Ribbon & Kirby's Relationship...Messed Up!!
(Warning: This story has passed the random level in this chapter. Read at your own risk and enjoyment)
(Plus, character's thoughts can change in an instant.)
Chapter 4 Part 1: Unforgivable Treason and Hypocrisy
(Camera shows Adelenine on a comfy couch, sipping coffee)
"Hello there, human beings and abused pets of the fourth wall. Sorry for the huge delay, but the author has received a disease worse than Swine Flu and Cancer combined...it's procrastination and writers block. Anyway, I'm here to yap about what happened before today to refresh your memory.
Wife, Ribbon has received a magical candy cane, and has asked husband, Kirby to keep the candy cane safe and unlicked from anyone. Unfortunately, she caught him giving the candy cane to Tiff when he really wanted her to leave him alone. After that and a bunch of fighting from the two, I, yours truly, came and offered to help the two settle their differences, so Whispy Woods could sleep in peace. After getting their cooperation, I showed them my counseling room, which includes their so called 'friends'. First I did was giving them the lie detector test, which revealed Kirby telling the truth, but Ribbon telling a big fat lie, for the candy cane wasn't from the Mayor McCheese, but from Meta Knight. Kirby was pissed at Ribbon for not going out with friggen Meta Knight, but for her hypocrisy, which caused a big argument. Suddenly, Snagglepuss and the Pink Panther fought a tag team wrestling match with the undefeated Heathcliff and Garfield and...wait, that's not in this fic. Can Ribbon redeem her trust to Kirby? Will she be his ex-wife? Will DDD find his real mother? Will there ever be spaces between statements anymore?! All this, and more coming up right now... (Hears watch beep)...well, I guess it's time to let them in," she completed as she waved her paintbrush to make a portal.
(Moments later after the portal)
"Had fun in there, guys?" Adelenine cockily asked as she saw scarred, pale faces from everyone.
"T-t-that show i-is j-ust awful at the l-later seasons," Gooey said, mortified.
"W-what's w-w-worse is that S-seth made another s-spin-off!" Tokkori eerily whispered.
"Y-y-you left us in there for nine months!," Bow cried.
"Great. Now the next time a fight erupt, you'll go there instead of Family Guy," Adelenine warned.
"So what are we doing now?" Ribbon asked.
"...Oh sweet mother of Sherlock! I was busy watching you suffer that I forgot to plan on the next subject. I'll be back for an idea. In the meantime, you could talk to each other," she advised as she left.
At first, talking to each other after hearing the truth was waaaaay too awkward. Suddenly, Bow started to speak.
"Soooo...is there anything to eat here?" she asked.
"Nothing. What kind of place doesn't have any refreshments? Mints at least," Karby complained.
"WHAT KIND OF RETARD ADELENINE IS, NOT LEAVING US CANDY?!!!!!!!" Tokkori yelled.
"I really don't want to hear that word," Kirby sighed.
"We know your relationship is on the rocks like most of us (glances at Lala)... well, yours is more like a grain of sand, but we are starving!" Lolo said.
"Yeah, whatever. I'm going outside," Kirby announced as he leaves.
"Never see Kirby so low before. Ribbon, you have to talk to him," Rick advised.
"What's the point?! He hates my guts! He never talked to me once in the Family Guy relic! What would you think he listen to me now!!" Ribbon cried.
"FIRST OF ALL, HE'S MAYBE TOO SICK FROM HEARING THOSE DAMN POLITICAL, RACIST, AND TIRESOME CELEBRITY JOKES TO THINK ABOUT TALKING AT ALL, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!" Tokkori answered.
"Besides, you're the only person that Kirby has ever loved. There's still a little trust for you if you talk to him now," Lala said.
"Yeah, you're right. If I want to keep my husband, I better get going," Ribbon said as she started to leave.
"What the hell was that?! Why are you giving relationship advice if you can't fix our own?!" Lolo yelled.
"Don't start with me," she glanced.
(Meanwhile, outside the painted door)
"Kirby? Where are you? Kirby?" Ribbon yelled as she was looking for him.
Moments later, she found Kirby, but she saw him starting to smoking the candy cane as a cigarette.
"KIRBY!! Are you smoking with the magic candy cane?!" Ribbon shrieked.
"Turns out you've been fooled too, for Meta Knight gave you only a regular candy cane. I licked it, and there was zero magic. I'm only burning harsh memories," Kirby replied.
"Snap out of it, man! If we're gonna settle this, we need to talk!" Ribbon cried, shaking Kirby to sanity.
"Keep your filthy hands off me, you cheating tramp!" Kirby cried, pushing her away.
"WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?! META KNIGHT GAVE ME THE CANDY CANE, BUT I WASN'T CHEATING ON YOU!!!" Ribbon cried, then flew to a nearby bush.
Kirby hesitantly, but officially ran after her.
"Maybe I was too harsh on you and should've let you explain before the fight broke," Kirby said. "Still, there was ZERO excuse for you accusing me of cheating on you for a poor excuse for a living thing like Tiff."
"Yeah. It's pretty much my fault that this whole thing is going on.I've should've known how much you hated that bossy girl. I was just worried that I'd lose you. Now let's back before Ade catches us," Ribbon advised as they headed for the painted door.
Intermission: Tokkori's Punishment.
(Camera returns to Adelenine on her couch.)
"Hello again. I hope you've enjoyed the sappy, yet dramatic half of this chapter, which was planned by yours truly. I needed to get these guys together for the next task anyway. However, I overheard the yellow bastard calling me a 'retard' for not leaving anything to eat. So I've decided to give him a punishment far worse than whatever Seth McFarlene can ever create," she said before painting a portal.
Inside the portal was a room so dark that nothing could be seen.
"WILL IT KILL SOMEONE TO TURN ON THE FRIGGEN LIGHTS?!!" Tokkori yelled.
Suddenly, the lights dimmly turned on and Tokkori sees that he's inside a familiar chamber.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? WHERE IS EVERYONE?! AND WHY DOES THIS SCENE LOOK SO FAMILIAR?!" he continued.
Then he noticed a static T.V. on a wall, a chain on his leg, and gas sprayers.
"Oh God...I know why it's so familiar," he thought nervously.
Suddenly, on the T.V. appeared a short man with a red and white mask.
"Hello there, little friend. Would you like to play a game?" he asked.
"PLEASE DON'T SPRAY ME WITH POISONOUS GAS AND MAKE ME LOOK FOR A KEY IN 60 SECONDS TO A VACCINE!!!" Tokkori cried.
"...You really do take the fun out of everything. Well, you've got half right. You will look for a key for the vaccine, but it will be something worse than poisonous gas," the masked guy continued.
"W-what do you mean by that?" Tokkori asked.
"Those canisters you've seen aren't filled with poisonous gas...they are filled with the sweat of Alfred Khan!" he said.
Tokkori then gasped and said, "No...please don't say what think this means."
"That's right. As soon as the spray lands, you'll feel the affects of 4Kids on you. That means NO BEER!!" the masked guy yelled before making an evil laugh.
"I RATHER SUFFER THE FATE OF THE POISONOUS GAS!!" Tokkori cried. Then he noticed the masked guy was talking to someone from the sideline. "HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?!"
"Apparently, someone (glances at the sideline) turned the sprays on while you were asleep, so that means you have no time to look for the key. Way to ruin the fun, Steve!" he yelled to the side in a scratchy tone.
"You told me to turn it on while he was asleep," Steve replied.
"D-d-dr. Weird? Is that you?!" Tokkori asked.
"Great! He knows! Well anyway, I hope you have fun with your life, Dan Green!" Dr. Weird yelled before he laughed evily.
"NOOOO!" cried Tokkori, transitioning from the Saw chamber to the marrage counsil room.
"Rise and shine, early bird," Gooey mocked.
"Was the screaming really necessary?!" Pick asked.
"I think that's how he usually wakes up," Kirby inserted.
"THAT IS NOT TRUE! I'VE HAD A NIGHTMARE TOO WEIRD TO EXPLAIN CLEARLY!!" Tokkori cried.
(One clear dream explaimation later)
"You were at the Saw chamber?!" Gooey cried.
"It's where he belongs after treating me like crap," Kirby noted.
"But the 4-Kids stuff was too dark. I'm glad you really don't sound like Dan Green," Lala noted.
"You four were in 4-Kids already. What was it like?" Ribbon asked Kirby, Tokkori, Lolo and Lala.
"If you think the censors in this fic was bad, you would die watching this," Kirby explained.
"OUR CHARACTERS WERE ANNOYING AS HEEEELL!! AND I'M NO EXCUSE!!" Tokkori cried.
"Make the bad memories go away," Lolo and Lala said in a fetal position.
"Let's talk about something else now," Bow thought.
As they were talking, Adelenine was behind a doorway with a pad and paper.
"Saw Chamber...4-Kids...Dr. Weird...all perfect for my revenge for the little yellow bastard for calling me a retard," she said to herself as she wrote her ideas.
(And now, back to what was meant to be this fanfic.)
Chapter 4 Part 2 (or 3): The Obstacle's Confessions.
After things returned to normal-ish, Adelenine returned to the room.
"Ladies, gentlemen, and whatever Tokkori is," she started.
"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU PSYCHOPATH!!" Tokkori yelled, which Adelenine ignored.
"There has been some relationship problems and maybe make-ups during this session. Well, since I couldn't think of anything counsil relating, I've decided to bring in the rocks of the relationship," Adelenine announced.
"Isn't this counsil related?" Pick asked, which Adelenine ignored again.
"So everyone, here are your obstacles!" she greeted as she opened a portal.
The ones who entered are 'The Great Devil', Kine holding a beer keg, a credit card, and Meta Knight.
"Alright everyone who entered; introduce yourselves," she demanded.
"I AM THE GREAT DEVIL: THE ENEMY OF LOLO AND LALA!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!," the Devil laughed menacingly.
"Hey, Keith," Lala greeted.
"KEITH?!" everyone asked in shock.
"(Sigh) Yes, that's my real name," he admitted in a human tone.
"...Keith?! Are you friggen serious?! My enemy's name is KEITH?! What a loser!!" Lolo cried, laughing.
"Just because my name is Keith, doesn't mean that I won't kill you," he cried.
"Moving on...," Adelenine said impatiently.
"My name is Kine, and I'm holding the obstacle of Tokkori and Gooey...a beer keg," Kine sighed in disbelief.
"But we realise that beer is keeping us together!" Gooey noted.
"Well, you see..." Kine started.
"Wait a minute! How can you breath without water?!" Kirby interrupted.
"(Sigh)...I'm the second coming of Jesus Christ. Does that make sense at all?!" he angrily asked.
"Yeah that makes sense...I also see you brought Pick's credit card too," he noted.
"Umm no. Wasn't it right there before I entered?" Kine asked.
"Foolish knaves. I am the Platinum Card of Untold Riches, separating these two rodents from their love while I could be fixing planet Earth's economy," the credit card spoke.
"So you're the second coming of Christ?" Karby asked.
"Uh-uh. Kine's Jesus Christ," Kirby answered.
"I'm not Jesus for Christ's sake!!" Kine replied.
"But you said you were," Kirby whined.
"That's called 'SARCASM!!'" Kine explained.
"Really?! What does that taste like?" Kirby stupidly asked.
"DAMMIT, KIRBY!!!" Kine frustratedly cried.
"Can we not make a DBZ Abridged reference and go on?! Adelenine asked.
"Yoink! The credit card's mine! Time for a shopping spree!" Bow cheerfully said.
"Bow! Will you please stop acting like an idiot and sit down?!" Ribbon demanded in embarrassment.
"Since you want dash my dreams, I'm gonna let Meta-Spam speak now," Bow pouted.
"...I'm going to ignore that comment...but Brawl did give me a better voice than 4-Kids," Meta Knight explained.
"WILL YOU GET ON WITH IT?!?!" both Bow and Adelenine yelled.
"Fine. I am Meta Knight, master of swordsmanship and fan girl glomper. Now where are the free toys you promised?" Meta Knight asked with concern.
"Yeah! I wouldn't have came and I will leave if I don't have my toy!" Keith whined.
"You've got to be...(sigh) I've never seen a bunch of grown men cry over toys," Adelenine complained in disbelief and gave those who entered a beanie baby.
"Yay! Now my life is complete," Keith cheered.
"Hell-ooooo! Aren't you forgetting the woman you've constantly kidnapped?" Lala asked in disbelief.
"Are you seriously preferring a sissy devil name Keith?!" Lolo cried.
"Great! Now since we're back in topic, we shall put this lie detector on you and the one being 'scrubbed,' which is Lolo, will ask you an important question.
"Okay...Great Devil Keith, why do you kidnap Lala?" Lolo asked.
"Okay...me and my two buddies name Seth and Al decided to play a game and it's whoever can piss off people wins. It turns out the winner was another guy name Osama, but he wasn't even the contest! He was so good that we had to declare him the winner," Keith blabbed.
"Get on with it, man!" everyone yelled.
"Anyway, my idea was to piss someone off was to kidnap every dude's girlfriend...starting with Lolo's. It turns out that all she want do is talk to me and say very weird things like 'I like your butt. It's huge enough for two.' It was very distracting! So I gave Lolo the map to get her back," Keith explained.
"Why didn't your dumbass just kick her out, or even give her back to Lolo?" Karby asked.
"...Huh. Never though of that," he answered.
"Wait! All those times you've kidnap me...it was just a stupid game?! It wasn't for love at all?!" Lala asked in disappointment.
"Hell no! It was only twice that I've kidnap you and my son the third time...and it was only a game," he honestly answered.
"You know what...I'm done with all of this bogus stuff. Have a nice life alone, Lala," Lolo said as he left through the portal out.
"I...I...I just lost someone I lust over and someone who loved me. My life is destroyed," Lala cried. As she left, her color turned from pink to gray.
Everyone in the room was silent.
"...Cool special effects." Keith said in awe.
"Wha...? Get the hell out of here!" Adelenine ordered. "(Sigh). Kine your next."
"HEY STUPID CHRISTIAN FISH! WHY ARE YOU HERE WITH A BEER KEG?!?!" Tokkori asked.
"That's a very good question," Kine started, sounding like a teacher. "You see, Gooey excessively drinks, as you may notice. But if you clearly noticed when you made out with Gooey, 'she' had no reproduction system. That is because 'she' drank so much during that one dare that 'her' reproduction system shrank to non-existing, which throughout time, which led 'her' to believe that you're 'her' boyfriend and more importantly, believe that 'she' is a girl. If you couldn't figure out by now, Gooey is not a 'she', but a 'he,' which you mindlessly had sex with. How did I know you may think? Let's say I've drove that same road Tokkori went through. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to get rid of this day from my head," Kine explained and leaped to the other side of the portal.
Everyone was silent again.
"I did say Gooey's gender in Chapter 1, didn't I?" Kirby started.
"You know, maybe I am a boy. But you know what? Our love doesn't compare to what gender, race, or religion I am. As long as I'm with you, I could be anything my man wants, right Tokkori? Tokkori? Are you okay?!" Gooey asked.
"I-I-I-I-I-I-I m-made out with a d-dude...I made out with a gender confused d-dude. If you need me, I'll be suicidal with Lala," Tokkori said in a disturbed and eerie tone while flying away to the portal.
"Wait! Tokkori! I still love you!" Gooey cried.
"...Wow. Who knew this story could get funny to sad to disturbing? Next up is...the credit card," Adelenine sighed in disbelief.
"I have no need for the metal detector, nor a question, for I'm here to explain this needless drama," the credit card started as Bow endlessly stared at it.
"Oh, just shut up and explain already!" Pick demanded.
"Yeah! The sooner you finish yapping, the quicker I'll spend you," Bow added while drooling.
"(Sigh) Foolish knaves. I made this couple of Rick and Pick a happier couple than Chris and Rihanna. They spend me responsibly and they loved me as well as each other. But then...HE came!" The credit card yelled, signaling itself at Kirby.
"Woah! What did I do?!" Kirby asked.
"Don't you remember, wastful idiot, two years ago?! While you tried to impress your...soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend, you bought the stupidest of materials from me, and Rick took the pain from not only the material, but his girl's relationship as well. What do you have to say for yourself?!" the credit card asked.
"What do I say? My best friend helped me get my relationship with Ribbon, and killed his relationship in return! What do I fracken say?! Well, I say...I like pie," Kirby innocently said.
Everyone groaned in response.
"Rick! I am soooo sorry! This whole time, I thought it was you who bought wastefully and made unnecessary long distance calls!" Pick cried with tears of joy.
"Umm...yeah! Kirby did increase our phone bill," Rick said innocently.
"Come on, Rick. Let's go home and start over," Pick suggested.
"Not so fast, guys. Couples leaving happily have to pay," Adelenine noted.
"It's well worth it. Could you put it on this credit card?" Rick asked.
"Sure thing. Your bill will come soon," Adelenine noted after exchanging credit cards.
"I don't remember increasing Rick's phone bill, nor using his phone," Kirby said to himself as the couple left.
"Laaaaame! I wanted the relationship to end hilariously!" Karby whined.
"I've should've taken the credit card when I had the chance," Bow complained.
"...Why the hell are you two here?!" Adelenine asked.
"Your right. With only these two here, it'll be quite boring. Anyway, good luck with your relationship, sis," Bow said.
"Oh boy do I need it if Meta Knight tells the truth," Ribbon thought.
"You too, bro," Karby said leaving.
"Well technally, we're not brothers; we're not even related. You're just a copy of myself with red skin from Meta Knight sliced and..." Kirby blabbed.
"NERD!!!" Kine yelled from the other side of the portal.
"Wait...what?" Kirby cluelessly asked.
"Alright. Let's drop the DBZ Abridged acting already and let's now get to the juiciest part of this counselling. Meta Knight, put on this lie detector helmet on, and Kirby, ask him the most important questions between yours and Ribbon's relationship," Adelenine instructed.
In that moment, Kirby turned from a retarded goofball to a serious sphere when he was thinking up a question.
"How well do you know Ribbon?" Kirby asked.
"Well, from my instincts and constant stalking between you two, she probably told you that the only time she met me was when I gave her the one wish candy cane out of pity, right?" Meta Knight asked.
"...I'm still on the 'constant stalking' part," Kirby said.
"Well, she was WRONG! She only wrote letters to you while she was going out with me only a year and a half after you saved the universe from Dark Matter. From September 11, 2001 to August 11, 2007."
"W-w-wha?! You were seeing each other for nearly 6 years!? Ribbon! Why the hell were you still replying with the e-mails?!" Kirby bursted.
"I didn't want to tell you! I liked you even when I was going out with him!" Ribbon cried.
"You know, I feel like I'm only used as a resource to your love life! What happened on August 11th?" Kirby asked.
"I broke up with her because she said she'd rather go with you. Besides, I found Tiff better," Meta Knight noted. (Satisfied, MetaXTiff fan base?)
"So she did huh? Too bad it took 6 friggen years for her to tell you. Now what is up with the candy cane? Why did you give it to her even though you knew we were...and probably still are, having a relationship?" Kirby asked, which bought up Ribbon's nearly destroyed spirit.
"I wanted to try again without Tiff noticing us...but then Ribbon told me the announcement I dare not say," Meta Knight sighed as he disappeared.
"(Sigh). I'm so sorry for all of this to happen. You were always the one I liked the most. I didn't want to lose you, even through letters, but Meta Knight was nice guy, so I had to date, but I never had you out of my mind. (Sniff). I don't blame you if leave me; but I at least I get to live guiltless now," Ribbon cried quietly.
"Well, I could, but I won't live guiltless. You're just someone that I can't hate for too long. Sometimes I hate what comes out of your mouth, but the paragraph above this one is what I like about you. That and you're pretty helpful when it comes to adventures," Kirby explained.
"So does this mean that we're not break up, and being closer to each other?" Ribbon asked with hopes.
"Well...just two more things," Kirby said before placing the lie detector helmet on her. "One thing's for sure, promise me that you wouldn't go behind my back again, as I wouldn't yours," Kirby said.
"I promise. No one's better than you, Kirby," Ribbon said.
"And the second thing...what did you tell Meta Knight that quickly changed his mind?" Kirby asked.
"Aww. I wanted to be a surprise until it gets obvious. I told him that I'm pregnant and you're the father...cause I am," Ribbon blushed.
"(Whew)! What a relief. I though you would say...UUWHAAT?!?!" Kirby asked in complete shock.
"That's right! We're gonna be parents!" Ribbon cheered.
"Wow! That's fantastic!" Kirby cheered along.
A/N: I smell a third Kirby story from me. If anyone read this all the way through, I thank you for dealing with the high intensity of this random fanfic. There are a few notes I want to get out of the way.
1. I use to like Family Guy. But the newer seasons is just awful. And unfortunately, I keep watching it, hoping to expect something funny, while all I receive is not funny at all (maybe a few chuckles here and there). Although I list the reasons in here already, the main reason is that they have these scenes where a character does something and it takes forever to finish it, and it has nothing to do with the plot (ex. Peter's Roadhouse driving).
Now before I'm called a hypocrite, I would say that I do use Family Guy jokes, even from recent seasons, but only those that I see are funny.
2. The Tokkori in the Saw chamber bit was suppose to be a promo for Saw 6 (though I don't know the main aspect, I though of some guy in a mask torturing the heck out of people). Unfortunately, due to procrastination of part 3, that wasn't done on time.
3. I may add a bonus chapter of this soon like my first RibbonXKirby fic, but I need ideas that has to do with in between this and the upcoming threequal. So it's a definite maybe.
4. If you haven't seen either Yu-Gi-Oh or Dragon Ball Z, the Abriged Series, you must see them.
With those out of the way, for any fans of the fics, expect the final story of the trilogy, Ribbon and Kirby's Relationship...With Kids, on the fanfiction page sometime in May/June 2010.
And don't worry, Lala and Tokkori will be alright by then.