Disclaimer: I do not own Psych… or Shawn… or Gus… or Lassiter… or pineapples….

Author's Note: Thank you all so much for your kind reviews! You guys are awesome!! Enjoy!

INT. Psych Office. Day

(GUS sits in chair watching TV. He picks up the remote and casually flicks through the channels. SHAWN enters and stares and GUS)

SHAWN: Hey, Gus! Buddy, what's going on? Why aren't you set up for the Prank-Calling War?

(GUS addresses SHAWN without looking up from the TV)

GUS: I'm not doing it anymore, Shawn. I quit.

SHAWN: Quit? Gus, you can't quit. You set a new record last time! No one quits after setting a record.

GUS: I don't care. Do you have any idea how paranoid I was that Lassiter was going to catch us? I don't know about you, but I like having money to feed myself. I also like not having you as a guest-mate in my house.

(SHAWN rolls his eyes)

SHAWN: Oh, I see where this is going.

(GUS turns around to address SHAWN)

GUS: Do you remember what happened the last time you stayed at my place? You went out and bought 50 pineapples while I was at work and hid them all around the house!

(SHAWN stifles a laugh)

GUS (con't): It isn't funny, Shawn. Do you know what it's like to turn on your ceiling fan and have a giant fruit almost knock you unconscious?

SHAWN: Of course not--

(GUS cuts him off)

GUS: No. You don't. And I've still only found 48 out of the 50. I'm terrified to do anything in my own home anymore for fear of being killed by a missing pineapple!

SHAWN: Gus, relax. I put one in the glove compartment of your car, and I chopped up the other and crammed it into your VCR.

GUS: You what?!

SHAWN: Oh, come on! Who even owns a VCR anymore? Really, Gus, I was doing you a favor.

GUS: That's it. I'm done, Shawn. You can have the Prank-Calling War by yourself for all I care.

(GUS turns back to the TV)

SHAWN: Fine. But it might please you to know that I was just down at the Station, and Lassiter doesn't suspect a thing. And the Chief even came up to me and said that she was wrong for jumping to conclusions and assuming it was us that was messing with Lassiter.

GUS: Really?

SHAWN: Yes. Now, come on! We've got a War to fight!

GUS: Okay, I'm in!

SHAWN: Sweet! And because you set a new record last time, Gus, you may go first.

(GUS feels slightly proud of himself)

GUS: I hear that.

(SHAWN retrieves the phone, The Writer's Toolbox, and 1001 Ways To Cook A Pineapple from around the Psych office. GUS and SHAWN both sit down. GUS reaches into the Box and pulls out a popsicle stick that says…)

GUS: "Tom lost 25 bucks at the races."

SHAWN (annoyed): Oh, come on! Could you pick an easier one?

(GUS laughs)

GUS: What's the matter? Jealous, Shawn?

SHAWN: Just dial the number.

(GUS dials as SHAWN times the call)

INT. SBPD. LASSITER's Desk. Day.

(The phone on LASSITER's desk rings and LASSITER answers it)

LASSITER: Detective Carlton Lassiter.

GUS: Yes, hello. I'm calling to report a theft.

LASSITER: A theft?

GUS: Yes, sir.

(LASSITER takes out a pad of paper and a pen)

LASSITER: Okay. What was stolen, and who was it stolen from?

GUS: My brother Tom lost 25 bucks at the races.

(LASSITER begins to write down the information, but then stops and rolls his eyes)

LASSITER: Look, sir, I am not responsible for your brother's bad gambling habits.

GUS: Detective Lassiter, you misunderstand. Before my brother could pay the bookie, someone snatched the money from his hands and took off. We tried to follow him, but the place was too crowded and he got away.

LASSITER: Do you have a description of the thief?

GUS: No.

LASSITER: Then I can't help you.

GUS: Can you transfer me to someone who can?

LASSITER: No. Listen to me, your brother's money is gone. Stuff like this happens all the time. Your brother is not the first and he certainly won't be the last. What's done is done. I can't help you. Good-bye.

GUS: Thank you. Good-bye.

(LASSITER hangs up)

Cut To: SHAWN and GUS

(GUS hangs up the phone)

GUS: Time.

SHAWN: 44 seconds.

GUS: Oh, sweet! Good luck beating that time, Shawn.

SHAWN: Gus, do you forget that I hold the record for the Longest Call? I am about to crush your pathetic score.

GUS: Yeah, we'll see.

(SHAWN reaches into the Box and pulls out a popsicle stick that says…)

SHAWN: "You could make a living doing that kind of thing." I suppose I could, but I had never thought about it. That's like an entire paragraph!

(GUS laughs)

GUS: Yeah, you're going to crush my time alright.

SHAWN: Just give me the phone.

(SHAWN reaches over and takes the phone from GUS. SHAWN dials as GUS times the call)

Cut To: LASSITER's Desk

(The phone on LASSITER's desk rings and LASSITER answers it)

LASSITER: Detective Carlton Lassiter.

SHAWN: Hey, Lassie!

LASSITER: Spencer? What do you want?

SHAWN: I just wanted to ask you how much you like being a cop.

LASSITER: What are you--

(SHAWN cuts him off)

SHAWN: I mean, my dad always said, "You could make a living doing that kind of thing." I suppose I could, but I had never thought about it until then.

LASSITER: Spencer, what are you--

(SHAWN cuts him off again)

SHAWN: Ah, never mind. It was a stupid idea…. So, how's life?

(LASSITER gets fed up and hangs up the phone)

Cut To: SHAWN and GUS

(SHAWN hangs up the phone)

SHAWN: Time.

GUS: 33 seconds.

(SHAWN looks downtrodden while GUS lets out a cry of victory)

GUS (con't): Wooo! Yes! I finally won!! How does it feel now, Shawn?

SHAWN: You can hardly call that winning when I had to recite an entire novel as my line. You just got lucky.

GUS: Whatever helps you sleep at night.

(GUS tosses 1001 Ways To Cook A Pineapple into SHAWN's lap)

GUS (con't): I will have the Stuffed Pineapple, please!

(SHAWN contemplates something in his mind, then takes the book and goes into the kitchen. GUS reclines in his chair and turns on the TV. SHAWN addresses GUS from off-screen)

SHAWN (o.s.): Hey, Gus?

GUS: Yeah?

SHAWN (o.s.): I forgot to tell you, I lied about the Chief. Lassiter totally suspects us of prank-calling him.

GUS: You what?!

SHAWN (o.s.): Yeah, we're gonna be in a lot of trouble tomorrow. Just thought I'd give you a heads-up.

(GUS looks furious for a second, but eventually calms himself down)

GUS: Just cook the pineapple, Shawn. Just cook the pineapple.

SHAWN (o.s.): You got it, buddy.

Author's Note: So what did you think? Reviews are much appreciated! And when you review, please tell me who you would like to see win the next round of prank-calls and I'll make it happen. So who is it, Shawn or Gus? Please let me know!