CHAPTER 3
Whatever happens... whatever.
When she started gaining conscious again, she couldn't quiet comprehend what was happening. Spending so many days without sleeping sure made her forget how it felt like. But when she couldn't open her eyes, she decided not to fight it. It felt good, warm and, for the first time ever since Beck left, she felt protected. There was something missing though. Somehow she felt hollow. So, when she was diving back to sleep, getting away from that lapse of conscious, she heard the door open slightly.
'What…?'
She knew that voice and she liked the person talking. Gaining conscious slowly, she realized Mary should have been worried about her and had gone after her sorry little ass when she found the Lisinski home empty. Her head cuddled with Chavez's arm and she hardened her eyes closed. Maybe Mary would go away after seeing she was fine.
'Maybe we should leave…'
She also knew his voice. Jake's rushed voice felt heavy and angry. Did something happen? Did they need her for anything? What if the town was in trouble? She would have to fight. So, fighting all the hollow perfection she found sleeping by Chavez's side, she opened her eyes slowly. Quickly taking a glance at Chavez, she noticed him asleep. The sedatives she had given him before had worked. So, standing up, she met three puzzled looks.
'Outside…'
She mumbled, feeling tired. Before, when she couldn't sleep, it was easier. She didn't have the taste of a good bed. But now she remembered how good it was to close your eyes, she realized how her body ached, and how her mind claimed for a good night of sleep.
Once outside, she glanced at Eric. He looked terrified.
'Are you okay? You don't look so well.'
'Mary and I went to your place. You weren't there and I… I thought the worst. Thought someone from New Bern had…'
Mary and Jake were oblivious. None of them knew of Constantino's dislikes for Heather the same way they didn't know the price over her head. Eric knew though: she would never hide anything from him, the same way she hoped he would do it from her. That sometimes scared him: scared him because he feared to come to a day and realize he couldn't help her and telling her the truth would hurt her in non imaginable ways. He couldn't think about that now. She was there, in front of him and safe. The little sister he now had was safe.
'I'm okay, Eric…'
She tucked his back and he took a deep breath. She was okay. She looked like crap, but sure was okay, somehow. Maybe it had been a bad idea asking for Jake's help. Especially after he discovered she was… What was she doing with Chavez? It was clear the guy had no condition to do whatever he thought they were doing, but they sure looked intimate. That was weird, since Heather hadn't been pretty closed to people since she got back from New Bern.
He never asked. He didn't need to. He glanced at Jake, leaning against the wall holding a not so happy face. Maybe his brother was questioning Heather before and would get Eric off the hook. He even thought Mary would ask too. They all needed to know. But the answer came without a question being made.
'Chavez was helping me…'
She felt uncomfortable. Why was she blushing? Nothing happened. Nothing ever did. Plus, Chavez was so annoying she constantly thought about ripping his head off. Yet he understood what she felt and was offering help. That was the closest she had been to a man. Even Beck wouldn't sleep in the same place she did. He would get the couch, the guest room, but never in the same bed.
'He was helping me to sleep.'
Eric believed in it the moment Heather put into words. He understood her feelings and need to be protected. He never told Mary, but he felt like that about the owner of the city Tavern. She was the main reason he got decent nights of sleep. Having someone by your side after everything he had been through was different and it made a difference. Maybe Chavez saw that easy, when he looked into Heather eyes, through the purple circles around it.
Mary didn't understand and would probably never believe Heather. But something in Eric's eyes told her it was true, and she believed instantly. However, she would keep a closer look at Chavez. Maybe he would turn out to be what Heather needed.
Jake chuckled, an action that wasn't lost by any of them. The three, Mary, Heather and Eric glanced at him. Heather noticed the debauch and held herself.
'Something wrong, Jake?'
She used her calm voice, but the tiresome showed in it too easily. She wished she had never got out of bed. Chavez presence was hollow, but at least she could get some sleep without seeing Charlotte's eyes for once. Oh, Charlotte, how did it get so complicated?
'Looking for comfort with strangers? That's not really you, but I can understand that. You haven't been acting like the Heather I knew. Maybe I don't really know you.'
It wasn't the words he said that hurt her, it was the venom. Why was he being so cruel? The mix of tiresome, sadness and physical pain caught her. Maybe she should just let it go. Things between her and Jake were already done so she should just have to accept it. However, she asked herself why it hurt so much loosing someone so important?
'I have to go…'
She said between sobs as she left the Med Center. She wasn't going to cry, she would hold herself and be strong. She would be the better person she promised she would. That was why she never stopped when Mary called out for her. She couldn't stay there otherwise she would break, and when Heather broke, she tended to hurt people.
She didn't stay long enough to see Eric rush towards Jake and pin him to the wall, holding his shirt.
'Are you retarded? She's been through hell, alone¸ and you do that? What kind of friend are you? Dad told me she kissed you. So what? Did you enjoy it? I'm guessing not, since you are with Emily. So just let it go. You two should let it go. She needs help and friends, Jake. If you knew what we've been through there… the torture they put you through was nothing compared to what they did to her. Can you imagine someone like Heather surviving that torture?'
There was silence. Eric wasn't yelling, but his voice was hard. Mary rested her hand on his back and shoulders, trying to pull him back. When Jake didn't answer his brother, Eric continued;
'I guess you never thought about that.'
The silence in the hospital was mortal. Mary was pretty sure Eric could kill Jake and Jake could kill himself. He regretted not being there for Heather and Mary suddenly felt glad about that. Maybe he could make things right. But right now, she should take a look at her friend. Heather shouldn't be alone when she was so drained and exhausted.
'I think I'll go after Heather and…'
'No, Mary. Eric's right. I think it is better for me to go and talk to her. I've been a big baby about it and I'm sorry…'
He turned to Eric now, who had loosened his grip on his clothes, but was still there, quiet and angry. Jake saw in his eyes the protection he once saw when both defended each other. It was then he understood what Heather meant to his brother.
'I'm sorry.'
Now Heather remembered why she had been so reluctant about leaving the Med Center. She was alone at her place, her eyes closing and her memories coming back. She hated the fact she couldn't have a decent night of sleep. And the idea of depending on someone like Chavez to catch on her dreams was something disturbing. She ignored the word disturbing from her vocabulary.
Why had Jake said those things back at the Center? They were friends: it wasn't like they were as close as when they met, but they were friends. Yet, it sounded like he hated her. But why? She wasn't standing in his way or Emily's. She was doing every thing to make emends in her life without needing someone's help. She hadn't called him for help once: prove of that was she was still trying to sleep on her own.
Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. It could be Eric, or maybe Mary. The woman would probably be worried about her. So, getting her shotgun, Heather feared: what if it wasn't any of them? What if someone from New Bern had came to collect her as a prize? Would they knock?
'Who is it?'
'Heather! It's me! Jake!'
His voice melted her heart. Was she supposed to feel this way about her best friend's boyfriend? She was supposed to, at least, dislike him right now. After everything he had told her she was supposed to want to shoot his sorry little ass. She didn't want it, though. She simply wanted to ask for his comfort and sleep there, with him hugging her, the way Chavez did.
'Jake, go away. You've said what you wanted to say. Just let me be.'
No answer came form the other side. Maybe he had already given up and that made Heather consider that the tears she wanted to shed for him weren't worth it. She was tired and the only comfort she had found in Chavez was gone. So, putting the shot gun away, leaning against the wall, she reached the wooden door and leaned against it, closing her eyes and seeing Charlotte's.
'I was wrong.'
It wasn't much as he was talking to her, but she heard Jake's voice ask for forgiveness. She thought it would never come. For the moment he said all those things and she felt the hurt coming out from him she thought it was their end. She was wrong.
Unlocking the door and opening it slightly, she glanced at him. Now that she paid better attention, he looked like he had been woken up from his dreams. Wearing a grey shirt, she was pretty sure it was the first thing he met when Mary and Eric went to look for him. She signed: they hadn't told her they went after Jake for help, but she had come to know Eric quiet well. Jake was the first person he would look for when in trouble. The fact he quickly decided to help them moved her. Maybe their relationship wasn't lost. She corrected herself: they were in a friendship and nothing else.
'You can go, Jake. It's alright. I've been a difficult person and you've been gone most of the time. It's not like we had the time to talk and be in the best of terms. I'm alright, you're alright. Everything will be fine.'
She smiled in a way it told him her head was pushing him away but her heart needed someone to stay. It had occurred him to simply stay and keep her companied. However he knew Emily way too well: she wasn't going to tell them, but she would be piss for a week or so.
'I could stay, you know? From what I got from the Med Center you have problems sleeping. I could stay until you fall to sleep and then I'd be off.'
She smiled kindly. He was trying his best, but it was clear he still didn't feel comfortable around her. When that happened? They were fine after she left to New Bern and great when she got back alive. Maybe the fact he thought she was mad at him and Emily was a barrier. As a good woman and friend, she would have to let him know he was wrong.
'It's not like that, Jake, but I appreciate it. Come in for a moment. I think we need to talk.'
And he did. With no hesitation he entered the house and quickly heard the click of the lock. Looking behind, he realized there was more than a key enter on the door. Heather was sure taking precautions. He wanted to know why, but he knew that wasn't the moment. So he simply waited by the hall as she carried her shotgun around and guided him to the kitchen.
'Would you like some milk and cookies?'
She offered those, pointing to the kitchen table. She liked that house and, as amazing as it sounded, she felt home there, and never in New Bern.
'Where did you get those?'
'Ed felt bad for leaving. You should see the things I carry upstairs. Who would have thought perfume would be a luxury.'
She noticed that, as she mentioned Beck's name, Jake's eyes showed a void, and his body tensed. She knew what Beck had done to Jake, but she also knew Ed's intentions.
'He felt sorry about that, you know? I've never seen him so regretted as in the day he realized you were one of the good guys.'
'It doesn't matter. He's gone now.'
Jake grabbed a cookie and noticed that, as he said that, Heather's eyes fell down and she appeared sad. Connecting the dots, he realized it might have been the wrong thing to say in the moment.
'You were good friends, right?'
She looked up. Good friends? Ed was the best. He was the one that took care of her when she most needed. He stood there when people were way too busy with their own lives to pay attention she was broken. And then now she was still broken, but he had taught her she could collect the pieces all by herself.
'You can say that. He is a great man, you know? Torture aside, he saved many lives.'
Jake scoffed.
'Yeah? Whose?'
'Mine.'
She simply said and opened her fridge, grabbing a milk box. Going after glasses, she never really remembered the letter she'd been writing to Ed. Resting over the counter, Jake took a quick glimpse.
'[…] it's been weeks and I haven't received any news from you. Please, be okay. Otherwise I'll think you can'T take care of yourself without me by your side […]'
'I wanted to talk to you about… well… "us".'
Jake's attention went from the letter to Heather so quick she didn't even notice he was reading her letter to Ed. He was stunned she had brought such a delicate subject up.
'Not like there's any "us", but… what I'm trying to say is that the reason I was mad at you isn't the one you are thinking right now. I'm happy you and Em are back together. To be honest, when I told her about my crush on you, it was evident she still had feelings for you. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not really sure why I'm mad at you. Even though Eric says it is because you never got in time to save me, I think it's much deeper. I think…'
And then she realized she was rambling and saying everything she swore she would never say. If she could kill herself right now she would be a happy woman. Closing her eyes, she let it go of everything:
'I hate the fact you made me feel left behind.'
She continued:
'And adding that up to many things I really can't tell anyone, I think I let it all on you, and I'm really sorry about that.'
He wasn't stunned. Something like that was about to come up and he felt it. He just felt bad that was the way Heather felt. She was born for so much better and he just wished he would have been the one to offer her that.
'I never left you behind, Heather. And it kills me to see that's how you feel.'
He tried to approach, but she stepped back.
'I'll need some time and I'll appreciate if you give that to me, Jake. After all, we are friends, aren't we?'
She smiled tiredly and he followed her smile.
'Of course.'
Jake would have to get used to being distant of his great friend. He wasn't the kind that prayed, but right then he prayed she would get it all over with, and they could go back to being on the same room without awkward silences.
Jake came home to find an awaken Emily staying by the fireplace, sitting on the couch with nothing but her shorts and a top. She looked worried and sad at the same time. He wondered what had happened, but the answer came as soon as he thought of the question:
'Eric came by to tell us you've found Heather and she's okay. Where have you been?'
He heard jealous mixing with worries and put the shot gun away. Resting the coat he held when on his way home, he reached Emily and greeted her with a peck on her forehead. She was frigid, quiet.
'Heather and I came to an agreement. We are fine.'
'I didn't realize there was a "we".'
She would never get tired of those topics. When dating, she would eventually be jealous about women who would come and go of Jericho. That never really bothered Jake, those women meant nothing and he never really cheated on Emily. He loved her. But the fact she thought a thing like that from him and Heather hurt. He made it clear: they were friends.
'We are friends, Em.'
He sounded tired, but he had to let his girlfriend know there was nothing between him and Heather. That was gone. Heather was simply a very attractive, smart and funny friend. The same friend who kissed him passionately when she thought he wasn't coming back. The friend, who stood by his side when he needed, and when she wasn't there, was because she was fighting for her own life. He stopped: who was he trying to convince? And why was failing miserably?
'I know that's how you feel… but you should have heard her months ago. She was hallucinated for you.'
'You said it right, Emily. That was months ago. From what I've heard she's been with Beck for some time now.'
Emily signed. He was right: everyone in town talked about Heather and Beck. When Mary said it was all bull, Emily laughed: she had a good eye for those things. She had seen herself end up with Jake, and there they were.
'You are right… I just… I'm so silly… how is she doing?
'Exhausted.'
'Well, I was expecting that. She's been helping at the Med Center, the Tavern, and your mother with horses and Stanley with some chores. If she doesn't take care of herself she'll break, eventually.'
Jake guided Emily to their room, but kept thinking. He hadn't been there for her when needed before. However now, he wasn't letting her break… at least, not alone.
Emily rushed down the street. She was late to meet Heather. They've agreed 10:00 am sharp and it was already 10:17. Stanley was probably waiting for them. As an old habit, the Richmond farm boy always started his chores at 5:15. And everyday, 10:30 they would meet there so he could go to town and leave Mimi with the girls.
Every since Bonnie died, Stanley hated to leave Mimi alone. Heather, on an act of good will offered her and Emily's company. Of course it had a lot do with the fact she needed something to keep her mind busy: and having Emily and Mimi talking about a wedding sure filled her time.
Now she saw her friend waving at her. Oh yeah. Emily was late again. Heather should have been already used to it, but the fact they had rescheduled their meetings from9:30 to 10:00 made her feel secure Emily wouldn't be late again. She took a deep breath:
'I'm guessing I don't have to tell you are late.'
'No, ma'am. I guess Jake and I overslept.'
Heather's smile didn't fade, but she sure held it with some will power. So, when they were about to enter Heather's truck, Mary called out for Heather.
'Heather! Wait up!'
Emily and Heather exchanged looks. The truth was that Heather was trying to bare the situation. Jake was fine with Emily, so Heather would be fine eventually. She just needed some sleep and that was why she was meeting Chavez later. She remembered his laugh when she said that. She didn't care: he was like a pill, an object to reach her goal. If listening to his jokes was a price to pay, then so it would be.
'Are you busy?'
'Actually…'
'Good. Because I need you, like pronto. Do you think you can squeeze me in your agenda? Right now? Please? Have I asked you "please"?'
Heather noticed the pleading voice and the need in Mary's eyes. Maybe Mimi could handle her time with Emily for one or two hours. She would find a way to go to Richmond Farm later. So, reaching Emily and handing her the old truck key, she smiled uncomfortably.
'I'll catch up. Think you can handle two hours without me on the wheel?'
'Kidding me, right? You drive like a racer. I could use the peace and quiet.'
And as soon as Emily was already gone and Mary dragged Heather inside the Tavern and locked the door, was that Heather realized Mary was terrified. Living in torture and seeing people die in front of you made you understand feelings of fear, sadness and anger better than anyone. So, when Mary reached a bottle of whisky and offered Heather, heather passed. Learning bad news was always better when you were sober. You couldn't fix problems when drunk.
'You look like you could use a drink. I think this bottle is for you.'
Heather joked and Mary's voice came as a machine.
'I can't drink.'
Heather turned from the pool table to Mary and noticed the woman's hand had reached her tummy. Heather knew that instinct and Heather adored it. That was why she loved teaching kids. So, lighting up a smile she hugged Mary tight.
'I call Godmother!'