penetrated from my virginal behind? No god answered him, most likely because they were lazing around, bastards.

And why did he not bring his cellphone? Why, oh why? Oh, he'd forgotten it…

And then Hibari fell from a branch next the tree that was next to the bushes that he was hiding in. Right onto him. In fact.

Tsuna does not know that Hibari had actually fallen because he was sleeping and then he woke up and looked down and had seen Tsuna's romp swaying around in the air as Tsuna berated himself for not having a cellphone. And then his nose started to bleed and he'd gotten dizzy and had fallen. Right onto Tsuna.

Damn mating pheromones.

And that was the exact moment the pervert from the past fifteen minutes stumbled into their sight and had exclaimed first dibs onto the little neko.

Tsuna scrambled up and tried to hide behind Hibari.

Uncooperatively, Hibari strode forward and bit the bastard to death. No illegal molestation of minors on his watch, nosirree.

And then Tsuna tried crawling away.

At which point, Hibari had finished and turned to look at him. It wasn't really illegal if they were both under the legal age of consent, right?

Hibari's eyes gleamed and his left tonfa smashed an inch away from Tsuna's scrabbling hand.

Tsuna trembled. He stopped. Then he slowly turned around and smiled.

Ping! Sunlight poured into the clearing and onto Tsuna's peach soft skin and little hallucinatory violins started playing and birds started to sing the Titanic theme song.

Success! He'd done it and right in front of one of his most dangerous guardians to boot, who currently was frozen into surprise.

And then a serendipitous wind blew again and his dress hiked up another inch up his smooth milky thighs.

Which the pinkness of the PANTIES peeked right at the edge of the dress.

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It…it really didn't work. Stupid Reborn and his stupid ideas and stupid panties.